Sequels The Official "How YOU would do Spider-Man 4" thread

[HughJackFan420]

i just edited the part where Venom and Carnage go at it but this time we have Hoffman there. also i changed the graduation scene a little. now to focus on the ending...

 

[HughJackFan420]

(Meanwhile back at Peter's apartment building Peter has Lizard in the basement part of his apartment building where Lizard is trying to come up with a serum to change him back to normal as well as completing making soundwave machines. Peter enters the basement. Lizard has some of his equipment from his lab Peter helped move in the night before. Lizard is messing with beakers and some machines trying to develop some kind of serum.)

Peter: Dr. Connors. The Science Award. Thanks so much.

Lizard: It's not a problem at all Peter. Your a smart kid, you've improved your grades, and I couldn't be more proud of my student. You deserved it. Congratulations.

Peter: Thanks again. So how is that serum coming along??

Lizard: Well so far so good. I still need you to grab more stuff from the lab. But I've finally completed the soundwave machine.

Peter: Sound wave machine??

Lizard: Well I haven't given it much thought at first. But I was experimenting with the sample of the symbiote that I had. I discovered that the symbiote not only follows aggresive emotions but certain frequencies of sound as well. This little machine will be your flute and you will be the pied piper. I've made it so that you can switch to a certain frequency and no matter what the symbiote is attached to it will follow you as long as this machine is giving off the right frequency.

Peter: Wow that's amazing Dr. Connors. Does it work?

Lizard: Well I'm fresh out of symbiote but I remember what frequency I used to manipulate the symbiote and amplified it using this machine. Should you ever run into someone with that symbiote on you can pull it right off with this machine. I made an extra one just to be on our toes.

Peter: Well I think we can rest assured Cletus is out the way.

Lizard: Yes but I'm gonna go back to the site because there's no telling if the symbiote is still on him or not. I should've prepared these machines earlier but no time for that.

Peter: My only concern is Eddie. He's on the loose. He's calling himself Venom and too make things worse he's developed a split personality.

Lizard: Well you hunt down Eddie I'm going after Cletus. Remember all you have to do is press this button and leave the dial on 3.82. That's the frequency you want to use. Just like this.

(Lizard turns on machine and a high pitched sound comes out of the machine.)

Peter: Jeez that sounds annoying.

Lizard: It wasn't meant to be pleasant. Well here's the game plan you hunt down Eddie before he hurts anyone. Use the machine to try to capture the symbiote and put the machine in this container.

(Lizard hands him a large glass jar.)

Peter: What is this???

Lizard: It's an unbreakable glass jar. I learned from my transormation that we can't take anymore risks. We need to capture what's left of the symbiote and destroy it. I'm going back to the site where we got attacked by Cletus and see if his body is there and more importantly if the symbiote is still there.



Peter: I understand Dr. Connors. So how are you holding up here?? Sorry if it's not as cozy as to what your use to but...

Lizard: It's fine believe me. I just need to keep working on the serum until I find a way to change back.

Peter: I understand and I will do anything to help.

Lizard: Your landlord up there is quite loud. Is it really safe to be here though?? I mean they won't come down here will they?

Peter: As long as you're paying him his rent he's happy believe me. I have to go up to my apartment now. Gotta check on the city and see who's causing trouble.

Lizard: Alright Peter just make sure you keep your landlord and company from coming down here.

Peter: Don't worry Dr. Connors I told them you were a sick relative with a very contagious disease.

Lizardsarcastically says) Oh thanks Peter.

Peter: Hey I just wanted them to stay away from you until we can find a new spot or develop a serum.

Lizard: It's going to take time but I'm sure I can find how to reverse my transformation. Well I will talk to you later Peter.

Peter: Sure Dr. Connors thanks so much again.

Lizard: A brilliant student and a great superhero. Who ever would've thought it. Your quite welcome though Peter.

Peter: OK see you later. I will keep coming back to check on you though.

Lizard: Ok thanks.

(Peter walks out of the nasty, damp basement and is about to reach the top when Ursula meets him at the top of the stairs.)

Ursula: Peter how have you been? How's your sick uncle?

Peter: My unc??...oh him...yeah he's doing better. Still sick but improving.

Ursula: That's good to hear. You're radio was really loud last night. It kept saying something about a prison break or something??

Peter: Really oh no.

Ursula: That's a strange radio. Is it like a radio for police??

