Celebrity Apprentice

[Matt]

People say they quit watching any time the person they like doesn't win on a reality show. I am just as disappointed Annie didn't win but like me, you'll be back in front of the TV next season.

 

[JP]

I don't see how Annie could have won. I mean, Peirce hit the nail on the head. The final challenge was based on 5 aspects, and Joan won 3 of them.

 

[carrrnuttt]

People say they quit watching any time the person they like doesn't win on a reality show. I am just as disappointed Annie didn't win but like me, you'll be back in front of the TV next season.

Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is that this has to be the most blatant rigging of a show I have ever seen. In 8 seasons, EVERY contestant, celebrity or otherwise, has been fired for even thinking about quitting. Not only was that ***** Joan Rivers allowed back, but was chosen as a finalist and was ultimately chosen to win.

That taints the premise of the show, which is supposed to be a contest based on merit and achievement. But apparently, it's still all about who you know. I think that sours my view of every decision The Donald makes from here on end, which affects its "watch-ability" in my eyes. I'm not alone, either. Besides Trump's own blog, which I linked to, there are ton of people who signed up on the NBC boards to simply berate Joan and Trump, and to declare their boycott for the show and its sponsors. Make sure you check out the poll results on the link I am posting below.

As for the "3 out of 5 categories" business:

http://boards.nbc.com/nbc/index.php?showtopic=822898&view=findpost&p=3882566

In my opinion, Annie is the clear winner, and I'm tired of the few posts who say Joan obviously should have won because she won 3 of the 5 tasks. So let's discuss the tasks:

1. Fundraising - Annie didn't just win, she destroyed Joan in this category. Perhaps she should even get extra points, but let's be unbiased. Annie 1 - Joan 0

2. Charity awareness - They all said it themselves, Annie wins this one also. So Annie 2 - Joan 0.

So this is a show about raising money and raising awareness for your charity, and Annie just hands down won on raising money and raising awareness. So she wins, right? Oh, no, wait, we have 3 vey subjective categories coming up...

3. Decorations - Well, apparently they preferred Joan's tacky style to Annie's classy style. That's debatable, but if they say so. Then again, Joan was the reason that Annie lost her designer, and then Joan flat out lied about that, but apparently we aren't going to call Joan out on that lie. So I guess Joan somehow wins this. Annie 2 - Joan 1.

4. Fun - umm, really? This is going to be considered a category. Hey, if your subjective idea is that you have more fun hanging out with a bunch of guys in drag looking like really bad fake celebrities then some of the worlds best poker players and professional athelets (come on, Bernard Hopkins was hanging out with you!!!), then that's your opinion. Annie 2 - Joan 2.

5. Celebrity Turn Out - Oh, well let's see. Joan had f-lister Kathy Griffin and some bad fakes. Annie had the biggest names in poker, Bernard Hopkins, Joe Fraiser, and heck, Denis Rodman was on her team and available for photo ops, and he was arguably the most recognizable celebrity in the game. So there you have it, Annie 3 - Joan 2. And the winner is... oh, wait, what? Joan wins this category? But, umm, she didn't actually have any celebrities?

So Annie wins the 2 categories that matter, and wins them huge, and Joan oddly wins 3 made up categories that are irrelevant. You'd still give the win to Joan?

And even then, what about the entire rest of the season?!?! Did it mean nothing?!? Annie's teams won more overall, Annie won more as a project manager, she raised a lot more money, she raised a lot more awareness. Doesn't that count for anything?

Bottom line is, you can not possibly say that Joan won based on any true criteria. The only reason Joan won is because... heck, I have no idea why she won?!?!

 

[Matt]

I agree Annie should've won. My point is, if everyone who claimed they were going to boycott Survivor after Richard Hatch won way back in season 1, did it wouldn't be going on its 19th season.

 

[carrrnuttt]

I agree Annie should've won. My point is, if everyone who claimed they were going to boycott Survivor after Richard Hatch won way back in season 1, did it wouldn't be going on its 19th season.

