Dating sites...?

[hopefuldreamer]

So... what are you doing this weekend? Let's meet up and have some good times.

If you can make it to Bristol in the UK, and find a ticket to Brisfest, sure!

That story is so funny.

I'll PM you that it's funny in cause you don't see that I replied to this.

*ignores and hopes he gets the hint that I don't care whether or not he thinks it's so funny*

Happened to me a few times. I just and then blocked 'em. You can't teach a creepster how not to be a creepster.

Definitely not, I just hope that there aren't genuinely nice guys out there who would make the mistake of doing something like that and coming across a creepster.

 

[knowsbleed]

Erz was ignored, I was invited...

knowsbleed 1
Erz ... 0

 

[terry78]

Okay, one tip for guys on dating sites.

If a girl doesn't message you back straight away, do not send another message. And then another. And then another.

I responded to a guy once, and then I went away from my computer. An hour later I had two more responses, one that was actually in the context of the conversation, and then other was an added thought an hour later saying 'you're really sexy', which TBH just kind of put me off so I stopped bothering.

The next day I had a message saying 'not interested then, huh?', then two days later 'having a good weekend?' and then 5 days after that 'hey you! what you got planned this weekend, let's meet up and have some good times'. I've responded to none of them.

Do you know what this guy now seems like to me? Scarily desperate and a little creepy. He has absolutely no chance of me ever replying.

When a guy is that eager all it says to me is that they are looking for a woman of any kind, and it wouldn't matter if it was me or anyone else.

Which isn't what a girl wants. You wanna make her feel like you feel lucky to have found a girl like her on a dating website!

Welcome to being a man?

 

[Anita18]

Definitely not, I just hope that there aren't genuinely nice guys out there who would make the mistake of doing something like that and coming across a creepster.

Genuinely nice guys aren't exempt from creepster behavior.

 

[Dark Raven]

Genuinely nice guys aren't exempt from creepster behavior.

I would agree. It's easy to judge when you are outside it and write someone off as being creepy. The thing is that when people are infatuated by someone else, it's easy to engage in what would be seen as rather ridiculous behaviour.

It's kind of like when trying to pry a toy away from a child. When you try harder, they want to hold onto it even more, whereas if you let them be for a bit, they might release it on their own. Now how does that relate to relationships? Well, some people want to hold onto a relationship or the possiblity of one and if the object of their affection strongly rejects them or takes something away, there is a tendency to want to hold onto it, whereas if it weren't done in such a harsh way, the admirer might let go of it more easily on their own.

In terms of people on the internet, well maybe they are creepy, but also maybe they aren't. Maybe they're just really keen to make contact and, in the heat of the moment, don't quite figure out that you don't wish to respond and that further attempts to communicate in fact have the opposite response to what you hoped for.

I'm very casual about any of these internet prospects myself. If they reply, all well and good, but I never pursue them if they don't.

There are a couple of people I'm supposed to respond to actually whom I haven't done so yet. It's not because I don't want to, but simply because they were pay sites and my subscription ran out, and I don't really want to renew just to reply to those people (who weren't all that keen in the first place) unless there are additional people I can also communicate with. However, I seem to have exhausted my supply of willing candidates for the moment so I'm just lying low. If I find a free week of subscriptions then maybe I'll take the chance to reply but if not, then no big deal.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Erz was ignored, I was invited...

knowsbleed 1
Erz ... 0

I like the way you bolded good. Made you seem cool and confident

Welcome to being a man?

I'm not saying that's not what most men want underneath . I'm saying they should make the effort to hide it. Their actions/messages shouldn't be screaming it.

Genuinely nice guys aren't exempt from creepster behavior.

Exactly.

However, if they learn from others mistakes, they might have a fighting chance

 

[Anita18]

Exactly.

However, if they learn from others mistakes, they might have a fighting chance

To be fair, creepster behavior is in the eye of the beholder.

One friend "broke up" with someone she was dating in college, and he showed up to her dorm room a few days later, insisting they were going to do homework together. (They went to an engineering school, this is how couples roll. ) She pointed out that they'd broken up, but he kept insisting and finally she broke down. They got married 8 years ago, when they were still in college.

Another friend broke up with her boyfriend of a few months, and then he showed up to her workplace a few weeks later. She considered filing a restraining order.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Yeah I suppose that's true.

One woman's desperate loser is another woman's persistent and tenacious knight in shining armour!

 

[Anita18]

Yeah I suppose that's true.

One woman's desperate loser is another woman's persistent and tenacious knight in shining armour!

Seriously.