Peter: Uh yeah something like that.

Ursula: Why do you have such a radio??

Peter: Oh just being nosey. I hope to be a crime fighter someday.

Ursula: Wow you mean like Spiderman??

Peter: Uh yeah something like that.

Ursula: You would make a great officer.

Peter: Thanks.

(Mr. Ditkovitch comes out of his apartment.)

Mr. Ditkovitch: Hi Peter.

Peter: Hi Mr. Ditkovitch how's it going.

Mr. Ditkovitch: Good. I'm concerned about your uncle down there. Is he ok??

Peter: Oh yeah he's fine.

Mr. Ditkovitch: I heard loud noises down there. Buzzing and different kind of machine sounds. Is he a scientist??

Peter: Something like that. He really enjoys his privacy. He's also complained about you guys being loud above him. I just think you guys should just stay out of each others hairs. He's really sick and contagious and doesn't want to be bothered.

Mr. Ditkovitch: Why doesn't he go to the doctor.

Peter: He believes in self healing.

Mr. Ditkovitch: Wierd. Well time to eat. Ursula...

Ursula: Ok dad. Bye Peter I will talk to you later.

Peter: Bye Ursula bye Mr. Ditkovitch.

 

[HughJackFan420]

(Meanwhile later in the evening MJ arrives at Aunt May's apartment building. She's getting out of the cab.)

MJ: Thank you keep the change.

(MJ notices by looking at Aunt May's window it's dark in her apartment as if she wasn't home.)

MJ: Hmmm she told me she would be home?? Better check on her.

(MJ walks to her apartment door and knocks. No answer at first. Knocks again)

MJ: Hello Aunt May??

(MJ looks worried. And quietly places her ear to the door.)

Venom: Rooooaaarrrrr....

(Venom quickly opens the door pulls MJ in with his webbing so fast you barely hear a scream. The door slams shut after that. An old man as a neighbor opens his door, looks around, shrugs his shoulders and goes back in. Meanwhile back at Peter's apartment Peter is with Lizard. They're preparing for their missions.)

Lizard: You ready Pete.

Peter: Ready whenever you are Dr. Connors.

Lizard: Alright remember what I told you ok. Be careful with these machines. Their a little fragile.

Peter: Right got it. I just don't know where to start looking. Let's see if I were a miserable egotistical supervillain where would I hide??

(There's a knock at the door.)

Ursula: Um Pete you have a call.

Peter: I'd better get that I'll be back Dr. Connors.

Lizard: Ok just hurry back we don't have much time.

(Peter walks out the door and Ursula is trying to peek in and Peter is blocking her way.)

Ursula: Is everything ok.

Peter: Yeah everything is fine.

Ursula: Well you have some friend calling in upstairs.

Peter: Ok thanks.

(Peter walks up to the payphone and picks up the phone.)

Peter: Hello

Venom: Hello old friend.

Peter: Eddie...what the hell are you up to???

Venom: Hmmm hmmm hmmm wouldn't you like to know. I'm just getting to know your girlfriend and your aunt alot more better. We're gonna take a little trip to the Bugle. You know the Bugle right Parker?? The job you stole from me!!!! Well I'm gonna pay your boss a visit and make him regret he ever let me go.

Peter: Why are you hurting innocent people Eddie. What will you get out of it.

Venom: Joy. Tons and tons of joy. I just wanna payback everyone who has walked all over me. Chewed me up and spit me out. You will be the main course. But not until you watch your loved ones die in front of you. I'll be waiting for you. Make sure to pretty up in case someone at the Bugle is trying to get nice shots of me ripping you to shreds. Be on the rooftop in half an hour and if you take a minute longer... well let's just say I planted some goodies in the foundation of the building. Then this time I'll take your job away from you literally along with all your co-workers. Hahahahahaaaaaa.....see you later CHUMP!!!

(Peter slams the phone down and runs towards the basement.)

Ursula: Is everything ok??

Peter: No sorry Ursula I can't talk now.

(Ursula looks worried. Mr. Ditkoitch comes out.)

Mr. Ditkovitch: Ursula leave the boy alone. Can't you see he's probably dealing with a break up. Get in here.

(Ursula smiles and walks in to the apartment. Peter is now with Dr. Connors in the basment.)

Peter: We have a problem.

Lizard: What is it Peter??