I've never watched Survivor, so I can't speak towards the comparison. All I know is my own personal and current feelings towards this show. Especially considering that Joan will likely be back in some capacity as Trump's right-hand rockfaced man on the show.

 

[carrrnuttt]

Update: Turns out, QVC was working directly in conjunction with either Donald Trump, or NBC. QVC plugged the show shamelessly during its run, so that they can put on special whatever specific necklace Joan Rivers was wearing that night. They call it "The Boardroom Collection." http://www.qvc.com/cgen/render.aspx?qp=class|9112&rewrite=no

Don't forget, The Apprentice has done some direct shilling for QVC before.

Yeah. Between Trump's sis-in-law chairing Joan's charity, Joan's jewelry collection being one of QVC's featured products, and QVC having been a sponsor of Trump's...I'm sure there's no conflict of interest there.

 

[Gamma Ray]

I feel like they knew Rivers was the winner from the start. This show has become really awful.

 

[JP]

Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is that this has to be the most blatant rigging of a show I have ever seen. In 8 seasons, EVERY contestant, celebrity or otherwise, has been fired for even thinking about quitting. Not only was that ***** Joan Rivers allowed back, but was chosen as a finalist and was ultimately chosen to win.

That taints the premise of the show, which is supposed to be a contest based on merit and achievement. But apparently, it's still all about who you know. I think that sours my view of every decision The Donald makes from here on end, which affects its "watch-ability" in my eyes. I'm not alone, either. Besides Trump's own blog, which I linked to, there are ton of people who signed up on the NBC boards to simply berate Joan and Trump, and to declare their boycott for the show and its sponsors. Make sure you check out the poll results on the link I am posting below.

As for the "3 out of 5 categories" business:

http://boards.nbc.com/nbc/index.php?showtopic=822898&view=findpost&p=3882566

Er, Joan had recognizable celebrities and a LOT of them. Annie had people I didn't even know could be considered celebs.

 

[JP]

I've never watched Survivor, so I can't speak towards the comparison. All I know is my own personal and current feelings towards this show. Especially considering that Joan will likely be back in some capacity as Trump's right-hand rockfaced man on the show.

Eh, I hated Peirce, and was really upset by his win last year, and he still shoved his annoying face into this season. Didn't stop me from watching.

 

[carrrnuttt]

Eh, I hated Peirce, and was really upset by his win last year, and he still shoved his annoying face into this season. Didn't stop me from watching.

Although Piers was a grating person, he was efficient, and raised a TON of money for charity. Does that sound familiar to you? The thing is, he actually got personal with Omarosa, and Annie never got personal in return with Joan, at least not in the boardroom. Also, despite how you feel about Piers, you cannot argue that he wasn't the logical choice BASED ON MERIT AND PERFORMANCE.

I already deleted "The Celebrity Apprentice" from my DVR list. "The Apprentice" is still there, since my DVR classifies them differently. I refuse to watch the celebrity versions. I can at least hope that the "regular" versions (if they are still going to happen) will still be merit-based.

 

[JP]

Although Piers was a grating person, he was efficient, and raised a TON of money for charity. Does that sound familiar to you? The thing is, he actually got personal with Omarosa, and Annie never got personal in return with Joan, at least not in the boardroom. Also, despite how you feel about Piers, you cannot argue that he wasn't the logical choice BASED ON MERIT AND PERFORMANCE.

I already deleted "The Celebrity Apprentice" from my DVR list. "The Apprentice" is still there, since my DVR classifies them differently. I refuse to watch the celebrity versions. I can at least hope that the "regular" versions (if they are still going to happen) will still be merit-based.

Peirce didn't do anything amazing performance wise. The majority of last seasons tasks where fundraisers. All he did was call his celebrity friends for money every task. I wouldn't call that anything spectacular.

That's actually the main reason I hated fund raising tasks, and was glad there were few this season. Made the contestants have to actually work.

 

[carrrnuttt]

Peirce didn't do anything amazing performance wise. The majority of last seasons tasks where fundraisers. All he did was call his celebrity friends for money every task. I wouldn't call that anything spectacular.

