BATMAN: Safe Haven for Those Who Demand More

Herr Logan said:
Are you saying you attempted a contribution to the thread and then aborted it?

:wolverine
Not abort. Sanction. I sanctioned my post. With extreme predjudice. It had it coming. Practically begged for it, even.

Really, it's no big deal. No one missed out on anything of value.
 
Cullen said:
Not abort. Sanction. I sanctioned my post. With extreme predjudice. It had it coming. Practically begged for it, even.

Really, it's no big deal. No one missed out on anything of value.

Thank you for sharing, Cullen.


Feel free to post on topic any month now!

:wolverine
 
Herr Logan said:
Thank you for sharing, Cullen.


Feel free to post on topic any month now!

:wolverine
Sorry, sorry. My head hasn't been in the comic game for a bit. Will try to do better.
 
Cullen said:
Sorry, sorry. My head hasn't been in the comic game for a bit. Will try to do better.

Damn right, you will!

Now go stand in the corner and remember this: if you can't say anything constructive or entertaining, shut yer word-hole! :mad:

:wolverine
 
Herr Logan said:
Damn right, you will!

Now go stand in the corner and remember this: if you can't say anything constructive or entertaining, shut yer word-hole! :mad:

:wolverine
I can say plenty that's entertaining. Trouble is, it's usually self entertaining...
 
I still have yet to post the list of collected links that bring you to the posts that discuss the video game concept 'Batman: Dark Knight Detective' in the original Safe Haven thread. I didn't post it in the beginning of this thread because it's much longer than the list of posts about Batman movies. I'll try to do that in the next couple of days.

In any case, I've been thinking a lot about my X-Men video game concept and how it could be adapted to compliment my X-Men movie franchise (both can be found in this thread, in the initial post and then towards the end. The same could be done for the Batman franchise Zaphod and I are slowly working on together.

'Batman: Dark Knight Detective' is a game concept that would fully immerse the player in the life of the Batman in as many aspects as possible. It would be both free-roaming and detailed (remember, it would, if ever, be produced years from now, when gaming technology would be even more advanced), with a fully explorable (is that even a word??) Gotham City (which is an island) as well as a sizable chunk of Gotham County (the area across the river/bay on the mainland, where Wayne Manor actually is) and the surrounding water. All the major locations in the Batman's world (except for the JLA Watchtower) would be available. A stealth/shadow dynamic no less advanced than the 'Splinter Cell' games would be a major part of it as well.

The subtitle actually states the three major components of the game that you'll be graded on:
  • Dark: The Batman's brand of stealth, characteristic theatricality and the ability to strike fear into the hearts of superstitious, cowardly criminals, both through his frightful reputation and his actions during an encounter. It also relates to his ability to keep his secret identity secret throughout the stages where the player plays as Civilian Bruce Wayne and Alfred Pennyworth.
  • Knight: The Batman's effectiveness in his mission to protect the innocent and defeat and capture the guilty, based on his skill and aptitude with martial arts, weaponry, gadgets and various physical skills and maneuvers used in his routine as a dynamic and athletic vigilante (such as getting around, either by car, on foot, on a grapnel cable, etc.).
  • Detective: The Batman's full range of detection skills, including crime scene investigation, laboratory analysis of forensic evidence, obtaining information through a variety of methods (including surveillance, computer research and hacking, creating and maintaining a relationship with confidential criminal informants and police contacts, and interrogation through physical and psychological coersion), following clues and leads, disguise and impersonation, and his success rates and proportions at progressing and closing open cases.
If this vision were realized, I would seriously consider it one of the most amazing works of art in human history so far. It would be unspeakably complex and engaging, and it would provide a true Bat-fan hours and hours and hours (and on top of that, hour and hours) of mystery, action and dramatic entertainment. It would also be very in-depth and challenging at times (or just time-consuming, depending on how adept you are at virtual detection), and could, after game completion, potentially leave a player someone who desperately wants to be a detective in real life, or someone who never wants to even think about crime-solving again or even hear about shows like 'CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.'

The biggest way in which this game would differ from comics, novels, TV shows, movies and any other medium of storytelling is that the story would unfold completely from the first-person perspectives of the Batman, Robin and Alfred Pennyworth. Let me be clear about this: when I say "first person perspective," I am only talking about the story content to which you are privy throughout the game; I am not saying that this game would be a first-person shooter. Anybody who would even consider making first-person shooter Batman game should be executed for their ignorance, so yeah, that's not what I'm saying. What that basically means is that, unless you are actually at the scene to witness it, you will not see any scenes in which villains and various third parties are planning or committing crimes or other actions, until you learn enough to put the pieces together. That means you won't see a villain in his hideout ranting about the Batman or Commissioner Gordon or how the food in Arkham Asylum is so terrible, unless you are sneaking around in the hideout itself, or have placed a listening device in a place where it would pick up such dialogue, or have either formed a theory or definitively deduced what that villain has done, will do, is currently doing, or would do under certain circumstances. The more you learn from clues, intelligence, forced or voluntary confessions, etc. the more third-person scenes of dramatic irony (that means the audience knows something about one character in the story that another character doesn't know about that character) you get to see. This is somewhat awkward, I know, but it would preserve the detective aspects and force you to figure out pretty much everything, unless clues and information happen to fall into your lap (which happens sometimes). The reason why it's awkward isn't that you don't get the information before you're supposed to, but that these types of scenes don't just show pertinent information, but dramatic/comedic content stemming from the personalities and mannerisms of the characters being portrayed. This could be considered a bit of a distortion of what the Batman is likely to imagine happening in context, even though he is quite knowledgable of many of these enemies and criminals. I'd be willing to live with that, even though the "realism" of that dynamic is altered by the influence of the "omniscient narrator" who wrote and programmed those story pieces.

