<< 2º WRITING Competition! >>

Discussion in 'X-Men 1, 2 & 3' started by Angamb, Aug 8, 2007.

  1. ToriL90

    ToriL90 Guest

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    Great scene, Angamb. I love how vulnerable you make Charles in the end; and actually, throughout the conversation. It was my pleasure to help you translate. :cwink:
     
  2. Angamb

    Angamb Registered

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    First post updated. 6 entries to date, don't know if shebeast will post hers before the closing date....
     
  3. Angamb

    Angamb Registered

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    I hadn't read your scene, xphoenix, but is an interesting one, specially because of the issues they talked about, like the students, and then the use of the cure in dangerous mutants. And I liked the idea of Xavier making a reunion in the auiditorium of the school, that is something not heard or seen before in the movies. Nice.
     
  4. BobJM

    BobJM Uncle Charlie

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    Ang, I loved your scene. Few grammatical errors though, but thats it.
     
  5. Angamb

    Angamb Registered

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    really? :huh: ToriL helped me.... could you send me by PM the errors?
     
  6. ToriL90

    ToriL90 Guest

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    I'm sorry, did I miss something? :o

    Oh, I see one error: Moira should say "has something happened", not "has happened something" early in the scene. I'm sorry - yesterday was pretty hectic for me, lol.
     
  7. La_She-Beast

    La_She-Beast Registered

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    Weell, there you go. Some terrible spelling mistakes fit in there, heh.
    If it's too long, too bad. Not entering, then. :D

    It begins when Worthy announces the cure.

    Have fun!


    Worthington II: Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present you &#8220;the cure&#8221;.

    Rogue, sitting on a sofa, observes with astonishment and even so, bit by bit a weak smile grows on her face.

    Reporter: Even so, the responsible financiering from Worthington Labs, Graydon Creed, has shown a certain opposition towards the cure being free to public. He even mentioned the probabilities of being temporary.

    Graydon Creed: The difference-

    Suddenly, the television switches off.

    Rogue, surprised, notices that the remote control is right next to her leg. It has not been touched in any moment, nor the television. Jubilee sits next to her, well conscious of what happened.

    Jubilee (furious): Jones!

    Jones lets go a sarcastic snicker, shaking his head.

    Jones (incredulous): You wish to hear the rest?

    Jubilee: Grow up, for once.

    Jones: I mean, there&#8217;s no logic at all. Just like that, a &#8220;cure&#8221;? A &#8220;medicine&#8221; which takes away the mutant gene by simply consuming it? This has to be some kind of trap.

    Chamber: You&#8217;re right, Jones. This is all a fraud. Those thousands of scientists you just seen on T.V. are, actually, paid actors.

    Jones directs a cold look at the boy who spoke to him. He&#8217;ll be about 15 years or so. Curiously, he wears a blue handkerchief round his neck and mouth, just like a cowboy.

    Colossus, sitting on an armchair, is next to three more children in the room. Like the rest, he doesn&#8217;t know what to say.
    He stares steadily at his sketchbook on his lap, holding a pencil in the air.

    Colossus: It wouldn&#8217;t be the first time the government fools us.

    Jones: And, on top of that&#8230;

    He places his hand round his neck, remembering a particular event from last year.

    Jones: We had to pay for it.

    Colossus: But, still &#8230; even if it were true&#8230; who&#8217;d need it?

    Jubilee (whispering): That&#8217;s easy asking for someone who&#8217;s powers consist of superstrength.
    Colossus shoots her a direct look, quite opposed.

    Colossus: Excuse me?

    Jubilee (holds a hand up): Nothing, nothing.

    Chamber: You heard pretty much of what she said. What they just announced is a chance.

    Colossus: A chance, for what? To demonstrate how useless we are&#8230; the different people?

    Illyana: No, to demonstrate that we can have a chance to fit in. That we don&#8217;t need a &#8220;special&#8221;, school to be part of society.

    Colossus (shaking his head, whispering): Illyana?

    Chamber: (ironic) Don&#8217;t try too hard with your brother, Illyana. He&#8217;s not going to understand-

    Colossus: I do understand you perfectly, but-

    Chamber: Oh yeah? GET THIS!

    He takes off the handkerchief, revealing the fire which takes place of mouth, neck and chest. Colossus stares at him for a few seconds, and turns his head towards the floor, tapping his sketchbook with the pencil. He was expecting this to happen.

    Chamber: (revealing his speaking telepathically) It&#8217;s been, like, YEARS I don&#8217;t bring a simple loaf of bread to my mouth. You think it&#8217;s fair, huh?

