The Amazing Spider-Man Pitch your Spidey wisecracks

[Nathan]

It could as well mean that the world simply will be less goofy. No cookie girl, the Bugle not being a place for comic relief, no dance routines or walks with weird music in the background. With luck, we could have a funny Spider-Man in a normal environment.

 

[Gamma Goliath]

i think spidey can still be funny, even if the movies are dark, as long as its not micheal bay style humor....

 

[The Slang]

Yeah, well I was tired last night, but my point remains the same, just switch Jameson with GG, it doesn't change my point about why the gag works. I still don't get why you found that a 'strange' joke..

I found it 'strange' in the sense that it wasn't funny, and didn't seem to have any wit or reason to it. Like when your auntie gets drunk and shouts out "My **** are itchy!"
To her it must've seemed funny... yet to those around her its arbitrary and 'strange.'

Tbh, I never thought about the gag that deeply until you brought it up, I find that a little strange..

I find it strange that you've written about 5 times as much on the subject as I have...

Ok, maybe I shouldn't have offered up a critique of your own joke, but I was still making a general point, I'd rather no quips than ok quips that will get old.

And yet your happy with "let mom and dad talk"...

Here's another line from the 90's TAS:

-Spider-man hears a bank alarm. "What kind of a nut would break into a bank in broad daylight?"
-Looks through the skylight and sees the Spot. "Oh, THAT kind of nut."

 

[Jennifer Walters]

The Bugle HAS to be funny. 90 percent of Peter and J.Jonah's relationship has ALWAYS been humor-filled.

 

[Nathan]

We don't need someone like Raimi's brother in the Movie though, making stupid pitches for Jonah.

 

[Rodrigo90]

JOXER THE MIGHTY...I loved that guy,lol.

 

[Jennifer Walters]

We don't need someone like Raimi's brother in the Movie though, making stupid pitches for Jonah.

Hoffman? Haha. I actually thought he was sorta funny, myself though. Even if it did reek of Raimi throwing his brother in there for no other reason than being his brother.

 

[Nathan]

The Bugle just had too much of that goofy vibe. I agree the fun should come from the interaction between Jonah and Peter. But when Peter is not there to raise the jolly one's blood pressure, there should be an air of professionalism surrounding the Bugle.

 

[Jennifer Walters]

Raimi kinda got it right though with Jameson. EVERYONE at the Bugle raises his blood pressure. The only one I can't seem to think of at any point in any adaption has he shouted at being Robbie.

 

[NinjaTurtleFan]

Here's some I came up with:

Spider-Man to Green Goblin: Didn't I see you in "The Lord of the Rings?"
Goblin: What?
Spider-Man: You know? The orcs? Big, green nasty creatures whom probably never heard of a breath mint in their life.

Spider-Man to Sandman: So, who are you suppose to be?
Sandman: The Sandman!
Spider-Man: Well, I'll be a son of a beach. Please to meet you.

Spider-Man to Vulture: Hey, why don't you fly back to the nursing home!

Depending on which Electro design they'd go with, I'd have one of these lines:

Spider-Man to Electro: My God! Who designs your outfit? Rip Taylor? Richard Simmons?

Spider-Man to Electro: Hey, Mr. Clean! Can I have your autograph?
Electro: I'm Electro, you fool!
Spider-Man: Yeah, and I got my own balloon in the Macy's Day Parade, but you don't see me going through town wrecking the place.
Electro: This might shock you webhead but I am quite electrifying....
Spider-Man: Yuck! Who writes your material? Sounds like something out of a comic-book.

Spider-Man to Rhino: Hey, buddy, the zoo is that a way!

Spider-Man to Lizard: Quick, somebody call Dr. Grant!

 

[The Slang]

Two criminals speed along in a get away car. One says to the other "I think we've lost them" Or something on those lines
Spider-man leans down from the roof of the car and says "Clean your windshield sir?"

 

[david icke]

I found it 'strange' in the sense that it wasn't funny, and didn't seem to have any wit or reason to it.

Dude, you're backpedalling and changing the whole reasoning of your argument here. If that was all you had said I wouldn't have replied to that observation at all.
You said you wanted to change it from 'mom and dad' to 'grown ups' because it was 'Strangely gay'.

I mean, I gave my opinion on why the joke works better with the 'mom and dad' line, but you've gave no reason why it's funnier changed to 'grown ups', your only reason being to change it was because you felt the other way was 'strangely gay'.

I find it strange that you've written about 5 times as much on the subject as I have...

Well, I was trying to maybe get you to reflect on what you're said, and how it was a bit dodgy.
I mean, if you read into an innocent joke that deeply as to say it's gay, and then want to change it because you find it strange, it suggests you find it a little disturbing, if that's the case I would take a wee look at myself and ask why that was.
Am I asking myself the same question, now am i defending it? Yeah, maybe, but i am comfortable and secure with that.

And yet your happy with "let mom and dad talk"...

I wasn't defending the joke so much as being some great gag, it was more that I was saying it wasn't quite as funny if you changed it to 'grown ups', and was querying your reasoning for changing it.
It's more of a funny little comment Spidey is making in passing, it's not some corny comeback pun he's making out of a something the villan has said. Some of which can be old jokes that I wouldn't see fit to immortilise in a Spider-man movie.

edit: I mean, I like the idea of Spidey making little wry comments like that comment on the Spot from TAS you posted, I just don't want some old joke making me cringe during a cool action scene.