I wanted the game to offer the option of watching the entirety of saved progress (as in all your failed attempts that result in restarting from a save point are not included) all the way through as a movie (more like a miniseries, actually... a very long miniseries)-- a Full Movie Mode. You would be able to fast-forward, rewind, watch in slow-motion in either direction, and skip scenes just like in a DVD, and all FMVs in the game should offer that same option (most importantly about that, if you press "Start" during an FMV, it doesn't automatically skip but rather offers you all the aforementioned options... the entire game should similarly be as user-friendly as possible). I now think that all the third-person, dramatically ironic scenes would play after the Batman has already figured things out, which may come across as awkward. I think that it could either be set to bring those scenes back to where they belong in "real-time" in Full Movie Mode, or keep it as is; the method of revealing scenes of occurrences after a character has discovered clues or information is common enough in fiction (ex.: the movie 'The Fugitive'; the television show 'Veronica Mars,' which I know Zev watches) that I think many people could deal with that. Either way, I think it's a pretty cool option. I do realize many people would be sick of the game by the time they finish, since it's so complex and extremely long, but they could show it to friends or save it for another day to watch.


'Batman: Dark Knight Detective' was originally supposed to take place in a well-established Gotham City, somewhere in the continuity of comics published in the late 90's/early 00's. After envisioning a Batman movie franchise that begins with a 'Year One' based story, I think certain things about the original concept could actually be improved by cutting the game into as many parts as there are movies. For one, the memory, work hours and general resources that would go into such a project would be distributed over several years (although I do want the movies to be filmed back to back in pairs, resulting in one Batman movie released per year, so that may be a problem) and would make more money by dividing the project into separate games. If each game is bought and rented at a regular game price, that would help make the money back. The dynamics of each game would build on the previous one, rather than start from scratch each time. Anyway, that's the practical side of it, and I very well could be wrong, because I know pretty much nothing about video game development.

On the artistic side, this format would allow for extensive origin levels in which you would practice, gain skills and experience Bruce Wayne's journey
to becoming the Batman. The movie can only have so much pre-Batsuit content without ruining it, but because the game would encapsulate a lot more content overall, it can include much more of that kind of content, as well as a lot more post-Batsuit content (which should be much more plentiful than the other in any Batman movie or game).
Part of my original concept for 'Batman: Dark Knight Detective' was that somebody who knew the Batman's true identity would be messing with every aspect of his life, both as Bruce Wayne and the Batman. Included in this malicious campaign is the mastermind having all of the Batman's criminal street informants killed, as well as "outing" all of the Batman's false criminal/lowlife identities, forcing the Batman to make new contacts (which should be a complex process, at least the first time around) and establish new false identities. If it's a game based on the Batman's first year, then he can do both of those things anyway, as it will be the first time he does so in Gotham City. Except for the inclusion of several specific villains and the relationships the Batman has with Harvey Dent and James Gordon (who of course will not be the Commissioner in the beginning), the game series could still include most of its original concepts. Much history of the Batman mythos would be excluded, since this is early on, but as much of everything that could be included in this vast and complex virtual world would be included. The battle tactics, theatricality and detective work are all there for the player to indulge in. It would be oh so beautiful...


Again, I'll try to put those links up and edit and post my Word file that describes this stuff in more detail.

I know this is a fruitless question to ask, but what do you think?

:wolverine
 
Here are the post links for 'Batman: Dark Knight Detective' in the original Safe Haven for Those Who Demand More:

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6957244&postcount=442

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6957252&postcount=443

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6997894&postcount=454

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7111600&postcount=458

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7111608&postcount=459

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7141631&postcount=467

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7152649&postcount=473

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7152672&postcount=474

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...83#post7667483

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...60#post7668160

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...53#post7668253

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...40#post7669440

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...65#post7669765

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...89#post7851589

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...18#post7924218

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...17#post7924417

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...00#post7924700

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...37#post7925037

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...69#post7925269

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...42#post7925942

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...90#post7925990

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...05#post7926705

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...51#post7927251

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...35#post7927835

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...23#post7928023

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...88#post7928388

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...92#post7928792

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...31#post7929931

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...22#post7930322

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...17#post7935017

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...21#post7936021

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...34#post7937034

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...51#post7937351

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...69#post7940669

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...20#post7943820

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...45#post7945345

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...01#post7947501

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...16#post7948316

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...40#post7948740

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...53#post7949953

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...81#post7950581

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...76#post7950876

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...81#post7959181

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...86#post7960086

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...22#post7960522

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...95#post7966695

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...17#post7978517

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...68#post7981968

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...35#post7982435

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...17#post7987317

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...23#post7987923

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...80#post7988580

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...09#post7988609

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...57#post7988857

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...15#post7988915

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...64#post7988964

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...63#post7989163

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...46#post7990746

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...50#post7991450

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8005846&postcount=853

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8015198&postcount=876

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8043153&postcount=884

:wolverine
 
Herr Logan said:
Better than what, exactly?
You can snikt the claws back in ;) I only came across this thread today and I was relieved to find a sanctuary... I was just kicking up my feet :cool:
 
BatScot said:
You can snikt the claws back in ;) I only came across this thread today and I was relieved to find a sanctuary... I was just kicking up my feet :cool:

See, that's what I'd hoped you meant, but hope is what gets people disappointed, betrayed and killed, thus the defensiveness.


Welcome to the Haven, BatScot. :up:

:wolverine
 
Herr Logan said:
See, that's what I'd hoped you meant, but hope is what gets people disappointed, betrayed and killed, thus the defensiveness.
You know me better than that :rolleyes:

Herr Logan said:
Welcome to the Haven, BatScot. :up:
Ta very much.
 
BatScot said:
You know me better than that :rolleyes:

Do I? Can anyone truly know someone else?


Anyway, I was just kidding. I didn't actually intend to come off as defensive, but that's how you interpreted my question, so I figured I'd throw in a standard dose of paranoia.


Ta very much.

No problem. I know how unpleasant these boards can be... all covered in ovine feces and clumps of wool sheddings...

:wolverine
 
Herr Logan said:
'Batman: Dark Knight Detective' is a game concept that would fully immerse the player in the life of the Batman in as many aspects as possible. It would be both free-roaming and detailed (remember, it would, if ever, be produced years from now, when gaming technology would be even more advanced), with a fully explorable (is that even a word??) Gotham City (which is an island) as well as a sizable chunk of Gotham County (the area across the river/bay on the mainland, where Wayne Manor actually is) and the surrounding water. All the major locations in the Batman's world (except for the JLA Watchtower) would be available. A stealth/shadow dynamic no less advanced than the 'Splinter Cell' games would be a major part of it as well.

