Marv: Hey, its your faithful reporter Marv Aldmen and beside me is Arty Mercer
Arty: Hey! Well, a while ago we at the TCEB-Trans-Continuity Enforcement Bureau-got a request from one BloodyWolverine about a fight between some of the heaviest hitters in any universe. And since Civil War and the Crisis are over, we have some time to muck about in either reality.
Marv: For todays battle, its a multi-verse Last-Man-Standing.
Arty: A Battle Royal if you will
Marv: Thats Royale Art.
Arty: Well, today the setting is the Brooklyn neighborhoods in the Grand Street vicinity between S 1st and Kent St.
Marv: A prime choice since the Domino Sugar factory is close to the waterfront there.
Arty: Alright, here we go, weve opened a portal to all five universes
Marv: Thatd be the Marvel, DC, Vertigo, Darkhorse and Max universes am I correct
Arty: Right you are...And here are our contestants now. From high in our copter I can see that we have summoned five of the Old Town Girls, Gail, Miho, Becky and Molly.
Marv: And here comes...wow apparently the contestants of the Marvel Universe have actually entered fighting each other!
Arty: Is this is a spill over from the Civil War?
Marv: No, we were careful to choose them during a period of stability in each of their universes in order to prevent conflicting story-line interaction.
Arty: Wow! Batman and Superman both arrive and assess the scene...oops!
Marv: And Batman slaps Punisher around before he can unload a clip into Bullseye.
Arty: Hellboys arrive on the scene and has appeared to have drawn the attention of Ghost Rider.
Marv: This should be good. Oh no. Blades attempted to stab Hellboy
Arty: Thou shall not suffer a demon to live eh?
Marv: Oh and is that...yes, thats Elektra and Wolverine going toe to toe.
Arty: Thats not the only inter-universe squabble going on, Doc Ock just cant leave Spidey alone. But he appears to be getting help
Marv: OOH! And Batman throws and unconscious Punisher at Doc. Ock. Why is Doom simply standing there?
Arty: Uh, he appears to have taken notice of our copter Marv...
Marv: No time for that! Over on South 2nd street John Constantine is attempting to use a ward or spell on Hellboy, but to no avail. Ouch! And Hellboy sends him flying into a fence.
Arty: But the girls of Old Town have apparently taken a shine to the englishman as Molly is patching up his wounds. Gail has her guns out and is taking aim at Hellboy when...
Marv: DAMN! Bulls-eye! Bullseye just nailed Gail through the head with a wood plank. But he gets no reprieve as Ghost Rider is on him and...ouch that Penance stare has taken Bullseye right out of the game
Arty: I honestly thought he would have lasted longer. Well not when two other-worldly heroes have joined forces...Wait a minute...is that...yep. Superman just sent Wolverine into the old Domino Sugar building from 1st st....Im sure hes down but not out. And V has stepped onto the scene.
V: These Vile Vermin are no match for the Veritable Vicious beating I will Visit upon their Visages. Any Vexed Villain may attempt to Vacate the premises but I offer to Vouchers of redemption to the-
Arty: OOG! Ben Grimm had just clobbered all over V with a led pipe. This is just...and Supes has drawn Dooms attention. ANd theyre at it. Doom unleashes a photon barrage...Supes seems to simply be absorbing or reflecting the energy.
Marv: My readings say that Doom is changing the energy every 3 seconds...i think he
s searching for a match of signature that can disable the...wow! Constantine has summoned an angel and is battling both Ghost Rider and Hellboy. The old town girls are helping...except Miho whos now facing Elektra.
Arty: This is the kind of fight you wish for Marv. Two smoking women, both trained, accomplished ninjas...a clash of swords as the two square off atop a brownstone on Berry st.
Marv: But the real fight is in the air. The Thing is making his way up a housing structure to reach Doom, whos battling-to no avail-Superman. Is it coincidence that the battle is so close to Kent st.? I wouldn't say that but...oh it appears Supes is tired of this and is attempting to melt Dooms Armor. But Doom is resistant. His photons are getting closer to the frequency of kryptonite though...we may have an upset here...it looks like Doom may take out the person many consider the shoe-in winner...a few more seconds and hell have it, Supes should just...oh and there it is-oh wow!