Peter: Venom... Eddie he's kidnapped MJ and Aunt May. He's taking them to the Bugle. If I don't hurry he's gonna kill everyone in the building including MJ and Aunt May.

Lizard: Calm down Peter remember we have these machines. We can take Eddie down once and for all. This is the moment we've been waiting for.

Peter: Right and I have an idea to lower his guard. He's crazy over Gwen. We need her there.

Lizard: Stacy?? You sure this is a good idea??

Peter: If Eddie sees Gwen in your possesion he will probably chase after you and be vulnerable enough for me to save MJ and Aunt May and pull the symbiote off of him.

Lizard:So I should show up first and you come in the second he's far enough from MJ and Mrs. Parker so you can make the rescue?

Peter: Perfect. Doc you are a genius.

Lizard: I try. Well let's go save some citizens superhero.

Peter: Right I'll meet you there doc.

Lizard: Here's the machine. I'm taking the other one just in case.

Peter: Good thinking. See you later.

Lizard:Good luck Pete.

 

[HughJackFan420]

sorry you guys but the last few posts will be changed...it just gives an idea of where this is going as far as the story but i will soon end this script. thanks for reading.

 

[DestinyMakerX]

PLEASE don't end the script soon! It's soo good!

t:And edit this script soon, I really want to read on

 

[HughJackFan420]

sorry guys still editing i wanna handle this script very good since i see that i have readers waiting thanks for your patience i will end this script good though believe me.

 

[Jplaya2023]

less chat more action hugh. I want more fights

 

[Visionary]

Why do people waste their time writing Spider-Man scripts, when you could be writing your own script with your own characters? Thus, is why I never understood FAN-MADE/WRITTEN crap.

 

[HughJackFan420]

Why do people waste their time writing Spider-Man scripts, when you could be writing your own script with your own characters? Thus, is why I never understood FAN-MADE/WRITTEN crap.

hater

N E WAYZ

well sorry to disappoint some of you but i edited like the last 3 posts so you basically get a feel where this story is truly going. the last post is a new post. i will try to continue to finish up the script this week to finally bring it to the end and i'm getting near that point. thanks for your patience and your feedbacks.

 

[DestinyMakerX]

Amazing script....please hurry up with the next part


and will you be making any other scripts after this one is done?

 

[Penismightier]

I'm going to be a hardass for a few minutes here, but it'll be better for it in the end.

1. Way too short for a feature film. A page of screenplay is roughly equal to a minute of screen time.

2. What goes along with the above is that there's too much going on. Your heart is in the right place and there is a lot of talent. This is a mistake that every beginning screenwriter commits and it's easily fixed. You cannot forget that your story has a theme. And ever line of dialog and every action has to connect to that theme. Every action or word of dialog has a purpose.

3. While it is too wordy, you can chuck out a lot of what you wrote, that is also easily fixed. I'll tell you what, if you want to send me the script in a document file I'd be more than happy to make some edits.

4. This one's pretty easy, you have to format the right way. Honestly, it's the only way to make it look professional. They have software out there that I would be more than happy to send you, and anyone else that would be interested.

5. The last and most important thing. Show, don't tell. No one wants to hear Spidey talk about all the stuff he's doing. They want him to just do what a spider does.

I know, it sounds like I'm coming down pretty hard on you here. Trust me, your screenplays in the future and this one as well will be better because of it. Like I said, I'd be more than happy to help you. The main thing is don't get discouraged and keep re-writing and working on it until it's the best representation of your vision.

 

[DestinyMakerX]

Way too short for a feature film. A page of screenplay is roughly equal to a minute of screen time.

Uh...look. This script isn't in screenplay format, it is just a rough script. If it was in screenplay format, he would already have 63 pages. That would be 63 minutes, and considering he is not done, the script should be about the right amount.

 

[Penismightier]

Uh...look. This script isn't in screenplay format, it is just a rough script. If it was in screenplay format, he would already have 63 pages. That would be 63 minutes, and considering he is not done, the script should be about the right amount.

Let's say he flirts with 90 pages with his script the way it is now. That would be fine for a final draft of a script. I'm sure the producers would like a script that's longer, closer to 2-2 1/2 hours, but 90 pages would work. The problem is that once edited, a lot of what there is now would be gone and the script would be much shorter.