I don't know if you could have a stealth/shadow dynamic AND a free-roam system. All those shadows have to be strategically placed, those guards' patrol routes have to be programmed in... maybe you can free-roam to a location and then enter a "mission" mode for plot-based "quests" (and not just random encounters).

The subtitle actually states the three major components of the game that you'll be graded on:
  • Dark: The Batman's brand of stealth, characteristic theatricality and the ability to strike fear into the hearts of superstitious, cowardly criminals, both through his frightful reputation and his actions during an encounter. It also relates to his ability to keep his secret identity secret throughout the stages where the player plays as Civilian Bruce Wayne and Alfred Pennyworth.

Only problem I see here is... why would anyone want to play as Bruce Wayne or Alfred Pennyworth when they could be Batman? I don't know if you played the Hulk movie game, but every so often they'd interrupt the fun of rampaging as the Hulk with forcing the player to sneak around as Bruce Banner. I was like "WTF?"

Maybe brief "interactive cutscenes" between missions where the players, as Bruce or Alfred, can have conversations like in the old Lucasarts or Sierra adventures games. Remember those, before everything became "stare at Lara Croft's ass while you pull blocks around"?

I'd give anything to hear Bruce say "How appropriate, you fight like a cow" (he said, establishing his geek credentials).

  • Knight: The Batman's effectiveness in his mission to protect the innocent and defeat and capture the guilty, based on his skill and aptitude with martial arts, weaponry, gadgets and various physical skills and maneuvers used in his routine as a dynamic and athletic vigilante (such as getting around, either by car, on foot, on a grapnel cable, etc.).
  • Detective: The Batman's full range of detection skills, including crime scene investigation, laboratory analysis of forensic evidence, obtaining information through a variety of methods (including surveillance, computer research and hacking, creating and maintaining a relationship with confidential criminal informants and police contacts, and interrogation through physical and psychological coersion), following clues and leads, disguise and impersonation, and his success rates and proportions at progressing and closing open cases.

Again, I don't know if the detective stuff can be as interesting as the "fighting, jumping off rooftops, driving the Batmobile" stuff. Maybe if they were just minigames (as I think we agreed on already, if so, disregard), but I think most people would rather have one really cool game than three kinda okay games bundled together. I remember playing Kingdom Hearts (shut up, okay, it is a personal dream of mine to fight evil with Disney characters) and being really POed when they'd interrupt the RPG/adventure stuff to put in a half-assed space shooter.

...

The biggest way in which this game would differ from comics, novels, TV shows, movies and any other medium of storytelling is that the story would unfold completely from the first-person perspectives of the Batman, Robin and Alfred Pennyworth. Let me be clear about this: when I say "first person perspective," I am only talking about the story content to which you are privy throughout the game; I am not saying that this game would be a first-person shooter. Anybody who would even consider making first-person shooter Batman game should be executed for their ignorance, so yeah, that's not what I'm saying. What that basically means is that, unless you are actually at the scene to witness it, you will not see any scenes in which villains and various third parties are planning or committing crimes or other actions, until you learn enough to put the pieces together. That means you won't see a villain in his hideout ranting about the Batman or Commissioner Gordon or how the food in Arkham Asylum is so terrible, unless you are sneaking around in the hideout itself, or have placed a listening device in a place where it would pick up such dialogue, or have either formed a theory or definitively deduced what that villain has done, will do, is currently doing, or would do under certain circumstances. The more you learn from clues, intelligence, forced or voluntary confessions, etc. the more third-person scenes of dramatic irony (that means the audience knows something about one character in the story that another character doesn't know about that character) you get to see. This is somewhat awkward, I know, but it would preserve the detective aspects and force you to figure out pretty much everything, unless clues and information happen to fall into your lap (which happens sometimes). The reason why it's awkward isn't that you don't get the information before you're supposed to, but that these types of scenes don't just show pertinent information, but dramatic/comedic content stemming from the personalities and mannerisms of the characters being portrayed. This could be considered a bit of a distortion of what the Batman is likely to imagine happening in context, even though he is quite knowledgable of many of these enemies and criminals. I'd be willing to live with that, even though the "realism" of that dynamic is altered by the influence of the "omniscient narrator" who wrote and programmed those story pieces.

So, something like Half-Life or Harry Potter, where you never deviate from one character's viewpoint. Doable.

I wanted the game to offer the option of watching the entirety of saved progress (as in all your failed attempts that result in restarting from a save point are not included) all the way through as a movie (more like a miniseries, actually... a very long miniseries)-- a Full Movie Mode. You would be able to fast-forward, rewind, watch in slow-motion in either direction, and skip scenes just like in a DVD, and all FMVs in the game should offer that same option (most importantly about that, if you press "Start" during an FMV, it doesn't automatically skip but rather offers you all the aforementioned options... the entire game should similarly be as user-friendly as possible). I now think that all the third-person, dramatically ironic scenes would play after the Batman has already figured things out, which may come across as awkward.

Or have the player play through the game a second time to be able to see them in their proper time and place, thus giving it retail value (kinda like how in the Spider-Man movie game, they let you play as Green Goblin, only totally different).

And onto the Year One concept, good idea (although it de facto invalidates Red Hood as a possible mastermind, unless you want to give him some sort of time travel equipment, which is almost as ******ed as, say... writing that Leslie Thompkins, a pacifist doctor who's like a mother to Bruce and would literally die before allowing harm to come to ANYONE, let a young girl die just to deter Bruce from being a vigilante. YES, I CAN BE FULL OF RAGE TOO!). Plus, it saves the Robin stuff, the Iceberg Lounge, and Two-Face for a sequel. That'd be quite a draw to come back for another go, getting to play two-player with Robin or some sort of helper system or something.

By the way, I figured out a way to have a romance in a Batman movie which will pull in a TON of female viewers, while not introducing a completely unnecessary female to the plot (*cough* Vicki Vale *cough cough* Chase Meridian *cough cough* Rachel Dawes *cough cough* Okay, Michelle Phfeiffer was really hot *cough cough*).

And, if that didn't piss you off too much (or worse yet, give you ideas), here's the start of a fic I'm working on about Nightwing. It's a lot more faithful to the canon than Spider-Man 6 was and a shorter read, although Batman's a bit more... ruthless than his mainstream counterpart. Then again, you have to be kind of a dick to dress a little kid up in bright colors and say "C'mon kid, help me beat up the dangerous criminals."
 
