Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

[Carcharodon]

How was this kid you took to this warehouse?

LOL.

 

[Jesster32388]

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself. Basically, it's made up of two separate words — "mank" and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind

"If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now."

 

[SuperMonkey]

Do you ever get so mad at someone you could kill them? Well don't, do what I do; get a Jack-o-Lantern, stab a knife in it, put a note on it saying "you" and leave it on their doorstep.

 

[Jesster32388]

"If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness."

 

[SuperMonkey]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deep_Thoughts_by_Jack_Handey#Deep_Thoughts

 

[Jesster32388]

"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex."

^ I like this one a lot