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[Ronny Shade]

with flash? I'm terrible.

After Effects? I'm decent.

 

[Chev Chelios]

Dude. You suck at making .gifs. You totally made us lose that poster challenge in Survivor.

 

[Chev Chelios]

EPISODE 13: OOPS, I KILLED YOUR FERRET​

​

FADE TO BLACK
FADE IN
INT. WHITE ROOM – NIGHT
Webmistress walks over to Spork, who is standing over the body of a dead ferret. Matt stands, stunned, finally showing emotion.

MATT MURDOCK
What the hell, Spork?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
You killed the ferret!​

​

SPORK
It’s not my fault, Matt was the lame ass who got out of firing range!​

​

Webmistress angrily punches Spork in the face.

SPORK
Ow, what the hell? Women are supposed to do that open handed.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
You really are the biggest moron I’ve ever met, you know that Spork?​

​

SPORK
I’d have a comeback to that, but you’re the biggest moron I’ve ever met! And wouldn’t understand it!​

​

Awkward silence.

SPORK​

…I don’t have a comeback to that.​

​

MATT
Well, what are we going to do with the body of the dead ferret?​

​

SPORK
I don’t know, it’s her ferret!​

​

WEBMISTRESS
It’s not my ferret, you ******.​

​

SPORK
It always hanged around you though. Who’s is it then?​

​

MATT
It was always just kind of there… like you.​

​

SPORK
I guess I’ll just leave it here then. No one’s gonna miss it or anything. I’ll see you kids later, have fun.​

​

Webmistress grabs Spork by the shoulder.

WEBMISTRESS
How big of a ****** are you? You just tried to kill Matt!​

​

SPORK
Yeah, I know, I’ll just be on my way now, late--​

​

Webmistress punches Spork hard in the face again.

SPORK​

Ow! What the hell!​

WEBMISTRESS
I’m in love with him!​

​

SPORK
Oh, really? I always thought you guys would make a great couple. Together. Go you. Two. You know, aside from all the violence.​

​

MATT
I’m so glad I have your consent on our relationship, Spork.​

​

SPORK
I know, without my approval your relationship would be shallow and meaningless and superficial right? Now, I gotta go so…​

​

There is a long period of silence.

SPORK
Goodbye!​

​

Spork darts for the door, running through the hallway.

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Spork runs down the hallway until he sees Pira, who looks upset.

SPORK
Pira…?​

​

Pira punches Spork in the nose.

PIRA
Who the hell do you think you are, just leaving me up there by myself? Do you have any idea how long I’ve had to be alone, how long I’ve been up there going crazy without you?​

​

SPORK
What happened to women slapping!? First Webmistress and then you.​

​

PIRA
Webmistress? You went down here to see Webmistress?​

​

Spork looks like a deer caught in headlights, Pira looks angrier than ever before. Spork nervously tries to explain like he’s dismantling a time bomb.

​

SPORK
No! Haha, no! Wait it’s not what it looks like—​

​

Pira punches Spork in the mouth. Spork clasps his hands to his lips as his head bops back, then regains posture and spits out blood.

SPORK
Could you please stop doing that?​

PIRA
Do you love her now, Spork? Do you love her and not me? You think I don’t notice things like that? And why is that sword on your back?​

​

SPORK
That’s what I was trying to tell you! I wasn’t here trying to date Webmistress or whatever, I was here trying to kill Matt Murdock!​

​

PIRA
Oh…sorry I hit you then.​

​

SPORK
Yeah, well—​

​

But Spork is stopped mid-sentence when he is attacked by a man in a military ninja outfit similar to the one Snake had in Metal Gear Solid 2. Pira tries to do something, but she is knocked out next, and she falls to the floor, her eyes closed.

FADE TO BLACK
FLASHBACK
FADE IN
INT. DENTIST OFFICE – DAY
Young Pira sits at the dentist chair as her dentist looks at her teeth.

DENTIST​

These are the cleanest teeth I’ve ever had at this office! You don’t even need a check-up! But you’re going to have to come again in six months anyway because I need to pay the bills and your parents are rich.​

​

PIRA
Um, thanks I guess.​

​

DENTIST
But seriously, your teeth are great! I was wondering if I could get a picture of them, to put up on my wall. Do you think I could do that?​

​

PIRA
Uh, I don’t know if that would be such a great idea…​

​

DENTIST
Of course it is, Darling! Now just stay here while I go get the camera.​

​

CUT TO: INT. CAR – DAY
Pira is in the back of the car with her sister Tsunulia while her dad drives the car.

TSUNULIA
He seriously took your picture and put it in the office?​

​

PIRA
Yup, he even framed it and everything.​

​

TSUNULIA
That’s so cool!​

​

DAD
More like creepy as hell. I’m going to sue that pedophile when I get the chance.​

​

MOM
Ah, you need to calm down, Frank, it’s not that bad.​

​

DAD​

Calm down? Our 9-year-old just got hit on by a 40-year-old. Because of her teeth! Hah! I’m gonna wring the guy by his feet.​

​

MOM
Please honey, not in front of the kids.​

​

DAD
I wasn’t talking about your feet, darling.​

​

Dad kisses Mom on the cheek and the pull into the driveway.

TSUNULIA
Ew, our parents are gross!​

​

Pira nods.

PIRA
Tell me about it. I’m gonna go inside and talk to my friends on the phone.​

​

TSUNULIA
You don’t have any friends!​

Pira shakes her head and gets out of the car.

FADE TO BLACK
FLASHBACK ENDS
FADE IN
INT. DUNGEON ROOM – NIGHT
Pira awakes, tied up in a chair. Across from her Spork is also tied up and weaponless.

PIRA
Spork, what--?​

​

VOICE
You’ll have to excuse him. He’s a bit under the weather. Probably from being hit in the face so many times, or because he’s generally a dense, superficial individual..​

​

Hippie Hunter appears in front of them, carrying a needle in his hands.

HIPPIE HUNTER
My name is Hippie Hunter. I am here to help you.​

​

SPORK
Hey.​

Hippie Hunter looks at Spork.

SPORK​

(In best Arnold Schwarzenegger accent he can muster)​

**** you, *******.​

​

Hippie Hunter kicks Spork’s shins.​

 

[Chev Chelios]

HIPPIE HUNTER
You killed Mirko’s ferret.​

​

PIRA
Mirko, who…?​

​

HIPPIE HUNTER
He is the man that built this place. Now that you have killed his ferret, they will come looking for you.​

​

PIRA
They?​

​

HIPPIE HUNTER
The doctors. And probably everyone else, too. You guys don’t seem to have a lot of friends.​

​

PIRA
Are you our friend?​

​

HIPPIE HUNTER
No.​

​

PIRA
But you said—​

​

HIPPIE HUNTER
I said I was here to help you, but I am by no means your friend.​

​

Pira looks down at the syringe in Hippie Hunter’s hand.

