The Writer's thread (Authors, Screenwriters, playwrights, etc.))

[Hellion]

Pencil jack.com or deviant art

Thanks!

This writing course I'm taking this month is going to kill me. Main project is a spec script for a tv show I have no frame of reference for... :sad:

 

[Victarion]

My fantasy races

• Khetzalku - Feathered, raptorlike beings with serpentine necks and flat, triangular skulls. The Khetzalku derive pleasure from their deformities. This sense of pleasure triggers a release of chemical mediators that produce their potent psychic venom. This venom is their greatest weapon. Khetzalku thus build a lifestyle around this venom's production - it manifests in using their venom to trigger unhealthy feelings of guilt and weakness in their prey.
• Orobi - Orobi are Khetzalku hatchlings that fought against the ceremonial birth surgies wherein the fireglands are removed. Left to die in the jungle, the hatchlings entice humans to take them on as a parasitic twin. It induces physiological changes in the human host : turning them into green-scaled, red-eyed humanoids with serpentine features - the Orobi. The Orobi will freely traffic with elementals of their jungle homeland, building empires in coffee, illegal drugs, pharmaceuticals, weapons etc.
• Rakif - Rakif are winged, fiery humanoids descended from the core of dragonbones whose society is structured in a way that mirrors human society. Rakif blend the cruelty and avarice of dragons with the ingenuity of humans. They are militant industrialists that live by the creedo "might makes right." Whereas dragons were largely engines of destruction, the Rakif do not believe in using force to alter the playing field - rather, they work with whatever materials the world's provided and do their damnedest to come out on top. Mindgames and an ability to work within the confines of their strict society's mores and laws, bending them without breaking them, are the orders of the day. No one has ever seen a Rakifi face - from birth they wear the skulls of pit-dragons in mockery of their lawless, violent progenitors.

Kevan - I haven't made any big edits to your piece. Mostly just stylistic things with the prose like shortening sentences, splitting longer ones into two.

Here's a sample of my first story featuring the guy that likes to engineer apocalypses

Spoiler

Quell weathered the Cleric-in-Chief’s storm of racial epithets in silence. His sleek ivory mask hid a contorted face that twitched with each of her slurs. Training kept Quell rigid as a gargoyle while the Cleric-in-Chief paced, her stout body bent like a drake studying fresh carrion. She grabbed objects from her desk and tossed them against her office wall to punctuate her rage.

“Bunch of ****ing ignorant morons – what do they know about running a blossoming nation?” Her voice had lost its veneer of grandmotherly kindness for façade of artificiality. She stopped, looked up at Quell. “Well, are you going to do your job not?”

“Cleric-in-Chief, I am a tool awaiting its proper usage.” Quell gave a half-bow.

The Cleric-in-Chief’s hands jerked into hooked claws. She raked a missive from her desk and thrust it at Quell’s mask. “Read it! Use your Primeval-given magic and bring these degenerates to justice!”

Quell took the missive, skimmed it. “Cleric-in-Chief, these folks simply want what you promised them.” He cocked his head. “Does an employer asking the employee to produce make the employer a degenerate?”

“It does when you pull **** like this! Just look at it, these scrying images!” The Cleric-in-Chief threw them at Quell. Then she poured a stiff drink and downed it in one go.

Quell did. He erected a shield against the grisly display: Their money is being dumped into your war while their heroes go to rot in your chapels, Cleric-in-Chief. Quell winced at the lie. Their heroes die in your chapels, get repurposed by the sculptors, and trotted out as the gods incarnate of your manufactured faith.

Quell found his shield of truth lacking in the face of the brutal executions depicted in the scrying images. An ache began growing in his temple. Why does it have to be so difficult?

“How long has this been going on?” Quell said, hesitantly. He had a good idea of the timeframe.

The Cleric-in-Chief gave the answer Quell dreaded. Since I rained magic down on their neck of Jungko.

“Deploy me, Cleric-in-Chief. I will see to it that justice is served.”

The Cleric-in-Chief’s haggard face pulled a smile that stopped short of her eyes. “Very good, Angel-in-Exile.”

Quell winced. He didn’t like the way she spat out his title. It is who I am. Why does it give you offense?

 

[KevanG]

So how does everyone feel about 'noodle incidents'? Things that never really get explained but get referenced and you'd think they'd be important enough.

I was thinking that in a future story the main character and his girlfriend would be out on a date, they'd due the usual dinner thing then go for a walk in the park and look at the stars. One of them would comment off-hand, "I miss the moon." "Me too." Then they'd say nothing else about it and head off into the rest of the story.

I love the idea of characters in any medium having something incredibly important happen and they just shrug it off with what amounts to "Meh." Kind of like in Dragon Ball when people summon a giant dragon in the middle of a city and everyone just shrugs it off and goes back to work.

