The Dark Knight 10 things I hate about Batman

[fabman]

titan... i knew you would've talked 'bout bettany... THAT point was lame...

 

[titan101]

titan... i knew you would've talked 'bout bettany... THAT point was lame...

 

[elorenishii386]

how could you hate morgan freeman...thats not humanly possible!

DIE WEYSEED!

well it actually is human possible...if ur part of the kkk.

 

[Superman4ever]

1. When Tim Sale draws Batman, he doesn't give him 300 extra teeth.

2. No one has ever jokingly referred to Batman as "The Artist Formely Known as the Clown Prince of Crime."

3. Batman's shagged everyone from Catwoman to Talia when all I've got is a dead girlfriend and a stalker in a jester outfit.

4. Batman only plays card games that don't use jokers.

5. Batman has a whole team of sidekicks that help him out and somehow manages not to randomly kill them off for no reason at all. How is that possible?

6. Batman gets to wear a cool costume. So does every other damned superhero and the majority of supervillains too. How the hell did I get stuck with a purple John Travolta leisure suit?!!

7. Batman hasn't become synonymous with friggin' Mark Hammill.

8. Batman's a dick. Even Frank Miller says so.

9. People still think I killed Batman's parents. You have no idea how many punks have egged my house over this.

10. Do you have any idea how hard it is to outrun the latest Bat-tank-Hummer-bulldozer-18-wheeler-mobile in a f**king clown car?!!!

Blew everyone else out of the water...so, I give up!

 

[Two-Face]

Freeman is God!

 

[fabman]

titan... that oh rly isn't funny anymore...

 

[That-Guy]

Blew everyone else out of the water...so, I give up!

Haha, thanks dude. It took me a while to think all of that up. I almost stopped at like, 4.

 

[Superman4ever]

Haha, thanks dude. It took me a while to think all of that up. I almost stopped at like, 4.

It was worth it...I loved it!

 

[That-Guy]

Okay, since everyone's up in arms over Morgan Freeman...



10 Things Lucius Fox Hates About Bruce Wayne:

1. He always doubleparks the Tumbler. Do you have any idea how much traffic THAT screws up?

2. He thinks it's funny to shoot me in the ass with the grapple gun.

3. He had me build a device that uses a high frequency to summon BATS to his beckon call. GEE, I wonder what he might be doing in his freetime. Maybe he's Superman!

4. He uses his company expense account to pick up European hookers. Now don't get me wrong... I've paid for love just like any self-respecting businessman... but he doesn't even BANG them! He just takes them out to expensive restaurants and then drives them home!

5. He constantly tells me I look like that guy from "The Shawshank Redemption."

6. He caused catostrophic damage to the Wayne building when he tried to heat up a burrito using the new microwave emitter.

7. When Bruce... oh, I'm sorry... BATMAN caused that huge trainwreck, he demolished the parking garage underneath Wayne Tower. Guess who's brand new Lexus was parked down there?

8. Bruce Wayne's a dick. Even Frank Miller says so.

9. Sometimes to get a rise out of people in the office, he'll randomly pull out a .45, shoot himself in the chest, and then laugh at the fact he's not dead. Yeah Bruce, we get it. You're wearing the body armor under your suit. Hahahaha.

10. He's constantly stealing my red stapler!!!!!

 

[gambitfire]

6. Batman gets to wear a cool costume. So does every other damned superhero and the majority of supervillains too. How the hell did I get stuck with a purple John Travolta leisure suit?!!

7. Batman hasn't become synonymous with friggin' Mark Hammill.

9. People still think I killed Batman's parents. You have no idea how many punks have egged my house over this.

10. Do you have any idea how hard it is to outrun the latest Bat-tank-Hummer-bulldozer-18-wheeler-mobile in a f**king clown car?!!!

ROTFLMAO!!! NICE!!

keep them coming.

 

[titan101]

Okay, since everyone's up in arms over Morgan Freeman...



10 Things Lucius Fox Hates About Bruce Wayne:

1. He always doubleparks the Tumbler. Do you have any idea how much traffic THAT screws up?

2. He thinks it's funny to shoot me in the ass with the grapple gun.

3. He had me build a device that uses a high frequency to summon BATS to his beckon call. GEE, I wonder what he might be doing in his freetime. Maybe he's Superman!

4. He uses his company expense account to pick up European hookers. Now don't get me wrong... I've paid for love just like any self-respecting businessman... but he doesn't even BANG them! He just takes them out to expensive restaurants and then drives them home!

5. He constantly tells me I look like that guy from "The Shawshank Redemption."

6. He caused catostrophic damage to the Wayne building when he tried to heat up a burrito using the new microwave emitter.

7. When Bruce... oh, I'm sorry... BATMAN caused that huge trainwreck, he demolished the parking garage underneath Wayne Tower. Guess who's brand new Lexus was parked down there?

8. Bruce Wayne's a dick. Even Frank Miller says so.

9. Sometimes to get a rise out of people in the office, he'll randomly pull out a .45, shoot himself in the chest, and then laugh at the fact he's not dead. Yeah Bruce, we get it. You're wearing the body armor under your suit. Hahahaha.