PIRA
What is that?​

​

HIPPIE HUNTER
It’s a sedative. I found it on one of the doctors. I need to test it on your boyfriend to see its effect on the human condition.​

​

PIRA
You’re going to use him as a guinea pig?​

​

HIPPIE HUNTER
I told you I wasn’t your friend.​

​

Hippie Hunter walks over to Spork, the syringe in his hand.

SPORK
Don’t you dare stick that in my neck, penis breath.​

​

HIPPIE HUNTER
Amusing: your friend seems to have the mouth of Ball Buster, and the intelligence factor as well. I wonder if they are related.​

​

PIRA
Not that I know of.​

​

SPORK
Your balls have been busted! Biznitch.​

​

HIPPIE HUNTER
Enough.​

​

Hippie Hunter sticks the needle in Spork’s neck, and Spork is sent writhing around in pain. Pira struggles around with the ropes, and they come off easily. She falls to the floor, and Hippie Hunter turns around, stopping the injection.

HIPPIE HUNTER​

Damnit, I really need to get those ropes fixed.​

​

Pira grabs a pipe that had been lying on the floor, and knocks Hippie Hunter over the head with it. He falls to the ground with a thud, unconscious. Pira then takes the pipe, walks over to Spork’s chair and uses it to cut open the rope, freeing him.

SPORK
Do I ever mention how much I love you?​

​

PIRA
Not nearly as much as you should.​

​

Spork and Pira take off, leaving Hippie Hunter’s unconscious body in his dungeon room.

FADE TO BLACK
FLASHBACK
FADE IN
INT. TSUNULIA’S ROOM – NIGHT
Tsunulia is in her bed, a towel lying on her forehead. Her parents stand over her. Outside, watching them from the doorway with her legs crossed is Pira.

MOM
She’s sick.​

​

DAD
I know she’s sick, you think I can’t see that?​

​

MOM
We should take her to a hospital.​

​

DAD
What, like the pedophile we took Pira too? I’m not going through that again.​

​

MOM
That was a dentist.​

​

DAD
Who cares? They’re all the same. “I’m sorry, there’s nothing you can do to save her if you don’t give us more money.” What a bunch of pricks.​

​

MOM
I pay the bills around here too. You’re calling a doctor.​

​

DAD
Fine, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.​

​

CUT TO: HOSPITAL – DAY
Pira waits in the waiting room as Mom and Dad talk to the doctor ouside.

DOCTOR
Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, I don’t know how to tell you this but your daughter is dying from a very rare disease.​

​

DAD
I knew it! This is where they’re trying to get us to pay more money.​

​

DOCTOR
This is serious, Mr. Johnson. Without the proper medication she will only last about 3 more weeks.​

​

MOM
What do you want us to do?​

​

DAD
Give him loads of cash, what else?​

​

DOCTOR
I need you to let us keep her here. Only for a short period of time until the illness wears down.​

​

DAD
Okay, fine, we’ll give you the money, but if I find out anything fishy is up I’m writing my congressman.​

​

DOCTOR
Thank you, sir. We will get started on your daughter immediately.​

​

Pira twiddles her thumbs in her chair outside.

FADE TO BLACK
FLASHBACK ENDS
FADE IN
INT. PIPEWAYS – NIGHT
Spork and Pira run through the pipeways, not quite knowing what they are going to find when they turn the corner. Spork stops running and looks back.

SPORK
****, I need that sword!​

​

PIRA
What sword?​

​

SPORK
My hello kitty katana sword. That bastard took it from me.​

​

PIRA
We can’t go back there, he’s probably waiting for us.​

​

SPORK​

But I really like it!​

​

PIRA​

We can’t!​

​

SPORK
****, you’re probably right. Well, let’s keep going then.​

​

Spork tries to move forward but when he does, a creature, part man/part machine, shoves him against the wall, not letting him move forward.

PIRA
Spork?​

​

SPORK
Ah, goddamnit.​

​

SENTINEL_08​

Why did you try to kill Matt Murdock?​

​

SPORK
Eat it, Robocop.​

​

Spork kicks Sentinel in the balls and there is a loud clang. Spork stumbles out of the way and Pira wacks Sentinel over the head with the pipe from before. She hits him repeatedly until Spork stops her.

SPORK
That’s enough.​

​

PIRA
Sorry, it was just all that built up rage you know.​

​

SPORK
Sure, let’s go before any—​

​

Spork stops and turns around.

PIRA
What is it?​

​

SPORK
I think that sedative thing is kicking in.​

​

Spork stumbles into the wall and leans against it.

SPORK​

Oh yeah, here it comes.​

​

Spork passes out and hits the ground.

PIRA
Oh….crap.​

FADE TO BLACK
FLASHBACK
FADE IN
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Pira walks into the hospital room as Tsunulia lies in her bed, sick.

PIRA​

Hey little sis. How’s it going?​

​

TSUNULIA
I’m sick, doofus.​

​

PIRA
I’m sorry, that was a stupid question.​

​

TSUNULIA
It’s okay, it’s just I get that same question every second I’m in this place. “How are you feeling, darling?” Gee, I’m sick ******s!​

​

PIRA
I just worry about you is all.​

​

TSUNULIA
I know, I really shouldn’t be complaining.​

​

PIRA
Yes you should! Mom and Dad have been stupid about this whole thing. They’ve been fighting ever since you left. Your friends miss you. I miss you. You need to get better. Please.​

​

TSUNULIA
Don’t worry about me, I’m invincible.​

​

Pira reaches across the bed and hugs Tsunulia, then walks away and is standing in the doorway when Tsunulia speaks.

TSUNULIA
Pira…?​

​

PIRA
Yes…​

​

TSUNULIA
If I do die, you can have all of my stuff.​

​

The word “die” hits Pira like a bag of bricks but she doesn’t show it and simply nods.

​

FADE TO BLACK
FLASHBACK ENDS
FADE IN
INT. PIPEWAY – NIGHT
Pira sits over the unconscious bodies of Spork and Sentinel_08. Sentinel wakes up, confused.

 

[Chev Chelios]

SENTINEL_08​

Hey, um, do you know the way out of here?​

​

PIRA
Not really.​

​

SENTINEL_08​

It just seems like if I continue down this pipe-way I’ll wind up on the other side of this place.​

​

PIRA
And that’s bad?​

​

SENTINEL_08​

The people over there are…insane.​

​

PIRA
Well you can stay here if you like.​

​

SENTINEL_08​

No, I better get back, Robin is probably waiting for me to make him some pancakes.​

​

PIRA
Okay, see you later.​

​

Sentinel gets up and walks back the way he came. Spork wakes up.

