Money and marriage

[BlackLantern]

People need to get out of this "I deserve my dream job" attitude that has been taking over our society in the past 10 years or so

 

[Wiseman]

People need to get out of this "I deserve my dream job" attitude that has been taking over our society in the past 10 years or so

Yep, I've watched some bastards on the news say how they can't get a job. Then when they're told there are opportunites out there for them they're like "I went to college, I shouldn't have to do that". I'm like ***** please, you're only 22. Shut-up and work

 

[BlackLantern]

Yep, I've watched some bastards on the news say how they can't get a job. Then when they're told there are opportunites out there for them they're like "I went to college, I shouldn't have to do that". I'm like ***** please, you're only 22. Shut-up and work

I read an article in a newsweek I believe, similar situation, this girl who graduated with a degree in marketing...now 23, still living at home because she hasn't got a job offer that is suitable to her....she refuses to accept anything less than $45,000 a year to start

 

[Wiseman]

I read an article in a newsweek I believe, similar situation, this girl who graduated with a degree in marketing...now 23, still living at home because she hasn't got a job offer that is suitable to her....she refuses to accept anything less than $45,000 a year to start

disgusting is what it is. I've had jobs I wasn't too proud of, but money is money and pride needs to be set aside sometimes

 

[Paradoxium]

Two warnings:

1. If your wife is on birth control Guard, start wearing condoms. And keep your condoms closely guarded, and constantly make sure there is no holes in them.

2. And unless you go to an Ivy League School, do not do the stupid thing and go on with more "higher education". There is an education bubble right now. Do not allow her to do the same either or else you are on the hook for the debt.

---------------------------------------------------

How old is your wife approximately? This is a relevant because at a certain age, women hit their biological clock wall, and they develop this strong instinct to get pregnant. It hits a huge peak near the early 30s and late 20s; mostly due to the decline of fertility at the age 27. The is the WRONG time to start having children, unless you plan to have an even more drastic reduction in your lifestyle. This recession we are having... the best case scenario of a real recovery is probably in 5 years at this point.

 

[Darthphere]

Yep, I've watched some bastards on the news say how they can't get a job. Then when they're told there are opportunites out there for them they're like "I went to college, I shouldn't have to do that". I'm like ***** please, you're only 22. Shut-up and work

Dude exactly. I'm still working retail because I can't find my "dream job". Maybe I should call the make a wish foundation.

"Hello, Make a Wish foundation, what is your wish?"

"I want a job."

"Sorry sir, we don't perform miracles."

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I read an article in a newsweek I believe, similar situation, this girl who graduated with a degree in marketing...now 23, still living at home because she hasn't got a job offer that is suitable to her....she refuses to accept anything less than $45,000 a year to start

Looks like the girl is going to be out of work for a long, long time. You've got to pay your dues first, especially in that career track, probably a total daddy's girl.

 

[Anita18]

It's all good trying to better yourself and get a higher education or get a career that you really enjoy.

But in times like this that just isn't viable, unless you have loads of money saved up or mummy and daddy wanna take care of ya.

I wanna get into graphic design. But the courses are a **** load of money and I can't just quit my job to go back to school. I really, really, really wanna, but I've got no cover. I don't have parents that will splash out for me and I don't have thousands of pounds saved up.

Is there an art school where you can take classes at night? That's what I've been doing. Even though the courses are still kind of expensive, it's still WAY cheaper than shelling out full-time tuition, and the instructors understand that the people taking the night courses often have full-time jobs. They're the same instructors who teach the regular program too, I have it really awesome here in Pasadena.

Anyway, what's more important for art jobs is your portfolio, not where you went to school. But taking some courses won't hurt at all. I've learned A LOT. Now if only I had the bravery to quit my stable job and go into art full-time....yeah not right now. I'll keep taking night classes as long as I can, since my boss is super-understanding and I might as well take the opportunity while I can.

2. And unless you go to an Ivy League School, do not do the stupid thing and go on with more "higher education". There is an education bubble right now. Do not allow her to do the same either or else you are on the hook for the debt.

Unless it's for something vocational, like nursing, I'd agree.

And I'd like the opportunity to bring some lulz:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/08/03/new.york.jobless.graduate/index.html

A recent college graduate is suing her alma mater for $72,000 -- the full cost of her tuition and then some -- because she cannot find a job.

Trina Thompson, 27, of the Bronx, graduated from New York's Monroe College in April with a bachelor of business administration degree in information technology.

In her complaint, Thompson says she seeks $70,000 in reimbursement for her tuition and $2,000 to compensate for the stress of her three-month job search.

As Thompson sees it, any reasonable employer would pounce on an applicant with her academic credentials, which include a 2.7 grade-point average and a solid attendance record. But Monroe's career-services department has put forth insufficient effort to help her secure employment, she claims.