Now it's not that his script is bad, it's not, it just has a lot of mistakes that first time screenwriters commit, which are easily fixed. If, in the form it is now, he gets his ending written and it comes out to 90 pages, that's quite an accomplishment. It would be a very rough first draft that would need to be edited down and re-writes would need to be done. All screenplays are like that, re-written numerous times. Like I've said, I'd be happy to help edit and re-write. It may sound like I'm nitpicking, but believe it or not, screenplays have to adhere to a lot of guidelines. What it all boils down to, I suppose, is that if he wants to put the time into it this could be something really impressive. Not just a pretty good job for a fan screenplay written by a first time screenwriter, but a genuinely good script.

 

[HughJackFan420]

penismightier thanks for your feedback. consider this just brainstorming or an outline of what i want to put into a screenplay. i'm just giving the jist of it so fans can understand what's happening as well as give feedback and see if this is what their ideal Spiderman 4 would be like. but once i'm ready for a final draft i will definitely keep you in mind. again i really appreciate your help. oh and you're right though a lot of the dialogue will be edited in the final draft.

desintymaker thanks for your feedback as well. your right this is just something of a rough draft.

 

[DestinyMakerX]

When will you be out with the next part?

 

[HughJackFan420]

(Later that day Venom is swinging towards the Daily Bugle carrying MJ and Aunt May in his webbing. Fast forwarding to the Daily Bugle. We see JJ barking at Hoffman.)

Hoffman: Here you go sir just like you asked.

JJ: Hoffman what the hell is this?? Did you take off the lens cap when you took these horrific shots??

Hoffman: Well I was under attack I mean I'm no Peter Pa...

JJ: Yes I know your not like Parker. Where is that kid??

Robbie: He should've been back by now?? Maybe he's taking some pictures of Spidey as we speak.

JJ: He'd better be or I'll have his head if he doesn't show up today with some good shots. We have nothing thanks to Hoffman. We're coming down to our deadline people. We need anything exciting. We need something soon. Any kind of mischief. I'll double anyones weekly pay to find me a picture of New York in trouble.

(THUD!!!! Venom slams down on the roof and webs up MJ and Aunt May to an antenna)

Venom: Now don't you ladies go anywhere. We gotta go visit some old friends of ours. Hahahaha...

(Meanwhile back in the Daily Bugle)

JJ: What the hell was that??

Robbie: I don't know but whatever it was it sounds huge.

JJ: Well just don't sit there people. This might be the scoop we need. Don't expect a good story to just fly in here and....

(CRASH!!!! Venom swings in through the window.)

Venom: J. Jonah Jameson...remember us???

JJ: Yeah your that Spiderman wannabe who almost killed my son's ex-fiance.

Venom: Oh I guess Parker didn't tell you. He's in looooove with your son's ex-fiance and she's crazy for him which is the whole reason I'm here. Your little star photographer is that annoying bug... Spiderman and we're gonna make him suffer.

JJ: Ahahahaha that lazy bum of a photographer Parker...Spiderman?? Hahahaha don't be ridicolous. But if he is with Mary Jane he's fired.

Venom: Well your firing days are over JJ. Do you remember who you fired awhile back?? You took away our future. It was suppose to be Gwen and us. But if you don't remember from that let me refresh your memory.

(Venom reveals Eddie Brock's face.)

Robbie: Oh my God.

Betty: Eddie???

Venom: The one and only babe. Now we're gonna need all of you to be our insurance policy in case your favorite superhero doesn't show up. Don't anyone move this won't hurt a bit. At least not now...hahahaha...

(Venom shoots webbing out his hands tieing up the whole Daily Bugle staff. Hoffman runs away from it all and is heading towards the elevator while he's calling the police.)

Hoffman: Yes 911 hello I need help. There is a monster at the Daily Bugle and he's....Aaaaaahhhh...

Venom: Leaving so soon Hoffman?? The party is just getting started hehehe...

(Venom snags him up and returns him back to the rest of the captives. Hoffman's phone is still on.)

911 Operator: Hello...sir?? If you can hear me we are sending someone to help right now.

(Meanwhile Spiderman and Lizard are nearby in an alley. Gwen is with them.)

Gwen: I'm scared Spidey. Is this really going to work??

(Lizard and Spidey look at each other)

Spiderman: Well there is something I forgot to mention. Remember Eddie...Eddie Brock. Some guy you dated...had a big crush on you??

Gwen: Eddie? Eddie? Oh that wierdo. Yeah how do you know that creep??

Spiderman: Well I'm good friends with one of your friends...Peter Parker.