Herr, this is how I see the opening of 'The Batman' to work out on-screen. I imagine this sequence as being an opening teaser for the movie proper, before the training with Kirigi and all the scenes featuring young Bruce growing up in the Manor, Parents murder and subsequent training at home.

  • Pan around to Batman poised upon on high ledge between two gargoyle statues. Zoom in on bat-insignia, and fade to dark -
  • Bruce crashes through the dark and descends a chasm. Hitting the bottom, he peers up, broken boards and light. A bat flutters out of the darkness, perched and staring omniously, then a thousand fly out, terrifying Bruce who screams. Shots begin to ring out through the screaming -
So that is basically your opener, which would merge into the beggining origin sequence with Bruce at the FBI as a trainee at age 20, interspliced with sequences involving Batman on the prowl in Gotham City. The idea to have these two narratives interspliced is to convey the first signs of Bruce's training being adopted in the field when he becomes Batman, and to give the audience some Batman goodness early on as we agreed. Also, it would cover the FBI origin succintly without dwelling, which would leave us more time later to flesh out other origin aspects. So, heres how it goes from here:

  • Bruce Wayne, age 20, fires of rounds into our screens. We pan around to see FBI Trainee in yellow block-captials on his back. We see the bullets he fires hit non-lethal organs on the body outline of the target/ Two thugs fire their guns randomly into the darkness, terrified expressions. Two black objects fly out from nowhere and strike the guns from their hands, the thugs recoil in pain and fear.
  • Bruce paces through an excerise course, leaping gaps, ducking, climbing, he grabs a rope and swings accross a large gap, touching down on the otherside/ Batman moves speedily accross a derelict rooftop, television antennae, cables, wires and garbage. He dodges these and extends his grappel gun, firing a line he crosses a large gap and lands on the ledge of the opposite building in a crouching position.
  • Bruce inspects a bullet casing on the ground during an FBI bust, inspecting it, he places it into a bag/Batman swabs some sulphur found on the ground and holds it up against a bullet shell, inferring.
  • Bruce and the FBI team open up a van and find drugs stowed in the rear/Batman plies open a crate in a warehouse, finds weapons, he compares the guns signature against that of the bullet, positive match.
  • Bruce and the FBI close in on the hired hands operating the drugs racket, sweep of room, weapons raised, shouting orders and positions/ Cornered thugs in a warehouse use the stashed guns and begin to fire. Batman moves through the shadow, drawing fire, disabling their weapons, aking them out one at a time, systematically.
  • Bruce watches the racketeers go free, throws badge and gun on the desk of CO, making his resignation/Police and SWAT enter the warehouse, find the criminals tried up and terrified beyond beleif. Fade out.
Let me know what you think.
 
Zaphod said:
Herr, this is how I see the opening of 'The Batman' to work out on-screen. I imagine this sequence as being an opening teaser for the movie proper, before the training with Kirigi and all the scenes featuring young Bruce growing up in the Manor, Parents murder and subsequent training at home.
  • Pan around to Batman poised upon on high ledge between two gargoyle statues. Zoom in on bat-insignia, and fade to dark -
  • Bruce crashes through the dark and descends a chasm. Hitting the bottom, he peers up, broken boards and light. A bat flutters out of the darkness, perched and staring omniously, then a thousand fly out, terrifying Bruce who screams. Shots begin to ring out through the screaming -
So that is basically your opener, which would merge into the beggining origin sequence with Bruce at the FBI as a trainee at age 20, interspliced with sequences involving Batman on the prowl in Gotham City. The idea to have these two narratives interspliced is to convey the first signs of Bruce's training being adopted in the field when he becomes Batman, and to give the audience some Batman goodness early on as we agreed. Also, it would cover the FBI origin succintly without dwelling, which would leave us more time later to flesh out other origin aspects. So, heres how it goes from here:
  • Bruce Wayne, age 20, fires of rounds into our screens. We pan around to see FBI Trainee in yellow block-captials on his back. We see the bullets he fires hit non-lethal organs on the body outline of the target/ Two thugs fire their guns randomly into the darkness, terrified expressions. Two black objects fly out from nowhere and strike the guns from their hands, the thugs recoil in pain and fear.
  • Bruce paces through an excerise course, leaping gaps, ducking, climbing, he grabs a rope and swings accross a large gap, touching down on the otherside/ Batman moves speedily accross a derelict rooftop, television antennae, cables, wires and garbage. He dodges these and extends his grappel gun, firing a line he crosses a large gap and lands on the ledge of the opposite building in a crouching position.
  • Bruce inspects a bullet casing on the ground during an FBI bust, inspecting it, he places it into a bag/Batman swabs some sulphur found on the ground and holds it up against a bullet shell, inferring.
  • Bruce and the FBI team open up a van and find drugs stowed in the rear/Batman plies open a crate in a warehouse, finds weapons, he compares the guns signature against that of the bullet, positive match.
  • Bruce and the FBI close in on the hired hands operating the drugs racket, sweep of room, weapons raised, shouting orders and positions/ Cornered thugs in a warehouse use the stashed guns and begin to fire. Batman moves through the shadow, drawing fire, disabling their weapons, aking them out one at a time, systematically.
  • Bruce watches the racketeers go free, throws badge and gun on the desk of CO, making his resignation/Police and SWAT enter the warehouse, find the criminals tried up and terrified beyond beleif. Fade out.
Let me know what you think.

He lives!!

I'm a little bit "iffy" on having so much of those flashbacks taking place in the FBI, especially since I'm pretty sure that Bruce never went on a bust with them in the comics, but in terms of the transitions and the things he's doing, I think this is really excellent. Well done, Zaphod, and thanks. :up:

:wolverine
 
I just want to say that I greatly appreciate people's comments not just because it flatters my fragile ego and because it offers suggestions, but because I very often generate a huge amount of ideas while reacting to criticism; criticism meaning not bashing my ideas, but analysing them and making suggestions or pointing out flaws. My mind has been going all over the place while responding to Zev's post, so while not everything may not be pure gold, it gives more options, and some of it is definitely necessary now that it occurs to me. Again, thanks.