Uhhh...yeah. Three-month job search? 2.7 GPA? Talk about a sense of entitlement on this fool!

My younger sister graduated from Stanford with a 4.0+ GPA last year, with multiple graduation awards including one for her masters which she earned ALONG with her undergrad, and still took 3 months to find a job. The job market sucks THAT much.

How old is your wife approximately? This is a relevant because at a certain age, women hit their biological clock wall, and they develop this strong instinct to get pregnant. It hits a huge peak near the early 30s and late 20s; mostly due to the decline of fertility at the age 27. The is the WRONG time to start having children, unless you plan to have an even more drastic reduction in your lifestyle. This recession we are having... the best case scenario of a real recovery is probably in 5 years at this point.

This sounds incredibly sexist, but it does really happen. A friend of mine HATES kids and would never ever want any, but she's in her early 30s now and her hormones are screaming, "I WANT BABIES!!!"

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Uhhh...yeah. Three-month job search? 2.7 GPA? Talk about a sense of entitlement on this fool!

My younger sister graduated from Stanford with a 4.0+ GPA last year, with multiple graduation awards including one for her masters which she earned ALONG with her undergrad, and still took 3 months to find a job. The job market sucks THAT much.

Three months isn't that bad looking for a job even in a good economy. Especially if you're a recent grad, you're going to keep get turned away for not having enough real work experience, which sucks cause you can't get experience until someone gives you a job. Whenever I've been out of a job, it's taken at least 3 months to find one.

 

[Paradoxium]

Right, vocational, but you get the jist of what I mean.

I had friends who had girls sneakily get pregnant (and this would eventually force marriage). From going off birth control and poking holes on the condom. I even hear stories of girls who take the used condom to impregnate themselves.

I am trying to encourage Guard to protect himself with a dose of prevention. All the telltale signs seems to point in this direction. The guy needs to be very very careful because the economic environment is really horrible.

I don't actually blame girls for having those instincts; it's hard wired. I've seen the most hardline feminists succumb to this. I just wish some girls were more honest about it though.

 

[Anita18]

Three months isn't that bad looking for a job even in a good economy. Especially if you're a recent grad, you're going to keep get turned away for not having enough real work experience, which sucks cause you can't get experience until someone gives you a job. Whenever I've been out of a job, it's taken at least 3 months to find one.

It took two months, sending out about 5 resumes, and exactly 2 interviews for me to find a lab tech job. And I'm not super-qualified either. But I think it helped that even though my grades weren't the best, everyone with higher grades were going to med/grad school. And I'm terrific in lab, too.

I had friends who had girls sneakily get pregnant (and this would eventually force marriage). From going off birth control and poking holes on the condom. I even hear stories of girls who take the used condom to impregnate themselves.

I don't actually blame girls for having those instincts; it's hard wired. I've seen the most hardline feminists succumb to this. I just wish some girls were more honest about it though.

Okay, that's just nuts. Said friend is fully aware of this, so even though she's prone to doing irrational things at times, never in her life will she give birth.

Hey, I've got your back, doesn't that count for a lot?

 

[Ace of Knaves]

Yea I've thought about doing night courses Anita, and I probably will do, just gotta get more money together for now though. Got other things to pay for besides courses, unfortunately.

Thanks for the advice though

 

[TheZink]

Yep, I've watched some bastards on the news say how they can't get a job. Then when they're told there are opportunites out there for them they're like "I went to college, I shouldn't have to do that". I'm like ***** please, you're only 22. Shut-up and work

My sister's boyfriend and my sister herself refuse to get any kind of jobs where they might get their hands dirty. They aren't even through college yet and are already thinking they are above manual labor, fast food work or any type of job that isn't ideal for them.

I'm sorry, but if you unemployed and need money, no job is beneath you and you are not too good for any job. If I lost my job tomorrow you bet your ass I'd be working any job I could to pay bills and put food on the table, even if it meant working at Wal-Mart.

 

[The Guard]

I look at it this way:

A dream job is still a job.

I'd rather have a dream hobby.

I think, in this particular environment, that it's absurd, personally, to get myself into even MORE debt in the hopes that I might get a job...somewhere, and that I might enjoy what I'm doing while making more money.

1. If your wife is on birth control Guard, start wearing condoms. And keep your condoms closely guarded, and constantly make sure there is no holes in them.

2. And unless you go to an Ivy League School, do not do the stupid thing and go on with more "higher education". There is an education bubble right now. Do not allow her to do the same either or else you are on the hook for the debt.

We haven't even really considered going back to school. It just seems silly, especially if she doesn't know what she'd want to do, and if there's nothing else I really have ideas about.

