Guys, does this annoy the hell out of you?

[hopefuldreamer]

Don't ya just love irony?

For any attractive woman in the hospitality industry, the "no relationship shield" is invaluable, so I'm not slamming it. It's just a fact of life.

But the "right guy" will be confident enough, hopefully, to know that the rule doesn't apply to him.

Fingers crossed

I just worry I appear 'sheilds up' all the time now, out of habit.

"Wishy washy" is definitely the term for it.

- doesn't know what the hell she wants
- says one thing, meant something else the next day
- wants to "save herself" for marriage and God
- says if he's "The One," she won't mind having sex before marriage
- "You'll never understand me. I'm a woman. I have more layers than you'll ever know."
- Blah blah blah

Yeah it's annoying just hearing about her

I'm just sick of the whole thing. Just women in general. I'm becoming more and more of a misogynist, and it's not by choice. It's just happening, and it scares me.

It can be hard if all the women around you are being like that - but it's not the whole sex some of us are okay!

I see it everywhere at bars, on Facebook, at work. Just whiny, unattractive babies who would soooo be attractive if they just grew a pair. I was taught that if you want something, you find it and take it. You don't wait for it to fall in your lap. Success in life is not always brought by dumb luck. You make your own success. Crying about not being happy will not make you happy.

You know what it is? They're not women yet. They're girls.

Girls are unattractive. But a woman, who is strong, intelligent, independent, and not wishy washy, that's where it's at.

Thing is, guys that think like you are rare.

Most guys don't seem to want an independant strong woman (like me) for a girlfriend. They might like to see if they can get their leg over one, but that's where it always ends.

In my experience it's the cry baby, sorry for themselves, saying their ugly when their beautiful ones that get the long term relationships. It's the damsel in distress vibe. Guys seem to want a girl they can rescue and take care of, whose sweet and will cook for them and never argue

I don't know

And another thing.

Whoever came up with the idea that men are worse than women . . . totally incorrect. Just based on appearances alone, women are way more demanding in what they want in a man's appearance than what a man wants in a woman's appearance. I hear women talking about (literally) a list of requirements: "don't be ugly, don't be bald, must have blue eyes, must be taller than me, must be built."

Men don't really care about this. We have no requirements of the sort. At least I don't. We like you just the way you are, thanks. We don't need you to look ridiculous and wear clown make-up at the bar. In fact, 9 times out of 10, we might be more impressed that you didn't make yourself look like a giant doll. And if you think men like that don't exist, here's one typing right now. (But I'm ugly, so it sucks to be you.)

Wow... That's all kinds of untrue.

It is MUCH harder for a girl in terms of appearance. Men tend to pick up on every single little quirk and make fun of it, whether it be behind your back or too your face.

I've had a boyfriend who nearly dumped me because his friend said I had a big forehead.

I've even had a guy stop, in the middle of hooking up, saying 'your pretty, your just not that pretty'!

And then you have to deal with the constant judgement of other girls.

Especially where weight is concerned. Guys and girls are equally HORRIBLE if there is a 'fatter' one in the group.

I have no requirements for looks, as long as there is chemistry.

I'll admit to the 'must not be shorter than me' but that's genuinely a paranoia thing. If they are smaller than me, I feel like a heffer (even tho I'm not).

I think what your mistaking as 'all women' is in fact 'all people who think they are incredibly attractive'.

Men who think they are hot have a lot of requirements. Won't date an ugly girl, won't date a fat girl or a woman who's too old or too poor or whatever. Same with women who think they are hot.

We have a much harder time approaching you than you do approaching us. Just come on over. We want you to. The guys who want to get in your pants are the ones coming over because you're dressed like your pants desperately need to be gotten into. No wonder you have no "luck".

Girls have no trouble approaching a guy, and hooking up with a guy... But it's almost impossible to get anything out of it but that.

If you approach a women and she doesn't bat you away, it's a lot less likely she's going to try and get into your pants and never call.

It might be harder for you to get the yes, but it's easier for your yes to mean something more than 1 night.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

In my experience it's the cry baby, sorry for themselves, saying their ugly when their beautiful ones that get the long term relationships. It's the damsel in distress vibe. Guys seem to want a girl they can rescue and take care of, whose sweet and will cook for them and never argue

My response to this is:

I always hear talk of what girls are looking for in a partner, which is a man who can take care of them, and "protect" them.