Zev said:
I don't know if you could have a stealth/shadow dynamic AND a free-roam system. All those shadows have to be strategically placed, those guards' patrol routes have to be programmed in... maybe you can free-roam to a location and then enter a "mission" mode for plot-based "quests" (and not just random encounters).

It would be a monstrously advanced game, on a monstrously advanced system, hopefully not sold for a monstrously expensive price. It's hypothetical; my ideal.

I also want the shadows to move when light is introduced. Passing cars, flashlights, whatever. I want it to be like Splinter Cell in that way. Again, I know nothing about computer programming, but I would think that the biggest problem for the free-roaming aspect would be to make it all appear in thermal vision. If that wasn't doable but almost everything else in the game was, I would let it go without a fight (as long as it wasn't setting a precedent for everything else to be taken away). I'm talking about a game that captures the world of the Batman as "realistically" (to the context, not necessarily to our reality) and faithfully as possible. Yes, it would be difficult. That's always going to be the case. The question is, wouldn't that be awesome? Wouldn't it be great if you could do everything the Batman does?

That doesn't include doing hundreds of pushups and situps every day and sitting through boring business meetings (maybe just the time leading up to the meeting and the very last part before adjourning, leading up to dialogue between Bruce Wayne and others and personal interaction mini-games (which also means dialogue, but more player-directed and chosen, with consequences ranging between just extraneous dialogue to blowing your cover as a vigilante, depending on the situation and how much you've interacted with others throughout the game). No, that wasn't an exaggeration; the Batman literally does hundreds of pushups and/or situps every damn day, and other various exercises for extended periods of time. That's the benefit of having most of the day to himself so he can prepare for his night out on the town. Some people do some basic stretching before intense exercise, and some people spend hours doing insane amounts of various exercises. Either way, you won't be doing most of that sort of thing, although you will do some gymnastics, in training and in the field. Again, it supposed to be fun. Hell, they have lots of games out there where half of what you do is gymnastics ('Prince of Persia' anyone?).

The point I'm making here is that you get the full experience, and the lulls in action aren't meant to be long stretches of boring stuff. It's supposed to be the psychological aspects of the dual identity. Some people really dig the advanced concepts behind personal interaction minigames, working with forensics evidence and equipment, and being able to explore notable locations in the world of an action hero (like Wayne Manor and Wayne Enterprises) without being attacked before they're done checking stuff out. You will probably be interrupted several times throughout the Bruce Wayne socializing scenes by learning of a situation that might need the Batman's brand of assistance or interference. That's where the whole "you get to guide Bruce through the process of covering his mysterious, unstable ass so he can go play hero" thing comes in handy the most. Also, like I've said (or will say... I'm going back and forth throughout this post and editing, and I've lost track of where certain chunks of text are), the Jim Gordon is going to question Bruce Wayne because of his suspicions of Bruce being the Batman, and will first question Alfred a couple of times while Bruce is out or "downstairs," lurking and scheming.

I don't want it to be a classic-type RPG, so I don't know about free-roaming to mission spots and only gettin' down to business once you're inside. A lot of stuff happens to and for the Batman outdoors in Gotham City.

I do want there to be random encounters with criminals, since that's what happens in the Batman's world. They may not be accurately described as "random," though. I would have more crime in areas that are known to have more crime. In richer neighborhoods, there's less likelihood of outdoors robberies, so the Batman probably shouldn't be hanging around there (unless he's home out in Gotham County, of course, but he should be outside and in the City for a good chunk of each night. He'll have to return to one of his bases at some point anyway, so he should try to get a lot done each night.
Anyway, it wouldn't just be unforseen run-ins with crooks out there. I don't know if you've played either of the 'True Crime' games, but those are about rough-and-tumble cops who roam around their respective cities (L.A., NYC) and respond to dispatch reports resulting from 911 calls. The Batman taps into the police band constantly, so that would be happening in 'Batman: Dark Knight Detective' (I'm gonna heretofore refer to it as B:DKD, because it's getting as annoying to keep typing it as it is for you to read about it). Often you would try to get there as soon as possible, both to help out as early as possible to save lives, and to get in, kick ass, and get out before the cops get there. If they show up and you're still there, it's not necessarily a bad thing, but the Batman does try to do this when possible, so you get more points awarded for that (yes, I've decided there's going to be points, but you won't see them on the screen anywhere unless you go to a menu and check your statistics). Wait... if this is going to be based on the first movie of Zaphod's and my Batman movie franchise, you damn well better get out before the cops show up! They're out for your ass as much as to brutalize criminals and extort citizens, so yeah, you don't ever want to run in to them if you don't have to, unless you're good enough to take them down without getting shot. This would actually give you more time in some cases, as most police in Gotham in Year One aren't really that eager to help people other than themselves. If it's a big shootout with lots of armed goons, you'll probably have more time than in other cases, but when the cops do get there, it's going to be extremely dangerous, because it will probably be that trigger-happy, bomb-dropping warlord who commands the SWAT unit, Sergeant Branden, who was going to completely screw up that hostage sitation in Frank Millers 'Batman: Year One,' until Gordon stepped in, told him to back off and saved the day while risking his life. So yeah, you want to avoid running into cops if you don't have to, unless you're sneaking up on them to quietly force them to take a nap. You also don't want to be seen doing that by anybody, but in cases like the one where the Batman attacked Detective Flass and a whole bunch of known criminals during a drug-smuggling errand, it may not be avoidable. You just have to make sure you do things as dramatically and frighteningly as possible in the time you have. Wait, I don't think there were any other police during that encounter... oh well.
Anyway, there would be various missions (far more than there were in 'Year One'), 911 calls, and run-ins (like muggings , assaults, drug-peddling, etc.) with crooks and crooked cops. That's what happens in the city at night. Oh, I forgot, there would also be run-ins with dead bodies or injured people sometimes, and you would try to solve the case before the police declare it solved or unsolvable. That's where some forensic evidence would come in. The CSI stuff would happen for various specific missions as well. For a lot of missions, or even certain "random" calls, there would often be indoor environments that are elaborate and detailed. I'm probably forgetting stuff, but for now that should give a better idea of what goes on. It's supposed to be less repetitive and pointless as in 'Spider-Man 2,' but it's also more difficult, because the Batman doesn't move as fast as Spider-Man and he can't take a lot of gunshot wounds.

