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The 100 Greatest Quotes from Fundamentalist Christian Chat Rooms

The Lumberjack

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Some of my personal favorites:

  • One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it. [emphasis added]

  • [When asked to prove the existence of a soul, in order to validate his claim that life begins at conception]
    I don't have to "prove" anything. You see, I have this wonderful thing called "faith" and with that I have no need of proof.

  • If the Bible is wrong when it tells us it is infallible, then it contradicts itself. If it contradicts itself, then it is unreliable. If it is unreliable, then our faith is totally shattered and Christianity is a lie. You need to seriously reconsider your logic.
 
i like this one:



You got it backwards.

Creationism is based upon science, reason and tons of evidence.

Evolution is based on the blind acceptance of superstitions and fairy tales.
 
Here are some of my favorite Christian quotes:



"I don't know that atheists should be considered citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God."

-George Bush Sr.



"With all due respect to those dear people, my friend, God Almighty does not hear the prayer of a Jew."

- Bailey Smith



"Politicians who do not use the bible to guide their public and private lives do not belong in office."

- Beverley LaHaye



"There should be absolutely no 'Separation of Church and State' in America."

- David Barton



"We are engaged in a social, political, and cultural war. There's a lot of talk in America about pluralism. But the bottom line is somebody's values will prevail. And the winner gets the right to teach our children what to believe."
- Gary Bauer



"This is God's world, not Satan's. Christians are the lawful heirs, not non-Christians."
-Gary North



"When the Christian majority takes over this country, there will be no satanic churches, no more free distribution of pornography, no more talk of rights for homosexuals. After the Christian majority takes control, pluralism will be seen as immoral and evil and the state will not permit anybody the right to practice evil."
- Gary Potter



"When science and the Bible differ, science has obviously misinterpreted its data."
-Henry Morris



"The Christian community has a golden opportunity to train an army of dedicated teachers who can invade the public school classrooms and use them to influence the nation for Christ."
- James Kennedy



"We don't have to protect the environment, the Second Coming is at hand."

- James Watt, Secretary of the Interior in the Reagan Admin. Responsible for National Policy regarding the Environment



"We are to make Bible-obeying disciples of anybody that gets in our way."

- Jay Grimstead



"If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being."
- Jerry Falwell



"Civilized people – Muslims, Christians, and Jews – all understand that the source of freedom and human dignity is the Creator."

- John Ashcroft



"The [Supreme] Court, by seeking to equate Christianity with other religions, merely assaults the one faith. The Court in essence is assailing the true God by democratizing the Christian religion."
- John Whitehead



"Nobody has the right to worship on this planet any other God than Jehovah. And therefore the state does not have the responsibility to defend anybody's pseudo-right to worship an idol."

- Joseph Morecraft



“George Bush was not elected by a majority of the voters in the United States, he was appointed by God.”

- Lt. Gen. William G. Boykin



"Rail as they will about 'discrimination,' women are simply not endowed by nature with the same measures of single-minded ambition and the will to succeed in the fiercely competitive world of Western capitalism."

- Pat Buchanan



"The Islamic people, the Arabs, were the ones who captured Africans, put them in slavery, and sent them to America as slaves. Why would the people in America want to embrace the religion of slavers?"

"Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different...More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history."

"The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians."


"You say you're supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians and the Presbyterians and the Methodists and this, that, and the other thing. Nonsense, I don't have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist."
- Pat Robertson



"I want you to just let a wave of intolerance wash over. I want you to let a wave of hatred wash over you. Yes, hate is good...Our goal is a Christian nation. We have a biblical duty, we are called by God to conquer this country. We don't want equal time. We don't want pluralism."
- Randall Terry



"They would have us believe that Islam is just as good as Christianity. Christianity was founded by the virgin-born son of God, Jesus Christ. Islam was founded by Muhammad, a demon-possessed pedophile who had 12 wives, the last one of which was a nine-year-old girl."
- Jerry Vines
 
Here are some of my favorite Christian quotes:

“George Bush was not elected by a majority of the voters in the United States, he was appointed by God.”
- Lt. Gen. William G. Boykin


LMFAO!! :lmao:
 
It's hilarious, but also terrifying, because it's how people really feel.