So with that in mind, I find it only natural that a man be looking for a partner that he can "protect".

I know I'm guilty of falling for the girl that I can "save", the girl I can take care of.

And I really think that's why.

Girls want someone to protect them? Well then give me a girl to protect.

That said, I am attracted to a strong willed, strong minded woman. But at the same time, I do want a girl that I can "protect".

It's really hard to describe - basically, I want a woman that needs me, but doesn't need me, if that makes any sense. Some of my friends understand what I mean when I say that, others, not so much.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

My response to this is:

I always hear talk of what girls are looking for in a partner, which is a man who can take care of them, and "protect" them.

So with that in mind, I find it only natural that a man be looking for a partner that he can "protect".

I know I'm guilty of falling for the girl that I can "save", the girl I can take care of.

And I really think that's why.

Girls want someone to protect them? Well then give me a girl to protect.

That said, I am attracted to a strong willed, strong minded woman. But at the same time, I do want a girl that I can "protect".

It's really hard to describe - basically, I want a woman that needs me, but doesn't need me, if that makes any sense. Some of my friends understand what I mean when I say that, others, not so much.

I understand what you mean, because it's the same for me really.

I'm attracted to confident, cheeky, teasing on arrogant guys. But I also want them to have a secret vulnerable side that I can unlock.

But in terms of looking for a protector - I'm definitely not. I'm just looking for an equal. And sadly, the nice guys are all too wet and the confident guys are all jackasses.

Also, It is such a fine line between independance that's attractive and indepenance that's a put off.

I guess I just have never found that line.

I've talked to friends, and guys I've hooked up with before about why I don't seem to get relationships and they always say it's because I act like I don't need one or even want one - which is weird cause it's not how I feel on the inside really.

I've just kind of embraced it now. I'm the kind of girl whose entirely self sufficient and I am actually starting to like it that way.

 

[Anita18]

Thing is, guys that think like you are rare.

Most guys don't seem to want an independant strong woman (like me) for a girlfriend. They might like to see if they can get their leg over one, but that's where it always ends.

In my experience it's the cry baby, sorry for themselves, saying their ugly when their beautiful ones that get the long term relationships. It's the damsel in distress vibe. Guys seem to want a girl they can rescue and take care of, whose sweet and will cook for them and never argue

I don't know

I don't know either...I've been both women in two different relationships (one before I grew a spine and stopped being pathetic, and one after) and both men were equally devoted and patiently put up with my crap. But it was different kinds of crap, and in my current relationship, it was an illness that was actually not my fault. The first one well, let's just say I had extremely low self-esteem then. I was SO pathetic I look back on old me and I want to slap her.

The first relationship lasted 1.5 years, the second 3 years and counting. So guys who like strong independent women ARE out there, and surely they're not that hard to find if hermity old me found one. (I had to go online though! )

You just gotta keep the faith and keep looking.

Wow... That's all kinds of untrue.

It is MUCH harder for a girl in terms of appearance. Men tend to pick up on every single little quirk and make fun of it, whether it be behind your back or too your face.

I've had a boyfriend who nearly dumped me because his friend said I had a big forehead.

I've even had a guy stop, in the middle of hooking up, saying 'your pretty, your just not that pretty'!

And then you have to deal with the constant judgement of other girls.

Especially where weight is concerned. Guys and girls are equally HORRIBLE if there is a 'fatter' one in the group.

I have no requirements for looks, as long as there is chemistry.

I'll admit to the 'must not be shorter than me' but that's genuinely a paranoia thing. If they are smaller than me, I feel like a heffer (even tho I'm not).

I think what your mistaking as 'all women' is in fact 'all people who think they are incredibly attractive'.

Men who think they are hot have a lot of requirements. Won't date an ugly girl, won't date a fat girl or a woman who's too old or too poor or whatever. Same with women who think they are hot.

Psh, I think women are harder than other women than men are. In my experience, guys don't care if you do your hair or not. Most of the time they can't even tell.