 

[Victarion]

Would you consider Lord Beerus a walking noodle incident? Guy could destroy Earth at the drop of a hat (or taste of badly cooked food), yet everyone's pretty chill around him. Anyway, I enjoy him - so if you call him a noodle incident, then yes I love 'em.

 

[KevanG]

In Dragon Ball, the sudden appearance of incredibly powerful, important and well known to everyone but they never get mentioned on-screen/panel until that particular minute happens a lot. It's like Vegetas brother. Even after telling Goku he was the last Sayian left on Namek and 'knowing' that his brother was out there is just kind of what the show does.

I'd say Beerus would have been a noodle incident if something like King Kai mentioned him blowing up his planet off-hand back when Vegeta and Nappa were coming to Earth and we only saw him in BoG.

I think TV tropes would call Beerus a 'Remember the new guy' trope.

 

[Victarion]

Well, going back to your original question, I can't say I've ever really been put off by noodle incidents or found them funny. At the end of the day, it is up to you to write whatever you would want to read. The trick is to present it in a way that makes your audience want to read it, too.

My Angel-In-Exile thing is getting cynical as hell and I don't even feel like I'm trying to be cynical, edgy or whatever.

 

[KevanG]

Personally I'd let the cynicism do its thing and see where it leads. Worse comes to worse you can always go back.

Cynicism isn't a bad thing in itself and can be pretty interesting sometimes.

 

[Sundancer]

i'm not sure what you mean by noodle incident. The moon example you provided should have some reference to the setting or characters in some way. (I don't watch Dragonball Z)

 

[NotSoLongAgo]

So how does everyone feel about 'noodle incidents'? Things that never really get explained but get referenced and you'd think they'd be important enough.

I was thinking that in a future story the main character and his girlfriend would be out on a date, they'd due the usual dinner thing then go for a walk in the park and look at the stars. One of them would comment off-hand, "I miss the moon." "Me too." Then they'd say nothing else about it and head off into the rest of the story.

I love the idea of characters in any medium having something incredibly important happen and they just shrug it off with what amounts to "Meh." Kind of like in Dragon Ball when people summon a giant dragon in the middle of a city and everyone just shrugs it off and goes back to work.

I like those moments too. I don't think it's quite what you're describing but the first time I saw Breaking Bad I accidentally skipped an episode in I think Season 2. In the next episode Jesse talks about how he witnessed the crackhead wife kill her husband by dropping the atm on him. I never saw that moment but it was really visceral to just see his reaction to it after the fact and imagine what it was like in my head. I seriously thought it was set-up to be that way, and since the episode I skipped was literally nothing but jesse in the trap house I didn't miss anything else and thought nothing of it. Accidental somewhat-noodle incident

 

[KevanG]

i'm not sure what you mean by noodle incident. The moon example you provided should have some reference to the setting or characters in some way. (I don't watch Dragonball Z)

DBZ was just an example.

A noodle incident is just something mentioned by characters that never gets explained but is known about.

Look at the Avengers movies with Hawkeye and Black Widow and the Budapest incident. Same idea. It gets referenced by characters that know what it means and no one needs to explain what happened since the ones it concerns understand the events. Just a little thing for the readers/viewers to play with. Fanfic material if you will.

 

[Victarion]

The villain of my Angel-in-Exile story is coming into focus.

He's a boy whose mother supported the rise of the Cleric-in-Chief because she (the mom) believed in the strength of the gods that the Cleric preached. Then other nations started circling the wartorn land, his mother ended up dead, and the boy discovered a talent for creating facsimiles of these gods from the bodies of the deceased.

Using his ability to make the dead reconfigure themselves in the image of these gods, the boy has built up a cult following and is waging a campaign of terror against the Cleric -in-Chief and her supporters.

 

[Sundancer]

DBZ was just an example.

A noodle incident is just something mentioned by characters that never gets explained but is known about.

Look at the Avengers movies with Hawkeye and Black Widow and the Budapest incident. Same idea. It gets referenced by characters that know what it means and no one needs to explain what happened since the ones it concerns understand the events. Just a little thing for the readers/viewers to play with. Fanfic material if you will.

Ah. In that case it's a quick nod to indicate that the character's have history together so the audience has reason to believe those two have their own relationship. If the writer can't explain why it's there I say leave it out IMO

 

[queendarkness12]

I'm rewriting the Light Overcomes Darkness series, as I want it to be a four book series.

 

[Victarion]

Leaving this here for later. Does Boss Urai come across as cartoonishly evil?

Spoiler

Quell weathered the Cleric-in-Chief’s storm of racial epithets in silence. His sleek ivory mask hid a contorted face that twitched with each of her slurs. Training kept Quell rigid as a gargoyle while the Cleric-in-Chief paced, her stout body bent like a drake studying fresh carrion. She grabbed objects from her desk and tossed them against her office wall to punctuate her rage.