The second friend was recounting that story to us and our hopeless romantic friend was like, "Oh, he just loves you so much!" and the rest of us looked at her like

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Those are the friends that get you in serious trouble. Here's a good example:

I had this guy show massive interest in me once. We kissed at a club and he came back to mine for a drink (but I didn't sleep with him), but he wasn't even from the area so I didn't think it was anything but a bit of fun. But he was all like 'I wanna see you again, shall I come back down in a couple of weeks'.

He seemed really keen, which makes me immediately wary. I gave him my number and said sure he could come back, and he called me as soon as he got home. He then called every night that week. On the third night he asked me what my favourite colour was because he wanted to buy me jewellry. By that weekend, he said he didn't wanna wait and was going to come down and see me that weekend. I explained that I was working all friday and had plans with relatives on saturday day, so he could come down sat night. He showed up friday day, knocked on my door and basically latched onto my housemate for the rest of the day before surprising me by being there at the pub after work... about which I tried to stay positive, but he just got creepier and creepier. He kept trying to hold my hand, which seemed way too intimate like boyf and gf. Then we were standing outside smoking and chatting to a few friends and I noticed he was playing with something in his pocket, which turned out to be a knife... I was like WTF, and he said he had it for protection but I refused to accept that and confiscated it off him. Then he started complaining to my friends that he doesn't have any real friends because he secretly has loads of money and everybody hates him for it. Then he started giving his obnoxious opinions about my friends and nearly got a punch in the face from one of them for calling his girlfriend 'the kind of girl who is hot and struts around the place like she knows it'.

I literally ran home with my roomate before the night was over. And I stayed in my house the entire next day avoiding the weirdo, trying to get rid of him by text. The brief moment I tried to leave the house to get some groceries, I saw him waiting across the street.

Now why did all this happen?

Because every friend I went too saying 'Yeah, but it's a bit creepy isn't it?' were all like 'No it's romantic. He's kind of cute, you should totally let him treat you nice' and basically told me i'm always too afraid to give guys a chance.

Well I learned my lesson!

 

[Anita18]

Well, the most important thing to listen to is your own gut feeling about someone. It's one thing to give a nice guy a chance, but it's quite another to have your friends talk you into dating a guy who's out-and-out giving you the creeps!

 

[Dark Raven]

Isn't it partly to do with the person, and not necessarily the behaviour? Two people could do exactly the same thing and if a girl doesn't like one but fancies the other, then she will just not welcome the behaviour from the first and brand it as creepy, while the other one she will think it's romantic.

And I'm guessing it's probably partly dependent on mood as well. If you watch Groundhog Day, Bill Murray does the exact same thing with Andie McDowell on different occasions, but in one instance she finds it romantic and spontaneous, while on the other she finds it forced and it disgusts her.

 

[Anita18]

Isn't it partly to do with the person, and not necessarily the behaviour? Two people could do exactly the same thing and if a girl doesn't like one but fancies the other, then she will just not welcome the behaviour from the first and brand it as creepy, while the other one she will think it's romantic.

And the vibe with the behavior too. Two people never do "exactly the same thing." Human interactions are complex, man.

And also mood is definitely important. I was mad a few days ago since I couldn't find my work keys and my fiance goes off to dinner (while I'm staying late at work) with a friend whom he eventually admits was female. I never hear him mention any female friends so I just assumed it was his stripper ex-gf. That's how I roll - expect the worst, hope for the best.

Anyway, I didn't flip out on him at that moment because I understood that the root of my frustration was my inability to find my damn work keys! (They charge us hundreds of dollars for losing a key because these are laboratories with dangerous chemicals in them, so one person losing a key means they have to go and change all the locks.)

But after he helped me find my keys, everything was good. Many people don't have the ability to find the true root of their frustration or anger, and take it out on whoever is unlucky enough to talk to them. If you're the kind of person who can't handle navigating all the intricacies of people's moods, it's probably better to get a date at their worst possible moment so you know what it'd be like when some real s*** goes down.

 

[Rodrigo90]

I used one, just to build up my confidence...I followed all the guidelines, pictures of having fun...and most importantly, smiling. Didn't do much good all that smiling. I guess girls just aren't appreciative towards a hunky and gorgeous Stan Laurel lookalike...wearing my best sunday suit......my little bowler hat

 

[Backstreets]

I used one, just to build up my confidence...I followed all the guidelines, pictures of having fun...and most importantly, smiling. Didn't do much good all that smiling. I guess girls just aren't appreciative towards a hunky and gorgeous Stan Laurel lookalike...wearing my best sunday suit......my little bowler hat

The rest of your profile could have sucked.

Women READ profiles, Men just look at the pictures.

