Dvhyzs
Sidekick
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- Jun 4, 2007
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Mother****ers, I think it's time for me to do something I should have done a looooo0o0o0o0oong time ago...
... I'm going to discuss one of the most brilliant films within the last twenty years. A film so under-appreciated, so under-analyzed, and so often forgotten. I'm talking about none other than the film...
SPACE JAM.
That's right. Space Jam. Here's your chance, do your dance, at the Space Jam. Alright. Wave your hands in the air if you feel fine. We're going to take it into overtime... welcome to the Space Jam. Here's your chance, do your dance, at the Space Jam. Come on, come on, everybody say, "Naa naa. Naa naa." Come one, come on, everybody say, "Hey HEY hey HEY."
I am proud to say that the above picture is my desktop background on my brand new laptop, which runs Windows 7 better than Usain Bolt runs the Olympic races.
Anywho...
This film is utter brilliance. Michael Jordan gives the performance of his LIFETIME. He has to be the best athlete-actor since Steve Martin. Steve Martin was a cheerleader, *****es. Cheerleading is a sport. Google that ****.
Ever since I was a child watching this movie, I always had that one big question on my mind before popping in that VHS tape:
Would this movie be historically accurate?
Well, my fine gentleman, what better way to answer my highly effective question than to open right out of the gate showing a young Michael Jordan, efficiently showing his black Marty McFly talents by 100% telling us everything that Michael Jordan in fact HAS done in his life. I believe the opening scene goes something like this:
"Ayo pops, Imma go play baseball like you, wurd."
*airball*
"Imma be da best baseball playa, like, fa sho 'do."
*airball*
"And 'den... I'M GON' PLAY IN DA NBA!"
*swish*
We then go to, what else? Michael Jordan playing mother****ing baseball, JUST LIKE IN REAL LIFE!!! This movie could have easily strayed into a Hollywood version of Michael Jordan's life, but alas, no! In fact, MJ is playing on a team who's uniforms LITERALLY ARE IDENTICAL to whatever the **** team that MJ really DID play for!!! Google that ****!!!
Anyway, Michael is playing golf in all that, and then we get hit with what makes this movie so eye-opening cherry-poppingly good: BILL MURRAY IS IN THIS MOVIE.
Yeah, you hear that, Members of the Academy!?!?! BILL MURRAY WAS IN THIS MOVIE. Now why, in God's name, would they not give this man an Oscar for his performance? Let's look at what Bill had to go through.
A) He has to share the screen with MICHAEL JORDAN. Can you imagine trying to match that black guy's powerhouse performance? That's like asking Robert Pattinson to share the screen with Christian Bale. A stern overshadowing by the obviously superior actor is almost inevitable, but by God, Bill Murray pwned this movie. He took what he had, and ended up SPOILER ALERT: actually saving MJ and the Looney Toon's basketball team at the end of the movie. Sheer brilliance.
B) Well... I pretty much said it all in part A.
Anyway, Michael enters Looney Toon land by accidentally falling into some Golf Hole, the Looney Toon crackers get him to play basketball for them because the MonSTARZ took their powers from a bunch of black men (and Shawn Bradley for some ****ed up reason...),
and the Looney Toons just really want to kick their ass... with Michael Jordan (AND BILL MURRAY *****ES!!!).
So Newman from Seinfeld tries to get Michael back, says he's digging a divot as a cover-up (that sly bastard), somehow makes it to Looney Toon land to watch Michael tearin' up the courts like it was nobody's business, and somehow makes the team. Do you know why Newman makes this team? SPOILER: Because Bill Murray hasn't made it yet!!!! But don't worry!!!!
So we go back and forth between Earth and Looney Toon land, Danny DeVito is the leader of the MonSTARZ (he was probably the one who told them to steal Shawn Bradley's powers) but he doesn't do much except add some explosive star power to this already star-studded Oscar bait film.
So the Looney Toons play the MonSTARZ, and Michael Jordan, the guy who is ALREADY giving the performance of his lifetime for these cartoons, has to make EVERY POINT HIMSELF. What *******s! But don't worry, Bill Murray comes in and magically makes all the Looney Tunes play like THEY KNOW THEY CAN PLAY, and they end up winning, thanks to Bill ****ing Murray. MJ helped too, I guess.
If you haven't seen this film, then you don't know what REAL cinema is. I would definitely give this movie an 11...
