Shacking up vs. the marriage thing

[terry78]

My cousin recently married his fiance of about 5 years, and they purchased a house they were living in for about a year together. Most of the family, the older ones for the most part, weren't too thrilled about them doing so, while some of the younger ones were of the "if they love each other they don't need the official stuff" thing. He says they did it for finance reasons, which of course brought up a whole new debate. You more for the marriage, the living together, or it just don't matter?

 

[Steve Rogers]

Me and my girlfriend live together, but I can see the ideals of waiting to get married before living together. I mean, when me and my girlfriend do get married, what's really gonna change? If we weren't living together now and then we got married and lived together, then there would be a big difference. But at the same time, you don't truly no someone until you live with them. I'd hate to find out after my honeymoon that I can't stand to live with this person. Living with someone before marriage is like pre-season hockey.

 

[Jolie_Desastre]

well it really depends on the culture that most people are coming from. in mine, most of my female cousins don't even move out until they are married.

in my opinion, it really doesn't matter.

 

[bell110]

They've been engaged for 5 years? What's wrong with them getting married and buying a house then?

 

[tzarinna]

Either or, I don't care.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

Makes no diff to me

 

[jaguarr]

Me and my girlfriend live together, but I can see the ideals of waiting to get married before living together. I mean, when me and my girlfriend do get married, what's really gonna change? If we weren't living together now and then we got married and lived together, then there would be a big difference. But at the same time, you don't truly no someone until you live with them. I'd hate to find out after my honeymoon that I can't stand to live with this person. Living with someone before marriage is like pre-season hockey.

LMAO!

I was lucky enough to be able to have my wife stay with me for months at a time or visit her for extended periods prior to us getting married. We learned we were pretty compatible in a living situation long before we got married. It's worked out well. Five years of being together, three of them married, and we've only ever had two fights. Actually, I wouldn't even call them fights; they were more like strong disputes. Everyone finds what's going to work best for them in their relationship and really, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. If their approach as a couple allows them to have a strong relationship with good communication and excel at life as a couple, then that's all that counts.

jag

 

[terry78]

Well, she was pregnant a few months before, and some people don't want any bastard kids apparantly. That's usually the thing that persuades people to take that step unless they already planned it.

 

[KALEL114]

This might sound bad (for me) but I have done it both ways. The first time I was married we did not live together and the second marriage we did. I had no idea how annoying my first wifes habits were, until that first day. It was terrible and started things off very badly. There were of course other things involved in our divorce, but living with someone (being with them 24hrs/7days) helps you really get to know them. IMO.

 

[Jack Rabbit]

****, jag. I was going to quote the same thing.

But yeah---I can't see myself marrying someone before I've lived with them. That'd be irresponsible, as far as I'm concerned. So I'm all for it. I'll eventually marry someone if I'm living with them, if anything just to make it official.

 

[Moviefan2k4]

I realize it's almost become commonplace for people to live together before they marry (hell, I even fell into it for a short while). However, I do still believe that marrying first is far more advantageous. While it's true that "you don't really know someone until you've lived with them", I believe that's one of the many reasons for getting married. It's about love, to be sure, but also a lifetime committment, and part of that is going through the awkwardness together afterwards, not before.

 

[jaguarr]

I realize it's almost become commonplace for people to live together before they marry (hell, I even fell into it for a short while). However, I do still believe that marrying first is far more advantageous. While it's true that "you don't really know someone until you've lived with them", I believe that's one of the many reasons for getting married. It's about love, to be sure, but also a lifetime committment, and part of that is going through the awkwardness together afterwards, not before.

Dumbest advice ever. You're not married, are you?

jag

 

[terry78]

I have been out with someone before who, after about a month was like, "now when we move in together, we're gonna have to get such and such, and make sure we get enough so and so, etc."

I'm in no rush to do either, even if we have been together for a while...I honestly want to enjoy that free time in my own place, even if you do mean a lot to me.