“Bunch of ****ing ignorant morons – what do they know about running a blossoming nation?” Her voice had lost its veneer of grandmotherly kindness for façade of artificiality. She stopped, looked up at Quell. “Well, are you going to do your job not?”

“Cleric-in-Chief, I am a tool awaiting its proper usage.” Quell gave a half-bow.

The Cleric-in-Chief’s hands jerked into hooked claws. She raked a missive from her desk and thrust it at Quell’s mask. “Read it! Use your Primeval-given magic and bring these degenerates to justice!”

Quell took the missive, skimmed it. “Cleric-in-Chief, these folks simply want what you promised them.” He cocked his head. “Does an employer asking the employee to produce make the employer a degenerate?”

“It does when you pull **** like this! Just look at it, these scrying images!” The Cleric-in-Chief threw them at Quell. Then she poured a stiff drink and downed it in one go.

Quell did. He erected a shield against the grisly display: Their money is being dumped into your war while their heroes go to rot in your chapels, Cleric-in-Chief. Quell winced at the lie. Their heroes die in your chapels, get repurposed by the sculptors, and trotted out as the gods incarnate of your manufactured faith.

Quell found his shield of truth lacking in the face of the brutal executions depicted in the scrying images. An ache began growing in his temple. Why does it have to be so difficult?

“How long has this been going on?” Quell said, hesitantly. He had a good idea of the timeframe.

The Cleric-in-Chief gave the answer Quell dreaded. Since I rained magic down on their neck of Jungko.

“Deploy me, Cleric-in-Chief. I will see to it that justice is served.”

The Cleric-in-Chief’s haggard face pulled a smile that stopped short of her eyes. “Very good, Angel-in-Exile.”

Quell winced. He didn’t like the way she spat out his title. It is who I am. Why does it give you offense?

*

Boss Urai’s fingers brushed the statue of the chained oni as he reached for his ledger. He started at the faint, demonic chuckle in his ear. The slam of the book’s cover silenced the little scarred demon’s mirth. The numbers in the ledger were good as chains – they kept the Boss tied to the thing sitting across from him.

“There’s no need for violence.” She leaned back in her chair, crossed her legs. “Primevals know this land’s seen enough of it.” The purple silk of her robes emphasized curves in all the right places.

Years playing the markets told Urai that this purple-clad Veil of Night would be a goldmine in the right clubs. She caught Urai eyeing her, leaned forward giving him a view of her cleavage while she took his oni statue. A black-gloved finger teased at the demon’s chains.

“The Prisoner, here,” she indicated the oni statue, “loves what you’ve done. He’s a runner for the oni kings in Eberrai. Smuggling minor demons to any interested in striking a bargain. Needless to say, he’s also upset at your desire to end the Cleric-in-Chief’s war.”

“My books have seen enough of this war.” Urai said. “Its hard enough keeping the other bosses from swooping in on my operations while the ****storm of war rages on.” He waved at this sumptuously furnished office. “All of this? It’s a reminder of where I came from. And, what I do not intend to return to.”

The Veil of Night nodded. “That’s more of less how your patron oni feels. Only, I need it back in Eberrai. The Naga are wrecking my homeland with privation. Their Orochi thralls have become wellsprings of toxic virtues. The humans there are looking for a juicy infernal pact or two to spice things up.”

“Take it, then!” Urai slammed his fist on the desk, then ran his hands through his hair. “No emotions. That’s the foundation of the business.”

“Really, now?” The Veil of Night laughed. “The swirl of emotions is why the Prisoner is so fond of you, Urai. Putting on the wise mentor guise and convincing your newest acquisitions that they would avenge their dead parents, that takes—”

“Stop. Its business. That’s all.” Urai reached into a drawer and took out a contract his legal team had drafted. A touch of his patron oni’s magic had guided their pens. “Numbers is what it comes down to.”

“Exactly that, Boss,” the Veil of Night said as she signed the proffered contract. “Prices, be they in mortars, magic, or lives, are the lifeblood of the land. Sadly, that oni’s price is a tad more abstract than you realize.”

*

Veil of Night crossed the ruins of Jungko’s interior under the cover of night. Among the skeletons of academia she saw the banners of a dozen foreign nations. Colonnades were vandalized with the graffiti of traffickers, drug runners, and other pressgangs hiding behind the false flag of refugee relief. In the shadows Veil of Night picked out the natives. They were as prisoners, hiding in the lee of the Eyes of the Cleric.

These ECs aren’t a bad strategy, Veil thought as she rode on toward the ziggurat. She noted more ECs along her journey, each different from the last. Take dead soldiers, let your clerics reshape their flesh into simulacra of the regional tribes’ gods. Nothing brings compliance like a fulfillment of prophecy. It’s downright civilized. She flinched at the psychic barrage radiating from the ECs. Of course, if the soldiers you so despised are stuck inside of those things, unable to do more than see the world around them, that could be problematic.