SPORK
Whoa, Pira, where am I?​

​

PIRA
Hey…you’re in the pipe-way still. You passed out for awhile.​

​

SPORK
Hey, where’d that one robot guy go?​

​

PIRA
He killed himself in shame of his beating.​

​

SPORK
Awesome, that’s fantastic. Let’s get going then, I feel so refreshed.​

​

CUT TO: MAX’S ROOM – NIGHT
Danger Mouse sits alone in Max’s room when Jayna enters the room.

JAYNA
Look, I’m sorry about before.​

​

DANGER MOUSE
Don’t be. It was my fault. I was thinking about Matt too much, probably the whole mentor-student thing. I should have cared more about you, and I realize that now.​

​

JAYNA
Really?​

​

DANGER MOUSE
Yeah.​

​

Jayna walks over and kisses Danger Mouse, and then sits down on the bed.

JAYNA
Exalted sounded pretty serious about that Spork thing.​

​

Danger Mouse sighs and shakes his head.

DANGER MOUSE
The more time I spend around this Exalted guy, the more ******ed he gets. I don’t know why we listen to him in the first place.​

​

JAYNA
You don’t? Well let me explain it to you then: you were the one who signed up for his brigade in the first place. You’re the reason we’re here.​

​

DANGER MOUSE
I know, and every day I regret that decision.​

​

JAYNA
You shouldn’t. You made the right one coming here to begin with. Exalted is a smart guy, and he is the only person I trust in this place besides you.​

​

At this moment Exalted comes into the room and throws a sword and some sub-machine guns on the floor.

EXALTED
DANGER MOUSE, I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT FOR YOU.​

​

CUT TO: INT. PIPEWAY – NIGHT
Spork and Pira walk down the pipe-way, bored.

PIRA
Hey Spork, I forgot to ask you.​

​

SPORK
Yes, honey bumpkins with a cherry on top?​

​

PIRA
Why aren’t you training with that teddy bear anymore?​

​

SPORK
I found out it was a waste of my time. He said my training was never ending or some ****. I felt ripped off and used afterwards. I still want my money back.​

​

PIRA
Well, ever since you left you’ve been fighting non-stop.​

​

SPORK
Your point is…?​

​

PIRA
Isn’t that training yourself too? I mean every time you fight you gain a little bit more knowledge right?​

​

SPORK​

But I don’t feel any smart—​

​

Spork stops in his tracks and looks around, confused.

SPORK
Did you feel that?​

​

PIRA
Feel what?​

​

SPORK
I felt a drip.​

​

PIRA
Um, Spork, we’re in a pipe-way. There’s dripping everywhere.​

​

Spork looks up and sees a ventilation shaft above him.

SPORK
Look, there’s a ventilation shaft right there. Why would that be in a pipe-way? It doesn’t make any sense.​

​

PIRA
I don’t exactly see what you’re getting at here.​

​

SPORK
Pira, I’m gonna need you to give me that pipe.​

​

PIRA
What? Why?​

​

SPORK
Just give it here. And hurry!​

​

Pira reluctantly hands Spork the pipe. Spork takes it and swings it at the shaft above him. The metal breaks and falls to the floor, and SNOW comes falling down out of the sky, falling down on the ground. Pira looks at it wide-eyed.

PIRA
Holy crap, THAT’S SNOW!​

​

SPORK
I know, now I need you to listen to me very carefully Pira.​

​

PIRA
Um, okay, what do you want me to do?​

​

SPORK
I’m going to lift you up, and then once you get up on the roof I need you to lift me up.​

​

PIRA
What? What roof? What are we doing?​

​

Spork grins.

SPORK
We’re escaping.​

​

FADE TO BLACK
FLASHBACK
FADE IN
EXT. CEMETARY – NIGHT
Pira stands over a grave marked Tsunulia Johnson with flowers in her hand.

PIRA
Hey, uh, I guess I should tell you some of the stuff that’s happened recently. To fill you in on everything I guess, I don’t know. Mom and Dad are getting a divorce. It’s not because they don’t love you or…​

​

Pira, breaks down, tears flowing down her cheeks. She takes her hand and wipes the tears away and looks back down at the grave.

PIRA
This is horrible. I’m sorry. Uh, I’ve been doing pretty good I guess. I didn’t exactly get your stuff, Dad was pretty pissed but I think I’ll be fine. I’ve been doing pretty good in school. You’d be proud. Straight A’s, you know, that kind of thing. I’m at the top of my class which is pretty cool I guess.​

​

Pira looks down at her flowers and puts them down on the grave.

VOICE
I knew her, you know.​

​

Pira turns around and sees a man in a tuxedo and a top hat. He looks like a real gentleman.

PIRA
Excuse me?​

​

TOP HAT GUY​

Tsunulia. I knew her. I taught her some card tricks.​

​

PIRA
And you are?​

​

TOP HAT GUY​

Oh, sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. My name’s Matrix.​

​

Matrix holds out his hand and Pira shakes it.

PIRA
I’m Pira. I was… am her sister.​

​

Matrix nods and smiles.

MATRIX
So, you come to the cemetery often?​

​

FADE TO BLACK
FLASHBACK ENDS
EXT. HYPE BULIDING - NIGHT
Pira climbs her way up to the top, snow falling on her face. She makes it up, and stands, closing her eyes. She stretches out her arms and laughs. There is open space all around her.

SPORK
(From down below)​

How is it up there?​

​

PIRA
It’s beautiful!​

​

SPORK
(From down below)​

Uh…could you lift me up now?​

​

PIRA
Oh crap, I forgot. Okay!​

​

Pira reaches down and lifts Spork up to the rooftop. He stumbles at the top, knocking her over on the snow.

SPORK
Oh man, it is beautiful up here.​

​

PIRA
You want to make a snow angel?​

​

SPORK
Or we could always pee in the snow and then roll it up into a snowball.​

​

PIRA
That’s pretty disgusting, Spork.​

​

SPORK
Not near as disgusting as what I’m going to do with it afterwards.​

​

Pira laughs and then the two of them kiss passionately in the snow. Spork backs away.

SPORK
Pira, there’s something I should of told you before.​

​

PIRA
What is it?​

​

SPORK
I saw Matr—​

​

A huge flashing light comes over Spork and Pira. They turn around a see a helicopter circling above them. The pilot yells down to them.

 

[Chev Chelios]

HELICOPTER PILOT
What are you doing down there? Who authorized you to leave?​

Spork lets go of Pira and outstretches his hands.

SPORK
Me and my lady friend just wanted to enjoy the snow is all.​

The helicopter circles over them. A sniper in the helicopter aims his rifle at Spork and Pira down below.

HELICOPTER PILOT
Get back inside or we will shoot!
​

INT. SNIPER SCOPE
We see Spork targeted as he moves around, his hands in the air. Pira looks frightened, her arms crossed.