Gwen: Oh yeah that's right he's your own personal photographer.

Spiderman: Uh yeah right. I don't really have time to explain but Eddie is that big black creature on that rooftop.

Gwen: Eddie is that monster??!! So what you guys are using me as bait??

Lizard: Yes and we just need you to act like a damsel in distress long enough to distract Eddie so Spiderman can save the day.

Gwen: Great. You sure nothing is gonna happen to me??

Spiderman: I gurantee it.

Lizard: Alright once we save MJ and Aunt May we'll have too.....

(All of a sudden cop cars, sirens, ambulances, firetrucks rush to the scene. As well as news reporters.)

News Reporter: Are we live?? Hello this Tom Bronson coming to you live in Downtown Manhattan in front of the Daily Bugle. It looks like the black Spiderman-like creature has returned to hold more inoccent people hostage. Venom for short as reports say he calls himself attempted a hostage situation like this months ago. Reports are coming in from the sky. It looks like someone in our news chopper has spotted someone who appears to be the same young lady Mary Jane Watson as the last hostage situation as well as an older woman who at this moment hasn't been identified. Could the young woman be someone close to Spiderman?? Wait...wait...I'm now getting reports that there are people in the building also being held hostage. These times look grim. Where is Spiderman??? More on the hostage situation soon. Back to you...Maria...

 

[DestinyMakerX]

Awesome script. However, you need at least 5 more posts with the same amount of script in order to have a decent lengthed script. it would be better if you have more than 5 posts of scripts.

anyways, nice job with the script. i'm looking forward to the ending.

 

[HughJackFan420]

Awesome script. However, you need at least 5 more posts with the same amount of script in order to have a decent lengthed script. it would be better if you have more than 5 posts of scripts.

anyways, nice job with the script. i'm looking forward to the ending.

thanks man i'll probably have more than 5 though i'm ending this story in my eyes very nicely.

 

[DestinyMakerX]

thanks man i'll probably have more than 5 though i'm ending this story in my eyes very nicely.

Yay. When will your next part be out?

 

[Spiderine]

Pretty good.

 

[HughJackFan420]

Spiderman: Great Eddie has the whole Bugle staff hostage. Alright no time to lose. I'm gonna go hide up in that building (pointing to a building next to the Daily Bugle) Dr. Connors...

Lizard: Tie her up and get Eddie's attention showing I have Gwen captive right got it.

Spiderman: Your the man.

Lizard: Remember (handing Spidey a soundwave machine.) turn on the machine and then push this button to hold the jar open once the machine is on and in the jar. The jar's mechanism works like a trap so once the sensors in the jar go off it will snap shut trapping the symbiote inside.

Spiderman: Got it thanks Dr. Connors. Alright I'll wait for Eddie to chase after you. Once he does I'm going in for MJ and Aunt May. If he approaches either one of us...

Lizard: Activate the machine and get ready to trap the symbiote. You ready Ms. Stacy.

Gwen: The way you said my name just now...there is something familiar about it...

Spiderman: Right well let's get going. Don't wanna keep endangererd lives waiting.

Gwen: Right sorry.

Lizard: Well let's get you tied up and set you up for your performance.

Spiderman: Thanks so much Gwen. I promise I won't let anything happen to you.

Gwen: Thanks Spidey. I would hate to let Peter down when his girlfriend is up there. He is such a good man. He's gonna make MJ very happy for the rest of her life. I just want to be part of this so I can feel like a hero too just like you Spidey.

Spiderman: Gwen... you are a hero. Thanks for doing this. Alright let's move out.

(Spiderman swings away as Lizard takes Gwen who's tied up and starts heading towards the building next to the Daily Bugle. He climbs to the top. Spidey awaits ontop of another building. Meanwhile back in the Daily Bugle building other than the main floor where JJ and Co. are at, everyone is being escorted out the building by firemen and police. But back on the floor where Venom is at he's intimidating his prisoners.)

Venom: Now we hate to cut this party short but we have to check if our guest of honor has arrived. Oh we forgot the best part, if your precious hero doesn't show up I'm burying you with your building.

(A tendril comes out of Venom's body holding a detonator.)

JJ: Whatever that suit has done to you Eddie it's made you insane.

Venom: Insane?? No no actually we got what we asked for. It's funny what a little prayer can do.

JJ: You prayed to be a alien monster gone loco??