Only problem I see here is... why would anyone want to play as Bruce Wayne or Alfred Pennyworth when they could be Batman? I don't know if you played the Hulk movie game, but every so often they'd interrupt the fun of rampaging as the Hulk with forcing the player to sneak around as Bruce Banner. I was like "WTF?"

Maybe brief "interactive cutscenes" between missions where the players, as Bruce or Alfred, can have conversations like in the old Lucasarts or Sierra adventures games. Remember those, before everything became "stare at Lara Croft's ass while you pull blocks around"?

I'd give anything to hear Bruce say "How appropriate, you fight like a cow" (he said, establishing his geek credentials).

I'm not talking about having Bruce Wayne push boxes around (unless we wanted game levels where he puts the Batcave together from separate components... no? Well, then I got nothin'...). For the training/origin levels, you wouldn't wear the costume and for the most part wouldn't have all the Batman's gadgets at once. I know, that's annoying, but it's faithful. To compensate for the full missions you do as pre-Batsuit Bruce, there's a lot of post-Batsuit stuff to keep a reasonable Bruce/Batman ratio (something like for every 1 whatever for Bruce, there's at least 4 whatever for the Batman). Anyway, there's the origin levels, and then there's the Year One timeframe, where Bruce Wayne works to keep his secret identity from Lt. James Gordon and everyone else. I don't know if you're ever played 'Indigo Prophecy' or 'Farenheight' (they're the same game, named differently in different places), but it featured minigames where you did social interactions, and one of the characters you play as is trying to keep secrets from others. You choose what kind of response you want to give at certain times, and you either do a good job, do a passable job, or screw it up and have to start again from a save point. It's one of the psychological elements of the game. It's the life of the Batman.

For Alfred, I figure there will be one mandatory mission where you play him and have him drive out to Gotham City and pick up an injured Batman. If this game is based on Zaphod's and my Year One movie, then there won't even be the option of having the Batman summon the Batmobile to him to climb in and let the computer drive him home. His car isn't automated at that point. By the second movie, that option should be available for the game, and then Alfred would only have to come for you if you couldn't climb into the car or are in a place where the car can't get close enough and you can't get to it. Anyway, yeah, it's a "Fetch the Beat-up Batman" mission. The other thing is that I wanted Alfred to also have the personal interact minigame where he covers for Bruce. That kind of thing. I don't mean pushing boxes around and solving idiotic block puzzles as Bruce Wayne or Alfred. At least I'm pretty sure there'd be nothing that pointless. I haven't figured everything out yet, but my intent is to have the only things that aren't outright "exciting" in the action sense be stuff that is integral to the Batman mythos and for the sake of completeness.

To be continued...
 
Again, I don't know if the detective stuff can be as interesting as the "fighting, jumping off rooftops, driving the Batmobile" stuff. Maybe if they were just minigames (as I think we agreed on already, if so, disregard), but I think most people would rather have one really cool game than three kinda okay games bundled together. I remember playing Kingdom Hearts (shut up, okay, it is a personal dream of mine to fight evil with Disney characters) and being really POed when they'd interrupt the RPG/adventure stuff to put in a half-assed space shooter.

If people want to fully become the Batman, they gotta do the whole detective thing as well as the action thing. It should still be interesting, it just won't be as exciting. While you do the various detective minigames, there should be lots of monologues from the Batman and dialogue between him and Alfred. That should keep things more interesting.

It's not three "kinda okay" games put together, God dammit... it's two really cool games and one very "okay" game put together. I thought the CSI stuff in 'Still Life' was pretty damn cool, but it was only one stage and the rest of the gameplay sucked mega ass. They didn't even give us a real God damn ending! Who was the killer? Who?!!
Anyway, throw in some good detective work, make the minigames a regular thing, make a variety of situations and trace or mere evidence, try not to make them tedious, add dialogue so that if a player feels the minigames were tedious (which, to be honest, would be if there wasn't other visual or audio content present to keep it interesting).

Another significant aspect from 'Still Life ' I'd use is a dialogue log, which would actually be more inclusive of everything you witness and be a "memory log". There would definitely be a case log where the Batman would write notes about what has happened with regards to crimes and long-term missions, theories about it, what needs to be done and what is reccommended for you to do, but there would also be a log of everything the Batman thinks or says, and everything anybody says that you witness. That means that any actions you see on the screen that are possibly important, the Batman automatically stores in his memory, so you would go to the Mental Log, where all your significant memories and information would be. Everything he learns, everything significant that he or anyone else does... everything that could possibly help you. This is mainly for the purpose of letting you review anything you might have missed, and so the player can analyze everything and pick out possible clues. This is a big part of the detective work (and I just came up with that idea, specifically that you can find clues from visual observations and dialogue, as I already intended to have notes in the Mental Log. The other purpose I see in this is to capture the Batman's character faithfully and accurately yet again; in this case focusing on his uncanny memory and capacity to review his own thoughts as well as the pertinent notes. I would have several theories for each case appear in the Batman's notes (the notes being separate from the continous memory transcript, but based upon its content), and the memory log should highlight certain sections of the memory transcript for you once you've found a certain amount of clues for each case. The theories will turn into leads when you discover enough clues for a single case or what could be several open cases with similar elements (like what kind of crime it was or whom was involved). You would follow one lead at a time for the most part (which could end up being a dead end, in which case you'd move on to the next one and see if it pans out), but it could lead to the discovery that two or more crimes are connected. That would be the easiest way to shorten your "to do" list, but it isn't really up to you with regard to what the facts are.

One big difference between the logs this game and the one in 'Still Life' is that it would automatically in the place in the text where things are at that same time. In 'Still Life,' which was a clumsy, non-user friendly game overall, the log would always start at the beginning, so you'd have to scroll all the way down if you wanted to check something that had been said recently. At least I think I remember that right... even I could be wrong. Anyway, if you wanted to check something said much earlier in the day/night, you'd still have to scroll up a whole lot, but I think that's still better. Hey, how about there are buttons you can push using the cursor that bring you to the very top or the very bottom, and maybe even one for the middle? I think I'd want there to be a log for every day, because yes, this game would be in realtime (I hate that idiotic "one minute for each real second" crap), and expansive enough that you could play hours of the game every nigh, and that's a lot of log to go through. I know that seems ridiculous, but the thing is, you choose when you go home after a certain point. Sometimes the Batman only spends four hours out at night. There may be a cut-off point where you have to wrap up whatever you're doing and go home, or the Batman will just do it on his own without your control. If you're in an enemies hideout or in a place where there are clues to be found or people to talk to, or in a chase or fight, you can stay as long as you need to until sunrise. I think that's relatively reasonable.