EXT. HYPE BUILDING – NIGHT
Spork keeps his hands outstretched and walks over to Pira.

SPORK
All right, everything’s cool, okay? I’m just going to let my friend Pira here down first. Don’t shoot, everything’s fine.​

INT. SNIPER SCOPE
The scope targets Spork and Pira as they say something to each other. Pira shakes her head frightened.

EXT. HYPE BULIDING – NIGHT
Pira trembles, looking over at the bright shining light of the helicopter shines over her. She looks up at Spork and shakes her head.

PIRA
I’m not leaving you.

SPORK
It’s going to be fine. I’m just going to let you down, and I’ll be right behind you.​

Pira turns and looks at the helicopter. The pilot is shouting something.

PIRA
Spork, who are these people?

SPORK
I don’t know, but they’re outfitted with tactical gear and they have a vehicle and weapons. Now, I need to make sure you’re safe okay. So go ahead and go down. Okay?​

Pira nods her head.

INT. SNIPER SCOPE
Spork lowers Pira down to the ground. He does it slowly, and she slides down. He looks down to her, says something that we can’t make out through the roar of the helicopter blades, and puts his hands back up in the air.

INT. HELICOPTER – NIGHT
The sniper rests his hands on the trigger, ready to fire. He is Jamaican. The pilot is of European decent. The pilot messes with some button in the front of the helicopter and moves the helicopter over.

EXT. HYPE BUILDING
Spork walks around as the helicopter circles above him, keeping its light on Spork. Keeping his arms raised, Spork walks over to the ventilation shaft where he had come before.

SPORK
Okay, so, I’m going back in now. I’m unharmed. There’s no need to shoot me.​

Spork looks down at the ventilation shaft, and back up at the helicopter.

SPORK
I’m going to lower my arms now.
​

INT. SNIPER SCOPE
Spork lowers his arms and approaches the ventilation shaft. He bends down, lowering himself. He grabs a hold to the shaft and then lets go, falling down.

EXT. HYPE BUILDING
The helicopter pulls away, and continues on its path.

INT. PIPEWAY – NIGHT
Spork falls down to the ground, hitting the floor with a loud thud. Spork gets up, dusts himself off and looks around.

SPORK
Pira…?​

Spork is punched in the face. He darts around and sees Danger Mouse standing there, smug.

DANGER MOUSE
Hello, Spork.

SPORK
You son of a—​

Spork head-butts Danger Mouse knocking him to the ground, then hops onto his chest. Snow from the vent is still coming down and it falls on the two, light from above illuminating them in the damp pipe corridor as Spork pounds Danger Mouse’s face effortlessly. He sees a katana handle sticking out the back of Danger Mouse’s shirt, and grabs it, then kicks off Danger Mouse’s ribs with his knee to stand up unsheathing the sword in the process. Spork swiftly spins the katana then brings down the tip right up against Danger Mouse’s throat, puncturing the skin with eerie precision.

SPORK
What are you doing here?

DANGER MOUSE
Exalted sent me here to pick you up.

SPORK
Exalted? Why?

DANGER MOUSE
He wanted you to join our side. Help us fight Matt and Webmistress.

SPORK
And he decided to have you attack me?

DANGER MOUSE
I didn’t like the idea either, but he insisted. He said you were powerful or something.

SPORK
Well, I’m powerful enough, dickwad.

DANGER MOUSE
Yes. I now know.

SPORK
Where is she?

DANGER MOUSE
Who?

SPORK
The girl: Pira. Where is she?

DANGER MOUSE
I didn’t see anyone…

SPORK
Then we’re looking for her together. Get up.​

Danger Mouse gets up and Spork follows him, the sword pointed at the back of Danger Mouse’s neck.

CUT TO: EXALTED’S THRONE ROOM – NIGHT
The Exalted stands over Jayna, who is looking down.

THE EXALTED
TELL ME, DO I FRIGHTEN YOU?​

Jayna looks up, she was lost in her thoughts.

JAYNA
(Absent mindedly)
No…not really.

THE EXALTED
I MUST BE GETTING SOFT IN MY OLD AGE.

JAYNA
Are you sure Danger Mouse is going to be safe out there?

THE EXALTED
HE’LL BE FINE.

JAYNA
You said Spork was powerful—

THE EXALTED
SPORK’S POWERFUL, YES, BUT INEXPERIENCED. IT ISN’T SPORK HE SHOULD BE WORRIEDABOUT.

JAYNA
Then who?

THE EXALTED
WELL, THIS ISN’T EXACTLY THE SAFEST PLACE TO LIVE, IS IT?​

CUT TO: PIPEWAY – NIGHT
Spork follows Danger Mouse down the pipe-way.

SPORK
Do you see anything?

DANGER MOUSE
No, I don’t see anything. You’re standing right there, if I saw something you’d see it too.

SPORK
Well how do I know you’re not lying! You’re in front of me; you can see stuff and then when she does come, you can make a run for it!

DANGER MOUSE
Just have me stand behind you then.

SPORK
Hell no, that way I’ll be looking forward and you can make a break for it.

DANGER MOUSE
Have me stand beside you then.

SPORK
I’m not gay!

Danger Mouse shakes his head.

DANGER MOUSE
This is ridiculous!​

Danger Mouse elbows Spork in the neck and grabs his wrist, raises it up and twists it, causing him to drop the katana. Danger Mouse catches it midair as he elbows Spork in the stomach sending him to the ground. He smirks as Spork is rolling around clearly stunned, then turns around to walk but is greeted by Pira’s pipe. It connects with his forehead making a sick sound of metal crashing with bone and he falls to the floor unconscious.

PIRA

Tell Exalted we decline his offer.​

Spork gets up and runs over to Pira. She drops the pipe and kisses him. They embrace.

SPORK
You’re safe! What happened to you?

PIRA
I saw Danger Mouse coming, I figured he was after you just like that Hippie Hunter guy said he would be.

SPORK
I love you, you’re so smart.

PIRA
So are you, Spork.​

Spork looks down at the ground, and then looks back up at her.

SPORK
You think so?

PIRA
Spork, you can pretend to be a dumbass all you want, but that’s what you’re doing: pretending. I know deep inside you’re better than that.

SPORK
Well gee, thanks Dr. Phil.​

Pira rolls her eyes.

PIRA
And do you really have to be such a smartass all the time?

SPORK
Hey, hey, labeling is not the way.

PIRA
All right, well, I think we should get going. Whoever those people were up there are probably looking for us.

SPORK
Okay, where do you want to go?

PIRA
Maybe get something to eat.​

Spork and Pira walk away, holding each other’s hands.

 

[Chev Chelios]

FADE TO BLACK
CUT TO

Shot of an eye. The pupil is visible and dilates.