I have stretch marks all over my legs and no man has ever noticed. Actually most women don't notice either unless I point them out, because I'm so thin that they're not looking for them on me.

I think we worry unnecessarily about a lot of things. If someone wants to break up with you over a big forehead or because you forgot to shave your legs, WHO CARES, GOOD RIDDANCE. What's a strong independent woman going to do being with an idiot like that anyway? Weed 'em out early, stop wasting your time. It's why I stopped wearing a push-up bra. I wasn't going to fool anyone once that came off anyway, so screw the "OMG she's so flat" talk, why even pretend? I have better things to be worrying about.

What's actually a turn-off for me is when someone KNOWS they're attractive and acts they deserve more because of it. Man or woman, they earn my in short order.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I don't know either...I've been both women in two different relationships (one before I grew a spine and stopped being pathetic, and one after) and both men were equally devoted and patiently put up with my crap. But it was different kinds of crap, and in my current relationship, it was an illness that was actually not my fault. The first one well, let's just say I had extremely low self-esteem then. I was SO pathetic I look back on old me and I want to slap her.

The first relationship lasted 1.5 years, the second 3 years and counting. So guys who like strong independent women ARE out there, and surely they're not that hard to find if hermity old me found one. (I had to go online though! )

You just gotta keep the faith and keep looking.

I definitely know what it's like to be on the pathetic end, yeah. It's terrifying to look back now and think how ridiculously needy and dramatic I was being.

But I actually think some girls do it on purpose. They use the persona of the damsel, and I just find it really annoying.

Like the kind of girl who will start a problem and be all drama queen just so the guy can step in and save the day.

Psh, I think women are harder than other women than men are. In my experience, guys don't care if you do your hair or not. Most of the time they can't even tell.

I have stretch marks all over my legs and no man has ever noticed. Actually most women don't notice either unless I point them out, because I'm so thin that they're not looking for them on me.

I think we worry unnecessarily about a lot of things. If someone wants to break up with you over a big forehead or because you forgot to shave your legs, WHO CARES, GOOD RIDDANCE. What's a strong independent woman going to do being with an idiot like that anyway? Weed 'em out early, stop wasting your time. It's why I stopped wearing a push-up bra. I wasn't going to fool anyone once that came off anyway, so screw the "OMG she's so flat" talk, why even pretend? I have better things to be worrying about.

What's actually a turn-off for me is when someone KNOWS they're attractive and acts they deserve more because of it. Man or woman, they earn my in short order.

I'm not saying guys care if you do your hair.

They don't even notice most of the time

I'm saying that they are pickier in general when it comes to whether a girl is hot enough for them to date.

ESPECIALLY if your not skinny. Most guys don't want to date a 'fat girl'. Or you have a feature flaw that's really obvious like a big nose or something. I mean, that is a massive deal breaker for so many men.

 

[Anita18]

I definitely know what it's like to be on the pathetic end, yeah. It's terrifying to look back now and think how ridiculously needy and dramatic I was being.

But I actually think some girls do it on purpose. They use the persona of the damsel, and I just find it really annoying.

Like the kind of girl who will start a problem and be all drama queen just so the guy can step in and save the day.

Oh, I definitely think that happens. I just don't associate with girls like that nor the guys who are attracted to them. Save myself the headache, you know!

I'm not saying guys care if you do your hair.

They don't even notice most of the time

I'm saying that they are pickier in general when it comes to whether a girl is hot enough for them to date.

ESPECIALLY if your not skinny. Most guys don't want to date a 'fat girl'. Or you have a feature flaw that's really obvious like a big nose or something. I mean, that is a massive deal breaker for so many men.

I may have stumbled into that when online dating. When I posted a personals ad on Craigslist with only a body shot, sooo many guys messaged me. But only like, 30% of them messaged me back after I sent a face pic. I've relegated myself to the fact that I'm a butterface.

You take your hits and move on. You don't need to attract a large number of the population, you only need to find one and then stop.