How old is your wife approximately? This is a relevant because at a certain age, women hit their biological clock wall, and they develop this strong instinct to get pregnant. It hits a huge peak near the early 30s and late 20s; mostly due to the decline of fertility at the age 27. The is the WRONG time to start having children, unless you plan to have an even more drastic reduction in your lifestyle. This recession we are having... the best case scenario of a real recovery is probably in 5 years at this point.

I'm 26, and she's 25. I know her biological clock is ticking. She wants to be a mother. That's all she's ever really wanted for herself on a grand scale, and it's likely all she ever will want. I'd like to reach the point where she can be a stay at home mom, but I just don't see how that's feasible without me making about twice as much money. Which, short of a successful bank robber career, isn't going to happen anytime soon, even with a second job.

I know the economic climate and job market is crap, but I also knew she wanted a child when I married her. I can't deny her that forever, you know? Right now I'm focusing on getting a few small debts paid off so that we can come up with some kind of a "plan" for our future.

 

[Darthphere]

You need to have like 10 kids and get a show on TLC.

 

[The Guard]

"Let's get this stuff to the real heroes. The Shelbyville Nine!"

 

[Paradoxium]

I look at it this way:

A dream job is still a job.

I'd rather have a dream hobby.

I think, in this particular environment, that it's absurd, personally, to get myself into even MORE debt in the hopes that I might get a job...somewhere, and that I might enjoy what I'm doing while making more money.



We haven't even really considered going back to school. It just seems silly, especially if she doesn't know what she'd want to do, and if there's nothing else I really have ideas about.



I'm 26, and she's 25. I know her biological clock is ticking. She wants to be a mother. That's all she's ever really wanted for herself on a grand scale, and it's likely all she ever will want. I'd like to reach the point where she can be a stay at home mom, but I just don't see how that's feasible without me making about twice as much money. Which, short of a successful bank robber career, isn't going to happen anytime soon, even with a second job.

I know the economic climate and job market is crap, but I also knew she wanted a child when I married her. I can't deny her that forever, you know? Right now I'm focusing on getting a few small debts paid off so that we can come up with some kind of a "plan" for our future.

Every choice comes with a consequence. You made yours, and you took the gains and pains for it. She made her choice. And it will put her back a few years in terms of having a child.

But ultimately, I think she wants to have it both ways. I think she is priming you to have a child by quiting her job for a lesser and more comfortable one. This is whether you can or cannot handle it.

I swear to you, I've seen this happen before to friends of mine. That is a girl "accidentally" gets pregnant in an inopportune time. I am saying be very careful with birth control right now. Never underestimate a girl when it comes to this. Never underestimate the irrationality of us humans.

And you are correct, right now there is DEFLATION. Due in large to mass consumer defaults and people are saving money in general (lower circulation of money). Going into debts or deficit is an incredibly stupid thing to do in general. Right now the government is trying to kill deflation, but are failing at it. However, the alternative - stagflation - high inflation with high unemployment is not any better. At least with deflation, people who save their money get rewarded for it (retain value for every penny).

 

[Anita18]

I'm 26, and she's 25. I know her biological clock is ticking. She wants to be a mother. That's all she's ever really wanted for herself on a grand scale, and it's likely all she ever will want. I'd like to reach the point where she can be a stay at home mom, but I just don't see how that's feasible without me making about twice as much money. Which, short of a successful bank robber career, isn't going to happen anytime soon, even with a second job.

I know the economic climate and job market is crap, but I also knew she wanted a child when I married her. I can't deny her that forever, you know? Right now I'm focusing on getting a few small debts paid off so that we can come up with some kind of a "plan" for our future.

Yeah I guess her biological clock is ticking but damn, 25/26 is still young! Especially in this day and age - my mom had me when she was 26, and back then it was still VERY young around our social circles. For her HS reunion, she won the unofficial "having the oldest kid" award quite handily, I'd say over 5 years.

I'm 25 myself, and no way am I ready to have children. A lot can change in one year, let alone 5. You still have plenty of time, believe me. Heck, my roommate is 30 and it's considered old maid in mainland China, where she's from. Although she more pines for the support of marriage rather than kids. She hasn't talked about kids yet.

I swear to you, I've seen this happen before to friends of mine. That is a girl "accidentally" gets pregnant in an inopportune time. I am saying be very careful with birth control right now. Never underestimate a girl when it comes to this. Never underestimate the irrationality of us humans.

Hey now, I will completely agree with your assessment of female hormones causing irrational thoughts, but that doesn't make us ALL irrational messes who will mess up their partner's lives on a whim.

Sure, some women will do stupid things, but not all of us will. And I don't consider the irrational ones part of my sisterhood. t:

I knew we'd argue about something.

 

[Paradoxium]

I had girls talking to me about marriage and children in their early twenties.

But hey, I did say we humans. I think you and I are capable of being irrational twits. It's not a female exclusive t:. I think you overestimate how rational we all can be. I saying that is not the case.