That's actually the main reason I hated fund raising tasks, and was glad there were few this season. Made the contestants have to actually work.

All of that discounts your understanding of the show then. I hope you start to realize that the Celebrity version of TA is SUPPOSED to be about the charities and RAISING FUNDS for them. Then again, that's not true, according to Joan, so it's understandable that you feel the same way.

 

[JP]

But what is the skill in picking up a phone and calling people? That isn't a skill at all.

 

[carrrnuttt]

But what is the skill in picking up a phone and calling people? That isn't a skill at all.

Joan's inability to call anyone for money in relative comparison to Annie should tell you something about their likeability outside of the show.

There's a "skill" for you. The ability to cultivate lasting relationships with people who aren't your daughter.

Also, it's THE CELEBRITY APPRENTICE. A huge, HUGE difference from THE APPRENTICE. This is coming from someone who's followed the show since the pilot and has known people who have applied to the show.

The celebrities are being brought in BECAUSE they're celebrities who are supposed to be able to bring in large amounts of cash for charity because they're not supposed to need the money themselves. If it's work-based, I don't think anyone has worked harder than Jesse James and Annie on the show (despite the fact that Annie brings it upon herself, a lot of times). Why'd Jesse get fired? Could it be what Trump said about him not using his contacts to raise any money? Double-standard, anyone?

Lastly, I really don't get your motivation to defend that waste of human flesh, aka Stonefaced Joan. She probably thinks you're beneath her.

 

[carrrnuttt]

BAHAHAHA. I've been checking out the NBC boards, as it has been fun to read all the disgust for the show and Joan.

It gets worse, as far as conflict of interest goes: http://www.aceshowbiz.com/news/view/00024194.html

Fresh from being named the second winner of "The Apprentice" celebrity edition, Joan Rivers' star meter is quickly rising high. She has been tapped to star in a new show by TV Land called "How'd You Get So Rich?".

Premiering on Wednesday, August 12, the series will span for 6 episodes with 30 minutes each. Joan will host it, visiting the homes of millionaires and ask them the essential question on how they made money in the most interesting ways.

TV Land president Larry W. Jones explained the concept of the show, saying "There is no one more outrageous and hilarious than Joan Rivers to introduce America to multimillionaires who prove that there is no such thing as small ideas! How'd You Get So Rich? is the perfect escapist fantasy and in these tough times - an inspiration. The guy who made a 5 chamber bubble wand is worth $50 million. Why didn't I think of that!"

The show is executive produced by Mark Burnett.

Guess what other show Mark Burnett produces???

 

[JP]

Joan's inability to call anyone for money in relative comparison to Annie should tell you something about their likeability outside of the show.

There's a "skill" for you. The ability to cultivate lasting relationships with people who aren't your daughter.

Also, it's THE CELEBRITY APPRENTICE. A huge, HUGE difference from THE APPRENTICE. This is coming from someone who's followed the show since the pilot and has known people who have applied to the show.

The celebrities are being brought in BECAUSE they're celebrities who are supposed to be able to bring in large amounts of cash for charity because they're not supposed to need the money themselves. If it's work-based, I don't think anyone has worked harder than Jesse James and Annie on the show (despite the fact that Annie brings it upon herself, a lot of times). Why'd Jesse get fired? Could it be what Trump said about him not using his contacts to raise any money? Double-standard, anyone?

Lastly, I really don't get your motivation to defend that waste of human flesh, aka Stonefaced Joan. She probably thinks you're beneath her.

Dude, it's just a show. I watched every episode this season and LOVED Joan and thought she deserved to win. I don't see what she could have done to make you hate her so, but whatever.

Of course a POKER PLAYER is going to raise more money. But Joan still raised money. 140+ thousand dollars isn't pocket change, ya know?

As far as likability, I didn't find anything likable about Annie "Me me me me" Dukes" at all. I mean, watch the finale again, Annie spends the ENTIRE time ripping on Joan and talking about Joan. Joan barely mentions Annie once during her task. Peirce was right when he said Annie was a bit obsessed.