Here's another idea that makes things potentially annoying, but might not. If this game is based on Zaphod's and my movie franchise, then the Batman is just starting out, and Gotham City would have changed a bit since he's been gone. If this was the original concept, you wouldn't have to do any exploring to get a full map of every square foot of Gotham City, but if you're the Batman for the very first time, he'd want to actually cover that space and get to know his city as if for the first time. Maybe the player could flesh out the map whenever he treads on new ground. Wait... he's supposed to have a GPS in the movie. Well, if not this exactly, then it could be so that you uncover certain details about the city in terms of who hangs out in which places, which is then marked on the Batman's "Mental Map" (in the Mental Log) and/or possibly even the GPS. When you learn something about the places you go, it fills in on the map so you don't have to remember everything.

So, something like Half-Life or Harry Potter, where you never deviate from one character's viewpoint. Doable.

I wouldn't know, as I never played either, but I'm pretty sure you get what I'm saying.

Or have the player play through the game a second time to be able to see them in their proper time and place, thus giving it retail value (kinda like how in the Spider-Man movie game, they let you play as Green Goblin, only totally different).

Well, maybe. The greatest thing ever would be if the game was so insanely complex and advanced that there could be alternative cases you can do if you play through it again (apart from the 'Year One' and 'The Man Who Falls' storylines). The game would be very much the same in terms of overall plot, but there would be lots of fully intricate cases that are relatively interchangeable between movie plot missions.

And onto the Year One concept, good idea (although it de facto invalidates Red Hood as a possible mastermind, unless you want to give him some sort of time travel equipment, which is almost as ******ed as, say... writing that Leslie Thompkins, a pacifist doctor who's like a mother to Bruce and would literally die before allowing harm to come to ANYONE, let a young girl die just to deter Bruce from being a vigilante. YES, I CAN BE FULL OF RAGE TOO!). Plus, it saves the Robin stuff, the Iceberg Lounge, and Two-Face for a sequel. That'd be quite a draw to come back for another go, getting to play two-player with Robin or some sort of helper system or something
.

Eh, the Red Hood shouldn't be a conspiracy mastermind anyway. He doesn't have what it takes, or at least not as much as others. If this was Year One and based on the movie concepts Zaphod and I are constructing, it definitely couldn't be him. It also wouldn't have a conspiracy directed at both Bruce and the Batman.

It would be the third movie at the earliest that Robin would come into the picture. I'm not sure what to do with him in a game. I'm not sure two-player would work if I kept the game as "realistic" in terms of the character as I wanted, specifically the function that slows down time so the player has more time to think about performing certain actions (batarangs sometimes, grapnel firing, etc.), simulating the way the Batman's mind works faster than most people's. I'll have to think about it.

I would definitely save several villains for later games, similarly to how the Spider-Man games did it.

By the way, I figured out a way to have a romance in a Batman movie which will pull in a TON of female viewers, while not introducing a completely unnecessary female to the plot (*cough* Vicki Vale *cough cough* Chase Meridian *cough cough* Rachel Dawes *cough cough* Okay, Michelle Phfeiffer was really hot *cough cough*).

You soulless fiend...

In the first movie, there will be no love interest whatsoever. Catwoman will be seen, but not interacting with the Batman. There isn't even time to waste on love interests in this one. The love interest (a doomed one) is in the second movie, and I don't know if there will be after that.

And, if that didn't piss you off too much (or worse yet, give you ideas), here's the start of a fic I'm working on about Nightwing. It's a lot more faithful to the canon than Spider-Man 6 was and a shorter read, although Batman's a bit more... ruthless than his mainstream counterpart. Then again, you have to be kind of a dick to dress a little kid up in bright colors and say "C'mon kid, help me beat up the dangerous criminals."
Batman's more ruthless than he is in the comics... in a fan fic written by you?? I'm so shocked, I think I have to lie down! :eek:

The one thing I'll say at the moment is that I think you mischaracterized Clark Kent when he said, "Gotham has good people. Bludhaven doesn't."

Thanks again very much for your comments, Zev. :up:

:wolverine
 
I forgot to reiterate before what the pay-offs for earning Dark/Knight /Detective (DKD) points are:

RATING SYSTEM:

·Dark:

Stealth— Avoiding detection in infiltration and search operations, ability to observe without being seen; ratio of time unseen by police and civilians to total time in costume, barring all necessary appearances.

Theatricality— Timing, style of entrances and exits; successful fear tactics; movement style.

Identity— Ability to keep secret identity by maintaining distinct behavior in each persona, elude police looking to question Bruce Wayne.

·Knight:

Rescues and Saves— Ratio of known individuals endangered to individuals saved or protected by the Batman; excessive or deadly force counts against score or ends game.

Combat Ability— Average duration of battle from first strike to submission/defeat of opponent; ratio of strikes thrown to strikes connected; mastery of physical combat; style and variation; mastery of gadgetry.

Resourcefulness— Creativity in escaping danger, attack, captivity; escape efficiency; ratio of injuries avoided to injuries suffered, narrow escapes from danger not created by own mistakes.

·Detective:

Thoroughness— Ratio of cases pursued to total cases; ratio of cases closed to cases pursued; ratio of clues and evidence gathered to clues and evidence available; ratio of suspects caught and verified or discounted to total suspects.

Efficiency— Average duration of investigation from first awareness to close; average of best leads or routes taken of leads available.

People Skills— interrogation success rate, style and variability; mastery of disguise and pretense; profiling and personality estimation, psychological manipulation; ability to maintain alliances while still keeping mystery and distance from allies.



REWARDS:
  • Dark:
    • More fearsome reputation brings stronger fear stimulus in enemies, decreasing their effectiveness;
    • Alternate costumes, Comic book covers, artwork;
    • Special FMVs (classic moments from Bat-canon, memories associated with artifacts in the Batman’s/Bruce’s residences).
  • Knight:
    • Special weapons and field gadgets;
    • Tougher armor;
    • Gliding cape;
    • Bonus Batmobile functions.
  • Detective:
    • Upgraded, more efficient, more automated crime scene investigation and forensics equipment for utility belt and in the Cave;
    • More capacity to propose leads and single out clues (the game does this for you).
That's a pretty sweet deal, ain't it?

