Liberal phone sex hotline

[Dorian Gray]

I just find it funny a thread like this has to be made fun of to make fun of liberals when all you have to do to make fun of conservatives is watch the news.

I have a sick twisted obssesion with watching both sides argue with one another about issues.

its all disturbing because both sides some type of facism value in their beleif system(s), yet its funny because it shows how hypocritical they both can be..

 

[dcbmp]

Call PETA. They'll lecture you on how a million jews died during WWII. But 2 MILLION CHICKENS DIED THIS YEAR! They'll also be glad to tell you that fish and chickens (soon to be in the Mc Donalds Happy Meal bag) need bigger cages and rights just like people.

If you feel up to it, try letting your unworthy self call Hollywood. They'll tell you how they're experts on everything. Foregin Policy, the economy, Constitution, anything. Even though the only thing they do know how to do is act and get together once a year to pat each other on the back with movies that altogether made ALMOST as much as Star Wars ROTS. Oh, and unlike the rest of these numbers you'll defenitly be able to jack off. whoever you get will HAVE to tell you about their sex life in GREAT detail. or, if you're lucky they'll send you a sample video.

Call the PTC. They'll tell you that TV needs to be more family friendly (isn't that what parents are supposed to be? family friendly?). Shows like Nip Tuck, Desperate Housewives (a hit among 10-15 year olds), and Fear Factor(nominated in the Nick Kids Choice Awards as favorite TV show) are horrors that should be shut down. Movies aren't family friendly. There's INNUENDO AND POTTY HUMOR IN CHILDREN'S SHOWS Even FOX News and MSNBC are evil for having stories on Child Porn, murders, and sex slaves (but they don't want to decide what shows should and shouldn't go on the air). Proper movies are things like CON, Curious George, and even Harry Potter(although kids may be confused at magic being used for good ). Proper TV shows are 7th Heaven, Smallville (although Lana and Clark have been having premarital sex), and American Idol (and soon God or the Girl). AND ANYTHING that has disgusting smut should be on after 10pm. East coast time...or west coast time PTC?

Call Focus On the Family. They'll tell you that people need to follow the bible. The President, Congressmen, everyone, should be using the bible to make decisions (but they don't want a theocracy no sir). The bible should be taught in schools (but they don't want to impose on anyone). And WWJD.

Call Christian fundmentalists. They can't stop talking about god and Jesus and how christians should take over the world. They're the same as FOTF. Except that they won't stop mentioning Jesus (there's something wrong if you constantly have to tell people about how good a christian you are). In fact they'll try to bring you to see the light (on your phone bill). And you're just an unsaved fool if you disagree.

 

[bored]

This might begin another endless flame war, but it's funny.

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Welcome to the Liberal Phone Sex Hotline. We’re here to indulge all your liberal sexual fantasies. Please listen to the following options:

Press 1 if you want to talk to Sunblossom, our Birkenstock-wearing, patchouli-smelling, hairy-bodied tree-hugging hippie. She’ll tell you all about how eating meat is cruel and how George W. Bush is solely responsible for global warming, and Hurricane Katrina. If you’re feeling really kinky, she’ll play a recording of Al Gore’s latest speech while you listen to her talk clean and earth safe to you.

Press 2 if you want to talk to Jo, our angry, male-hating, flannel-clad, combat boot-wearing, mullet-haired lesbian. She’ll tell you how all of the world’s problems are the fault of you and every other disgusting pig of a male like you in the world. She’ll call you all kinds of threatening names and tell you how she can please your wife, girlfriend, sister or mother like no man ever could.

Press 3 if you want to talk to Janeane, our resident whacko. She’ll tell you how she can’t get any decent roles in Hollywood anymore because of the vast right-wing conspiracy run by the neocons. She’ll share her brand of “humor” as she b!tches and moans about everything and records all your reactions to play back later on her radio show. But don’t worry, it’s not like anyone actually listens to it. For an extra $1.99 a minute, she’ll tell you juicy details about her past sexual exploits with other “comedians” both male and female.

Press 4 if you want to talk to Madeline, our powerful lobbyist. She’ll tell you how right-wing and Republican lobbyists are the lowest form of life and created from pure evil, but how she and other left-wing lobbyists like herself are sincere people just trying to make the world a better place. Listen as she describes hot pork belly projects and how she lines her sexy pockets with kickbacks and bribes from the same people you voted for. She’ll tell you all about her recent exploits to ensure safer emissions, safer roads and more jobs for Americans as she talks on her cell phone while driving her foreign-built SUV as fast as she can down Rodeo Drive.

Press 5 if you want the privilege of talking to a life-like recording of Barbra Streisand, Susan Sarandon, Annette Benning, and Cameron Diaz having a four-way b!tch session about how the Republican government is legalizing rape, torturing innocent people and basically driving this country into the ground. They’ll talk about how abortion should be free and legal and capital punishment should be stopped forever. They’ll discuss how guns should be banned (expect, of course for their bodyguards) and marijuana and cocaine should be legalized.

Press 6 to listen to Margaret Cho and Eddie Vedder scream endless profanities about President George W. Bush. Can you take it??

Press 7 if you are into alternative lifestyles (and that’s OK!!) to hear a three way with Michael Moore, Al Franken and Garrison Keillor. They’ll be talking about how the United States would be so much better if it were just like Canada. Listen to their quips regarding George Bush, Condoleeza Rice, Dick Cheney and virtually everyone in America who doesn’t agree with them. Lucky callers may even have the experience of these lumpy letharios getting it on with George Clooney.

To hear Madonna give advice on how to improve the United States by making it more like England, hang up now and dial 1-900-Old-****.

Call now! Operators are standing by. Or sitting by. Most likely they will be on one of their many union-mandated coffee or smoke breaks. But keep calling and eventually you might actually get someone motivated enough to actually work. That is if they haven’t taken off early to spend their welfare check.

"Derrrr, me find crappy joke making broad generalizations about liberals and assuming that they completely centralized around celebrities. Me so funny."

 

[JLBats]

"I enjoy pie with my kippers in the early morn. Shoe is a loaf. Loaf is a shoe."