Being skinny can sometimes attract the wrong guys too! When I was single for a loooong time, my friend noted that it was often the guys looking for superficial girls who really went for the model-skinny ones. And I am for all intents and purposes, model-skinny. I was like, "@(*%! I can't win! "

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Oh, I definitely think that happens. I just don't associate with girls like that nor the guys who are attracted to them. Save myself the headache, you know!

yeah I have to admit, my days of catering to drama queen attention seekers are over too.

And I do think decent guys grow out of that as well, the older they get.

I may have stumbled into that when online dating. When I posted a personals ad on Craigslist with only a body shot, sooo many guys messaged me. But only like, 30% of them messaged me back after I sent a face pic. I've relegated myself to the fact that I'm a butterface.

You take your hits and move on. You don't need to attract a large number of the population, you only need to find one and then stop.

Being skinny can sometimes attract the wrong guys too! When I was single for a loooong time, my friend noted that it was often the guys looking for superficial girls who really went for the model-skinny ones. And I am for all intents and purposes, model-skinny. I was like, "@(*%! I can't win! "

Honestly, I think it's too late for me

I am so used to being single (been single for 4 years now, and only had one real boyf of 2 years on and off before that), and the longer I go without having been in a relationship, the more difficult it becomes for me to even see myself being in one.

Giving up my space, my freedom, my time, my effort... well it's not something i'm actively going to look for on a dating website like I used too. I don't fall in love easily anymore, and I try and I try to give people a chance. But at the end of the day, if the chemistry isn't there then it just feels like a chore, and I don't want to date guys that have me secretly wishing they'd just go home already

But that's why I would never whine about it on my facebook status, or go on about how i'm single because no one understands me.

I'm single because I can't find a guy worth spending time with and making an effort for, and I don't wanna spend my time and effort on someone who's just 'okay'.

Does that make sense?

 

[E-Man]

Y'all are approaching this the wrong way. Stupid people are made for trolling. I troll people who post stupid **** on Facebook all the time. You can just tell this girl that she will never find a man until she comes up with a 3,000 word essay on who would win a fight between Batman and Spider-man.

 

[Erzengel]

You should never settle.

However, I think certain people need to know their limitations.

On a side note, it's a pet peeve of mine when women post Sex and the City quotations on their Facebook page.

You don't see me quoting Star Wars or Batman in mine.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

You should never settle.

However, I think certain people need to know their limitations.

How do you figure that out though?

I mean, do you look at a guy you don't really like and force yourself to think 'oh well I should know my limits,' and just date him on the basis of logic?

And how long do you keep 'giving someone a chance' before you accept your just never going to have the big feelings for them.

Personally I hate dumping people in general, and I think it's kind of meaner to keep seeing someone for long enough that they develop feelings for you, if you know deep down that it's not right.

IMO chemistry is immediate. If it's not there, it's not worth even entertaining the idea. Someone just gets hurt.

On a side note, it's a pet peeve of mine when women post Sex and the City quotations on their Facebook page.

You don't see me quoting Star Wars or Batman in mine.

Well now that's just silly.

I quote Superman and Buffy the vampire slayer on my Facebook all the time

 

[Erzengel]

How do you figure that out though?

I mean, do you look at a guy you don't really like and force yourself to think 'oh well I should know my limits,' and just date him on the basis of logic?

And how long do you keep 'giving someone a chance' before you accept your just never going to have the big feelings for them.

Personally I hate dumping people in general, and I think it's kind of meaner to keep seeing someone for long enough that they develop feelings for you, if you know deep down that it's not right.

IMO chemistry is immediate. If it's not there, it's not worth even entertaining the idea. Someone just gets hurt.

I'm not saying go for the first guy or girl who comes around. But there are some people looking for some sort of epitome of the "ONE" and not Keanu, Anakin or Jet Li. When I say know your limitations, it essentially, you know how you look, and unless you have other things really going for you, maybe you should stop going for trophy significant others.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I'm not saying go for the first guy or girl who comes around. But there are some people looking for some sort of epitome of the "ONE" and not Keanu, Anakin or Jet Li. When I say know your limitations, it essentially, you know how you look, and unless you have other things really going for you, maybe you should stop going for trophy significant others.

Ah right, if it's looks your talking about I agree.