:wolverine
 
Herr Logan said:
You soulless fiend...

That doesn't tell me how many stars you gave it. You want feedback, I want ratings.
 
Zev said:
That doesn't tell me how many stars you gave it. You want feedback, I want ratings.

Did you make this? Did I offend you personally with my less-than-pleased reaction? If so, GOOD! That was hideous and all manner of wrong!

:wolverine
 
Herr Logan said:
Did you make this? Did I offend you personally with my less-than-pleased reaction? If so, GOOD! That was hideous and all manner of wrong!

:wolverine

If it makes you feel better, the movie is intended as a satire of those fanvids made by teenage girls who are convinced that, say, Jack Sparrow and Will Turner are secretly lovers and thus set every single look between them to Coldplay (or whatever the kids are into) and call it subtext.
 
Zev said:
If it makes you feel better, the movie is intended as a satire of those fanvids made by teenage girls who are convinced that, say, Jack Sparrow and Will Turner are secretly lovers and thus set every single look between them to Coldplay (or whatever the kids are into) and call it subtext.

Interesting. And why do you think "these girls" do that? Is it because you-- *achem* I mean they, is it because they have fantasies about seeing these characters coupling as a way of vicariously experiencing the love of either or both of the characters in question? This is a Safe place, Zev, and nobody is here to judge you. Fantasies like this are normal.

:wolverine
 
Alright, damn you, I'll admit it! I cried at the end of Brokeback Mountain! It was just so beautiful and no one could take their love away and... and...

Actually, the real reason slashers do it is that, psychologically speaking, they'd feel that another woman in a pairing would be threatening, so they conjure up a man to take their place. And for some reason, they're unable to distinguish any emotion (from friendship to blind and unreasoning hatred) from sexual attraction, so if they see two pretty men who get along well, they're smush them together even if, say, the two men are friendly because they're brothers.

I have actually seen this happen. Not pretty. Would you believe that some people actually are convinced that Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are soulmates. Draco's a racist, elitist little brat who would dance on Harry's parents' grave and Harry wouldn't spit on him if he was on fire, but apparently this is code for "wants to have underage buttsex". It's krazy!

Although I will go gay a long time before I have sex with Helen Thomas. Have you seen that woman? It's like Jason Voorhees under the hockey mask! I think Allah came up with the burqa when he saw that one day Helen Thomas would be running around. She must've fallen off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the wall down. I mean, I know it's wrong to judge people based on their appearance, but holy mackeral! I think you could use a picture of her as a murder weapon! It's like some sort of Lovecraftian horror. You can't really describe it because it chokes all that is good and beautiful out of your brain. Those sites that run pictures of suicide victims and car accidents should also show Helen Thomas, because it's the same damn category. They say that inside every ugly person is a beautiful person waiting to get out, but I think that all Helen Thomas has is three or four young girls chained to her furnace. I think she must live inside a house made of candy. In fact, I think she was the one who started all those rumors in Salem, she's old enough. Jesus Christ, what a kisser! Helen Thomas' face is proof that God has a sense of humor! She looks like she got flicked on the nose by a couple hundred pounds of nuclear radiation. Her daily facial must involve sulfuric acid. There must be life after death, because Helen Thomas looks like a walking corpse!
 
Zev said:
Alright, damn you, I'll admit it! I cried at the end of Brokeback Mountain! It was just so beautiful and no one could take their love away and... and...

Actually, the real reason slashers do it is that, psychologically speaking, they'd feel that another woman in a pairing would be threatening, so they conjure up a man to take their place. And for some reason, they're unable to distinguish any emotion (from friendship to blind and unreasoning hatred) from sexual attraction, so if they see two pretty men who get along well, they're smush them together even if, say, the two men are friendly because they're brothers.

I have actually seen this happen. Not pretty. Would you believe that some people actually are convinced that Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are soulmates. Draco's a racist, elitist little brat who would dance on Harry's parents' grave and Harry wouldn't spit on him if he was on fire, but apparently this is code for "wants to have underage buttsex". It's krazy!

Hmm... Do you think the same vicarious jealousy dynamic is part of the reason why heterosexual males are so enamored with lesbians? My girlfriend asked me once why guys like watching lesbians, and all I could come up with was, "Well, guys like beautiful wimmens acting sexual, and if it's two women being sexual together, then it's only wimmens, then it's pure attraction." Still, seeing a woman doing dirty, dirty things with a man does make it easier for us to imagine ourselves doing those particular dirty, dirty things with the wimmens, so it works either way.

Although I will go gay a long time before I have sex with Helen Thomas. Have you seen that woman? It's like Jason Voorhees under the hockey mask! I think Allah came up with the burqa when he saw that one day Helen Thomas would be running around. She must've fallen off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the wall down. I mean, I know it's wrong to judge people based on their appearance, but holy mackeral! I think you could use a picture of her as a murder weapon! It's like some sort of Lovecraftian horror. You can't really describe it because it chokes all that is good and beautiful out of your brain. Those sites that run pictures of suicide victims and car accidents should also show Helen Thomas, because it's the same damn category. They say that inside every ugly person is a beautiful person waiting to get out, but I think that all Helen Thomas has is three or four young girls chained to her furnace. I think she must live inside a house made of candy. In fact, I think she was the one who started all those rumors in Salem, she's old enough. Jesus Christ, what a kisser! Helen Thomas' face is proof that God has a sense of humor! She looks like she got flicked on the nose by a couple hundred pounds of nuclear radiation. Her daily facial must involve sulfuric acid. There must be life after death, because Helen Thomas looks like a walking corpse!

Methinks you doth protest too much, Zev. Why don't you just tell her how you really feel about her like a grown-up instead of stealing her lunch box and pulling her hair during recess as an indirect way of showing that you like her.

:wolverine
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Latest posts

Forum statistics

Threads
202,288
Messages
22,080,388
Members
45,880
Latest member
Heartbeat
Back
Top
monitoring_string = "afb8e5d7348ab9e99f73cba908f10802"