Zaphod said:
Herr, as you requested, here's s portion of Bruce's tutlege under Kirig. Let me know what you think, with suggestions, tidbits, praise, rage, you name it (need I even ask you to do so anymore?):
ORIGIN PART 2 BRUCE & KIRIGI
Bruce in Tibet, ascends a steep-mountain, hulking his body up the cliff-edge, climbing the towering edifice of rock and stone, making use of the vast array of equipment he has strapped about his person Next, we see Bruce rappelling up a cliff edge; he climbs the mountains ledge while utilizing an array of mountaineering equipment (chalk, carabineers, ascenders, ice-picks and axes etc). A voiceover narrates Bruce s journey, in which we learn of Bruce buying information and equipment to advance his expedition in locating Master Kirigi, as well as prior training garnered over the world after leaving the FBI. In this latter case, wed actually see flashbacks to scenes of Bruces other worldly practises abroad, although these wouldnt be simply thrown in at random, but would be set of by practises we see Bruce adopt in the present.
For example, Bruce would come to a point in his present journey where all the passage ahead is shrouded in bush and overgrown, with path no longer visible, wed then cut to a scene of Bruce in Africa, were we see him learning the right of human passage to which ordinary men are blind, with Bruces movements in this scene paralleling those in the present narrative.
I'm pretty sure I sent you a PM saying that I thought we would need to see the "present-day" Batman in full costume early on and several times in between the origin sequences to better keep the audience's rapt attention, and you're accomodating that nicely. While I didn't want to make such an obvious rhythm of having an alternating order of present and past scenes that showed Bruce/Batman doing very similar things in both timelines, after reading the quoted section above, it occurred to me that we could use both the techniques he learned in his journeys and the means by which he came to learn them.
I'm probably not explaining this well at all, but bear with me. What came to my mind when you mentioned the mountain climbing was a present-day scene where the costumed Batman is ascending buildings in Gotham City as part of his patrol or even a pursuit of a specific target or targets. He would much more quickly and easily ascend buildings as the Batman than as Bruce Wayne, since he has his grapnel with retracting cable, those ninja claw thingies to put over his gloves and overall a costume built with climbing in mind (as well as many other things, of course). By using a variety of relationships between the present and past images, it comes off as slightly less formulaic. Also, there is a broader range of freedom if the flashbacks do not reflect the Batman's current thought processes; he is not remembering these things based on what he sees now, necessarily, but if the image from one moment of the present seen by the camera mirrors one moment of the past, the camera uses that as a seque to go back in time to show the audience the life of Bruce Wayne. The transition would happen very abruptly, with a distinctive effect that wipes the screen.
Some examples that immediately spring to mind:
- Batman ascends by retracting the cable running from the grapnel clipped to his streamlined trunks-harness / Bruce scales mountain using ropes and various gear to reach Kirigi's monastery
- Batman watches a car speed through the streets of Gotham City / Bruce at age 13 or 14 drives around a track in a race car
- Batman spots some bullet shell casings on a rooftop or pavement in an alley / Bruce Wayne accompanies a member of a CSI unit and learns about obtaining forensic evidence at the crime scene and then criminalistics techniques in a crime lab
There should be some sort of trigger scene at the end of each flashback that leads back to the present as well. There wouldn't have to be a back-to-present trigger for every origin scene, though; it only needs to be broken up if there's a significant jump in time (i.e. most of the scenes where Bruce is 14 can be done consecutively without many present-scenes breaking up the sequence).
I have a question about this part:
"
Bruce would come to a point in his present journey where all the passage ahead is shrouded in bush and overgrown, with path no longer visible."
Where would he be during this, exactly? Is this in Korea, where Bruce is trying to reach Kirigi?
Another scene would show Bruce hungry and tired, he sees a tree bearing fruit high up, he takes out a sling and places a rock into it, he pelts the slingshot at the fruit above and then we cut to a scene of Bruce learning similar past-skills in bola and boomerang from Bushmen. All the while Bruce would be narrating these scenes.
Bruce now mounts a hill, overlooking a stone building of ancient design. Bruce traipses further onwards, making his way up the steps to the entrance of the castle, a monastery. Bruce reaches the large sealed doors, and stops in his tracks to regard the place. It is incredibly silent; the wind is the only audible sound. Bruce opens his satchel and takes out an ancient looking piece of scroll, this time it has illustrated a primitive but ingenious looking device, and instructions on how to operate it. Bruce looks to the door from the paper, the device is there in front of him too. It is a row of knobs, rotate able, which need to be turned to a specific point each in order to open the doors. Bruce presses and turns each of the knobs, and the doors loudly and slowly open to him.
Do those two paragraphs occur consecutively?
Bruce enters a wide and stone-like chamber; he cautiously makes his way through the entrance and enters into an elegant but cold black-marble dojo like structure. He passes through this and down past a stone walkway until he reaches another open area. This time though it is occupied. Line and lines of ensemble monks peacefully appear seated, meditating. They are calm and silent, and directly ahead of them seat another monk, singularly placed upon a pedestal. There is nothing but silence. Bruce weaves in and out of the columns of monks, who are un-distracted by the visitor. Bruce attempts to get the attention of the head-monk, but fails to do so. He tries again, and again, but fails both times. Finally Bruce retreats to the entrance from where he entered. He seats himself down in the same meditation position and closes his eyes. Waiting. Biding.