Venom: No you idiot. We want the death of Spiderman we are his angel of death here to deliver his demise once and for all. Now if you excuse me I have to go squash a bug.

(Venom flies out a window and swings up to the rooftop. THUD!!! He lands near MJ and Aunt May.)

Venom: Well well well...the hero has turned out to be a coward. Shame, I thought Parker had more heart than that.

(A tendril comes out of Venom again holding a detonator. Venom snatches it.)

Venom: Good bye Daily Bugle...

Gwen: AAAAAAAAAAAaaaahhh!!!!!!!

(In the distance we see Gwen being hoisted over a rooftop near the Bugle. Venom turns and he realizes who it is.)

Venom: Gwen???? GWEN!!!! No....

Gwen: SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE!!!!

(Meanwhile back on the streets the same newsreporter is reporting what's happening now.)

Tom Bronson: Tom Bronson here still on the scene of what appears to be a hostage situation which is only getting worse. Our eye in the sky is telling us the black creature was holding what looked like a detnotaor. Could the building be filled with high explosives. Still no sign of Spiderman and...wait wait...oh I don't believe my ears. Our eye in the sky is now telling us that a lizard creature on a rooftop near the Daily Bugle is holding a poor young woman hostage. It may be the same lizard creature the NYPD have been hunting for. The young woman is being identified as Gwen Stacy, daughter of Capt. George Stacy of the NYPD. Spiderman if you can see or hear this we need your help. Please. Tom Bronson Channel 6 news back to you Maria...

Venom: Hey you green freak get your hands off my girl!!!! Roooaaarrr!!!!.....

(Venom swings to where Lizard is meanwhile Spiderman swings in to save MJ and Aunt May.)

MJ: Oh thank God!!!

Aunt May: Spiderman!!!

Spiderman: Don't worry you guys are going to be ok. Let me just get this stuff off ya.

(Spiderman is struggling to rip off Venom's webbing but with all his strength he finally frees MJ and Aunt May. Spiderman looks a little exhausted but then he has them hold on to him and he swings them to safety near the ambulances.)

MJ: Thank you so much Pe...I mean uh Spiderman.

Aunt May: Yes thank you so much um Spiderman. ::giggles::

Spiderman: Uh your welcome. You ladies get outta here as soon as you can ok.

Aunt May: Oh we will.

(Spiderman swings away.)

MJ: Bye Spiderman.

Aunt May: Yea bye Peter.

MJ: Mrs. Parker how did you know??

Aunt May: I've known since the day I was in the hospital and he was pouring his heart out to you. Saying Spiderman said this and that.

MJ: I remember that day. Wow. You knew since then.

Aunt May: Peter's a bad liar which explains his honesty. But yes I've known and I know that he deeply loves you.

(MJ looking back towards the sky where Spiderman was swinging away.)

MJ: And I love that spider with all my heart.

(Meanwhile Capt. Stacy and company in SUV's and squad cars pull up to the building where Lizard and Venom are battling it out.)

Cop 1: Sorry you have to see this sir. We are doing everything we can to save your daughter.

Capt. Stacy: Oh if anything happens to my little princess. Don't worry honey daddy is coming to save you.

Cop 1: Wait a minute look..It's Spiderman!!!

Capt. Stacy: Thank God.

Newsreporter: Tom Bronson here we have just spotted Spiderman swinging in to save the day....

(Meanwhile Spiderman swings into the floor where Venom's prisoners are.)

JJ: Spiderman!!! Where the hell you been?? How come you couldn't have gotten here sooner??

Spiderman: Nice to see you too. (looking around he thinks to himself) I hope Dr. Connors can handle him for awhile cuz Eddie did a bang up job webbing everyone one up.

(Spiderman charges towards them and starts to try to rip off all the webbing around each employee. Meanwhile Lizard and Venom are going at it.)

Venom: Alright let's see who has more bite than bark.

(They both attack each other and Venom bites off Lizard's arm.)

Venom: That's just the beginning we're going to rip off all your limbs...What the???

(Lizard's arm grows back rapidly.)

Lizard: Good luck with that. Roooaaaar....

(Lizard flies at Venom and snaps down on him taking a bite and throwing him with his snout across the rooftop. Venom catches himself using his webbing. Venom ties up Lizard with his webbing connecting to a crane like object. Venom has turned Lizard into a punching bag. He basically brutally kicks his butt. Swinging back and forth punching and kicking Lizard until he snaps out of the webbing and falls all the way down ontop of a police car.)