Arty: Ben Grimm in a startling show of camaraderie has just punched Doom square in the back. And now the three are tangling. Dooms photons forgotten, hes unleashing spells at Grimm...
Marv: Wouldn't they be better directed at Supes since thats his weakness?
Doom: Ha! Pitiful news crew! Your electronic rambling has been monitored by me since the moment I took notice of you. What? Did you think I allowed your whirly-bird to stay afloat by my good graces? No...Doom has prepared for everything Doom is-
Arty: Wow! And Dooms spell connects with Supes just as Grimms fist knocks him up and over the building. Both Doom and Supes appear to be out of the--nope! Supes has hit the Hulk who has been sitting motionless for the main part of the battle. He appears to have taken interest now...
Hulk: Hulk just want rest! Stupid humans fight, send Hulk to space, bring Hulk here, hit Hulk with puny red, blue human and that makes Hulk ANGRY!!
Arty: Good God! The Hulk is attempting to savage the man of steal
Marv: That fights going to be going on for a while. It appears that Constantines Angel has actually managed to subdue Hellboy and Ghost Rider. And with that menace thwarted hes lighting a cigarette as the Old Town Girls attempt to aid their sister Miho against Elektra who has summoned ninjas. But Where is--
Arty: If youre gonna say Batman, look no further than inside one of the half demolished buildings on Berry where Spidey and Blade are attempting to throw Batman a beating.
Marv: Bruce seems to be holding Blade off, but Spidey is getting a few jabs in. It looks like--nope! Wayne Industries brand light grenades...for a day walker Blade seems to take particular offense to it...
Arty: Well, he may walk in sunlight, but he wears glasses for a reason. His eyes are still a tad light sensitive. Im guessing Bruce deduced as much by his elongated canine. Ouch, and thats a straight kick to the solar plexus for Blade and hes out a window and out of the fight. But Wolverine has entered the game again and is...oh he sees Supes is tangled with the Hulk. I guess his revenge will have to wait...here comes Constantine rounding the corner...is that Becky on his arm?
Wolverine: Hey bub...bum a smoke?
Constantine: Sure mate. Hey you might wanna light it off that bloke with the flaming skull...heh...what a sod he was.
Wolverine: You took out Ghost Rider?
Constantine: Thats a right poofy name. Whats it to ya?
Marv: And a straight jab to Constantine's face...and hes out. And Becky has...yes shes fleeing the scene. Where is...oh no!
Arty: Supes and Hulks battle has just leveled a whole row of houses. 1st and 2nd streets are one now and...yes, Elektra and Miho are buried in the rubble. As are Constantine, Becky and Molly.
Marv: Wow, that was anti climatic...
Arty: What do you expect with normals in a brawl like this?
Marv: I can tell you I didnt expect Doom to come back like this...Doom has once again opened a portal to Hell. And its...its threatening to eat the whole block.
Arty: Not if Wolverine can do anything about it. Snikity-Snikity-Snoin! Doom just did a perfect imitation of that dude when he imitated Xorn imitating Magneto...The portals closing at least and it appears...yes be Grimm and Wolverine are making their way to help Spidey--
Marv: Who just nose dove out a window...apparently...yes the smoke confirms it. Batman must once again have put his analytical mind to work and noticed Spideys precognitive abilities and used smoke to obscure his vision, that with a combination of feints and slights must have thrown his Spidey Sense into complete disarray.
Arty: Well, Bats wont have much time to recover cause theres a fastball with his name on it and---dodged...and James Howlett takes a concrete slider all the way down the block. Thank god for that healing factor...
Marv: But its not over cause the Thing has just taken a light post as a bat and is gonna...
Arty: I dont believe it! A Batarang barrage and a few well placed jabs...Batman has actually phased the Thing. Hes not down, but he felt those punches to his nerve clusters. And Batman is throwing smoke and light bombs. Wolverine is making his way back but we cant---through the smoke...its obscuring the fight and...