Dawn heralded the end of Veil of Night’s quest. Within a jungle ravine she found the ziggurat. A village surrounded the ziggurat. She approached quietly. In the moldering village Veil of Night marked the hiding inhabitants. A red glow surrounded her gloved hands. Within the bundles of magic reptilian horrors probed their mystic prison. The grotesque hybrids of wingless dragon and lamprey were hungry. The threat of violence kept the locals in line.

Veil stopped at the fence surrounding the ziggurat. Confidence is what’s keeping them from attacking little ol’ five-foot nothing me. Soldiers were impaled on an arc of stakes. Bandoliers of ammunition ran the length of the execution. Among the soldiers were corpses with Boss Urai’s brand tattooed on their necks. A lot of help you were, Boss.

A snap behind her caused Veil to start, her finger depressing the mystic trigger keeping her sorcery in check. In a flash of red her horrors were freed. The pale creatures crouched, muscles trembling with weakness from disuse. Black eyes along their necks and lampreylike snouts blinked against dawn’s light.

Villagers rushed from cover, wielding axes, sickles, and hoes. Veil activated a pair of charms from Kargathdra. The first, hurled, hit the mass of horrors. It birthed a fiery serpent that devoured horrors and villagers whole. The second charm hit, releasing a black mist of leechlike tendrils that expunged the village of the sorcery’s residue. The threats cleared, her footprints wiped clean, Veil slipped between links of artillery and entered the ziggurat.

At the ziggurat’s heart lay a jitte inscribed with glowing green runes. Veil tapped into the mountains of distant Kargathdra and shattered the jitte with a slash of her hand. Green mist bled from the broken artifact.

“Welcome back, Elri.” Veil bowed to the creature that emerged from the green mist. Eyes burning like green coals swept the ziggurat. Slit nostrils in its blunt snout flared.

“It hurts.” Elri’s eyes narrowed. It grunted. “Primordials and Primevals does it hurt.”

“Yes, it does, Engineer.” Veil said. Cloak the lie in just enough truth. Just in case.

“Do not call me that. I’ve failed –”

“Throw a pity party and I’m throwing you back into the jitte. I’m not here to play your politics.” Veil laughed and shrugged. “I’m here to help, believe it or not.”

“I would hardly call summoning a host of Forerunners ‘help’.”

“Is that what you call those dragon-lampreys? Don’t worry, I’ve taken care of them.” Veil smiled. “I’m here to help you make a home. You would like that, yes?”

Elri nodded, leaning apelike on his knuckles. “That’s all any of us want. A place away from the wars.”

“Walk with me, Engineer.” Veil offered her arm. Elri’s scaley green one twined with hers. Together they walked from the ziggurat. Villagers had come out of hiding to congregate around the barrier of impaled soldiers. Awe of Elri bent their knees. The engineer loped forward, landed on squat froglike legs and pointed its staff at the corpse-fence.

[FONT=&quot]A blast discharged from the staff. Clotted blood flowed turgid from the corpses, wrapped with green fire, slithering among the ravine’s rocks. From the staff’s blood magic came an awakening that brought forth elementals of mountain and jungle.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Veil let the crowd of villagers swallow her and Elri, then slipped away while the Engineer healed their hurts. Beyond the village’s walls she discharged her summoning spell. The dragon-lampreys groveled and mewled at her boots.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]“Bring us the Cleric-in-Chief. You’ll know her by the scent of her ghosts.” Veil stroked a dragon-lamprey’s head. “They’re her favorite analgesic.”[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Veil cracked her knuckles, watching the Forerunners scuttle out of sight. She felt a tug on her snug dress and looked down. A kid, all skin and bones hidden in a shell of bone armor.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Of course there’s a kid, [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Veil thought. She pulled a smile and got eye-level with the little reminder of why she did what she was doing. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]“Lady, please, can you help me?”[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]“My, aren’t you a smart little one! You know the Eberraiese language!”[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]“My mommy taught me.” Eyes shone with excitement. Voice brimming with eagerness, he said, “She bought me books from the seaside citadels!” His face fell, he sniffled. “She’s gone.”[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]The world’s history in three words: children are dying. [/FONT][FONT=&quot] Veil pulled what she hoped was a sympathetic mask and took the little boy in an embrace. It would be my fortune to get cornered by a living one. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]“I’m going to do what I can.” She felt the boy shaking in her arms. The *****-in-chief is first on my list. Lady’s going to fall, hard. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Veil tightened her hug, whispered what she thought a mother would to console her frightened child. How many like this one have I created, running my operations across this world?[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]The thought sent a bolt of impotent rage through Veil.[/FONT]

