Liberal phone sex hotline

Discussion in 'SHH Community Forum' started by Immortalfire, Apr 14, 2006.

  1. Immortalfire Make it so.

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    This might begin another endless flame war, but it's funny.

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    Welcome to the Liberal Phone Sex Hotline. We’re here to indulge all your liberal sexual fantasies. Please listen to the following options:

    Press 1 if you want to talk to Sunblossom, our Birkenstock-wearing, patchouli-smelling, hairy-bodied tree-hugging hippie. She’ll tell you all about how eating meat is cruel and how George W. Bush is solely responsible for global warming, and Hurricane Katrina. If you’re feeling really kinky, she’ll play a recording of Al Gore’s latest speech while you listen to her talk clean and earth safe to you.

    Press 2 if you want to talk to Jo, our angry, male-hating, flannel-clad, combat boot-wearing, mullet-haired lesbian. She’ll tell you how all of the world’s problems are the fault of you and every other disgusting pig of a male like you in the world. She’ll call you all kinds of threatening names and tell you how she can please your wife, girlfriend, sister or mother like no man ever could.

    Press 3 if you want to talk to Janeane, our resident whacko. She’ll tell you how she can’t get any decent roles in Hollywood anymore because of the vast right-wing conspiracy run by the neocons. She’ll share her brand of “humor” as she b!tches and moans about everything and records all your reactions to play back later on her radio show. But don’t worry, it’s not like anyone actually listens to it. For an extra $1.99 a minute, she’ll tell you juicy details about her past sexual exploits with other “comedians” both male and female.

    Press 4 if you want to talk to Madeline, our powerful lobbyist. She’ll tell you how right-wing and Republican lobbyists are the lowest form of life and created from pure evil, but how she and other left-wing lobbyists like herself are sincere people just trying to make the world a better place. Listen as she describes hot pork belly projects and how she lines her sexy pockets with kickbacks and bribes from the same people you voted for. She’ll tell you all about her recent exploits to ensure safer emissions, safer roads and more jobs for Americans as she talks on her cell phone while driving her foreign-built SUV as fast as she can down Rodeo Drive.

    Press 5 if you want the privilege of talking to a life-like recording of Barbra Streisand, Susan Sarandon, Annette Benning, and Cameron Diaz having a four-way b!tch session about how the Republican government is legalizing rape, torturing innocent people and basically driving this country into the ground. They’ll talk about how abortion should be free and legal and capital punishment should be stopped forever. They’ll discuss how guns should be banned (expect, of course for their bodyguards) and marijuana and cocaine should be legalized.

    Press 6 to listen to Margaret Cho and Eddie Vedder scream endless profanities about President George W. Bush. Can you take it??

    Press 7 if you are into alternative lifestyles (and that’s OK!!) to hear a three way with Michael Moore, Al Franken and Garrison Keillor. They’ll be talking about how the United States would be so much better if it were just like Canada. Listen to their quips regarding George Bush, Condoleeza Rice, Dick Cheney and virtually everyone in America who doesn’t agree with them. Lucky callers may even have the experience of these lumpy letharios getting it on with George Clooney.

    To hear Madonna give advice on how to improve the United States by making it more like England, hang up now and dial 1-900-Old-****.

    Call now! Operators are standing by. Or sitting by. Most likely they will be on one of their many union-mandated coffee or smoke breaks. But keep calling and eventually you might actually get someone motivated enough to actually work. That is if they haven’t taken off early to spend their welfare check.
     
  2. JLBats The boney king of nowhere

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    Classic. I approve.
     
  3. deemar325 Registered

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    Press 8 for unfunny thread about phone sex.
     
  4. The Comedian Registered

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    "8"
     
  5. Matt IKYN Guy Groupie

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    I remember once, a certain conservative moderator yelled at me for making a thread like this that makes fun of Republicans, claiming that I was baiting. What funny double standards. Not that I care about this thread, I thought it was fairly funny.
     
  6. JLBats The boney king of nowhere

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    I mostly approve because I realise a lot of Conservative bashing goes on around these parts and think that there should be a balance.
     
  7. deemar325 Registered

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    Hi! my name is Heaven and I'm so horny for unfunny guys and political musings.

    If you want to continue, please inter your credit card number now.
     
  8. Matt IKYN Guy Groupie

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    To be fair though, most "conservative bashing" is based on news stories. This is pretty much a straight attack on liberal members...like I said, I don't mind, because I find it funny. Just think double standards are funny as well.
     
  9. Super_Ludacris Registered

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    lol

    Demar takes the thread and flips it out
     
  10. deemar325 Registered

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    Press 9 for phone sex with Right-Wing radio and Fox news talk show hosts, with addictions to pain pills and claim to be Marines when no evidence supports the fact they ever served in the military and you find that sexy.
     
  11. rabidfanboy Registered

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    I'm anxiously on hold waiting to hear Madonna's advice.
     
  12. Super_Ludacris Registered

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    And Demar with the interceptions and takes to the n zone, Immortal is down!
     
  13. Lackey Registered

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    It's obvious deemar is offended...either because he's a liberal, or he calls phone sex lines :confused:
     
  14. Immortalfire Make it so.

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    Or both?
     
  15. Danalys Sol Invictus

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    no asian woman in lackey's avatar makes danalys something something.
     
  16. deemar325 Registered

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    or both!!


    My real name is Mahommed Leiberbergergold and I'm a gay, liberal, Green Peace member from Greenich Village who adopted African, Korean and Cuban orphans and only feed them vegan food.

    I also like purple leather and the Bravo chanel, oh that John Lipton!


    Heh, nah I just thought it was all in good fun.
     
  17. Lackey Registered

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    It's Easter...I gotta go with the funny Jewish girl on Jesus day. :O
     
  18. deemar325 Registered

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    Press 10 for Christian Republican coalition member Candy she's ready to be a submissive woman and thinks golf is the greatest and most physically demanding sport ever! (No negros please.)
     
  19. Danalys Sol Invictus

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    i think i'd call the man hating lesbian.
     
  20. Super_Ludacris Registered

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    Thats a lotta lines
     
  21. patrickbateman Registered

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  22. jaguarr Be Your Own Hero

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    I want to listen to Margaret Cho and Eddie Vedder. At least they used to have talent or something resembling it. :D

    jag
     
  23. deemar325 Registered

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    and at $4.99 a minute it's exspensive.

    I like dialing and talking to Ann Coulter she's into kinky Hitler sex!
     
  24. jaguarr Be Your Own Hero

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    The Ann Coulter one was a ripoff. All she cared about was her own pleasure and she wouldn't hold me afterwards. :(

    jag
     
  25. deemar325 Registered

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    ^ LOL! that b-tch!
     

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