    Colossus rolls his eyes, with folded arms.

    Illyana: You know he&#8217;s right, Peter. He doesn&#8217;t deserve this. Just like many others.

    Colossus, now serious, stares fixedly at Illyana.

    Colossus: (in Russian) You&#8217;re not helping me much, Illyana. For a change.

    Illyana: (in Russian) And you think you are to them?

    Colossus: (in Russian) (Sighs) Please&#8230;

    Illyana: (in Russian) Stop acting like some kind of father, Peter. Stop it.

    Colossus lays a hand on his face, thinking to himself, how she&#8217;s uncapable to understand. He whispers &#8220;Illyana&#8230;&#8221;

    Illyana: (in Russian) STOP IT!

    All present look at them surprised, though with a basic idea of what she just said. Illyana looks at Colossus for a few seconds, saddened. She sighs.
    Just like magic, she creates a disc in the air. As she penetrates in, the disc disappears. She leaves the room with a real uncomfortable silence.

    Rogue, who&#8217;s been listening attentively, decides to leave the room too.

    End scene&#8230;..



    Which then would continue to when Storm says &#8220;I mean, what kind of coward&#8230; blah blah blah&#8221;. Thought of adding a comment by Professor X about his students, but it would make it much longer.
     
  8. BobJM

    BobJM Uncle Charlie

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    lol, we all have those days. Today was my first day back to school, and I feel that my mind has melted over summer, haha.

    But yea, I think that line by Moira was it. No biggie, but just being a son of a *****. :oldrazz:
     
  9. Angamb

    Angamb Registered

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    shebeast, I have read your scene, but I'll wait for the spanish version, and then I'll comment, hehe.

    And flavio, why didn't you enter?
     
  10. La_She-Beast

    La_She-Beast Registered

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    Haha, oks :up:

    Worthington II: Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present you &#8220;the cure&#8221;.

    Pícara, sentada en el sofa, observa con asombro y aun así, poco a poco una débil sonrisa surge en su cara.

    Reportera: Aún así, el responsable de la finanzación de los Laboratorios Worthington, Graydon Creed, ha demostrado cierta contrariedad acerca de que la cura sea gratuita. Incluso ha mencionado de las probabilidades de que sea temporal.

    Graydon Creed: La diferencia-

    Repentinamente, la tele se apaga.

    Pícara, sorprendida, contempla que el control remoto está al lado de su pierna. No ha sido tocado en ningún momento ni tampoco la televisión. Jubilee está sentada al lado suyo, bien consciente de lo ocurrido.

    Jubilee (furiosa): Jones!

    Jones suelta una risita sarcástica, negando con la cabeza.

    Jones (incrédulo): Te apetece escuchar el resto?

    Jubilee: Crece de una vez.

    Jones: O sea, no tiene nada de lógica. Así, de repente, una cura?
    Un &#8220;remedio&#8221;, que saca el gen mutante simplemente consumiéndolo? Tiene que ser una especie de trampa.

    Chamber: Tienes razón, Jones. Es todo un montaje. Esos miles científicos que acabas de ver por la tele, son en realidad, actores
    pagados.

    Jones le dirige una mirada fría al chico que le acaba de hablar. Tendrá como 15 años, o así. Curiosamente, un pañuelo azul cubre toda su boca y cuello, como si fuera un cowboy.

    Coloso, sentado en una silla reclinable, está al lado de tres chicos más en la habitación. Al igual que los demás, no sabe qué decir.

    Mira detenidamente su bloc vacío encima de su falda, sujetando el lápiz en el aire.

    Coloso: No sería la primera vez que el gobierno nos engañe.

    Jones: Que, encima...

    Ligeramente se pasa la mano por el cuello, recordando cierto suceso del año pasado.

    Jones: Tuvimos que pagar nosotros.

    Coloso: Pero, de todas formas... aunque fuera verdad&#8230; ¿quién la necesitaría?

    Jubillee (murmurando): Es fácil decir para un tío que sus poderes son la superfuerza

    Coloso la lanza una mirada directa, bastante contrariado.

    Coloso: ¿Perdón?

    Jubilee (levanta una mano): Nada, nada.

    Chamber: La has oído perfectamente. Lo que acaban de anunciar es una oportunidad.

    Coloso: Una oprtunidad, ¿para qué? ¿Para demostrar cómo de inútiles somos&#8230; la gente diferente?

    Illyana: No, para demostrar que algunos podemos encajar. Que no necesitamos una escuela &#8220;especial&#8221; para ser parte de la sociedad.

    Coloso (negando con la cabeza, en voz baja): Illyana?