Gwen: Oh no...ahem I mean save me please save me!!!!

Venom: Don't worry Gwen we'll save you.

(Venom approaches Gwen. Venom reveals his Eddie's face.)

Venom: Do you remember us Gwen??

Gwen: Eddie?? Thank God it's you Eddie. (she says looking worried.)

Venom: Yes we're here to save you Gwen. We love you. After this is all over we can leave here and start over together. We can...

(Meanwhile people are cheering for Spiderman nearby. Spiderman is creating a huge web as a safety net for those he needs to get out of the building quick. But it's too late Venom has spotted them.)

Venom: Huh?? Spiderman?? PARKER!!!! You're a little late my friend. Good bye Daily Bugle ahahahahaha....

(Venom pulls out the detonator but Lizard has climbed to the top turning on the sound wave machine he has on him. Venom's suit goes crazy causing him to drop the detonator from the rooftop down to the street still entacted.)

Venom: AAAaaaaahhhhh!!! We're weakening. No STOP IT!!!!

(Venom's suit starts melting off of him but he makes a desperate move to grab some piping nearby throws a piece at the soundwave machine and punctures leaving it destroyed.)

Gwen: Nooooo!!!!

Venom: No??? What do you mean no?? This is a setup. We will kill you Gwen for deceiving us.

(Venom grabs Gwen and throws her off the roof. Lizard dives after her.)

Gwen: Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!

Lizard: Nooooo!!!

(Lizard catches her midway down the building and uses his claws to slow their decent running down the wall of the building. Capt. Stacy is watching nearby and rushes to grab Gwen.)

Capt. Stacy: Oh my poor little princess. Are you ok my dear.

Gwen: Yes dad I'm fine thanks to him.

Capt. Stacy: Alright gentleman take this freak in.

Gwen: Wait dad no he actually saved me. He's Spiderman's friend.

Capt. Stacy: Friend huh??

Lizard: Yes but no time to explain we need to help Spiderman.

(Venom swings down and swing kicks Lizard into a wall.)

Lizard: Ugh.

Venom: It's not over yet. We still have fireworks to set off. Hahahahaha.

(Venom picks up the detonator off the street and pushes the button.)

BOOOOOMMMMM!!!!

(Things start rumbling and the building is slowly but surely collapsing. Meanwhile back in the Daily Bugle everyone has been saved except Hoffman and JJ Jameson.)

JJ: Oh no my kingdom is coming down.

Hoffman: Don't worry sir you still have me.

JJ: Great.

(Spiderman swings in the building for his last pick up.)

Spiderman: Everybody grab on. This place is coming down.

(Hoffman snatches a camera and from this point on is taking photos of everything. Spiderman goes to grab JJ and Hoffman and Venom swings in and kicks Spiderman through some walls.)

JJ: Great now what??

(JJ looks outside where the web safety net.)

JJ: Looks like we're gonna have to jump.

Hoffman: I'm scared sir.

JJ: Suck it up. You can't expect superheros to always save you. Uh you first.

Hoffman: No you.

JJ: Well in that case you can stay here.

(Hoffman looks up as the building starts collapsing more.)

Hoffman: No thank you get out of my way!!!!

JJ: Hoffman?? Hoffman!!! HOFFMAAAAAAAAaaaannnnn!!!!

(Hoffman tucks his camera in his coat and tackles JJ out of the building and onto the safety net.)

JJ: Are you crazy??? I could've died from a heart attack. Hoffman your fired???

Hoffman: You sure I'm the only one with a camera??

JJ: Ok your un-fired but they better be damn good shots.

Hoffman: I won't let you down.

(Spiderman goes for his soundwave machine but drops it right away when he sees Venom coming at him. Venom stomps on Spiderman crouching down knocking him down even more. Venom sees the machine.)

Venom: What? You think some irritating sounds are gonna stop us Parker? Hahahaha let's see what you do without your little toy.

(Venom webs up the machine and flings it out the building. It lands on the safety net un-damaged. Meanwhile Lizard gets back on his feet and comes to his senses. He runs over towards the collapsing building and notices the machine.)

Lizard: I won't fail this time.

(Lizard picks up the machine but before he turns it on he notices a red figure swinging close by. Meanwhile back in the Daily Bugle. We see a battered and beaten Spiderman on the floor and Venom just still beating him up and taunting him.)