But then I have basically no rules in a superficial sense. I've had the hots for much older men, men with pot bellies, men with receeding hairlines, men with full beards etc. I mean, I've fancied plenty of attractive men as well and even dated a few but I don't think chemistry is dependant on looks.

It CAN be about looks. But it can also be about confidence, flirting, common interests, and in some cases completely illogical pheremone style reaction.

 

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

Personally speaking, I think its ridiculous to post things that personal on facebook, stuff like that should be private and be discussed with closest family and friends, not people I havent seen since school who I wouldnt be in touch with if it wasnt for FB.

Other people doing it is part of the reason I dont really go on facebook anymore, I have never done the hooking up with girls thing through, and a lot of people who are my friends on it I dont really like and just dont have the heart to delete them. So now I barely go on it.

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

But in all serious talk, in my experiences, girls tend to be more cliquey and demanding of what they want. They also tend to talk more gossip and tend to be more dishonest.

But of course, I'm talking about girls and not women as my experiences are only with girls. I am in a college environment where the fraternity system (that I am a part of) tends to exceed the stereotypes (they still follow a few of course), but the sororities don't.

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

double post.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

But in all serious talk, in my experiences, girls tend to be more cliquey and demanding of what they want. They also tend to talk more gossip and tend to be more dishonest.

I'd say girls are more vocal about that stuff... But in a totally frivalous way. They don't stick to it.

Like they might go on about their perfect man being tall dark and handsome, but end up marrying a short blonde guy with a big nose.

Whereas guys will say 'looks don't matter, hate girls who are too into their looks and only order salads, want a real woman'... But they won't date a girl unless they think she's hot, and probably wouldn't date a girl who was overweight and not wearing make-up.

 

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

I'd say girls are more vocal about that stuff... But in a totally frivalous way. They don't stick to it.

Like they might go on about their perfect man being tall dark and handsome, but end up marrying a short blonde guy with a big nose.

Whereas guys will say 'looks don't matter, hate girls who are too into their looks and only order salads, want a real woman'... But they won't date a girl unless they think she's hot, and probably wouldn't date a girl who was overweight and not wearing make-up.

This isnt all guys, being overweight isnt that big of an issue to me, I prefer women with a bit of meat on them as opposed to stick thin women and I know plenty of others who think the same.

I also think girls who dont wear make up but still appear beautiful is very attractive to me personally.

I think with both guys and girls though looks are what begin the initial attraction.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I understand what you mean, because it's the same for me really.

I'm attracted to confident, cheeky, teasing on arrogant guys. But I also want them to have a secret vulnerable side that I can unlock.

But in terms of looking for a protector - I'm definitely not. I'm just looking for an equal. And sadly, the nice guys are all too wet and the confident guys are all jackasses.

Also, It is such a fine line between independance that's attractive and indepenance that's a put off.

I guess I just have never found that line.

I've talked to friends, and guys I've hooked up with before about why I don't seem to get relationships and they always say it's because I act like I don't need one or even want one - which is weird cause it's not how I feel on the inside really.

I've just kind of embraced it now. I'm the kind of girl whose entirely self sufficient and I am actually starting to like it that way.

Haha, aww yes the unattractive form of independence. Yes, I agree. A certain level of independence is a must. But I agree, there is another level of independence that becomes a turnoff.

 

[Anita18]

Honestly, I think it's too late for me

I am so used to being single (been single for 4 years now, and only had one real boyf of 2 years on and off before that), and the longer I go without having been in a relationship, the more difficult it becomes for me to even see myself being in one.

Giving up my space, my freedom, my time, my effort... well it's not something i'm actively going to look for on a dating website like I used too. I don't fall in love easily anymore, and I try and I try to give people a chance. But at the end of the day, if the chemistry isn't there then it just feels like a chore, and I don't want to date guys that have me secretly wishing they'd just go home already

But that's why I would never whine about it on my facebook status, or go on about how i'm single because no one understands me.

I'm single because I can't find a guy worth spending time with and making an effort for, and I don't wanna spend my time and effort on someone who's just 'okay'.

Does that make sense?

4? Try 6! -points to self- There is hope for you after all, even you have to be dragged kicking and screaming into it!