But, to each his own.

 

[carrrnuttt]

I don't see what she could have done to make you hate her so, but whatever.

A better question is: What made YOU love Joan???

From the NBC boards ALONE (there's a LOT more on the rest of the interwebz):

I agree. It is ironic that Joan supporters refer to Annie as having a big ego. Whatever ego Annie may have pales in comparison to Joan’s. Here is just a random sample of Joan’s huge ego and hateful comments addressed directly to Annie. No doubt I could find many others.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQGhgmgmzBY

[To Annie]: You are SOOOO beneath me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_g0zEE3eBHs

[To Annie]: You are a despicable human being.

[Response to Donald’s comment that Annie seems nice]: “So was Hitler.” Joan then later apologized to Hitler for comparing him with Annie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnNmJ7lKCm0

[To Annie]: You now have a Nazi and a follower…. I don’t work with scum…. You are a Pokah Playah, a POKAH PLAYAH. That’s beyond white trash…. You give money with blood on it….. You are a piece of s***.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxd_jrHPPd4

[To Annie, who was try to calmly talk to Joan about showing mutual respect in the finale]: I really don’t wanta hear about it, nor will I allow America to hear it….I only give respect to people that I respect. …

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIAn1AM-nmw

[To Annie, as Joan snootally left the room with her nose high in the air]: As I said, I only deal with my equals.

Joan's superior attitude is beyond belief. I am not even counting the “You are a 2-faced person” comment that Joan screamed at Annie during the finale nor her accusation that Annie had Mafia connections. I challenge anyone to find (and document) an equal number of egocentric, hateful comments that Annie addressed to Joan.

Does Joan have a huge ego? Yes. Does she like to scream hateful remarks and obscenities? Yes. Is she a "good role model"? Uh, No.

Actions, as they say, speak louder than words.

Since the finale, Joan Rivers has continued her venomous tirades against annie by: 1) calling her "annie *****e" and hurled insults on her website and twitter account; 2) going on multiple talk shows perpetuating the conflict.

Annie Duke has 1) attended multiple charitable events; 2) posted a dignified summary thanking all of her friends and supporters and filled her twitter account with stories about her children and following the babsketball playoffs.

Somewhere along the way, Joan Rivers lost the line between on-stage persona and real life. It is precisely this character flaw which caused Johnny Carson to not have Joan succeed him on the Tonight Show, which preceded a failed attempt by Joan to stab her "long-time friend" in the back by launching a competing talk show.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tonight_Show_Starring_Johnny_Carson#Guest_hosts

I totally agree. It also apparently is why Joan was fired from her two most recent "Red Carpet" gigs with (I think) TV Guide and E! networks. I think that she is now pretty much reduced to hawking jewelry on QVC, although I could be mistaken about that, since I have heard that she has a new cable show starting this summer that is produced by Mark Burnett (producer of Celebrity Apprentice). Coincidence?

Here is the full story in clips as to why Joan Rivers is no "role model" and has hurt her career even more and embarrased NBC, Donald Trump, Mark Burnett and her charity Gods Love We Deliver!

The clip where Joan introduces the Hitler comment!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_g0zEE3eBHs

Melissa's firing, tirade and Joan going postal!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnNmJ7lKCm0

Finale recap of Joan VS. Annie

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxd_jrHPPd4

Joan & Annie's one on one views of each other back in their set, team pickings & how celebrities are doing now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIAn1AM-nmw

The infamous party planner scenes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WDtDo9yL_4

More party planner comments, Joan's tirade and lies and results of last task.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQGhgmgmzBY

Last final arguements for and between Joan & Annie and the "winner" announced!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d65iYQr3nvA

Spoof of Melissa Rivers firing & Joan tirade!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPE8G4ycWVM

Home spoof - Joan signs deal with devil

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AL9_ztokiEY

Homemade spoof - The Devil's Apprentice (Devil talking to Donald Trump about finale)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zo5J_eOIyRw

Homemade spoof - Happy Bad Mother Day about Joan & Melissa Rivers (very funny!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPx5SlRb1_I

