The Brad Pitt Hotline

http://www.pugbus.net/Culture/04102005_pittline.htm

Brad Pitt Establishes Angelina Jolie Rumors Hotline
By Chip Hilton
HOLLYWOOD – Brad Pitt has come out swinging in an effort to put an end to rumors about his relationship with Angelina Jolie. Beginning at 9:00 a.m. (EDST) on Monday April 11, concerned Pitt fans will be able to dial 1-900-NOT-TRUE to hear Pitt deny in his own voice the latest rumors being printed about him and Angelina Jolie in the false tabloids.
“At 49 cents a minute billed automatically to the telephone number from which a call is made, this service represents a great bargain for Brad Pitt fans everywhere,” said Pitt’s publicist, Cindy Guagenti. “It’s one thing for fans to read Brad’s latest denouncement of false tabloids like US Weekly but quite another for them to hear the note of wry condescension and disdain in his voice as he refers to US Weekly’s editor, Janice Min, as a “two-bit rumor-mongering ****e.”

Persons calling 1-900-NOT-TRUE will be greeted by a cheerful message from Pitt himself. "Thank you for calling the Angelina Jolie Rumor Hotline,” says Pitt’s voice in a bright, lifelike greeting. “Because your call is important to us, we have installed the following menu to help facilitate the denial of your favorite rumor. For your protection your call may be monitored. Please listen carefully before making your selection.

"To listen to the menu in Spanish, press 1. To hear me deny that Angelina broke up my marriage to Jennifer Aniston, press 2. To hear me deny stories about my spending several nights in Angelina’s trailer while we were filming Mr. and Mrs. Smith, which is scheduled for a June release, press 2. To hear me deny spending Easter weekend with Angelina at a posh resort while doing publicity for Mr. and Mrs. Smith, in which we play a bored husband-and-wife spy team, press 3. To hear me deny that Angelina and I are planning to get married before the June release of Mr. and Mrs. Smith, press 4. To hear me deny that Angelina is pregnant, press 5. To hear me deny rumors you may not have heard about yet, press 6. To find out how many men—and women—that two-bit, rumor-mongering ****e Janice Min, editor of US Weekly, slept with last month, press 7."

Pitt’s novel approach to combating rumors is being watched closely by other celebrities. “If this works, I’m going to start a hotline of my own,” said Paris Hilton. “It’s about time we turned the tables on magazines that make up all this stuff about us.”

In related news, Britney Spears has announced that she plans to copyright the term “false tabloids,” which she first used in an Atlantic Monthly essay to condemn tabloids that print untrue stories about celebrities.

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I wonder if this is completely for real.

Either way: its hilarious!

 

Whoops, i'm an idiot: satirical news site.