... out of 10.
Think about it.
Watch this movie. You will not regret. Have a nice day.
... I'm going to discuss one of the most brilliant films within the last twenty years. A film so under-appreciated, so under-analyzed, and so often forgotten. I'm talking about none other than the film...
SPACE JAM.
That's right. Space Jam. Here's your chance, do your dance, at the Space Jam. Alright. Wave your hands in the air if you feel fine. We're going to take it into overtime... welcome to the Space Jam. Here's your chance, do your dance, at the Space Jam. Come on, come on, everybody say, "Naa naa. Naa naa." Come one, come on, everybody say, "Hey HEY hey HEY."
I am proud to say that the above picture is my desktop background on my brand new laptop, which runs Windows 7 better than Usain Bolt runs the Olympic races.
Anywho...
This film is utter brilliance. Michael Jordan gives the performance of his LIFETIME. He has to be the best athlete-actor since Steve Martin. Steve Martin was a cheerleader, *****es. Cheerleading is a sport. Google that ****.
Ever since I was a child watching this movie, I always had that one big question on my mind before popping in that VHS tape:
Would this movie be historically accurate?
Well, my fine gentleman, what better way to answer my highly effective question than to open right out of the gate showing a young Michael Jordan, efficiently showing his black Marty McFly talents by 100% telling us everything that Michael Jordan in fact HAS done in his life. I believe the opening scene goes something like this:
"Ayo pops, Imma go play baseball like you, wurd."
*airball*
"Imma be da best baseball playa, like, fa sho 'do."
*airball*
"And 'den... I'M GON' PLAY IN DA NBA!"
*swish*
We then go to, what else? Michael Jordan playing mother****ing baseball, JUST LIKE IN REAL LIFE!!! This movie could have easily strayed into a Hollywood version of Michael Jordan's life, but alas, no! In fact, MJ is playing on a team who's uniforms LITERALLY ARE IDENTICAL to whatever the **** team that MJ really DID play for!!! Google that ****!!!
Anyway, Michael is playing golf in all that, and then we get hit with what makes this movie so eye-opening cherry-poppingly good: BILL MURRAY IS IN THIS MOVIE.
Yeah, you hear that, Members of the Academy!?!?! BILL MURRAY WAS IN THIS MOVIE. Now why, in God's name, would they not give this man an Oscar for his performance? Let's look at what Bill had to go through.
A) He has to share the screen with MICHAEL JORDAN. Can you imagine trying to match that black guy's powerhouse performance? That's like asking Robert Pattinson to share the screen with Christian Bale. A stern overshadowing by the obviously superior actor is almost inevitable, but by God, Bill Murray pwned this movie. He took what he had, and ended up SPOILER ALERT: actually saving MJ and the Looney Toon's basketball team at the end of the movie. Sheer brilliance.
B) Well... I pretty much said it all in part A.
Anyway, Michael enters Looney Toon land by accidentally falling into some Golf Hole, the Looney Toon crackers get him to play basketball for them because the MonSTARZ took their powers from a bunch of black men (and Shawn Bradley for some ****ed up reason...),
and the Looney Toons just really want to kick their ass... with Michael Jordan (AND BILL MURRAY *****ES!!!).
So Newman from Seinfeld tries to get Michael back, says he's digging a divot as a cover-up (that sly bastard), somehow makes it to Looney Toon land to watch Michael tearin' up the courts like it was nobody's business, and somehow makes the team. Do you know why Newman makes this team? SPOILER: Because Bill Murray hasn't made it yet!!!! But don't worry!!!!
So we go back and forth between Earth and Looney Toon land, Danny DeVito is the leader of the MonSTARZ (he was probably the one who told them to steal Shawn Bradley's powers) but he doesn't do much except add some explosive star power to this already star-studded Oscar bait film.
So the Looney Toons play the MonSTARZ, and Michael Jordan, the guy who is ALREADY giving the performance of his lifetime for these cartoons, has to make EVERY POINT HIMSELF. What *******s! But don't worry, Bill Murray comes in and magically makes all the Looney Tunes play like THEY KNOW THEY CAN PLAY, and they end up winning, thanks to Bill ****ing Murray. MJ helped too, I guess.
If you haven't seen this film, then you don't know what REAL cinema is. I would definitely give this movie an 11...
... out of 10.
Think about it.
Watch this movie. You will not regret. Have a nice day.
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