Why Do Some Consider Suicide Selfish?

[Hotwire]

Let me start this with a story.

From kindergarten through my senior year, I was bullied. I was picked on for all sorts of things. May odd last name, my mistake of picking my nose, whatever they could think of. The bullies were never physical. Their abuse was all verbal. While that may not sound really all that bad to many, over the years, it really got to me. It got to where I hated school, hated the other students, hated myself, hated life. When I was about 15, I felt like I just couldn't take any more. I went to my room and sat on the floor. I took out some paper and a pen and began to write. I wrote about how I was just so tired of everything, how I wasn't worth keeping around. I wrote about how much better the world would be without me. I set it aside and took out a pocket knife. I held the blade to my wrist and just sat there. I kept telling myself to do it. "Just pull. It will all be over in a minute or two. Then no one will ever be able to hurt me again." Then my thoughts drifted slightly to my little brother. He was 5 at the time and I thought about what it would do to him if he was the one who found me. Those thoughts were what stayed my hand and made me put the knife away. Suicide has never crossed my mind since.

Having gone through that, I can identify with those who reach a point where they just can't see any hope. People have said here that depression is a disease and that's very true. It can be beaten, just like any other illness but, it also claims victims as well.

I've also had to deal with my wife going through depression and other issues that have drug her so low, she's told me she's thought about suicide. I told her that if she really wanted to do it, she first had to ask permission from our daughters, 6 and 16. I told her to explain to them how and why they would be better off without her. I did it not to make her feel worse, but rather, to make her realize just how hard her death would be on us. To get her to understand that we love her, we need her, and that she is so important to us.

With Robin Williams, I really wish that he could have seen just how his death would affect the world before he made the decision to end his own life.

 

[mrvlknight21]

If you are committing suicide to end your own pain/suffering, and not thinking about the people you leave behind, isn't that inherently selfish by definition, since you're only really really considering yourself in the decision?

^this is the short answer essentially.

 

[Spider-Fan83]

Because they don't understand it. Though I would imagine that in most cases, it is a technically selfish act.

If you are committing suicide to end your own pain/suffering, and not thinking about the people you leave behind, isn't that inherently selfish by definition, since you're only really really considering yourself in the decision?

but, in the same light isn't it selfish of those in their lives (that they would be leaving behind) too want them/let them live a life of pain/suffering just to keep them in their lifes?

 

[marcvader]

Because they don't understand it. Though I would imagine that in most cases, it is a technically selfish act.

If you are committing suicide to end your own pain/suffering, and not thinking about the people you leave behind, isn't that inherently selfish by definition, since you're only really really considering yourself in the decision?

Even if you're in a state in which you are not capable of this?

 

[Hotwire]

Because they don't understand it. Though I would imagine that in most cases, it is a technically selfish act.

If you are committing suicide to end your own pain/suffering, and not thinking about the people you leave behind, isn't that inherently selfish by definition, since you're only really really considering yourself in the decision?

One aspect of suicidal thoughts is that they tend to lead you into thinking that your death will improve life for those around you. You feel that you are this massive burden on them and that just being alive is causing them just as much pain as you feel good yourself.

Just think of how deep that hole is. So deep that even looking up doesn't reveal the light. You feel like, if those around you could just let you stay there and die, that they could move on and be better for it. I can say, over the years since my brush with suicide, I've told some people in my family about. They've all told me that I was wrong and I've agreed with them. But, at the time, I don't think I would have.

 

[THUNDERSTRIKE]