    Chamber (irónico): No te esfuerces con tu hermano, Illlyana. No va a comprender-

    Coloso: Yo te entiendo perfectamente, pero-

    Chamber: Ah, ¿sí? ¡ENTIENDE ESTO!

    Se saca el pañuelo de la boca, revelando el fuego que ocupa el
    lugar de la boca, el cuello, y el pecho. Coloso le observa por unos instantes, y después mira hacia un lado golpeando su bloc con el lápiz. Estaba esperando que esto ocurriera.
    Chamber (revelando que está hablando telepaticamente) Hace, como, AÑOS que no me llevo a la boca un simple trozo de pan. Te parece justo, ¿eh?

    Coloso rueda sus ojos, con brazos cruzados.

    Illyana: Sabes que tiene razón, Peter. No merece esto. Como muchos otros.

    Coloso, ahora serio, mira fijamente a Illyana.

    Coloso (en ruso): No me estás ayudando, mucho, Illyana. Para variar.

    Illyana (en ruso): Y crees que tú a ellos sí?

    Coloso (en ruso): (Suspira) Por favor&#8230;

    Illyana (en ruso): Basta de actuar como una especie de padre, Peter. Basta.

    Coloso se pone una mano en la cara. Murmura &#8220;Illyana&#8230;&#8221;

    Illyana (en ruso): ¡Basta!

    Todos los presentes en la habitación los miran sorprendidos, aunque con una idea de lo que acaba de decir. Illyana mira a Coloso durante unos instantes, entristecida. Suspira.
    Como arte de magia crea un disco en el aire. Penetra dentro de él a medida que el disco desaparece. Abandona la habitación, con un silencio realmente incómodo.
    Pícara, quién ha escuchado atentamente, decide también salir de la habitación.
     
  11. La_She-Beast

    La_She-Beast Registered

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  12. flavio_lebeau

    flavio_lebeau Registered

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    I don't have a scene. :huh: Nor did I have time to write one... I have 4 reports to write till Monday for college.
     
  13. Angamb

    Angamb Registered

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    what a grief, flavio.... maybe next time. did you have an idea, at least?

    And Shebeast, your scene is an interesting idea, the students discussing the cure... and is nice to see Peter's sister... and Jubilee finally talking, haha. Interesting concept...
     
  14. La_She-Beast

    La_She-Beast Registered

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    Hey, thanks :) It's just a shame everything seems to be forced.At least, that's what I thought, because of the writing limit. Or maybe that's just me... what do you think?
     
  15. Angamb

    Angamb Registered

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    forced? what?

    about the deadline? we had one month, hehe.
     
  16. La_She-Beast

    La_She-Beast Registered

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    Nononono. The scene.
     
  17. Angamb

    Angamb Registered

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    forced the scene? the one you wrote? I don't understand anything, hahahaha.
     
  18. La_She-Beast

    La_She-Beast Registered

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    Lol, ok, sorry. The dialogues in the scene, I think they're quite forced. There's not much nature in the conversation. That would be due to the writing limit,I had to do pretty much of editing, making the scene shorter and shorter. Do you notice that? Do you think the dialogues seem to be forced?
     
  19. Angamb

    Angamb Registered

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    not exactly forced, but I find it... don't know... weird? maybe I don't think it fit perfectly with the movies... don't know.... it's difficult to explain...
     
  20. BobJM

    BobJM Uncle Charlie

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    This competition kinda represents the forced and rushed nature of X3, a part of the film that upset me.

    Things need to be taken slowly, especially those who were trying to write softer, emotional moments.
     
  21. Angamb

    Angamb Registered

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    I sended you a PM, or two, bobby, have you read them?
     
  22. xmenfilesfan05

    xmenfilesfan05 Registered

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    I would have to say, the line limit certainly leaves room for little substance, that is, unless, you are the best writer in the world. But some people managed to achieve a relatively good scene with the limit in place.
     
  23. Angamb

    Angamb Registered

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    shebeast, if you wanted a few more lines, you could have asked it me. I said it to other user before... but finally he didn't want me to change the rules.
     
  24. ToriL90

    ToriL90 Guest

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    I think some of the entries here have been very good. Some seem forced (I won't say who unless they want to know, 'cause I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings), but I think we can expect that in any competition. I understand that some scenes might be hard to make the right size; but the limit is also a good thing, 'cause voters won't have to be reading through really long scenes or not voting because they don't want to take the time to read it.
     
  25. xmenfilesfan05

    xmenfilesfan05 Registered

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    ^I am not saying however that your story lacked any substance, La She Beast. I was just commenting on the limit.
     

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