CUT TO
INT. PIPEWAY – NIGHT
Danger Mouse awakes from water dripping on his face. He breaths heavily then groans. Eventually he tries to get up but can’t. His hands and feet are restrained.

DANGER MOUSE
What’s going on?!​

​

Three bulky shadows, look like they’re wearing biohazard suits, and one lone figure in a blue gown wearing a hairnet are standing around what looks like a stretcher.

​

SILHOUETTE​

His heart is beating too fast, give him the injection.​

​

DANGER MOUSE
What injection? What the fu—​

​

CUT TO
CLOSE UP OF DANGER MOUSE’S NECK

​

A needle punctures the skin and Danger Mouse screams.

CUT TO BLACK

HYPE: THE SERIES​

 

[Socrates]

I sense a disturbance in the Hype.

 

[Tsunulia]

WOOOHOOOO! I got sick and died!!! WOOO!!!!!

Now let's try the happy ending! *waves hands* DOODLEYDOO DOODLEYDOO DOODLEYDOO!

 

[Chev Chelios]

Everyone only reads their part, it's depressing. Now get back in yer grave!

 

[Tsunulia]

I read this whole page. Be grateful that I stayed awake

 

[The Last Meatbag]

Pira enjoys using that pipe



We all need bazillions of money so we could turn this into a movie


Like, fer serious.

 

[Chev Chelios]

Me and jj were talking about flying everyone to one location for filming. And that I'd do all the stunts. But only in Canada, because of the whole free health care thing. So if I'm ever loaded a few years from now or am gonna be stupid with my money, who knows.

 

[The Last Meatbag]

Meh, I'd prefer it to be some kind of animated movie.

 

[Chev Chelios]

Dood, nothing beats filming in sewers, nothing. Animated BS is for professionals, halfassing with a camcorder rules.

 

[hippie_hunter]

Dood, nothing beats filming in sewers, nothing. Animated BS is for professionals, halfassing with a camcorder rules.

I don't think I'd want to get run over by the Anti-Hippy Mobile, getting hit in the head with a pipe, and other various forms of pain.

 

[Chev Chelios]

Dude. Stuntman is I. I'll just wear a prosthetic face or all that garbage will be done where only the back of the head is visible or a wide angle.

 

[SapphirePrima]

Me and jj were talking about flying everyone to one location for filming. And that I'd do all the stunts. But only in Canada, because of the whole free health care thing. So if I'm ever loaded a few years from now or am gonna be stupid with my money, who knows.

lol


The last two epps were great. Been busy with school work so I haven't been on lately.

 

[Master Chief]

In celebration of the LOST season 3 premiere...

 

[Master Chief]

EPISODE 14: THE TIGER AND THE LIONESS​

​

FADE TO BLACK
FADE IN
EXT. MOUTAIN SIDE – CONTINUOUS
Pink clouds eclipse two mountains as we look over a lake. Two round circular lights come out onto the road, driving past the lake and the mountains. It travels down the road very slowly until we follow it, past telephone wires and into the great unknown.

INT. CAR – CONTINUOUS
Inside the car we see a woman with long flowing blonde hair. She drives, her eyes focused on the road. This is WEBMISTRESS. Her eyes have lost most of their golden sparkle from before.

Her phone rings. She picks it up and answers it.

WEBMISTRESS
Hello…?​

​

FEMALE VOICE
Alexia? What’s going on down there?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Nothing, mom. I’m just paying an old friend a visit is all.​

​

FEMALE VOICE
All right, well you be careful down there.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
If you say so, Mom. I’ll talk to you later.​

​

Webmistress shuts off the phone and puts it to the side of her seat. Keeping one hand on the steering wheel, she looks down at her throat. She takes her other hand and brings the diamond in her necklace up to her view. It tints in the moonlight.

FADE TO BLACK
FADE IN
INT. WHITE ROOM – NIGHT
Matt Murdock sits hunched over, contemplating something. Webmistress walks over to him.

WEBMISTRESS
You should go to bed. You haven’t slept in a long time.​

​

MATT MURDOCK
It’s just I keep thinking about Spork. Something was off about him, about all of this.​

WEBMISTRESS
The fact that he tried to kill you comes to mind.​

​

MATT MURDOCK
Well, yeah, there’s that, but what about the ferret? That doesn’t make any sense to me whatsoever.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
What doesn’t make any sense to me is why you haven’t gone to sleep yet. You’re tired, and you need rest.​

​

MATT MURDOCK
Well, why aren’t you going to bed then?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
I don’t have a wound the size of a plump thanksgiving turkey in my side, that’s why.​

​

Matt Murdock smiles, and lays his head back.

MATT MURDOCK
Goodnight, Webby.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Goodnight, Matt.​

​

Webmistress turns off the light and walks out into the hallway.

EXT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Webmistress walks down the hallway when Altered Ego pops out of the corner, making his fingers stretch down like the paws of a tiger.

ALTERED EGO
Grr.​

​

WEBMISTRESS​

Damn it, I told you to stop following me.​

ALTERED EGO
Well, what are you going to do? You can’t hit me. I’m not even actually here!​

​

Webmistress sighs, and turns around to look at him. Altered Ego smiles and slicks back his hair.

WEBMISTRESS
What do you want?​

​

ALTERED EGO​

Well, I just wanted to comment on how great you and that fine-looking Matt fellow seem to be getting along.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Jesus!​

​

Webmistress swings at Altered Ego but he appears on her other side.

ALTERED EGO
Missed me.​

​

Webmistress glares, and continues down the hallway. It doesn’t matter. Altered Ego follows her.

ALTERED EGO
Do you really think you can still protect Matt, even after you couldn’t even save me? He’s right you know. You can’t even protect yourself. You’re pathetic.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Do you really think I’m even listening to you?​

​

Altered Ego shrugs.

ALTERED EGO​

Enough to respond. Which is enough to seep into your conscience. Where are you going?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
I’m seeing a friend.​

​

Webmistress walks down the hallway.

FADE TO BLACK
FLASHBACK
FADE IN
EXT. FARM HOUSE – DAY
Webmistress walks up and knocks on the front door. Birds chirp happily in the background, and a dog barks from inside. An Asian man opens the door, wearing a long white robe. When he sees Webmistress standing there his smile turns to a frown.

ASIAN MAN
What the hell do you want?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Hello, Ichi.​

​

ICHI​

My name is not Itchy!!! It is Ichi Motte Uindo, and it means “One with the Wind”. Get it right, for Christ’s sakes. You really are something, you know that? I never even got my chance to feed the dogs before you came here.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Do they really need it?​

​

ICHI
What is this? Are my dogs fat to you or something?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
No, I was just say—​

​

ICHI
You come here, uninvited, make fun of my dogs and insult my title. Just what is it you want, Alexia?​

​

Webmistress grabs the diamond on her neck and shows it to him.