:down:D/:(:up:
 
crazy christian person said:
A woman wants to abort a rape child? She should have thought of that before she walked down that dark alley without a male prescence, not to mention she should have thought before putting on revealing attire.

[Yes. It should (be legal). Otherwise you're screwing over the women who don't deserve their fate.]

Are you calling them victims now? Should've stayed in the house where it's safe.


wow.
 
There are a lot of things I have concluded to be wrong, without studying them in-depth. Evolution is one of them. The fact that I don't know that much about it does not bother me in the least.

:down
 
It's hilarious, but also terrifying, because it's how people really feel.

:down:D/:(:up:

It's also terrifying that some people lump all of these beliefs under the Christian label; which causes confusion. There are a lot of wackos who call themselves Christians, but that doesn't make it so. I think people really need to grasp that concept.
 
Just recently my son Bobby came out to me. I had been worried for awhile. His teachers said most of his grades were slipping and he seemed depressed and withdrawn.

Bobby said he'd been hiding it for awhile because he was afraid I would reject him. I sat him down and told him that I loved him and that God loved him, but that his salvation was in danger if he did not resist his unnatural tempations. I told him how being gay would mean he would live a shorter life, and that if he couldnt change his orientation he could be celibate like most the ex-gays are. He started crying saying something along the lines of "I knew you wouldnt understand! You're just like everyone else!" before running to his room and slamming the door.

What did I do wrong? I dont want to lose my son, but I fear I already have. I talked it over with his therapist, who had the ludicrous idea that homosexuality was unchangable and that trying to repress could lead to lots of psychological damage (I've dropped him and will try to be finding another therapist with more moral beliefs). I wouldnt be surprised if he's the one who's feeding my son all the homosexual propaganda about how its 'ok' to be gay. That, or how homosexuality has engulfed the media, making it seem 'cool' and 'hip' and how they were just another oppressed minority. You didnt have to worry about seeing two men making out on tv at my age! I dont want to sound like a fanatic, but Im worried what other effects will come out of this increasingly secular, immoral society obsessed with filth.

Am I too late? Or is it possible to save my son


[Note: the boy eventually took his own life.]

How afraid is everyone that these people are allowed to procreate?
 
I have no suggestions on what the Cheneys should do in this situation, but I can tell you what I did.

I have a gay daughter and have been loving and accepting of her and her partner, but not of their lifestyle. We have made clear our opinions, but my wife and I do not make life uncomfortable for them because of our opinions.

When they announced that they were going to try and get pregnant, we sat them down and explained our position. We explained why we believed that children should have a mother and a father and told them that, should they go though with this, we would sue for custody of our grandchild. We assured them that living in the South that we had a better than even chance of winning.

Though they were not happy with our decision, they still visited and were welcomed and we have always been welcomed at their home. They thought of moving elsewhere but didn't like any of the places with more liberal laws. (A lesson in how liberalism ruins a place) It has now been eight years and still no babies.

Parents of the Year

In my opinion, if an animal in the wild like a swan is caught being gay it should be shot on sight, disinfected, and used to feed the poor.
But couldn't that turn the poor gay?
 
God revealed to me two things about the timing of the rapture. God specifically told me 2007 was the year, because I was only going to have from 3 to 3 1/2 years to spread the message after my book was published.

Damn weatherman was wrong about that Rapture swooping in. Again.
 
Athiests as a Majority

This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go **** a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!

The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.

ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men ****ing eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!

Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.

ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there!

The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.

RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!

THE END

and they praise Jesus with that mouth!? :wow:
 
It's also terrifying that some people lump all of these beliefs under the Christian label; which causes confusion. There are a lot of wackos who call themselves Christians, but that doesn't make it so. I think people really need to grasp that concept.
It's actually the other way around.
A lot of the people whose quotes are scary are the ones who actually read and study the Bible and actually believe it.

A lot of the people who profess to be "Christians", who disagree with them, are the ones who don't actually live by the teachings found in the Bible.
The more sane-sounding "Christians" are the ones who just decide to completely ignore the passages that they don't like personally.