Joan & Melissa Rivers on Ellen defending their tirades & antics!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJBJarKHNqM

Annie Duke on TV Watercooler talking about Joan & Melissa's tirades and finale!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGuWbIKtuXw

Joan on Larry King Live trashing Annie Duke & Clint Black and being asked if she knew of outcome!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBhdBzroKrA

Joan Rivers on Regis & Kathy Lee talking about finale!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSQQT5TPMO4

Joan Rivers kicked off another live talkshow for cursing & putting down a celebrity!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctxtBIBsHBM

Joan Rivers on her ex TV Guide show talking about gay movies

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raeAVm9zFPo

Joan insults her ex TV Guide show crew

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dlFvEp-2NA

Gods Love We Deliver webpage about Joan Rivers winning The Celebrity Apprentice!

http://www.godslovewedeliver.org/whatsnew_apprentice.html

Gods Love We Deliver webpage helping promote future Joan Rivers events!

http://www.godslovewedeliver.org/whatsnew_home.html

A YouTube member's views on how Joan Rivers should have won The Celebrity Apprentice!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzAJHprRkAo

An article from Sympatico/MSN's Celebrity's Edge about Joan Rivers & David Tutera & his views and a lot of comments against Joan!

http://celebedge.ca/Bell.Sympatico.CMS/Cms...&ICPAGENO=1

An article about David Tutera (the party planner) on Entertainment Weekly's website, why he quit and a lot of comments against Joan!

http://news-briefs.ew.com/2009/05/celebrity-appre.html

The Trump Blog and a recent article about The Celebrity Apprentice finale and a lot of comments against Joan!

http://www.trumpuniversity.com/blog/post/2...ong-the-way.cfm

The comments & poll on the NBC.com The Celebrity Apprentice Message Board for Annie Duke and against Joan!

http://boards.nbc.com/nbc/index.php?showtopic=822898


And Donald Trump thinks Joan Rivers should have won?

OMG!

- GeorgeNL

Should I continue? There's TONS more where the above came from. Or does that answer your question about why people (not just me) hate Joan?

Also, Here's a great re-enactment of how Joan got on the show:

I have had a good time posting on the Celebrity Apprentice Boards this year. Part of the fun is trying to imagine what really went on behind the scenes in the planning and execution of the show. Now that the season is over, I would like to wrap up my posting by presenting a hypothetical (!) conversation between Joan and Donald that summarizes my own theory of what actually happened. The links that support the various statements in this hypothetical conversation have all been posted elsewhere by myself and others and will not be repeated here to save space. It all could have gone down this way….

DONALD: Joan, how would like to be on Celebrity Apprentice (CA) this year?

JOAN: What's in it for me?

DONALD: Well, I know you have been fired from your two red carpet jobs, and the exposure from the show will be good for your career. Besides, I know that you are starting a new show this summer produced by Mark Burnett, who is also producing CA. It will be good publicity for your new show if I crown you Celebrity Apprentice.

JOAN: Are you saying for sure that I will be the Celebrity Apprentice?

DONALD: Absolutely! I do all the firing. I will even have my two kids be sole judge and jury for 3 of the 5 final tasks, which will be structured to your advantage. I will also throw obstacles in the way of your opponent and will portray the finale as a battle between good and evil.

JOAN: Will I be “good” or “evil”?

DONALD: Uh, Joan you will be “Good”. I will announce at the beginning of the finale that it is a battle between a wonderful “legendary comedienne” [you] and a “vicious” opponent [whoever]. I will also go easy on you in the Boardroom and overlook any mistakes that you make or any insults that you hurl at your opponent. Then in the end, I will select you to win and will call you a “good role model,” regardless of your behavior or performance on the show.

JOAN: But what if I do a really terrible job as Project Manager?

DONALD: Don’t worry. I will never fire you, no matter how inept you are. I will always blame someone else. Oh, and by the way, all the proceeds from the various tasks will go to charity.

JOAN: What about my charity, God’s Love We Deliver (GLWD)?