WEBMISTRESS
I want you to tell me about this.​

​

FADE TO BLACK
FLASHBACK ENDS
FADE IN
INT. TRAINING ROOM – NIGHT
Ball Buster limps into the training room as Chain Reaction plays some kind of game with Robin.

ROBIN
Is it a squirrel?​

​

CHAIN REACTION
A squirrel isn’t a vegetable?​

​

ROBIN
Then why does it just sit there after you throw a rock at it?​

​

CHAIN REACTION​

Because it’s in a coma.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Hey guys, whachadoin?​

​

CHAIN REACTION
I was trying to play Animal, Mineral, Vegetable with Robin here but apparently he doesn’t understand the rules.​

​

ROBIN
I do too, you evil lady!​

​

BALL BUSTER
Hey, uh, have you seen Sentinel by any chance?​

​

CHAIN REACTION
No, he took off when Matt said Spork shot the ferret. Why?​

​

BALL BUSTER
Nothing, it’s just something Hippie Hunter said.​

​

CHAIN REACTION
You talked to Hippie Hunter? What’d he say?​

​

BALL BUSTER​

He told me to watch after Robin, that someone was after him. I don’t know he was being cryptic the whole time.​

​

CHAIN REACTION
Did he say who?​

​

BALL BUSTER
No, he never did that cryptic bastard. He’s always so damn cryptic. That bastard. That cryptic bastard.​

​

ROBIN
It’s a peach!​

​

CHAIN REACTION
A peach is a fruit.​

​

Webmistress enters the room, and puts her hand on Chain Reaction’s shoulder.

WEBMISTRESS
Hey.​

​

CHAIN REACTION
Hey.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Hey.​

​

ROBIN
HEY! It’s an octopus!​

​

WEBMISTRESS​

Cute kid.​

​

CHAIN REACTION
Hey Robin, I think it’s time for you to go to bed.​

​

ROBIN
What? What kind of crap is this?​

​

BALL BUSTER
It’s okay, I’ll tuck you in.​

​

ROBIN
Schweetness, you’re awesome Michael.​

​

Ball Buster grunts deeply at the sound of his name. Robin just shrugs.

ROBIN
Everyone else was calling you it.​

​

Ball Buster escorts Robin to the other room, Webmistress turns to Chain Reaction.

WEBMISTRESS
You seem good with tots. Like a soccer mom.​

​

Chain Reaction grimaces.

CHAIN REACTION
I try. How are you and Matt doing?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
What do you mean?​

​

CHAIN REACTION
You just seem like a cute couple is all.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Look, Matt and I may be a lot of things, but we are not a cute couple.​

​

CHAIN REACTION
I was just saying…​

​

WEBMISTRESS
I know. I’ll talk to you later.​

​

Webmistress turns and leaves.

 

[Master Chief]

FADE TO BLACK
FLASHBACK
FADE IN
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Ichi Motte Uindo walks into the kitchen and grabs a cup of tea. Drinking it, he sits down comfortably on his chair next to the long pine table. Webmistress is sitting across from him. Folding his arms on the table, he sighs, then begins his story.

ICHI​

Years before you were born, your grandmother gave this necklace to your mother. You see your grandmother had gotten this from her mother and so on, and so forth. Before your great-great grandmother went on the boat to America she was given this necklace by a man. The man liked her, and she could tell that, but she had no love for him. He wanted her to take the necklace because it was the thing he wanted her to remember him by. It was made out of the finest diamonds. Your great-great grandmother wanted no part of him, but she took the necklace. Maybe it was because of its price, maybe it was because a part of her loved him. But I think it was guilt. Whatever it was, it’s valuable. People would die to get their hands on this. Much like the people that you have on your tail now.​

​

Webmistress nods and grabs something from under the table.

WEBMISTRESS
Thanks. That’s what I wanted to know.​

​

Then Webmistress pulls out a shotgun. Without hesitation and cold precision she ***** it, and fires.

FADE TO BLACK
FLASHBACK ENDS
FADE IN
EXT. POOLSIDE – DAY
Ball Buster and Webmistress, in a revealing green bra, are standing by the pool side.

BALL BUSTER
Hey honey, how’s it going!​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Do me now.​

​

BALL BUSTER
But what about the kids?​

​

WEBMISTRESS​

Robin’s in the other room, but Matt…​

​

BALL BUSTER
Don’t worry about Matt. He knows I like to try out my merchandise before I sell it.​

​

All of a sudden a fist comes out of the screen heading towards Ball Buster’s face.

MATT MURDOCK
You dirty mother—​

​

FADE TO WHITE
FADE IN
INT. WHITE ROOM – NIGHT
Matt Murdock awakes; sweat pouring down all over his body. He looks to his side and sees his sawed-off shotgun sitting there. He gets up, picks it up and runs out of the room.

CUT TO: HALLWAY – NIGHT
Webmistress is walking when she runs into Altered Ego, who smiles as she walks near him.

ALTERED EGO
Where are you going Webby?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Wherever I can to get rid of you.​

​

ALTERED EGO​

You can’t get rid of me. You never could. I’m too sexy for you.​

​

Webmistress goes to punch Altered Ego but he appears on her other side.

ALTERED EGO
You never learn, do you? I’m not really here. You can’t touch me.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Leave. Go the f**k away.​

​

ALTERED EGO
If only it were that simple, but it’s not. You’re stuck with me, little girl.​

​

Webmistress grabs a shotgun and points it at Altered Ego and fires. He appears at her side once more.

ALTERED EGO
Told you so.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Why are you doing this? Why are you torturing me?​

​

ALTERED EGO
Because, you did this to me. You killed me.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
It wasn’t me. It was Max.​

​

ALTERED EGO
You kept me at your side. You knew it wasn’t safe for me to be with you. But you let me be there anyway. You’re a fool.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Shut up.​

​

ALTERED EGO
Why couldn’t you just say no? That’s all you had to do.​

​

WEBMISTRESS​

SHUT THE F**K UP!​

​

And Altered Ego disappears.

CUT TO: BLUE ROOM – NIGHT
Ball Buster and Robin walk into Ball Buster’s room. Ball Buster grabs a sleeping bag but Robin shakes his head.