THAT'S what I'd classify as being a CINO.
 
These people need to see this:

Jesus%20vs.%20Jeezus.jpg
 
This thread is both hilarious and horrifying.

Kind of like driving by an auto accident involving a clown car. :clown:
 
Matchbox said:
It's also terrifying that some people lump all of these beliefs under the Christian label, which in turn causes confusion. There are a lot of wackos who call themselves Christians, but that doesn't make it so. I think people really need to grasp that concept.
Exactly; even Scripture itself says "not everyone who names the name of Christ is a follower". Another problem, in my opinion, is the general expectation people have of Christians. Society expects us to be super-clean, self-righteous, holier-than-thou people with lots of chips on our shoulders. We're also expected to always be nice, courteous, passive, and non-confrontational, no matter what.

But there's one crucial detail many (even other Christians) have forgotten or ignored: we're in a war. And as the Bible says, our enemy is not one of flesh and blood, but rather wicked spirits, powers of darkness, and all the temptations of hell. That's our enemy, and it's from those forces we seek to save people from. Unfortunately, the truth remains that "you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved", and that's something even the most Godly soldiers sometimes forget.

However, in fighting this war, we are called by God Almighty to confront the enemy on every sacred level. But Satan doesn't want to lose, even though he knows his destiny's already been set. So, he's determined to bring as many to his side as possible, before the Final War, when even he will have to acknowledge Christ as Lord.

It's because of this ongoing conflict, that we stand against things the world system calls proper or acceptable. We're to be in the world, but not of it where the heart is concerned. That's why we stand against a godless society bent on removing Christ from schools, or granting equal marital rights for homosexuals. It's why we fight to have the Commandments reinstated on government property, and confront the entertainment industry over content and spiritual issues...each fight is one more step to our ultimate charge: serving as God's army, tasked with keeping Him at the forefront, no matter the opposition. But so many would rather stay away from the conflict through fear, or try to do everything on their own...which is why we have disillusioned extremists using Jesus as a shield for ungodly behavior.

Just recently my son Bobby came out to me. I had been worried for awhile. His teachers said most of his grades were slipping and he seemed depressed and withdrawn.

Bobby said he'd been hiding it for awhile because he was afraid I would reject him. I sat him down and told him that I loved him and that God loved him, but that his salvation was in danger if he did not resist his unnatural temptations. I told him how being gay would mean he would live a shorter life, and that if he couldn't change his orientation he could be celibate like most the ex-gays are. He started crying saying something along the lines of "I knew you wouldn't understand! You're just like everyone else!" before running to his room and slamming the door.

What did I do wrong? I don't want to lose my son, but I fear I already have. I talked it over with his therapist, who had the ludicrous idea that homosexuality was unchangeable and that trying to repress could lead to lots of psychological damage (I've dropped him and will try to be finding another therapist with more moral beliefs). I wouldn't be surprised if he's the one who's feeding my son all the homosexual propaganda about how its 'ok' to be gay. That, or how homosexuality has engulfed the media, making it seem 'cool' and 'hip' and how they were just another oppressed minority. You didn't have to worry about seeing two men making out on TV at my age! I dint want to sound like a fanatic, but I'm worried what other effects will come out of this increasingly secular, immoral society obsessed with filth.

Am I too late, or is it possible to save my son? (Note: the boy eventually took his own life.)
The bolded section was the big problem right there. That father was likely well-intentioned, but severely misguided, and that led to a terrible tragedy.

Homosexuality is 100% wrong, but it alone will not send a person to hell. Only rejection of Jesus Christ will do that. Telling the boy, in essence, "You'll go to hell unless you're straight" is likely what upset his son the most. Also, what source did this guy cite, saying gays always live shorter lives? It's true that many STDs are spread through homosexual contact, but that's no reason to claim "you'll die early if you're gay".

