You are twisting this. Obligation (owe) and responsibility are not the same thing. America has a lot of power, but is it responsible for America to be the world's savior who interferes in other nations' affairs? Ben was talking about using power wisely and responsibly. Martha is merely saying Clark doesn't have to conform to a particular demand or definition the public assigns him. She's not saying don't help people, but don't help people only in the way they tell you to or the way they allow. Look at June Finch on Charlie Rose. She concludes that maybe Superman shouldn't even act to save a dying child without some sort of oversight. In fact, Finch on Charlie Rose and the montage add relevant context:
We, as a population on this planet, have been looking for a savior. 90% of people believe in a higher power. And every religion believes in some sort messianic figure. And when this savior character actually comes to Earth, we want to make him abide by our rules? We have to understand that this is a paradigm shift. We have to start thinking beyond politics. Are there any moral constraints on this person? We have international law. On this Earth, every act is a political act. Is it really surprising, that the most powerful man in the world should be a figure of controversy? To have an individual engaging in the state level interventions should give us all pause. Human beings have a horrible track record of following people with great power, down paths that lead to huge human monstrosities. We have always created icons in our own image. What we've done is we project ourselves on to him. The fact is, maybe he's not some sort of devil or Jesus character. Maybe hes just a guy trying to do the right thing. Were talking about a being whose very existence challenges our own sense of priority in the universe. If you go back to Copernicus, where he restored the sun and the center of the known universe, displacing Earth. And you get to Darwinian evolution and you find out, we're not special on this Earth we're just one among other life forms. And now we learned, that we're not even special in the entire universe because there is Superman. There he is, an alien, among us. We're not alone.
Are you, as a United State Senator, personally comfortable saying to a grieving parent,"Superman could've saved your child, but on principle we did not want him to act." I'm not saying he shouldn't act. I'm saying he shouldn't act unilaterally. What are we talking about here then? Must there be a Superman? There is.
Not to mention the fact that you can't say Superman isn't good because you (incorrectly) judge something his parent says. You judge him by his actions. Children defy their parents all the time. Snyder didn't have Superman kill to learn about not killing, because he hadn't learned it before. He had him do it to show that it was a choice for Superman, and to teach Superman how he can be put in a position where such a choice is necessary and the only remaining moral thing to do. This is what I said before about this:
I also think what Snyder means by this moment informing or inspiring the no kill code in Superman has more to do with the mythology of Superman and the larger stakes of his heroic mission. With Batman, people trace his aversion to guns and killing to his parents' 'murder. With Superman, people had no such thing. I think the situation made Superman realize that he is capable of killing when there are no other options and innocent lives are at stake, and so the way it inspires his no-kill code is not only to make him more conscious of and more dedicated to proactive measures to prevent such no-win scenarios, but also to make him appreciate just how high the stakes have to be for him to justify it.