*

[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Quell walked the roads of the Cleric-in-Chief’s capital city. He felt the gaze of her Eyes of the Cleric tracking his progress. The Cleric-in-Chief’s aura didn’t radiate from her malformed corpse-gods. Their flesh glowed with white-hot anger for the Cleric-in-Chief.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]To the Ivory Tower, dear angel, [/FONT][FONT=&quot]was the prevailing thought coming from the ECs. The voices behind the thoughts were slow, heavy as if coming from someone fighting against a drug-induced coma. Their information was good. We are tired of her wars.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Following their insinuations brought Quell to an overgrown path flanked by emerald djinn statues. Graffiti extolling the coming of the Cleric-in-Chief defaced their majestic figures. The white tower beyond the djinn fared no better. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]No one will fare better. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Quell took time to decipher the graffiti within the tower. Dozens of languages united in a common theme: the drakes make their feast in war’s wake. Plague, their servants; survivors’ rage, their cooks. Thank the angels one of their own has come to this war-torn land. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Quell settled in for a long night of research. During which, he learned of the Navajko tribes that once inhabited a ravine. The same ravine to which the Cleric-in-Chief believed she had sent Quell. In the ziggurat they conjured a dirty bomb disguised as a nineteen-headed hydra. They tricked their enemies into killing the hydra, triggering the enchantment within the creature. Hate in their hearts motivated it. He pulled over a volume describing the interplay of magic with physics. Reverse spell engineering…I’m going to need some scratch paper.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Quell went to find paper and a writing utensil. On the way back to his hideaway, he stopped and glanced out a grimy window. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Always, it seems, there is a bomb of sorts. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]The glow of life coming from the capital city was strong. How many down there really agree with the Cleric-in-Chief….not many, I’m sure. He squared his shoulders and returned to the hideaway in the ivory tower. Always a bomb, but need it be an instrument of death?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]He began learning the summons he would need to pull off the Cleric-in-Chief’s requested justice.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]*[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The Cleric-in-Chief concluded her eulogy at the chapel. Flanked by a pair of grotesquely beautiful ECs, she gritted her teeth against the harsh truths eager to lash the grieving masses. She took a deep breath, exhaled, bowed her head and spoke the bogstandard prayer.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] If only you all knew, she thought as the prayer rolled from practiced lips. None of them were saints. She faltered, a wave of psionic fire ripping across the front of her head. Your crimes were silence! She shot at the ECs flanking her. Now a prison of silence devoid of feeling is your fair penance.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]At the prayer’s end she flashed the standard-issue smile, went through the expected motions, and retreated into the chapel with her ECs. Attendant exarchs floated from their niches among the buttresses, guiding the ECs to their cells. The Cleric-in-Chief entered her office and found Quell seated, legs kicked up on her desk.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]“Has it been done, then?”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Quell cocked his head. “I want my safeguards in place, lest we have worse to deal with.”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The Cleric-in-Chief chuckled, went to the sideboard and poured a drink. What you mean is, you’re afraid of what I’ve created. What might be raging, waiting to explode when authority goes lax. “You don’t know how true that is.”[/FONT]

*

 

[Victarion]

Does this introduction sound too purple? :

Hellhounds howled their mirth at the implosion of the Dragonspeaker’s Uprising, ripping the throats from rebels that had thrown their lives away on the dreams of a child. The winter winds carried the sounds of death throughout Midnight’s foothills. Within the foothills’ cave networks the surviving rebels huddled around guttering fires, ears pealed for the telltale hiss of efreeti burning through the thick snows.

 

[Kyle]

Ok. Great. Couple flaws. I acted as a script reader for several studios, so I know how gatekeepers think. I will also state is this a sequel you're writing for fun? If so, ignore some of these notes since they may be unnecessary if you already explained it.

1) mirth is too purple, even for scripts and this is a book. I want to hear them. Give detail.
2) What are Dragonspeakers and what is their uprising? It feels like being assaulted way too fast with unknown information that's left hanging for too long.
3) your following ripping throats works great because it elicits feeling and gives motive.
4) guttering again like # 1 too purple. I think you're going purple to avoid describing things in clear detail. As said it would be too purple for even a script that is designed to keep things basic. With books most of all you want to try to elicit emotion into everything. Make us feel like we're there more than impress with word choices. I made this mistake a lot when starting out too, readers would remark that they wanted to read the script without having a dictionary beside them lol. Same note I'd give here. Feelings over impressing us with your word choices. You've got it, definitely with everything else so you do have the talent and the skill for it. Just have that encompass everything and it's golden.
5) like Dragonspeakers of throwing in a new term really fast, what is efreeti?

Overall some hiccups. But you do have something there.

---------

Now onwards to reason posting here. Screenwriters. Thought I'd plant a helpful suggestion here. At the Austin Film Festival SHANE BLACK suggested 'Writing Screenplays That Sell' by Michael Hauge as the best screenwriting book that he's read.

 

[Kyle]

So been looking into who I could see myself working for and collaborating with...in terms of different production companies and I was doing some research online today and it's quite a list. Except it lists pretty much all the American companies...minus the private ones.