Finally, the comment about celibacy and ex-gays wasn't good, either. The kid's shrink had probably been fueling his confusion with the whole "okay to be gay" crap, so his father was right to seek other input...but when the kid becomes convinced of it as well, being blunt sounds more like a personal attack, than sincere help. The only way a person can be freed of homosexuality is if he or she truly desires to be freed, and is willing to fight hard for that freedom. Like any other sin, Satan won't let go easily. He'll tempt them at every turn, trying to get them back on his side. And that's when they need the love of Christ the most. They won't go to a side that automatically condemns them as a person, when the enemy has already claimed to "love" them. What they need is God's love for them as individuals. They do need to realize God doesn't approve of their choice, but He still loves them anyways...and He will guide them through every problem they face, if they'll simply trust in Him.
 
we're in a war.
This stuff is hilarious.
"We're at WaaAAaAAarRr!! :eek:"

Yeah, you sit on message boards all day alienating people from Jesus further and further every day because you're a general in the Lord's Army, fighting the battle of the bulge.

Onward Christians soldiers, slaying Superbowl costume malfunctions and Harry Potter's nefarious scheme to turn our children into Satan Worshippers.



What a h00t. :o
 
This stuff is hilarious.
"We're at WaaAAaAAarRr!! :eek:"

Yeah, you sit on message boards all day alienating people from Jesus further and further every day because you're a general in the Lord's Army, fighting the battle of the bulge.

Onward Christians soldiers, slaying Superbowl costume malfunctions and Harry Potter's nefarious scheme to turn our children into Satan Worshippers.



What a h00t. :o

hahahaha, round 1-- DING!
 
Wilhelm-Scream said:
Yeah, you sit on message boards all day alienating people from Jesus further and further every day because you're a general in the Lord's Army.
I'm not on here every hour of the day, Wilhelm. Secondly, the truth about Christ does alienate some people, mainly because for whatever reason, they just don't want to accept it. If Christ were truly into inclusion, He'd never have come to ransom us in the first place, because there'd have been no perfect standard to begin with. But the cold, hard truth is that right and wrong, sin and justice...they do exist, and in God's eyes there are no moral shades of gray. We have all sinned in some form, and as such need a Savior. Jesus is it, plain and simple.
Onward Christians soldiers, slaying Superbowl costume malfunctions and Harry Potter's nefarious scheme to turn our children into Satan Worshipers.
I don't recall ever mentioning the Super Bowl incident, and as for Harry Potter, I merely presented my own views pertaining to my walk with Jesus. I know other Christians who see no problem with it, and still others who hate it entirely. I just said I didn't see it as beneficial for my own faith in particular.
 
It blows my mind that people routinely dismiss people who actually have very damning evidence that suggests the possibility of the truth of some conspiracy theories, as pathetic, simple-minded, delusional people who feel insignificant so they have to believe there's some pattern or plan behind everything so they try to puff everything up into some theatrical space opera come to life or something....

...and then Christians talk about this, "We're all in a Cosmic WAR against the principalities of th AIRRRrr! :eek:...and the DEVIL's trying to get as many people on his side even though he already knows he will lose, so I talk to GOD, the CREATOR of the UNIVERSE every morning before I have my corn flakes and ask him to help me reap a harvest for the Lord ('cause he needs my help)." - Stuff.

And THOSE^ people are considered to be the sane ones!
Like, you simply can NOT get elected president unless you at least feign belief in this bulls***.

rolleyesx100.gif
 
I'm not on here every hour of the day, Wilhelm. Secondly, the truth about Christ does alienate some people, mainly because for whatever reason, they just don't want to accept it. If Christ were truly into inclusion, He'd never have come to ransom us in the first place, because there'd have been no perfect standard to begin with. But the cold, hard truth is that right and wrong, sin and justice...they do exist, and in God's eyes there are no moral shades of gray. We have all sinned in some form, and as such need a Savior. Jesus is it, plain and simple.
I don't recall ever mentioning the Super Bowl incident, and as for Harry Potter, I merely presented my own views pertaining to my walk with Jesus. I know other Christians who see no problem with it, and still others who hate it entirely. I just said I didn't see it as beneficial for my own faith in particular.

I have a question . . . do you believe that anyone who doesn't worship Jesus is going to hell?

I am also curious if you interpret the bible literally or believe that the ideals expressed should be translated into one's own personal experiences?
 

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