10. He's constantly stealing my red stapler!!!!!

ROFLMMFAO!!!

 

[heypapajinx]

1. Batman's somehow found a foundation that blends into his natural skin tone, unlike Joker
2. his suit comes with a built in crotch exaggerator
3. he has no sense of humor
4. Batman never invites him to any of his parties
5. HE BURNED HIS FRICKN' FACE OFF!
6. Selina charges Joker more for a b.j. than she charges Bruce (ooo! prostitution!)
7. he's not a "people person"
8. he keeps making Brokeback jokes about me
9. he keeps telling me "i'm going to pump *claps hands* you up!"
10. he always picks on me "just because i believe in Science"

 

[That-Guy]

HAHA!!! That was great!!

 

[Darknightnomis]

1. Batman's somehow found a foundation that blends into his natural skin tone, unlike Joker
2. his suit comes with a built in crotch exaggerator
3. he has no sense of humor
4. Batman never invites him to any of his parties
5. HE BURNED HIS FRICKN' FACE OFF!
6. Selina charges Joker more for a b.j. than she charges Bruce (ooo! prostitution!)
7. he's not a "people person"
8. he keeps making Brokeback jokes about me
9. he keeps telling me "i'm going to pump *claps hands* you up!"
10. he always picks on me "just because i believe in Science"

LOL!

 

[Christopher Nolan]

1. Batman's somehow found a foundation that blends into his natural skin tone, unlike Joker
2. his suit comes with a built in crotch exaggerator
3. he has no sense of humor
4. Batman never invites him to any of his parties
5. HE BURNED HIS FRICKN' FACE OFF!
6. Selina charges Joker more for a b.j. than she charges Bruce (ooo! prostitution!)
7. he's not a "people person"
8. he keeps making Brokeback jokes about me
9. he keeps telling me "i'm going to pump *claps hands* you up!"
10. he always picks on me "just because i believe in Science"

Hahha...
best is number 8

 

[titan101]

don't mean to be an attention ****e, but people still haven't commented on this :

1. ) he always has to punch my f***ing teeth out and then the writer makes me come up with some idiotic witty remark.

2.)well... HE STOLE MY DAMN BALLONS!!

3.) he killed captain clown.

4.) people call me a *** more than they call him a ***.

5.) how come I don't get a tank?

6.) he beat f***ing super-man. why can't I beat up superman?

7.) he's friggin' rich for christ's sake.

8.) he looks kinda cool in that new batman show while i look like a friggin' hippy.

9.) his second adoptive son threw a damn knife in my shoulder.

10.) if only i knew kung fu like he does.

 

[That-Guy]

Hey, sorry about that Titan, yours was really funny too! Great idea for a thread by the way.

Okay...

10 Things Gordon Hates About Batman

1. He's got 20/20 vision... lucky bastard.

2. Okay, I can understand having one suped-up, futuristic, indestructable car. But that SOB has about 300 of them!! It's like he's just rubbing our faces in it. Ever think that the reason he catches all the crooks before we do is because he's driving something out of the latest James Bond movie and the GCPD is stuck with a bunch of f**king Crown Victorias? Hey Batass, why don't you donate a few of those tanks to us if you're so goddamn righteous?!!

3. After the Joker shot and crippled Barbara, Batman never visited her in the hospital and changed her bedpan because he was "too busy."

4. His batboots have lifts. I can tell. He's only 5'3"... The Tom Cruise of superheroes.

5. Sometimes he'll mess with the bat-signal and make it say things like "Suck it, Gordon."

6. Okay, the whole "When Gordon turns around, Batman is already gone" thing was fine the first 6 million times. But seriously, what kind of *****ebag can't even say "See ya later, bro." Oh, I get it. You're dark and mysterious. Oooooo.

7. He always tells me I have a "Village People" mustache. Mustaches are very masculine, dammit!!!!

8. Batman's a dick. Frank Miller, the Joker, and Lucius Fox all say so.

9. If he says "I believe in Harvey Dent and we should give him another chance" ONE more time, I swear I'm going to shoot his winged ass. Yeah, Bats, why don't we give him one more shot? Maybe this time he'll stay sane for 3 months instead of 2 before he starts killing people again!

10. He gets to hang around with Batgirl. Man, if I had 5 minutes with that red-headed hottie, do you think I'd be fighting crime? Hmmm... haven't seen her in a while. Wonder what she's been up to.

 

[titan101]

Hey, sorry about that Titan, yours was really funny too! Great idea for a thread by the way.

Okay...

10 Things Gordon Hates About Batman

1. He's got 20/20 vision... lucky bastard.

2. Okay, I can understand having one suped-up, futuristic, indestructable car. But that SOB has about 300 of them!! It's like he's just rubbing our faces in it. Ever think that the reason he catches all the crooks before we do is because he's driving something out of the latest James Bond movie and the GCPD is stuck with a bunch of f**king Crown Victorias? Hey Batass, why don't you donate a few of those tanks to us if you're so goddamn righteous?!!