let me tell you, I've gone thru extremely mild bouts of depression thruout the later years of my life, but I've always gotten thru them, due to the determination and willpower that I have in my mind to get past it and work it out... and I HAVE... it's during the last three months that my resolve has REALLY been tested... three months ago, I suffered a stroke, which paralyzed the entire right side of my body for about 2 weeks, I mean completely paralyzed where you just CANNOT move and where you have to really rely and depend on people at a rehabilitation facility to take care of your needs... and I mean ALL of them, until you can get to that point where you're able to retrain your body to move and eventually respond to your commands... before the stroke affected me, I was pretty independent in taking care of myself, as I live alone... and STILL do... I've retrained myself and have vastly improved, but I still have some limitations in what I can do physically... fortunately, my speech and mental capabilities were unimpaired... the whole point of this is that when you've really depended on no one and you're used to doing most things by yourself and then something like THIS happens, believe me, you get DEPRESSED... ESPECIALLY those first two weeks where your body doesn't respond to you and the first thing you do in the morning is wake up and just stare at the ceiling... you develop a mindset where you tell yourself that it's all gone to hell for you and that it's hopeless and that nothing will ever be the same for you... it can get so bad believing that, that your doctor has to prescribe antidepressants for you... it's a natural process that one goes thru when a stroke incapacitates you in terms of being depressed and being treated for it... when you have those kind of thoughts and you think to yourself that you just want it all to end somehow, I think that you ARE selfish, especially if you have family and loved ones... you're not thinking of them nor what you're doing to them by leaving them in such a tragic manner... the act of what you've decided to do will forever be their last memory of you... at that moment when you decide to entertain such drastic thoughts, you're selfishly only thinking of yourself and not the ones who care for you... though MY depression at that time WAS pretty bad, it never REALLY was to the point of finality... I'm just too chickens**t to really do any harm to myself... but others might entertain such thoughts... it depends on the individual person's resolve on which path he or she chooses... I have a daughter and two young grandkids and I couldn't even imagine going thru on a decision such as somehow taking my life, just because things were going badly for me, in my mind... I know that they would all be devastated and who am I to cause them that pain and what right do I have?... that's selfishness, I believe, with a touch of cowardice, as well... everything all works out, somehow and in time...

sorry I got a bit long-winded there, guess I was looking to vent...

 

[Sundancer]

Robin Williams's death: a reminder that suicide and depression are not selfish

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

It is selfish. But hang on just a second and I will explain myself...

In so much as the person who has committed the act are no longer in pain, but they have transferred that suffering to their loved ones for the rest of their lives.

I am not judging in any way, but I would say that it is almost certainly an irrefutable fact.
A very good friend of mine committed suicide a number of years ago. And to this day, I still sometimes wonder if there was any more that I could have done to have convinced him that suicide was not the answer.

 

[THUNDERSTRIKE]

It is selfish. But hang on just a second and I will explain myself...

In so much as the person who has committed the act is no longer in pain, but they have transferred that suffering to their loved ones for the rest of their lives.

that's what I'M talkin' about...

 

[-Arya-]

I always find it interesting that when a person dies due to mental illness, some (not necessarily anyone in this thread) are so quick to label them as selfish or weak minded or cowardly. Those adjectives tend to oversimplify the entire chain of events (from birth till adulthood) that led a person to commit suicide. I suppose for those who want a quick explanation, it's the easier answer, as opposed to actually understanding the mental state of the person.

 

[Siby]

I used to not fathom how a person can take their own life. I used to believe it was a cowardly and selfish act. All that changed when I did my mental health rotation and having patients that are severely medically unstable.

It's really difficult for people to understand the mindset of people with mental issues like Depression. I wish the support circles around these people had seen the subtle signs of changes in them to intervene before the final act.

That said if the person is determined to end their life they will eventually find a way. I don't think the person or the act should be judged but the circumstance(s) which led to the person taking such a drastic action.

It's sad no matter how you look at it.

 

[Farren]

Under a strict definition like what The Guard mentioned, yes, it could be argued as being selfish.

But if a person is in such pain that it's capable of overriding even basic survival instincts ... then it's certainly capable of overriding a person's desire to not be "selfish." I think if a friend or family member of someone who has committed suicide has some frustration or anger and feels like it was selfish, that's okay: I don't judge how someone needs to cope. But from an objective point of view I don't blame someone who commits suicide for what they have done. They are in pain. And in the case of mental illness like depression, we have to understand that there's a disorder at work. Watching that video of Williams and his daughter talking about how she got her name, it's obvious he adored her as much as any parent. He wasn't selfish. He was someone battling a serious illness.

 

[Harley2004]

Robin Williams's death: a reminder that suicide and depression are not selfish

This is right.

 

[MessiahDecoy123]

There are prescription drugs that can give you suicidal thoughts.

Think about that. A pill that makes people who never considered killing themselves suddenly suicidal.