Just wondering if anyone has any insights to getting in. Im not expecting anything major to happen just like that but enough to get the ball rolling. I wish I had someone in my family who works in the entertainment industry and can sort of mentor me...show me more of the ins and outs. Having that advantage can go a long way...but unfortunately not for everyone.

Thoughts?

Okay. As a screenwriter inside the Hollywood system.

1) You sound very new to this. I was helped by my mentors to get to where I am now and proceed even further to where I want to be, so I like helping aspiring writers as well. Everyone in every industry that's secured probably got there because someone helped them, so they want to help you in turn. I adhere and believe in that as well - I was helped so I always aim to pay it forward in any and every way that I can. You sound new to this, I'll give you advice that every beginning writer needs to hear. Brace yourself, it won't be easy and it's not for any writer - every screenwriter knows it, lived it, spreads it (every professional working screenwriter in Hollywood today this applies to as well). There's even a book or article named after this. Your first screenplay sucks. My first screenplay sucks. Shane Black's first screenplay sucks. I know, I know - your friends like it, your Mom likes it. But those people don't know anything. They're not in the system, nor do they know what a good script is. They know they like you and hey, having never read a script before they might like it. But, what everyone learns upon leaving that and entering film school. Your first screenplay sucks. But, hey you've written something and from here I guarantee that you'll only get better. You're already ahead of the curb. Hopefully I cushioned that right for everyone reading this, because I lived it and I know how hard that slap to the face is. But, good news is - every single professional goes through it.

2) One of the biggest mistakes beginning screenwriters make is they send that first screenplay around town. Problem is, they'll put you on an ignore list when you do. I know it sounds horrible, but it's better to know that's how it works than risk going on their ignore list. And that's better to know because you'll get better after that first script, land upon an awesome script and THAT is what you want to send around town. BUT if you made that beginner's mistake, they'll ignore you. Not because they're mean, but because they have so many new writers sending them scripts it's a necessity to be able to weed some of them out. So when you write that awesome script and some day you will - that's what you send them.

3) How old are you? This all goes back into your "how do you get in?" question. And the simple answer is, you go to LA to work your ass off as an intern. You prove yourself, you lay out what you want to do to the execs and if you show that you're a hard worker with strong motivation and that you legitimately care about them too they'll want to help YOU. It's an industry based more upon who you know than how many query letters you send out. Hollywood may seem like a land of sharks on the outside. But trust me a lot want to legitimately help you. I interned with a production company when I was 21. I worked my ass off and they became like a second family. I let them read an IP (intellectual property) script I wrote, they saw something in me and ever since they've been looking to work with me on something and continuously ask me what I'm working on next. One prior exec, now professional screenwriter who has sold scripts, has even enthusiastically promised that when I land that one script that feels like it will ignite Hollywood on fire and get agents, managers and studios racing my way he'll show it around town and get the word out for me. And I trust him, because he's like an older brother to me. That's how you typically want to get in and how most do. Shane Black didn't write query letters, his friend Fred Dekker loved one of his scripts and spread it everywhere. Damon and Affleck were actors, Goodwill Hunting went places thanks in large part to the directors they worked with - Kevin Smith was instrumental. You may not be a big time actor, BUT you (hopefully) can intern. I was a no one, I became an intern and now I feel more than secure because I have a reputable family behind me backing me up every step of the way. I built up that family, I worked my ass off for that family, I was not born into it.

* you also intern because you have to be in the system for at least a while to know how the system works as well. "But I don't live in LA!" MOVE. I used to live there. I don't anymore. But I have the luxury of that because during the years that I did live there I built up a safety net of support that has always proven themselves to look out for me and genuinely want to help me. I've known them for near 10 years now and that's a really, really long time.

4) PM me. I told you I like to help starting writers. When I said that that should have been the first thing you did. Because I legitimately like and want to help. I was on here YEARS ago and I can say I'm still mentoring the person I met and when they write that script I'll be more than happy to send it around for them. They've shown dedication, hard work, and they're helpful as well in offering well founded critiques on my own work. So, when the time comes I'm more than fired up to help him spread it around town to all the top industry contacts I know because I genuinely want to see him succeed.

5) Never let nos lead you astray. Throughout film school, I hit a lot of nos. In a USC summer class, I hit a no. Then as an intern at a production company within a studio I got a "yes, continue to send us everything you got." If I had let a no knock me astray, I never would have had the courage to share my work with executives who make $50+ million films on a yearly basis including tent-poles. Moral of the story basically is that whole for every 100 nos you'll get a yes way of thinking is very true. An inside story I heard from the Austin Film Festival on STRANGER THINGS most companies said no to it for MONTHS, one company said yes and now look at it. Everyone gets nos. Don't let it discourage you. Jim Carrey once said of not getting into SNL that for every door closing all that means is a new door opening that's right for you and seeing that in play that's something I wholeheartedly agree with.