DONALD: It will get lots of money. As you know, my brother’s wife Blaine is on the Board of Directors of GLWD and is a good friend of yours. Also, I love GLWD and make donations to it myself, so I would like to see it receive a lot of money.

JOAN: I would only be on the show if you would let my beautiful and talented daughter Melissa be there too.

DONALD: No problem. Look Joan, we have been friends for a long time, and frankly, I need your help because my recent Apprentice shows have been flops in the ratings department. We need something new! What I would like for you to do is to find a woman on the show with an ego almost as big as yours, and then create conflict, create drama. Insult her profession; Insult her friends; Insult her character. Try to provoke a response, so that you can then show righteous indignation and act shocked and dismayed. This conflict will be great for ratings, and I promise not to say a word.

JOAN: OK, I can do that. Melissa constantly throws tantrums, and she learned to curse before she learned to walk, so I will get her to help with the drama. How obnoxious can I be? I LOVE to insult people. Is it OK to call someone “worse than Hitler”, “a despicable human being”, “a piece of ****” and that someone is “Soooo beneath me”?

DONALD: Sure. Those insults are perfect! That is just Joan Rivers being humorous. No one should take offense at that, and the ratings will skyrocket!

JOAN: But wouldn't all the drama and conflict and tantrums and insults make it hard for me to be portrayed as “a good role model” in the end?

DONALD: Don’t worry. We will just say that it is admirable that you are saying all these horrible things to people’s faces rather than behind their backs. We will spin all of your insults as actually being POSITIVE character traits. Just keep saying over and over again how you are playing this game “with integrity”. If you repeat this phrase enough times, people may actually begin to believe it. Trust me, we can pull this off.

JOAN: Hey, Donald, I have an idea. What if you fire Melissa near the end, she and I both stage tantrums, and I apparently walk off the show in protest. Talk about drama and a ratings bonanza! Will she or won’t she return? Melissa and I could easily pull that off.

DONALD: A great idea! But, how then do I justify accepting you back? Everyone knows that I hate quitters, especially someone who is quitting as a direct slap in my face because of my dumb decision to fire Melissa. If I took you back, wouldn't I look like a real wimp, who was violating all the noble principles that I supposedly stand for, and wouldn't everyone know that your quitting and returning was all a setup staged for drama to increase ratings?

JOAN: No, viewers are soooooo gullible. How about letting me make a dramatic entrance, and give some lame excuse like “My taxi was late”. People would then stand up and cheer. Joan is back!

DONALD: OK. Let’s do it! Now here is the plan for the Grand Finale. Regarding your team, I will let you know well in advance who the 6 candidates are, so that you and Melissa can strategize team selection and perhaps pick her last – if she has had problems relating to your opponent. Melissa can then brag about that on camera, to show how clever you and she are. Of course, your opponent will have no such advanced knowledge.

JOAN: Sounds good so far.

DONALD: Then, as you know, in most Apprentice finales, I throw a money wrench into things to test the finalists’ mettle. I have a good friend, David Turtera, who is a nationally known event planner and has staged several big galas for me before. I would like for the three of us to talk and arrange for him to quit, which would put the other finalist at a huge disadvantage, because he/she would have to scramble with less than 12 hours notice to find an event planner, while you would have your army of GLWD workers prepared and waiting in the wings. You can let them know ahead of time that you will be in the finals. Just make certain that GLWD does not “spill the beans” by disclosing publicly via E Mails that they know that you are in the finals before the finale event even occurs.

JOAN: How do we get the event planner to quit?

DONALD: Simple: You will provoke an argument with him, and make it seem like he is incompetent. Then I’ll have him call back and quit in apparent frustration. Then I will have him quit the opponent’s team as well, but I will make sure that they don’t know about it until it is too late. That is the key! Your opponent will be completely blindsided! I will make sure that David’s cell phones are all turned off, so he can’t be reached. Then if your opponent in desperation comes to David’s office, I will have David’s assistant tell them to leave. The only problem would be if your opponent would be pushy enough to actually barge into the office and demand to know what is going on. In that case, I suppose that we would have no choice but to tell your opponent about David’s quitting, but it would be too late for them to hire anyone else for the Grand Finale.