It just goes to show how much brain chemistry can be the driving factor rather than willpower or selfishness.

 

[DarthDaveBanner]

The act is selfish, yes. That does not mean the person is, nor are they cowardly; it just means their unbearable pain has pushed them beyond the limits of rational thinking.

 

[terry78]

The thing is, and I know how this sounds, it's always the people that look to have so much to live for and have folks that depend on them that always end up taking their own lives as opposed to the ones that have like no family or no one would ever remember. The life of pressure I guess. I have someone I'm seeing right now and if I was that ****ed up about my existence I really don't know how I could leave her like that.

 

[DarkSentinel]

The act is selfish, yes. That does not mean the person is, nor are they cowardly; it just means their unbearable pain has pushed them beyond the limits of rational thinking.

This.

 

[Sundancer]

It is selfish. But hang on just a second and I will explain myself...

In so much as the person who has committed the act are no longer in pain, but they have transferred that suffering to their loved ones for the rest of their lives.

That assumes that everyone's relationship with their "loved ones" is close and that all people mourn the same. Some may feel their loved one is at peace.

This is my problem with calling it selfish--there is a blanket statement being made against all suicidal people and their relationships.

 

[BestGirl]

Much of what I think on the subject has been expressed. But I'll add this.
Living as a very logical, very controlled individual, who has reasons for every choice I make; it has never made sense to me to judge that because of a week, a month, a year, even ten years of bad times it is therefore worth it to remove the possibility of good times equaling the rest of your life. No matter how dark the hole, no matter how painful the time, you have so much more time that very well could be filled with joys you have never experienced. Logically, the equation is simply not balanced.

But the key is that I'm in the mindset to think like this. To look ahead and realize that no matter how bad something is, it's temporary. So many people who are trapped in depression can't see it that way, can't think that way.

So in short, while I believe it to be a selfish choice, and unwise choice and fleeing from your problems, I realize that to those with depression, they can't comprehend of anything beyond this darkness they're trapped in, and thus are unable to make the decision the way an average person would.

I don't think it's so much that depression sufferers can't comprehend that things will improve as it is that things don't improve for them. From what I've heard, people who suffer from depression are incapable of feeling happy. They literally lose interest in things they used to love, and when they aren't sad or angry, just feel empty. It isn't something that necessarily goes away with time, either. Willliams had probably suffered this way his whole life.

Imagine feeling miserable every day of your adult life, and, after years of treatment, realizing that you're 63 and will likely never get better. This is what your life will always be like. You might just end it, too.

 

[Sundancer]

I don't think it's so much that depression sufferers can't comprehend that things will improve as it is that things don't improve for them. From what I've heard, people who suffer from depression are incapable of feeling happy. They literally lose interest in things they used to love, and when they aren't sad or angry, just feel empty. It isn't something that necessarily goes away with time, either. Willliams had probably suffered this way his whole life.

That's a good description. In the last 20 years I've been on various medications, seen multiple therapists, l moved cross-country, been on many dates, taught in Japan--a lot of steps I tried to improve my situation. I feel just as lonely and not much different then I did 20 years ago only I'm less suicidal. The last time I would say I was happy was in my first few years in college. I'm now 41.

I think depression is hard for some people to grasp partially because it's not as easily seen as other mental illness. You can often tell by others' behavior if they are bipolar, schizophrenic, have dementia etc. Depressed people often have on a semblance of normalcy.

 

[redmarvel]

Sometimes people kill themselves to teach others a lesson.

That's more desperate than anything.

A lady my hubby works with got divorced. Her husband broke into her garage and hanged himself there. Their daughter found the body...

If that wasn't a selfish and cruel way to treat his family I don't know how else to describe it.

 

[AnneFan]

I don't think it's so much that depression sufferers can't comprehend that things will improve as it is that things don't improve for them. From what I've heard, people who suffer from depression are incapable of feeling happy. They literally lose interest in things they used to love, and when they aren't sad or angry, just feel empty. It isn't something that necessarily goes away with time, either. Willliams had probably suffered this way his whole life.

Imagine feeling miserable every day of your adult life, and, after years of treatment, realizing that you're 63 and will likely never get better. This is what your life will always be like. You might just end it, too.