Hope that helps.

 

[Hellion]

^^^^... Basically everything Kyle said.

 

[DarknessOfDeath]

I'm aware that not everything you try to get into will be easy. everyone has their own backstory of how they made it big eventually. Its not like I expect things to just fall on my lap like in an instant. I'm not exactly new to how these things work in a way. I have read enough of those people's background of how they made it big in Hollywood. And while it's interesting, it sounds very tough because of course they got shut down a few times but did they give up? No. they kept at it until they found someone who could help them get started. it helps to start out small and go from there.

For me, I understand it will be a rough one to get myself in and that has a lot to do with the lack of connections. I wish I had a family member or at least someone that I used to know who could potentially help me. perhaps set me up with an agent. ..maybe suggest which production companies I should try but also avoid.

At this point in my life...depending on when I can get my personal financial crap situated, I'm not going to rush things. I know what my strengths are when it comes to writing and establishing characters and the tone of the story. It helps to branch out and discuss things with other people who are writers too. I have started doing that. Been busy with work and stuff that I rarely swing by the forums but I do appreciate your input and advice.

It certainly helps when there is someone who understands the ins and outs about what goes on behind the scenes when making a big film. I try to talk to my friends and family and they don't have the means to grasp the things I say about certain aspects about how things were made to be like this or that on film. They aren't into what happens beyond the movie making aspect like I am. I like to read into that stuff. Thats why I love reading the art books and making of "insert movie title". I know enough backstory of how George Lucas created star wars and how he wasn't alone in attempting to bring his visions come to life. It is very interesting and gives you that perspective of what it was like back then to how it is now...

I won't get into it cause it's very deep. lol. But at the same time, it's very inspiring and I hope one day If I ever get there, I won't be alone in trying to achieve what I've set out to do. More talented and creative people involved who aren't just in it for the money, who knows, it could work or it could fail. But how will I know if I don't try to get myself out there? the only person who can try is me...but it could help if I know someone else who wants to get some experience as well. Kill two birds with one stone.

Anyway. In closing...I'm not gonna give up on my goals...I may be too late but I can only try, right?

 

[Kyle]

I'm still seeing "I gotta hand what I have to an agent." From seeing everything you typed, I know where you're at. A family friend's kid who's my age - same exact story basically. Loves movies, loves creating and writing, was told his writing was great so he came to me just asking "how can I find an agent or someone to look at my work, because if I do they'll sell it since it rocks." He was so sure that all he needed was just an agent because if he landed that, all would be golden and coming his way in no time. I took a look at it and the inexperience showed, things from being in the system that I picked up on that their friends and mom wouldn't know - hell, things that aspiring writers on here who have read a screenplay would know. But, he had voice. I told him he still had a long way to go, but shows signs that he could get there. He still said "if only an agent." That's DANGEROUS thinking. Let's say Aunt Sally finds out her friend of a friend is an agent and you can show that script - you send it over, but it's not where it should be. You've just closed that door. Chances are slim that you'll find a way to get back to it. So, your one shot when it just opened - you forced it closed and basically nailed it shut on yourself. You don't want to do that. You want to know for sure. 110%.

Thus, my advice to him and it seemed to give him the same kind of kick we all need and get upon entering film school. Post your script here: The Blacklist. Chances are you're paying to get bruised up, but it's worth it. All of us have been through it, I won't lie - that kick hurts. It stings. It feels like someone kicked you in the nuts and your dick's about to fall off. That's how much it stings. BUT, it's what gives us the foresight to ask when we get to "how can I get critiques from those who can provide accurate draft notes" instead of asking "how can I send it off to an agent tomorrow" (which is a flaw that a lot of beginning writers make and why a lot of doors that could have opened instead toss them into a black hole - you don't want to do that to yourself).

With that said. MOVE TO LA. I was able to move away from LA because I made the contacts I needed to make and they've proven to always stand behind me. It'll be harder for you since you can't intern (all young writers looking at this - GO TO LA as soon as you can to intern, this step will seriously help you in the long run). But, you can still live there and meet people. Which just being there will help you out. I don't think anybody can truly become a writer without spending at least a year in LA accumulating those strong contacts. You're at the point where you really have to look at where you are and ask what is the most important? Staying where you are and knowing nobody, or trying to go and make the best of it. Do you want it to be a hobby or a career? This is something Shane Black asked writers who thought they could never step into LA during a recent panel. If career, like everyone else - gotta find some way to pay your dues even if it's living in the devil's furnace of LA (yeah, I hate that city lol - but it is somewhere I needed to live for a while, all do for some time if you want it to be potentially a career instead of just a hobby I firmly believe). I should stress that while I did move, I'm also in a position where I can constantly fly out there as well as out to NYC at any time that I wanted to which makes it easy for me not to live there. If I didn't have that situation, I'd be there.

