I had a lot of emotions and no where to share them. I totally apologize.
I'm just kind of... almost disappointed. That sounds way too harsh, but I'm not sure how else to word it. Not because the show was bad, necessarily, but because I feel like I was cheated. There was just enough there that it's like I got to taste a hundred different flavors and, given more time, would have wound up with a very interest meal but it never really got past the teasing part.
Like, okay... For instance, a lot of the scenes had the trademark Whedon-wit, but too often it just zoomed right through without stopping long enough for that wit to really do what it is suppose to, which is to make you care about the characters. Some people figure Whedon is just witty so that he can be witty, but the truth is that humor makes you like people and connects you to them. Joss uses humor like a cheat code to give the audience characters they want to identify with. While there are quite a few good one liners in this episode it doesn't have the heart that it does in, say, Buffy or Firefly or Avengers because it doesn't have the time to develop that. Heart taking longer to pull off than comedy and this episode wasn't given the time.
Then there are things like I can tell Joss probably wanted to set Ward up as the Cliche Action Hero, partly so he could contrast Coulson who acts very much as our hero and yet does so in a down to Earth, everyman way (and in this Joss was completely successfull - Coulson really contrasts to Ward's "serious agent" act while also proving he deserves his higher ranking) but also, I'm sure, so that he can be messed with because that is very much in line with Joss style: give us someone who represents the cliches of the genre so that you can explore why those cliches exist. Again, I can even point to the scenes where I can see the show poking at this, but it never really strikes. Because the problem with this whole method is that you need time in order to really pull it off. You have to introduce a character, establish them as your Sterotypical Role while at the same time giving us the audience some sense of why this is (we have to see some reason why the character would so perfectly fit this cliche beyond just 'because that's the genre' or else it runs the risk of being a straight out parody), give them a reason to play into our expectations, and then slowly start to slip in the subversive content. Obviously, in the pilot we have things like Agent Ward with he truth serum scene which is one of the most Joss scenes in there but it - along with every other scene - felt rushed and so it doesn't really achieve what I know damn well Joss can achieve.
The reason people love Joss - and, okay, I'm sure there are a number of reasons why but one of the reasons that he is well known for - is his ability to build up an ensemble and make us care about them. Which he does by giving us lots of character interaction. Most of any given Joss episode is spent learning about characters, watching them play off one another, all that good stuff that isn't plot driven but is just as important in the works of Whedon. Again, I can pretty clearly see hints at this in the show. Here is our group. Got it. And they tease their group dynamic, sure. But the episode is mostly driven by plot related information and so we don't get to sit in with these characters and really watch them in that way.
Every scene is like a bullet point, it just tells you what you need so you can get to the next item in the list. Sure, it's broken up with some clever Whedonesque lines, but it's so rushed. Joss usually takes his time. He makes you sit there with the characters and just hang out, which you'll notice is exactly how we make friends in the real world and why it works for him on his shows. But I never really got the feeling I was just hanging out with anyone here. It was too orderly and driven. And, yeah, it wasn't even bad! It was enjoyable and good, but it's just so frustrating to me that almost all of it's weaknesses can be attributed to "it was rushed/there wasn't enough time".
It isn't as if it failed because the content was bad. It failed because the content that they had needed way more space. That has to be the most annoying way to fail ever. It's like loosing a race not because you weren't fast enough, but the track wasn't long enough.
On the other hand, so you don't think I'm a crazy person, there is a lot of stuff I loved! Coulson was great and the way they contrasted him and Ward was wonderful. There were a ton of minor moments in world building that I adored (that line about waking up thinking the strangest thing in the world was a billionaire with a robot suit? I love how it sets you up for something mundane and then reminds you with a little pinch that this is not your normal universe, even for the normal people inhabiting it).
Coulson's remark that they didn't cut off the head of the centipede? Surely that was a Hydra reference, right?
Also, it's easy to pick out a bunch of cute quip moments but I have to say I also like the more serious:
Mike: I could, you know. I could be a hero.
Coulson: I'm counting on it.
I thought that was a very sweet line. Richards did a brilliant job in the role, making me like him enough in his short time that when he attacks the foreman I got upset and blamed the centipede tech, sure that it couldn't be him acting out like that. Then to bring back the Captain America type of serum that brings out whatever is already there... He's just a normal person, and most people aren't Steve Rogers. Even if we want to be heroes, the truth is that deep down we are not always that good, and I thought that idea was well played in the pilot.
So I guess my main complaint is that I wish they'd given them twice as much time to develop the characters and ideas, but I suppose I need to accept that this was just a teaser for the rest of the season.