ROBIN
I’m not tired.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Are you serious? Do I really have to go through this **** with you?​

​

ROBIN
Well, maybe if you read me a bed time story…​

​

BALL BUSTER
Absolutely not. Look kid, I don’t know who you think I am, but I’m not your father.​

​

ROBIN
I know that.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Good.​

​

ROBIN
So are you going to tell me a bed time story or not?​

​

BALL BUSTER
If you’re really going to be such a pain-in-the-ass, just go back out into the training room with Chain Reaction and Webmistress.​

​

ROBIN
Fine. They’re nicer than you anyway, and smell better.​

​

BALL BUSTER
You think I care kid? Get lost.​

​

ROBIN
Fine.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Fine!​

​

ROBIN
I’ll just wait for Sentinel to get back.​

​

BALL BUSTER
No. I…uh, I don’t want you hanging out with him anymore.​

​

ROBIN
What? Why not?​

​

BALL BUSTER
’Cause, he’s a bad influence on you.​

​

ROBIN
Is not!​

​

BALL BUSTER
Is too.​

​

ROBIN
Is not!​

​

BALL BUSTER
Is too.​

​

ROBIN
Whatever. I don’t need your loser breath anyway.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Good, get lost penis juicer.​

​

Robin leaves pouting. Ball Buster lays back relaxes, and closes his eyes. He sits back in his sleeping bag. A couple minutes later, he starts to snore. He’s fast asleep now.
Out of the corner of the room, Matt Murdock appears, the sawed off shotgun in his hands. He walks over to Ball Buster’s sleeping body, and points the gun over him. Matt takes the gun, keeping Ball Buster in his sight. He puts the gun right over Ball Buster’s head.

MATT MURDOCK
This is for Webmistress you son of a *****.​

​

Matt rests his fingers on the trigger, prepared to pull it when Robin enters the room. Matt sees him and hides the gun under his trench coat.

ROBIN
Matt…what are you doing?​

​

MATT MURDOCK
I was just paying Ball Buster here a visit.​

​

ROBIN
But he’s sleeping.​

​

MATT MURDOCK
Well, sometimes, when people are sleeping, their friends give them presents. You know, like Santa Claus.​

​

ROBIN
Santa Claus isn’t real.​

​

MATT MURDOCK
Well, your parents still give you presents underneath your tree during Christmas time, right?​

​

ROBIN
What? No, that’s the Easter Bunny. Everyone knows that.​

​

Matt Murdock looks confused, and then breaks into laughter.

MATT MURDOCK
Oh right the Easter Bunny, of course. Well, I was just acting the Easter Bunny to Ball Buster’s sweet, innocent little child self.​

​

ROBIN​

You’re weird.​

​

Matt scratches his head, looks down at Ball Buster, and then looks back at Robin.

MATT MURDOCK
Listen, I still have to give Ball Buster his present, and it’s kind of a surprise, so I don’t really want you in the room while I’m doing it.​

​

ROBIN
I don’t trust you around Ball Buster.​

​

MATT MURDOCK
You don’t…trust me?​

​

ROBIN
No, you’re creepy. Ball Buster’s my friend. I want to see the present you’re giving him.​

​

Matt’s paranoia kicks in and he’s finished with the playful negotiation, now he’s desperate.

MATT MURDOCK
You want to—look, Robin is it?​

​

ROBIN
Yeah, that’s my name.​

​

MATT MURDOCK
Robin. Look, I was never very good with kids. So if you stay here any longer, I will whoop you like there is no tomorrow. You know what whooping is, right?​

​

Robin slowly shakes his head.

MATT MURDOCK
Well, I’ll give you more of those than you can possibly imagine, if you don’t leave right now. And, let’s look at this positively. If you do leave, I might give you a candy cane for being so good. Do we understand each other?​

​

Robin, scared, nods.

MATT MURDOCK​

Well then. I’ll see you later Robin.​

​

Robin turns around, and goes to walk out the door. He stops in the middle of the doorway, cold, and without turning, speaks.

ROBIN
What’s a whooping?​

​

MATT MURDOCK​

You’ll never know, will you?​

​

Robin leaves, and Matt whips out his sawed off once more, as soon as he’s sure he’s gone.

MATT
****ing kids.​

​

Matt walks back over to Ball Buster, pointing the gun over his face. He reaches for the trigger. Matt looks down at his friend, and his hands begins to tremble, then shake violently. He puts the gun down, and sighs.

MATT
What the hell am I doing?​

​

Matt putts the gun back in his leather jacket, and heads for the door. It is then that Ball Buster awakes.

BALL BUSTER
Matt…?​

​

MATT MURDOCK​

(Muttering)​

**** me.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Seriously? Listen man, I don’t swing that way and you have Webmistress and whatnot… wait, what are you doing here?​

​

Matt turns around to look at Ball Buster, who is lying on the floor tired and confused. He fakes a smile, but it isn’t convincing at all.

MATT MURDOCK
I just came here to check up on you, Michael.​

​

BALL BUSTER
What the hell for?​

​

Sighing, Matt shrugs.

MATT MURDOCK
I wanted to make sure you were okay. Your wound and everything, I was worried about you.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Well, I’m fine. Thanks for caring so much. I think.​

​

MATT MURDOCK
Well, what are friends for?​

​

BALL BUSTER
Well yeah, Matt, here’s the thing. If we’re gonna be best pals and everything, maybe it would be best if you didn’t sneak into my room in the middle of the night. Don’t you think? Standing over me like some psychopath.​

MATT MURDOCK​

Right, yeah. I’ll see you later Ball Buster.​

​

Whistling to himself, Matt turns around and heads to the door. As he does so a sawed off shotgun falls out of his leather jacket onto the floor. It lands with a loud clunk. Ball Buster looks down at it suspiciously.

BALL BUSTER
What…what’s the gun for?​

​

Matt looks down at the gun, thinking. Then he nervously looks back at Ball Buster and smiles.

MATT MURDOCK
Well, you know. You can never be too careful.​

​

Ball Buster gets out of his sleeping bag and slowly stands up, eyeing Matt the whole time he does so.

BALL BUSTER
You weren’t…going to shoot me with that, were you?​

​

MATT MURDOCK
What?​

​

Matt tries to laugh as if the accusation seemed ridiculous.

​

MATT MURDOCK​

Ha-ha, don’t be ridiculous, Michael.​

​

BALL BUSTER
My name isn’t Michael.​

​

There is a long, uncomfortable silence. Slowly Matt’s whole body begins to shake.

MATT MURDOCK
Just…stay away from her.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Stay away from who? Have you gone bat crazy ****ing nuts?​

​

MATT MURDOCK
STAY AWAY FROM HER!​

​

BALL BUSTER
Jesus ****ing Christ on a fish stick, Matt. You have gone completely off the wall, haven’t you? You ****ing paranoid bastard. Webmistress and I are nothing but friends. I was trying to get you two to stay together. And if you were paying attention to half the ****ing **** that goes around you, you would know that!​

​

MATT MURDOCK
I…I’m sorry. You were looking at her ass.​

​

BALL BUSTER
I do that to everyone! Goddamn. You were going to shoot me, weren’t you? You were going to kill your best friend.​

​

MATT MURDOCK
No, no I couldn’t do it.​

​

BALL BUSTER
This is what happened to Victor, isn’t it? You saw him making conversation with your little golden love child and some ******ed part of your mind thought shooting him was the right way to go.​

​

MATT MURDOCK
Victor was a mistake.​

​

BALL BUSTER
A mistake? Look at yourself, Matt! You’re a mess.​

​

Matt looks around, picks up the sawed off and puts it back in his leather jacket. Ball Buster looks at him, disgusted. He sniffs. Matt turns to Ball Buster.