Listen, there's a guy like you with your exact same backstory. Never been to LA. It's difficult to shift his life over there. All that. It's you and him. Both at the same waypoints. Both in the same exact boat down to the little speck in the corner, that's how precise. He risks it and moves out there. You don't. This next part is gonna suck, warning you ahead of time. Who is most likely to make it you or him? You know the answer. The version of you that takes the risk and moves to accumulate contacts will start getting ahead, the version of you that doesn't and sits where you are asking why you can't find contacts - you'll still be doing that years from now. You gotta make that leap if just for some amount of time.

Do you want it to be a hobby or do you want it to be a career? If you want it to be a hobby, stay where you are. If you want it to be a career, move if at least for a little while. That's not just my advice. That's advice Shane Black gave to those at a panel who don't have contacts and are considering never staying any extended length of time in Los Angeles. So, I'd say that's some really good advice to those who have never stepped a foot in there and are asking if they will ever need to.

In short, you gotta be proactive.

 

[Victarion]

Ok. Great. Couple flaws. I acted as a script reader for several studios, so I know how gatekeepers think. I will also state is this a sequel you're writing for fun? If so, ignore some of these notes since they may be unnecessary if you already explained it.

1) mirth is too purple, even for scripts and this is a book. I want to hear them. Give detail.
2) What are Dragonspeakers and what is their uprising? It feels like being assaulted way too fast with unknown information that's left hanging for too long.
3) your following ripping throats works great because it elicits feeling and gives motive.
4) guttering again like # 1 too purple. I think you're going purple to avoid describing things in clear detail. As said it would be too purple for even a script that is designed to keep things basic. With books most of all you want to try to elicit emotion into everything. Make us feel like we're there more than impress with word choices. I made this mistake a lot when starting out too, readers would remark that they wanted to read the script without having a dictionary beside them lol. Same note I'd give here. Feelings over impressing us with your word choices. You've got it, definitely with everything else so you do have the talent and the skill for it. Just have that encompass everything and it's golden.
5) like Dragonspeakers of throwing in a new term really fast, what is efreeti?

Overall some hiccups. But you do have something there.

---------

Now onwards to reason posting here. Screenwriters. Thought I'd plant a helpful suggestion here. At the Austin Film Festival SHANE BLACK suggested 'Writing Screenplays That Sell' by Michael Hauge as the best screenwriting book that he's read.

It is the first paragraph for a sequel I'm working on (scraped it because I didn't like the sound of it here a couple of days later). This is one of the best critiques I've gotten from the thread, thank you!

Something I'm constantly trying to do as a writer is get down the kind of "machinegun prose" you see in Glen Cook's Black Company novels. What draws me to this style is that in a few paragraphs, or even a page, he covers what would take most modern fantasists several pages to cover.

Naturally, the purple ****'s my enemy.

I've got a question about good description - I could tell you about how the rebels being mauled by hellhounds died suffocating, spitting up globs of red sputum as they cursed the child that led them to their deaths...but what suggestions do you have in terms of adding emotion to the description of the hellhounds howling?

 

[Brother Jack]

Something I'm constantly trying to do as a writer is get down the kind of "machinegun prose" you see in Glen Cook's Black Company novels. What draws me to this style is that in a few paragraphs, or even a page, he covers what would take most modern fantasists several pages to cover.

An easier way to get to that is by overwriting the heck out of something and then cutting it down to its barest essentials. It's a kind of creation through subtraction that forces the work to be as lean and precise as it needs to be. I say that as a big fan of minimalism in prose. Guys like Hemingway who could capture so much in a single simplified sentence. A lot of poetry can do that too.

Course, I don't know a thing about screenwriting. It's a whole different discipline to book writing.

 

[Kyle]

I would say anthropomorphize the hellhounds. In screenplays it would just be using different sound words (sometimes onomatopoeia (woof, rrrrgghhh, etc.) and a quick adjective. But, since this is a book I'd say depending on how deep you want to go into it - anthropomorphize them. Basically just write them like you would write human characters and try not to see the difference between human and animal. If that makes sense?

 

[Victarion]

Yes, I think so - describe their howls as guttural laughter?

 

[Kyle]

Just noticed it was from the passage above, thought it was an addition. Reading the above, I'd say just:

Hellhounds laughed at the implosion of the Dragonspeaker’s Uprising, ripping the throats from rebels that had thrown their lives away on the dreams of a child.

I think there you can just keep it simple because the part in bold is what sells it and gives that sound its power. Plus, if it's the beginning you want to really get into that bolded part as fast as you can because that's what, as said, sells the danger.

It's all a matter of where it's placed and what the focus is. Other times, you'd want to be more descriptive if you have only the sound to work with (for example saying that it sounded like it echoes from the depths of the underworld). But, here since the bold part works especially well simplicity condenses it and places the focus on the bolded. I'm not saying 110% use "laughed" if there's a better word, it's a good word, just use one word to sum it up basically.