Marv: Theres Bats hes got a line on the cornice of one of the buildings and hes up. So who else is--oh my.
Arty: Ben Grimm, the Thing has been stabbed through by Wolverine. In the smoke and light his hyper senses much have been clouded and he accidentally...wow...Hes in a berserker rage now. But Batman is simply watching him. Whats he playing at?
Marv: What else? Assessing the situation. In this condition Wolvie cant simply think to open a door and--oh Batman is down and its a straight kick the top of Wolvies head
Arty: By the look on his face, he felt that adamantium reinforcement...Wolvies on top of him but Bats sweeps and Wolvie is on the ground. At 53 Batman has Wolvie pinned easily. In this position his center of gravity is off and theres not enough play for him to move his arms. But those 6 blade are still dangerous--
Marv: Nope. Batman has just tapped two muscle clusters and...yep he has FORCED Wolverines claws back in there sheath. But whats that hes...
Arty: Oh wow, a sensory overload, he inundating Wolverine with a series of smells and sounds. And...yes hes managed to knock the un-killable one out.
Marv: But that just leaves...yep. Batman, Superman, and the Hulk. And normally Id say this was a won match but the Hulk is taking advantage to Supermans weakened condition and is holding his own.
Arty: But Batman is on his neck and attempting to choke him with a cord
Hulk: Puny humans cant fight fair! THis makes Hulk angrier...and the angrier Hulk gets the stronger Hulk GETS!!!
Arty: Wow, the Hulk has just swatted Supes away and has Bats by the cape and is going to...is he going to eat him? Hes going to--no...Bats has just sprayed him in the eyes with some sort of chemical...and this is it, Supes with the one two and--
Marv: NO! Hulk blocks the second blow and has actually grabbed Supes fist in his massive paw
Hulk: AAARRRGGGG!!! HULK SMASH!!!!
Marv: Arty! Hes going to sonic clap! COVER YOUR EARS!!
Arty: Dont worry.
BAAAOOOOMM
Arty: See...were still safe. Vibranium reinforced coating on our copter has actually boosted our natural shielding. Though the shock wave seems to have flattened the surrounding buildings...wow. The Grand Street Arena is nothing more than a crown of rubble with an emerald gem in the center.
Marv: Bats is actually out...it appears the noise and impact of the wave was too much for him. And Supes who was actually still IN the Hulks hand is dazed. The residual magic in the air is still affecting him. But hes still more than a match for this jade giant.
Arty: Id say so normally except that the Hulk is now fully enraged and this is the man who knocked Onslaught out of his physical shell...a reality altering beast was actually forced formless by this behemoth. And there it is...
Marv: A straight up curb stomping. The Hulk is STEPPING on Superman, who just will not lay down. And hes up, and pushing the Hulk off balance. Will this work to fell the monster?
Arty: NO! The Hulk is attempting to pummel the Man of Steel.
Marv: And here it is...Jor El is now fed up. Hes taken a hold of the Hulk and they are flying into space...
Hulk: Hulk been here before
Superman: Good...youll know your way around...
Arty: Satellite images are streaming in...Superman is attempting to throw the Hulk but the Hulk is holding steady...How is the Hulk...my God, Superman is now fully charged. The sunlight is apparently negating any ill affects the magic had on him. And hes yes...hes actually taking him farther into space...the Hulk and Superman are...wow Deep Probe is following as best he can
Marv: But it seems they are both still struggling. Hulk has managed to...oh no...this could be a disaster if we cant retrieve the bodies how can we return them to their universes?
Arty: Wow...in a stunning stale mate, the Hulk, with his last erg of energy and breath has forced the air out of Superman and both appear to be simply floating...wow. We need Deep Probe and a crew to get them...wow, simply amazing.
Marv: There are no words...and thats it for this edition of the TCEB...we have a lot of clean up and not a lot of time to get to it what with World War Hulk and Warld War III coming up...till next time, Im Marv Aldmen
Arty: And Im Arty Mercer!
Marv and Arty: See ya round!
Battle Ground Photos:
http://images.google.com/imgres?img...yn+streets&gbv=2&svnum=10&hl=en&safe=off&sa=G
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