 

[spider-neil]

spider-man (to hydro-man) - 'who are you supposed to be?'
hydro-man - 'hydro-man'
spidey - 'hydrant-man? dogs must LOVE you'
hydro-man - 'HYDRO-man'

 

[Timstuff]

This thread is kind of moot since Sony has already stated that this movie will be darker and less humorous than Raimi's.

 

[LEGO Spidey]

Two criminals speed along in a get away car. One says to the other "I think we've lost them" Or something on those lines
Spider-man leans down from the roof of the car and says "Clean your windshield sir?"

Brilliant!

 

[Doctor Jones]

This thread is kind of moot since Sony has already stated that this movie will be darker and less humorous than Raimi's.

I know right? Everyone is demanding more quips and humor when they said it will be less humorous.

 

[sdc10]

This thread is kind of moot since Sony has already stated that this movie will be darker and less humorous than Raimi's.

your pointless post is kind of moot

 

[Jennifer Walters]

Posters who post things they took at face value and didn't read deeper or use their minds are kind of moot.

 

[DACMAN]

This thread is kind of moot since Sony has already stated that this movie will be darker and less humorous than Raimi's.

They never said less humorous. They said gritter and more realistic. Which basically means no dance scenes and no cheese. That doesn't mean "no witty dialogue."

 

[The Slang]

Dude, you're backpedalling and changing the whole reasoning of your argument here. If that was all you had said I wouldn't have replied to that observation at all.
You said you wanted to change it from 'mom and dad' to 'grown ups' because it was 'Strangely gay'...

Holy Hell, your still going with this? This is one of the few threads I've created and I would have liked it to be nothing but examples of Spidey-humour without your big ass articles taking up space inbetween. None of which contain a single spidey wise crack I might add.

Look, it seems that what I've said has somehow offended you and I apologise. OK? It was a very small and frankly unimportant section of my post that was never intended to be the central point. Unlike everyone else here, you were unable to simply read past it and are trying to make it the central point. If your trying to suggest I'm homophobic, then let me assure you I do not judge people based on their race, gender or sexual preference.

In my opinion 'grown ups' would be a slight improvement as it would come off as a clear attempt to belittle Jameson ,who happens to be the oldest one present. Mom and Dad on the other hand assigns the three of them with gender specific parent/child roles for essentially no reason. It'd be different if their current situation was easily comparable to a parent/child relationship. Or if he assigned them roles that made some other significant comparison.

Watching this scene with others, I recall them making a puzzled expression and asking "Which one is he?" I'm sure they were puzzled because spider-man just made an arbitrary comparison between himself, goblin and Jameson with a mother, father and child... to no comedic effect. Not because they find something bizarre and enigmatic about homosexuals. Please, get over it.

 

[TheSlag]

Robbers have smashed their car throught the side of a bank in a Smash and Grab Robbery....

*Spider-Man flips through huge hole in wall and flips up landing on cieling above the robbers.

Spider-Man: "Hey, Nice work guys, I always thought this bank needed another drive thru"

========================

Robbers in a bank, and Spider-Man appears on the scene. Quickly twips them in webbing capturing them.

Spider-Man: "Tell em what they've won Johnny"
In Johnny voice... "Well Weeb, they've won a paid all exlcusive 20yrs to life stay at a Swank Upscale Bed and Breakfast"

Spider-Man: "Sorry guys, but no little chocolates on your pillows in the morning though"

=============

Doc Ock robbing a bank (second encounter with Spidey). We see Spidey lower down behind Doc on a web like a spider.

Spider-Man: "I tell ya Doc.. We got to stop meeting like this.. or people are bound to talk"

 

[TheSlag]

Spider-Man lands on the top of a speeding get away car drven by a female get away drver and two bank robbers.

*Spider-Man knocks on roof of car*

"Flowers Maam"

*no answer from scared crooks in car*

"Plumber.. Maam"

*no answer*

"Candy Gram"

 

[The Slang]

There's a bunch of mob bosses playing poker or having some private function. Spidey bursts through a window/skylight

"Have you gentlemen heard the good news about our lord and saviour Jesus Christ?"

 

[Jennifer Walters]

There's a bunch of mob bosses playing poker or having some private function. Spidey bursts through a window/skylight

"Have you gentlemen heard the good news about our lord and saviour Jesus Christ?"

I can't see that one happening. It's best to keep religion out of it.

 

[Jennifer Walters]

From my script I just started:


MARKO
We hit pay dirt this time!

SCHULTZ
Let’s just hope the Spider don’t show up again.

MARKO
That bug? I got feeling that pipsqueak ain’t gonna be around nowhere…

Suddenly CROOK #3 comes flying back into the room at full speed crashing near the broken window. He lays in a unconscious state as Marko and Schultz turn to the doorway from which he flies to find…

SPIDER-MAN
You know Marko I’d learn to keep that mouth of your’s shut, which I’ll admit is rich coming from me, plus what is this? You guy’s fifth time? Going for a record?

MARKO
(dropping his loot)
The Spider!

SCHULTZ
Let’s get him!

SPIDER-MAN
(scratching head)
Oh wow…going with that cliché huh?