Like you, I wasn't looking to give up my freedom per say, but I was still looking because I met my bf online. I figured why the hell not.

How do you figure that out though?

I mean, do you look at a guy you don't really like and force yourself to think 'oh well I should know my limits,' and just date him on the basis of logic?

And how long do you keep 'giving someone a chance' before you accept your just never going to have the big feelings for them.

Personally I hate dumping people in general, and I think it's kind of meaner to keep seeing someone for long enough that they develop feelings for you, if you know deep down that it's not right.

IMO chemistry is immediate. If it's not there, it's not worth even entertaining the idea. Someone just gets hurt.

When I met my bf, there wasn't any immediate chemistry, but I liked spending time with him and silence wasn't awkward, which IMO is severely underrated. You have to feel like you don't have to impress the guy 24/7, have that feeling of comfort. I liked him enough not to dump him immediately, which is what I've done before to guys I met online that I didn't really like all that much.

So I liked my bf enough to keep going out with him, although I like to joke that I had nothing else better to do and he won me over with his persistence, generosity, and kindness. I actually really couldn't give you a reason why other than that I felt very comfortable with him from the first moment I met him.

 

[SpideyVille]

When a girl claims that she is not actively looking for a relationship, but she still goes on Facebook and mopes and whines about how she hasn't found the perfect one yet?

I am more bothered by the girls who trash guys for acting a certain way, and not realizing that its only the guys they surround themselves with that do that. It really is one of the most frustrating things when you have to hear a girl complain about her relationship issues.

It's kind of a bad news situation here ...

When it comes to single women who say they aren't looking for a relationship, a lot of them are only using it as a shield against undesirable men. It gives an easy out when turning down somebody who doesn't measure up to their standards. If the right guy did cross their paths, then they immediately begin looking for a relationship.

Kind of like going to visit a family that comes from a culture where you can't stand the food, beforehand you'd establish the premise that you've eaten just the biggest breakfast of all time so you're not hungry at all, so you have an easy excuse not to try anything.

LOL I've done both of these. A lot of girls see me as this "great guy", but that side only shows when I'm not attracted to them and don't mind being myself. But since they see me that way, I have to tell them I'm not really looking for someone at the moment just so they don't fall for me too much because I really don't want them pestering me while I'm trying to go after another girl.

And yeah, I'm also a picky eater so I do the food thing all the time.
It's just a polite way of rejecting someone's offer so that you don't hurt their feelings.

 

[THE MR. TERRIFIC]

Everytime I read threads like this it makes me glad that I don't have to date anymore! It seems so hard now.

 

[bullets]

or even worst
when your hooking up with the girl, she has you taking her out a shopping sprees on a weekly bases, driving her all over town, taking her out to her favorite bar all the time (picking up her tab) well she spends the whole time there talking to her friends an ignoring you (until is time to drive her home and she all over you) and she consistently borrowing the car (an it always seem to break down ever time she does) , borrowing money (and never paying it back) and she still wont emit your relationship
until the day you get sick of her BS an say were over... an then she get all pissed that you dropped her, like you broke her heart

or maybe that was just me

I've only been in one situation where the girl was actually using me. At first I was blinded by the whole situation becuase she was really attractive and the sex was great. She would complain about her financial situation so I'd constantly let her borrow money. Then we'd barely even see each other and she'd always be sick. She started treating me crap , even on the phone and then blame it on stress.
I suspected she was cheating and spied , turns out she was buying drugs and trying to hide it from me. I tried to help her but a week later she got arrested for shoplifting and went to jail for a few months.
Then she came home and we started hanging out like friends. She told me she still had feelings but wanted to take it slow. Next thing I know she started a long distance relationship on facebook. I was actually ok with her moving onto someone else but when we hung out she tried to get intimidate a couple times. I just stopped talking to her.

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

Everytime I read threads like this it makes me glad that I don't have to date anymore! It seems so hard now.

You have no idea. Makes me glad I'm in college and don't worry about this stuff. Fraternity life and booty calls ftw!

 

[THE MR. TERRIFIC]

You have no idea. Makes me glad I'm in college and don't worry about this stuff. Fraternity life and booty calls ftw!

You're still having fun. I'm married.