Too much smiling is a turn off, smirking is better.

 

[ComicChick]

That implies that you want a SHHer as a boyfriend, or more specifically, a boyfriend who thinks like a SHHer.

And no offense, if I'd listened to the opinions of most guys here, I would have given up and become a crazy cat lady, because I have nothing up top.

haha i didn't mean to imply that at all!

 

[Binker]

Depends what kind of girl you want. Like what I was telling CC earlier, the kinds of guys you get by showing off skin will be completely different than the guys you get if you write a witty post.

In your case, you can show off your abs (real or airbrushed, most can't tell) or you can post a picture of yourself with a puppy. Or write like ur a txting f13nd or write like you have a brain.

No, I mean step by step instructions on the profile. I did do this type of girl quiz on okcupid, which makes sense to me given my POV. I got Art Student, but there are others I like: goths, punks, hipsters and even hippie girls (the last two probably related to Art Student), I would like to meet someone who can cosplay as Harley Quinn (don't ask), but I need step by step instructions in how to say what's what I like, followed by; who I'am, what I'am, where I'm coming, where I'm going, what I like/don't like: give me a shot. Etc.

Y'know...

P.S. here is my result, just in case:
http://www.okcupid.com/results/the-...11&var_Sexy-Cute=9&fromCGI=1&var_Dark-Light=0

 

[knowsbleed]

Ooooh...oooh...me too. Here's my dating profile. Check it out, touching allowed and encouraged. http://forums.superherohype.com/member.php?u=60574

 

[Dark Raven]

No, I mean step by step instructions on the profile. I did do this type of girl quiz on okcupid, which makes sense to me given my POV. I got Art Student, but there are others I like: goths, punks, hipsters and even hippie girls (the last two probably related to Art Student), I would like to meet someone who can cosplay as Harley Quinn (don't ask), but I need step by step instructions in how to say what's what I like, followed by; who I'am, what I'am, where I'm coming, where I'm going, what I like/don't like: give me a shot. Etc.

Y'know...

P.S. here is my result, just in case:
http://www.okcupid.com/results/the-...11&var_Sexy-Cute=9&fromCGI=1&var_Dark-Light=0

I got (surprise surprise) the girl next door.

 

[Dark Raven]

I saw a woman with a mustache on one of these dating sites tonight. Well at least it looks like one in every picture she has. Obviously not as thick as someone like Tom Selleck but still noticeable enough.

 

[Rodrigo90]

The rest of your profile could have sucked.

Women READ profiles, Men just look at the pictures.

Too much smiling is a turn off, smirking is better.

I tried the slight smiley look lol

I got better responces than before.

It really does burst your fantasy bubble when you know you're not as good looking as your fav superhero. Even though I look a cross between Christian Bale and Tom Cruise with Val Kilmer's lips

And Hopeful, I'll date you. We both love Supes, we get along along pretty well. We may live hundreds of miles away, but that shouldn't stop two souls becoming one

 

[Dark Raven]

When people are sending out messages to people on these dating sites, are you thinking each time "maybe this person could be the one"? Or does it become so routine after a while that there's no sense of expectation that they will respond anymore?

I've sent out so many messages with minimal response that for me now, each time I send something new, i am thinking in the back of my mind "here we go again, is it just going to be a waste of time with no return?"

The return rate is so low that it seems far less likely than more likely that they'll respond. It always seems like a long shot.

 

[The Guard]

It really does burst your fantasy bubble when you know you're not as good looking as your fav superhero

That's a rough realization to have when you're young.

That, and the lack of super powers.

 

[Anita18]

When people are sending out messages to people on these dating sites, are you thinking each time "maybe this person could be the one"? Or does it become so routine after a while that there's no sense of expectation that they will respond anymore?

I've sent out so many messages with minimal response that for me now, each time I send something new, i am thinking in the back of my mind "here we go again, is it just going to be a waste of time with no return?"

The return rate is so low that it seems far less likely than more likely that they'll respond. It always seems like a long shot.

It was one person at a time for me. I never kept track of how many guys I messaged or messaged back. I do remember hoping that my now-fiance would get back to me, because he was cute and an engineer like my parents so I'd know how to handle that.

If you do keep track, it really can be a downer when you know just how many aren't getting back to you. So I wouldn't keep track of the numbers for that reason.

If your messages really start to be cookie-cutter, it could be a very good reason why women aren't getting back to you. I definitely deleted anything that was like, "Hey your profile sounded cool, message me back."

 

[Rodrigo90]

That's a rough realization to have when you're young.

That, and the lack of super powers.

It hurts like Hell