JOAN: Interesting. But David Turtera is a well respected event planner, and is more than able to provide any help that I need. Moreover, everyone knows that the great Donald Trump, would NEVER choose an inept event planner for something this important, and you have used David before for much larger galas, and so you know how good he really is. His quitting would be a big embarrassment to you personally, and to David professionally. Also, an event planner quitting a high profile job is so unprofessional, that no one of David’s stature would ever do that in the real world, and quitting BOTH teams because he is mad at me makes absolutely no sense at all. Would the viewing audience really be gullible enough to believe that all that is legit?

DONALD: Absolutely. And I will pretend that I have no idea why David quit, and if your opponent says it was because of you, then you can scream “it is a total lie!”. I will make sure that there are no cameras in David's office when he announces to your opponent that he has quit, so no one will know what was really said. Also, I promise not to take the logical action of just saying “Wait! I will just call my good friend David Turtera and ask him why he quit, and which of the two of you is lying.”

JOAN: That could work. But is it plausible for you to appear that you had no idea why your own event planner quit? Isn’t it logical to suppose that if your event planner, a good friend of yours, quit an event this important, he would have called you (and the opponent’s team too, for that matter) and explained why he was quitting? And if not, wouldn’t you at least have called HIM to try to find out what in the world was going on, and why he was embarrassing you by quitting? And is anyone going to seriously believe that six months after the finale, you still had no idea why your own event planner (and good friend) quit a task this important?

DONALD: Trust, me, the viewing audience is just too dumb to think of that.

JOAN: And what if my opponent manages to pull things together and actually outperforms me on the final task?

DONALD: Don’t worry, there will be creative editing, I will stack the studio audience so that they will be cheering wildly for you, I will prearrange for a few celebrities to say that you should win, and don’t forget, my kids will be observing your gala planning, and if they see that you have overlooked something, they will let you know, so that you can …..

JOAN: But I thought that Ivanka and Donald Jr. were supposed to be neutral observers and not make suggestions that would help a team.

DONALD: Well, that’s true for your opponent, but not for you. Don’t worry, no one will notice. As I was saying, Donald Jr. and Ivanka will be making the final decision for 3 of the 5 tasks. Also, if your opponent tries to make his/her point in the final Boardroom, I will just interupt them and talk over them, and let you get in the last word. We can actually make it appear like you DESERVE to win. Also, don’t forget that 80% of the task will be gala (your forte) and only 20% will be actual fund raising.

JOAN: But isn’t the show about raising money for charity?

DONALD: Well, yes it is. Hmmmm. Maybe sometime during the show, you can announce that the show is really NOT all about raising money for charity. That way, it will not look so ridiculous to give this factor a weight of only 20% in the final task.

JOAN: You have a deal. But we are staging so many things. Are you sure that we can pull this off and fool the CA viewing audience? Surely, they are not that gullible!

DONALD: Oh, yes they are! Trust me, I know a lot about reality shows. Most of them are scripted, and no one seems to know or care. I will try to make sure that the viewers forget all about your insults, tantrums, and lack of fund raising. My biggest challenge will be to say that “You are a good role model” with a straight face.

THE END

 

[carrrnuttt]

Oh. Here's a good one from David Tutera, the designer that quit:

http://www.davidtutera.com/

Also, in his audio interview with Barbara Walters that I happened to catch on Sirius, he said that the very first question Rivers asked him was: "Are you gay?" He asked Joan "Why does it matter? And yes, I am," and she responded with "You'll do great then, gays always do great with design."

Although he knows she meant well, he felt violated in regards to the question, and is left to wonder how would it have it turned out if he wasn't. Reverse discrimination, perhaps?

 

[Kane52630]

Arnold Schwarzenegger to Replace Donald Trump As Host of ‘Celebrity Apprentice’

 

[Primal Slayer]

Good luck topping last year.