Venom: Parker Parker Parker you wanted this job more than I did. Well now it's all yours.

(Venom kicks Spiderman sends him flying into a cieling and falling hard back on the ground.)

Venom: Don't worry we won't kill you with our hands. We'll just say it was an accident on the job hahahaha.

(Venom picks up and uppercuts Spiderman sending him flying and Venom catches him webbing him all up.)

Venom: Don't worry I'll take care of MJ and Aunt May not to mention that deceitful witch Gwen. I'm not done paying back those who have done me wrong. With you outta the way that shouldn't be a problem.

Spiderman: It's the suit Eddie. It's got you bent on revenge. I know trust me I once wore the suit. You seen me...

Venom: This suit wasn't meant for you hero. This was meant for me. I asked for this and now I've got it. Thanks to the suit it's finally answered my prayers. Good bye Parker.

(Meanwhile back outside the red figure comes closer swinging in the Daily Bugle which is basically on its last leg now. The red figure is Carnage and goes for Venom again. Lizard spots him.)

Lizard: (Thinking to himself) Carnage?? I knew it was too good to be true. I only have one container big enough to capture one symbiote suit. What do I do???

(Back in the Daily Bugle Carnage has swung in like a spear and stabbed Venom with his blades for arms.)

Carnage: I told you...Spiderman is mine.

Venom: Cassidy...I thought you were...

Carnage: Dead?? No my friend. I'm very much alive. But you have been a nuisance for way too long.

(Carnage impales Venom and flings him out the building. Then he cuts Venom's webbing around Spiderman and webs him up to swing him out the building.)

Spiderman: (thinking to himself) Saved by a villain?? What are the chances???

(Carnage swings away with Spiderman. All of the Daily Bugle collapses to the ground. Carnage swings to a rooftop nearby.)

JJ: My kingdom...gone....are you getting this Hoffman??

(Hoffman is clicking away at the camera at everything.)

Hoffman: Yes sir. I'm getting it all.

(Meanwhile at a nearby rooftop Carnage has Spiderman pinned.)

Carnage: I was thinking impaling but I think a be-heading would be nice.

(Carnage's arms turn to long blades almost scissor like and puts the blades to Spiderman's neck.)

Carnage: Goodbye Spiderman. Look at it this way you will be my greatest killing of all.

(A bomb flies from no where and hits Carnage in the head.)

Black Cat: Get away from him you creep.

(Carnage turns around)

Carnage: Ahhh my most beautiful victim to be. Oh how I missed you.

Black Cat: Can't say the feeling is mutual.

Carnage: I wanted to see you mutilated by my old knives but now I got new ones.

(Carnage's arms morph into huge lethal serrated blades. Black Cat and Carnage stare at each other ready to tear each other apart.)

 

[HughJackFan420]

Pretty good.

thanks man i appreciate it

 

[pjspider1C]

No offense, but every time I read one of your scenes I get the feeling more and more that it seems better suited for a kids animated movie than it does for a live-action feature film. The dialogue is way too straight forward and everything is so over-stated that it makes feel like I should be a six year old.

For example, the very first line:
"Spiderman: Great Eddie has the whole Bugle staff hostage. Alright no time to lose. I'm gonna go hide up in that building"

Spider-Man doesn't need to say this. You can just show a shot of him looking at the Bugle and then the audience can watch him go hide in a building. The characters do not need to say everything they are doing - we don't need a play by play. No one does that in real life. Let the action tell the story. Only use dialogue if it forwards the plot or develops character. That first line does neither.

 

[Penismightier]

No offense, but every time I read one of your scenes I get the feeling more and more that it seems better suited for a kids animated movie than it does for a live-action feature film. The dialogue is way too straight forward and everything is so over-stated that it makes feel like I should be a six year old.

For example, the very first line:
"Spiderman: Great Eddie has the whole Bugle staff hostage. Alright no time to lose. I'm gonna go hide up in that building"

Spider-Man doesn't need to say this. You can just show a shot of him looking at the Bugle and then the audience can watch him go hide in a building. The characters do not need to say everything they are doing - we don't need a play by play. No one does that in real life. Let the action tell the story. Only use dialogue if it forwards the plot or develops character. That first line does neither.

You are right on all points. Are you a screenwriter?

 

[pjspider1C]

^ More a playwright. But a lot of the same rules apply.