We cut to Bruce in the monastery; he is worn and has his features obscured beneath a dirty, large beard. It is evident that Bruce has been solitary for a great deal of time from his physical appearance. When Bruce awakes, he is greeted by the head-monk. His name is Kirigi, and taking Bruce through the environment of his monastery, digresses to Bruce the nature of his practices here and that he will train Bruce if he so wishes. He enquires with an amused eye how Bruce came to know of the monastery, and Bruce would say something to the effect of The secrets of ordinary men are easily bought. When Bruce agrees to the training offered, he is presented with a broom by Master Kirigi, the bewildered Bruce is told that first he must serve the most menial and basic of tasks in order to be allowed serious and proper training. This final moment would offer a little touch of comedy to the audiences.
Okay, I'm torn here. I like this a lot, but I don't know if it's a better idea to do this than translate 'The Man Who Falls' directly.
The major differences between the two are these:
In
TMWF, Bruce doesn't venture past the lobby/foyier/entrance and instead waits for Kirigi-- whose presence he can sense-- to bid him welcome. The voiceover narration would tell, "I waited for one week, then another, then another," and with each week being mentioned, Bruce grows more beard stubble and eventually a decent beard. Your version has the camera cutting out and fading back to an indeterminate amount of time.
In
TMWF, Kirigi only says, "You may sweep the floor," and doesn't explain himself, and Bruce complies. The voiceover would announce the timeframe through all of this, as Kirigi comes back a month later and says "You may wash the dishes," and after two more months, "You may boil the rice." I sort of prefer the TMWF version of these events, but we should discuss it. While I'm all for lightening the dark, depressed tone of the movie every once in a while, I think that if directed properly, Kirigi saying, "You may sweep the floor," and Bruce just giving the right look could also provide a bit of levity. Good timing, Kirigi's delivery and Bruce's facial reaction could probably sell that scene as comical. Again, we should discuss all of this.
You clearly put a lot of thought into all of this and I won't discount that or dismiss it outright. It may be the case that your way is more audience-friendly, although a lot of this will have to occur quickly so that the story doesn't drag. This hypothetical concept would be the first Batman movie that attempts to explore a wide range of educational and character-building experiences in Bruce Wayne's pre-Batman life.
We now cut to a montage: We see scenes of Bruce sweeping and cleaning the monastery. He captures fish from the river and also helps prepare rice in the kitchens. He serves food and water to the monks, and is finally confronted by Kirigi who tells Bruce he can now undergo training proper.
As long as all of this was kept very brief in terms of actual movie time, I'm all for adding the fish-capturing.
Wait... no I'm not. Where the hell is he going to find a river? He's at the top of a freakin' mountain!
From here, we see Kirigi take Bruce through a rigorous training off combat, ninja tactics (encompassing stealth and invisibility), and how to master explosive powders and shruiken. These scenes would be similar to those of Bruce learning from Ducard with the LOS in Begins, although they would be different enough in other areas to. Bruce would learn the use of gauntlets with Kirigi, and there would be elaboration on his use of explosive powder somewhat, mostly though the emphasis in this part of the origin would be Bruce mastering invisibility, stealth and martial arts.
Sounds good. I'd also add the "theatricality and deception are powerful agents" element here. The "exploding powder" basically translates to smoke bombs in the Batman's future, because when the Batman uses explosives, he's using Semtex and so forth, not units of packed gunpowder.
We should see a demonstation of Bruce throwing a small packet of exploding powder that causes a smoke screen, and he should try to disappear. It's okay to show him screwing up, if that would get a quick laugh, because in the future we will see the Batman throw a smoke grenade and disappear completely, as well as disappear without such accessories.
In shruiken, Kirigi would first present Bruce with a single shruiken and ask Bruce to demonstrate his skill with throwing and aiming. Bruce would fire the single shruiken at one of the many wooden targets, and he hits dead on the central-eye of the target. Bruce looks to Kirigi, but the Master monk shows only the faintest of recognition. Kirigi then reveals a satchel brandishing an entire arsenal of shruiken, Kirigi then proceeds to fire of each and every one of them at the target faster than the eye can see, rotating his body as he does, firing them of from the side, front, back until all are spent. Bruce looks to the target and we follow his gaze, the wood of every target throughout the room has been practically destroyed from the shruikens, which embed themselves in each of the centre eyes of the targets. Kirigi looks at Bruce, Bruce concedes the point.
That's a very cool scene, but I'm not sure I understand the point of it, the way it's set up. If this is a competition, it's not valid if Bruce only has one throwing star and Kirigi has a satchel-full. If you made it a demonstration instead of a contest, that would be fine and would look great.
Thanks very much for posting, Zaphod. I like a lot of this.
Keep it comin,' and I'll try to put something cogent together on the youth era and the Batman era.
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