Indeed.

 

[Teelie]

The act is selfish, yes. That does not mean the person is, nor are they cowardly; it just means their unbearable pain has pushed them beyond the limits of rational thinking.

I don't think it's so much that depression sufferers can't comprehend that things will improve as it is that things don't improve for them. From what I've heard, people who suffer from depression are incapable of feeling happy. They literally lose interest in things they used to love, and when they aren't sad or angry, just feel empty. It isn't something that necessarily goes away with time, either. Willliams had probably suffered this way his whole life.

Imagine feeling miserable every day of your adult life, and, after years of treatment, realizing that you're 63 and will likely never get better. This is what your life will always be like. You might just end it, too.

These two are the sum of what I would say. I've been depressed but not in clinical depression (so far as I know). I have never felt that level of despondency and never seriously considered suicide, it isn't like it is something that you don't think about when you're at a low point in your life however.

When someone is so far down that hole though, so far removed from feeling anything, from imagining there could possibly be an escape from that crushing burden, then I can see why they would take their own life. That isn't selfish, to them that is a release.

Calling it selfish is like saying someone should continue to suffer in agony from an uncurable, debilitating and crippling disease (which it is) because the only cure would hurt their family and friends.

That does not mean suicide is the answer. It is a harsh mental and emotional condition that unless you've suffered from it you can't comprehend how unbearable it is (and it has to be pretty damned bad because I've had some extreme lows in my life). Treating that level of emotional and mental turmoil is something that still eludes science and doctors.

What is selfish is calling people who suffer from it selfish, because it means you have no idea what they are feeling but you don't want to feel the guilt of knowing they would rather die than continue to live.

The need to place blame on something or someone is strong but sometimes there is no one or thing to look to. That's what makes it so difficult to comprehend. That sometimes nothing can prevent a person from going over the edge. Again, that doesn't mean people shouldn't try to stop it and do whatever they can but you can't say someone is selfish when they are so beyond feeling hope that it's literally left them.

I really do feel for people who have lost others to suicide, but to call them selfish for it is being way too narrowminded. They are left to live with that person's loss but that person's lost any will to live and will never get the chance to regain it.

 

[Warhammer]

These two are the sum of what I would say. I've been depressed but not in clinical depression (so far as I know). I have never felt that level of despondency and never seriously considered suicide, it isn't like it is something that you don't think about when you're at a low point in your life however.

When someone is so far down that hole though, so far removed from feeling anything, from imagining there could possibly be an escape from that crushing burden, then I can see why they would take their own life. That isn't selfish, to them that is a release.

Calling it selfish is like saying someone should continue to suffer in agony from an uncurable, debilitating and crippling disease (which it is) because the only cure would hurt their family and friends.

That does not mean suicide is the answer. It is a harsh mental and emotional condition that unless you've suffered from it you can't comprehend how unbearable it is (and it has to be pretty damned bad because I've had some extreme lows in my life). Treating that level of emotional and mental turmoil is something that still eludes science and doctors.

What is selfish is calling people who suffer from it selfish, because it means you have no idea what they are feeling but you don't want to feel the guilt of knowing they would rather die than continue to live.

The need to place blame on something or someone is strong but sometimes there is no one or thing to look to. That's what makes it so difficult to comprehend. That sometimes nothing can prevent a person from going over the edge. Again, that doesn't mean people shouldn't try to stop it and do whatever they can but you can't say someone is selfish when they are so beyond feeling hope that it's literally left them.

I really do feel for people who have lost others to suicide, but to call them selfish for it is being way too narrowminded. They are left to live with that person's loss but that person's lost any will to live and will never get the chance to regain it.

There are but a handful of posts on this site that i agree with so much that I save it for future reference. This is one of those posts. I agree 100%.

 

[chaseter]

The act of suicide causes pain and suffering to your friends, family, loved ones, fans, etc. to end your own pain and suffering. It's a very selfish act. The decision to act upon those urges I am sure is complicated be it depression, anger, remorse, imbalances, etc. I just wish they had the capacity to see how their decision will affect others before they take irreparable action. That said, we can still remember the good times and mourn for said friends and family.