terry78
My name is Stefan, sweet thang
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2004
- Messages
- 88,379
- Reaction score
- 8,391
- Points
- 203
Universal Corporate Translator
" ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION ":
You'll be making under $6 an hour
" ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION IN AN UP-AND-COMING COMPANY ":
You're paid under $6 an hour; we'll be bankrupt in a year
" AN UP-AND-COMING SOFTWARE COMPANY ":
There's no chance in hell we'll be the next Microsoft
" PROFIT-SHARING PLAN ":
Once it's shared among the brass, you get what's left
" COMPETITIVE SALARY ":
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors
" JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY ":
We have no time to train you (and/or)
Please introduce yourself to your co-workers
" NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED LEADER ":
Inc Magazine mentioned us a few years ago
" IMMEDIATE OPENING ":
The person who had this job gave notice a month ago--
We're just now running the ad
" SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER ":
We're can't supply you with leads; (and/or)
there's no base salary to speak of; (and/or)
you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check
" SELF-MOTIVATED ":
Don't expect Management to answer questions
" WE OFFER GREAT BENEFITS ":
After 90 days, you can join our HMO, which has a $500
deductible and a $35 co-pay
" PENSION/RETIREMENT BENEFITS ":
After 3 years, we'll allow you to fund your own 401(k)
" SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE ":
Who won't notice our internship-level salaries
" CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE ":
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up;
well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings
" COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT ":
We have a lot of turnover (and/or)
Lots of intra-office back stabbing
" EXCITING AND PROFESSIONAL WORK ENVIRONMENT ":
Guys in gray suits bore you with tales of Total Quality Mgt
" JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM ":
We all listen to nutty motivational tapes
" FUN WORK ENVIRONMENT ":
Your coworkers will be insulted if you don't drink with them
" A DRUG-FREE WORK ENVIRONMENT ":
We booze it up at company parties and after work hours
" MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED ":
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day
" SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED ":
If we're in trouble, you have to explain to the customer
" SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED ":
Some time each night and some time each weekend
" A HIGHLY VISIBLE POSITION ":
We can't afford any office partitions, let alone offices
" FLEXIBLE HOURS ":
Work 40 hours; plus whatever your supervisor asks you to
" DUTIES WILL VARY ":
Anyone in the office can boss you around
" MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL ":
We have no quality control to speak of
" COLLEGE DEGREE PREFERRED ":
Unless you blew four years studying something useless
" NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE ":
We've filled the job; this ad is just a legal formality
" SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE ":
You'll need it to replace three people who just left
" SEEKING CANDIDATES WHO REQUIRE LITTLE OR NO SUPERVISION ":
You're on your own here Bunky; sink or swim
" PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST ":
This is a company in perpetual chaos and turmoil
" REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS ":
You'll have managerial responsibilities, w/o the pay
" GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS ":
Brass communicate, you listen, figure out what they want
" ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD ":
You whine, you're outta here
" ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION ":
You'll be making under $6 an hour
" ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION IN AN UP-AND-COMING COMPANY ":
You're paid under $6 an hour; we'll be bankrupt in a year
" AN UP-AND-COMING SOFTWARE COMPANY ":
There's no chance in hell we'll be the next Microsoft
" PROFIT-SHARING PLAN ":
Once it's shared among the brass, you get what's left
" COMPETITIVE SALARY ":
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors
" JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY ":
We have no time to train you (and/or)
Please introduce yourself to your co-workers
" NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED LEADER ":
Inc Magazine mentioned us a few years ago
" IMMEDIATE OPENING ":
The person who had this job gave notice a month ago--
We're just now running the ad
" SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER ":
We're can't supply you with leads; (and/or)
there's no base salary to speak of; (and/or)
you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check
" SELF-MOTIVATED ":
Don't expect Management to answer questions
" WE OFFER GREAT BENEFITS ":
After 90 days, you can join our HMO, which has a $500
deductible and a $35 co-pay
" PENSION/RETIREMENT BENEFITS ":
After 3 years, we'll allow you to fund your own 401(k)
" SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE ":
Who won't notice our internship-level salaries
" CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE ":
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up;
well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings
" COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT ":
We have a lot of turnover (and/or)
Lots of intra-office back stabbing
" EXCITING AND PROFESSIONAL WORK ENVIRONMENT ":
Guys in gray suits bore you with tales of Total Quality Mgt
" JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM ":
We all listen to nutty motivational tapes
" FUN WORK ENVIRONMENT ":
Your coworkers will be insulted if you don't drink with them
" A DRUG-FREE WORK ENVIRONMENT ":
We booze it up at company parties and after work hours
" MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED ":
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day
" SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED ":
If we're in trouble, you have to explain to the customer
" SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED ":
Some time each night and some time each weekend
" A HIGHLY VISIBLE POSITION ":
We can't afford any office partitions, let alone offices
" FLEXIBLE HOURS ":
Work 40 hours; plus whatever your supervisor asks you to
" DUTIES WILL VARY ":
Anyone in the office can boss you around
" MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL ":
We have no quality control to speak of
" COLLEGE DEGREE PREFERRED ":
Unless you blew four years studying something useless
" NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE ":
We've filled the job; this ad is just a legal formality
" SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE ":
You'll need it to replace three people who just left
" SEEKING CANDIDATES WHO REQUIRE LITTLE OR NO SUPERVISION ":
You're on your own here Bunky; sink or swim
" PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST ":
This is a company in perpetual chaos and turmoil
" REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS ":
You'll have managerial responsibilities, w/o the pay
" GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS ":
Brass communicate, you listen, figure out what they want
" ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD ":
You whine, you're outta here