3. After the Joker shot and crippled Barbara, Batman never visited her in the hospital and changed her bedpan because he was "too busy."

4. His batboots have lifts. I can tell. He's only 5'3"... The Tom Cruise of superheroes.

5. Sometimes he'll mess with the bat-signal and make it say things like "Suck it, Gordon."

6. Okay, the whole "When Gordon turns around, Batman is already gone" thing was fine the first 6 million times. But seriously, what kind of *****ebag can't even say "See ya later, bro." Oh, I get it. You're dark and mysterious. Oooooo.

7. He always tells me I have a "Village People" mustache. Mustaches are very masculine, dammit!!!!

8. Batman's a dick. Frank Miller, the Joker, and Lucius Fox all say so.

9. If he says "I believe in Harvey Dent and we should give him another chance" ONE more time, I swear I'm going to shoot his winged ass. Yeah, Bats, why don't we give him one more shot? Maybe this time he'll stay sane for 3 months instead of 2 before he starts killing people again!

10. He gets to hang around with Batgirl. Man, if I had 5 minutes with that red-headed hottie, do you think I'd be fighting crime? Hmmm... haven't seen her in a while. Wonder what she's been up to.

thanks and great list once again!!

 

[That-Guy]

No problem, bro.

 

[psychosully]

I think the 10 things the joker would hate about Batman would be...

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car.
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme.
I hate it, I hate the way you're always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0147800/

 

[Christopher Nolan]

He is rich.

 

[Alexia Dark]

1. When Tim Sale draws Batman, he doesn't give him 300 extra teeth.

2. No one has ever jokingly referred to Batman as "The Artist Formely Known as the Clown Prince of Crime."

3. Batman's shagged everyone from Catwoman to Talia when all I've got is a dead girlfriend and a stalker in a jester outfit.

4. Batman only plays card games that don't use jokers.

5. Batman has a whole team of sidekicks that help him out and somehow manages not to randomly kill them off for no reason at all. How is that possible?

6. Batman gets to wear a cool costume. So does every other damned superhero and the majority of supervillains too. How the hell did I get stuck with a purple John Travolta leisure suit?!!

7. Batman hasn't become synonymous with friggin' Mark Hammill.

8. Batman's a dick. Even Frank Miller says so.

9. People still think I killed Batman's parents. You have no idea how many punks have egged my house over this.

10. Do you have any idea how hard it is to outrun the latest Bat-tank-Hummer-bulldozer-18-wheeler-mobile in a f**king clown car?!!!

Hahaha, awesome. I really should come to this forum more often.

 

[gambitfire]

Hey, sorry about that Titan, yours was really funny too! Great idea for a thread by the way.

Okay...

10 Things Gordon Hates About Batman

1. He's got 20/20 vision... lucky bastard.



4. His batboots have lifts. I can tell. He's only 5'3"... The Tom Cruise of superheroes.

I Knew it!!

5. Sometimes he'll mess with the bat-signal and make it say things like "Suck it, Gordon."

He also puts a SpiderSign up sometimes.

6. Okay, the whole "When Gordon turns around, Batman is already gone" thing was fine the first 6 million times. But seriously, what kind of *****ebag can't even say "See ya later, bro." Oh, I get it. You're dark and mysterious. Oooooo.

You know he never really leaves, he just stays in the office till Gordon goes home and then walks out.........

9. If he says "I believe in Harvey Dent and we should give him another chance" ONE more time, I swear I'm going to shoot his winged ass. Yeah, Bats, why don't we give him one more shot? Maybe this time he'll stay sane for 3 months instead of 2 before he starts killing people again!

ROTFLMAO

10. He gets to hang around with Batgirl. Man, if I had 5 minutes with that red-headed hottie, do you think I'd be fighting crime? Hmmm... haven't seen her in a while. Wonder what she's been up to.

..um......ew....

 

[Mr. Vice]

1. nothing
2. nothing
3. nothing
4. nothing
5. nothing
6. nothing
7. nothing
8. nothing
9. nothing
10. nothing

 

[tinister]

1. When Tim Sale draws Batman, he doesn't give him 300 extra teeth.

2. No one has ever jokingly referred to Batman as "The Artist Formely Known as the Clown Prince of Crime."

3. Batman's shagged everyone from Catwoman to Talia when all I've got is a dead girlfriend and a stalker in a jester outfit.

4. Batman only plays card games that don't use jokers.

5. Batman has a whole team of sidekicks that help him out and somehow manages not to randomly kill them off for no reason at all. How is that possible?

6. Batman gets to wear a cool costume. So does every other damned superhero and the majority of supervillains too. How the hell did I get stuck with a purple John Travolta leisure suit?!!

7. Batman hasn't become synonymous with friggin' Mark Hammill.

8. Batman's a dick. Even Frank Miller says so.

9. People still think I killed Batman's parents. You have no idea how many punks have egged my house over this.

10. Do you have any idea how hard it is to outrun the latest Bat-tank-Hummer-bulldozer-18-wheeler-mobile in a f**king clown car?!!!

LOL!!!! Hilarious! And #2 made me remember the Prince Batman video! Haven't thought about that in ages