 

[Anita18]

I had girls talking to me about marriage and children in their early twenties.

But hey, I did say we humans. I think you and I are capable of being irrational twits. It's not a female exclusive t:. I think you overestimate how rational we all can be. I saying that is not the case.

It probably depends on what we grow up with. I've always been around a very academic environment, where all children were encouraged to pursue their own careers. My mom stayed at home for a few years, then went back to work full-time. Her life did not revolve around my sister and me, even though we were raised well.

The only time I've heard women my age talk about marriage and children were when they were sick of studying.

 

[The Guard]

I don't think she wants to have it both ways. I really think she just hated the job she'd been at. She was having personal issues with the manager who hired her on a few years ago. They'd been friends, he got promoted, he became an ******* to everyone around him, was getting lazy, blaming stuff on his subordinates, she was one of them, etc, etc, etc. It was time for a change. And this new job is just run by a less than intelligent person. My wife wanted to stay there, it wasn't her idea to leave it, she just wanted them to be a bit more flexible and fair with her. And I still think any reasonable person would have been.

My main concern isn't so much that she's selfish, it's that she doesn't reason things out, period, from time to time. She's mildly ADD, and I think there's some kind of learning disability in her past. She's not a scholar, but she's not stupid, either. I don't want to have to hold her hand and tell her what to do, but if you're going to be independent and its going to affect multiple lives, you damn well better make good decisions, you know?

As far as accidentally getting pregnant...I don't see her coercing me into it anymore than the average wife who really wants to have her husband's child would do. She doesn't manipulate, and she doesn't badger me about it. I don't feel "trapped", in other words, at least, not often. I'm of the opinion that if it happens it happens, and we'll deal with it, like others have. I'm not going back to school, and eventually we'd have to cross that bridge anyway, and its becoming apparent that, given the economy and job prospects, a few years wait isn't likely going to double our salaries.

I'm just trying to figure out a decent long term plan, something adaptable but appropriate. I think general counseling may the next step, though. I feel some things have to be put in perspective, and given the current situation, a child is one of them.

I don't feel like 25 or 26 is that young to be having children for people who have gone to college, didn't go to grad school, etc, but maybe that's because I have friends my age who have like four kids, and aren't your typical baby machines. There's a definite spectrum, people who wait and people who don't. I feel like it's time to start doing something with our lives in general beyond just living together and slowly carving out careers. But then, I've always operated with the baseball mentality, where 30 is over the hill. I think my father was 30 when I was born.

 

[Anita18]

I don't feel like 25 or 26 is that young to be having children for people who have gone to college, didn't go to grad school, etc, but maybe that's because I have friends my age who have like four kids, and aren't your typical baby machines. There's a definite spectrum, people who wait and people who don't. I feel like it's time to start doing something with our lives in general beyond just living together and slowly carving out careers. But then, I've always operated with the baseball mentality, where 30 is over the hill. I think my father was 30 when I was born.

Uhh, 4 kids is quite a bundle. Perhaps not the Duggars, but that's quite a lot of kids! Especially at 26. Hell, I just lost my virginity at 25.

Nobody I know that's my age has kids yet, but my former housemate (who never went to college) had HS friends who have 3 kids at 21. I still think it's young for a college graduate to be having kids at 25, even if they're already married and not in grad school. You have to consider that many of them are paying back student loans or saving for a house, etc etc. But again, it really depends on what you're used to. My college classmates are JUST starting to get married now.

Heh, I had a minor existential crisis right after I graduated college, when all I thought was, "Okay, now what? Get a job, get married, have kids, die? Is that all life is going to be now?"

 

[BlackLantern]

if you listen to societal norms, that's what is told to people....get married, have kids, buy house...or you can do what you feel makes you happy....Im going with the second choice

 

[Paradoxium]

It probably depends on what we grow up with. I've always been around a very academic environment, where all children were encouraged to pursue their own careers. My mom stayed at home for a few years, then went back to work full-time. Her life did not revolve around my sister and me, even though we were raised well.

The only time I've heard women my age talk about marriage and children were when they were sick of studying.

It's post-"you know what".

And some of these girls are pretty middle class, and some even very posh. Far richer than I for sure. t:

It is one of my conclusions a girl can't climb the career ladder unless they do not plan to have a child.

 

[Anita18]

It's post-"you know what".

And some of these girls are pretty middle class, and some even very posh. Far richer than I for sure. t:

It is one of my conclusions a girl can't climb the career ladder unless they do not plan to have a child.

I'm supposed to know what? All I can think of is puberty and menopause and that doesn't make sense.

And yes, it's VERY hard for a woman to climb the career ladder if they plan to have kids. The only way to do it, I think, is if you have outside help raising the children. And then people will criticize you for being a bad mother.