MATT MURDOCK
Just…stay away from her, okay?​

​

Then he darts out of the room, and Ball Buster puts his hands over his face, grunting loudly.

 

[Master Chief]

CUT TO: HALLWAY - NIGHT
Webmistress is on the floor, sweating. Her eyes dart across the room in between her golden strands of hair that flow down her face. The shotgun is in her sweaty palms, and she breathes hard. Kneeling down in front of Webmistress is a familiar figure.

ALTERED EGO
Go ahead, Webmistress. Pull the trigger.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
No…​

​

ALTERED EGO
Do it. It’s the only way to get rid of me.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
I can’t…I have things I have to do. People I have to protect.​

​

ALTERED EGO
Like you protected me? Let’s face it. You got nothing to live for anymore. Pull the trigger, and everyone’s safe. Nobody else has to die because of you.​

​

Webmistress takes the shotgun, and points it at the bottom of her chin. Slowly she reaches down with her long finger nails to pull the trigger. Matt, who is running down the hallway, stops in his tracks when he sees her.

MATT
Webmistress? What the hell are you doing?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Go away, Matt…you don’t have to see this.​

​

Matt shakes his head and looks worried.

MATT
Look Webby, I know what you’re going through. You’re feeling guilt over someone’s death. You think it’s your fault. But you don’t have to toss your life away over it.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Every second I live, I put all of you in danger.​

​

​

MATT
You think people wouldn’t come after us if you weren’t there? You think Exalted, Spork, Max, you think they wouldn’t come after us if you weren’t here? Well, I’ll tell you something Webby. I’ve been without you. And when I was, the pain didn’t stop. It got worse. Every second I was away from you, I kept feeling bad for what I did to you. I need you, Webby.​

​

Webmistress slowly puts her gun down, setting it on the floor.

WEBMISTRESS
Do you really mean that?​

​

MATT
Of course I do.​

​

The Golden Warrior gets up, and shoves Matt against a wall almost putting his head through it. She kisses him passionately. She goes to unzip his pants without stopping, but Matt tries to pull away.

MATT
Uh, Webmistress, I don’t know if this is such a good…​

​

WEBMISTRESS​

(heavily panting)
Do me. Do me now.​

​

MATT
I’m gay.​

​

Webmistress shrugs.

WEBMISTRESS
So am I.​

​

Then Matt is shoved onto the floor and Webmistress rips his pants off of him. She looks at his spice girls boxers and licks her lips. He takes his hands and pulls off her shirt revealing her green bra.

MATT
How did I know it would be green?​

​

She raises one eyebrow down at him seductively and tears open his shirt. She runs her long fingernails down his chest, leaving indentations. Then she takes her tongue and licks them.

WEBMISTRESS
You’ve been a very bad boy.​

​

MATT
Have I now?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Yes…it’s time to get punished.​

​

Webmistress slaps Matt in the face, and then claws at him. He cries of pain and pleasure. Then slowly, she travels down his body.

FADE TO BLACK
FLASHBACK
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Ichi is on his chair, a huge gash in his stomach. He breathes slowly. Webmistress approaches him, the shotgun still in her hands. When he tries to speak, blood drips down his mouth.

ICHI​

You…are a fool, Alexia.​

​

WEBMISTRESS​

Who’s the fool, the maniac or the guy that lets the maniac into his house?​

​

ICHI​

You won’t get away with this. They will come looking for you.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
In case you haven’t noticed, that’s kind of the idea. Now, if you don’t mind, I’ve got places to go and people to see…like my father.​

​

ICHI
You disgrace your father’s name, Alexia Dark.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
My name’s not Alexia. It’s Webmistress.​

​

Webmistress takes her gun, points it at Ichi, ***** the weapon again and fires once more. He falls over in his chair, onto the floor, dead, his head blown wide open. Webmistress steps over his gory mess and goes to open the door. She looks around the place, sighs and steps out.

EXT. FARM HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
She walks out of the farmhouse and steps out onto the gravel drive-way, the dogs barking in the background. She fiddles with the keys in her pocket, and walks into her car.

INT. CAR – CONTINUOUS
Webmistress gets in the car and shuts the door. Then she turns and looks at the man sitting in the backseat. It is Michael, but we know him as Ball Buster.

MICHAEL
Hey, Webby. How’s it going?​

​

Webmistress curses to herself and hits the steering wheel.

WEBMISTRESS
How the hell did you find me?​

​

MICHAEL
I have my ways. I miss you.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Look Michael…I was never into you, okay? We’re over. And as many times as I try to explain this to you, you don’t listen to me.​

​

MICHAEL
I know. I got someone for you to meet. What are you doing tonight?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Killing my father.​

​

She revs up the engine and turns around to face him.

WEBMISTRESS
Maybe some other day.​

​

FADE TO BLACK
FLASHBACK ENDS
FADE IN
INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Webmistress wakes up lying next to Matt, who is still asleep. She looks over and smiles at him, rubbing her hands across his hair. Then she turns over and grabs her clothes. She puts them on and looks around, at both corners of the hallway, but nobody is there. It’s just her and Matt. She smiles, puts down her shirt and walks down the hallway.

CUT TO: EXALTED’S THRONE ROOM – DAY
Jayna sits hunched over frowning in front of Exalted’s throne. Exalted walks down and approaches her.

​

JAYNA
It’s been all night. He hasn’t come back yet.​

​

THE EXALTED
HE WILL, IN TIME.​

​

JAYNA
What makes you so sure? Why did you have to send him off on that death quest in the first place?​

​

THE EXALTED
BECAUSE I TRUST IN DANGER MOUSE.​

​

JAYNA
I don’t know if I trust you.​

​

Exalted looks down at Jayna, and she locks eyes with him, keeping her face firm.

THE EXALTED
NOW, NOW JAYNA…WE BOTH KNOW THAT ISN’T TRUE.​

​

Just then Danger Mouse enters the room. He throws open his arms and Jayna runs down to see him.

JAYNA
Where were you? I was worried sick.​

​

DANGER MOUSE
I got knocked unconscious. I wasn’t able to get Spork, and he didn’t seem very interested. There was a girl with him.​

​

THE EXALTED
A WOMAN?​

​

DANGER MOUSE
Yeah, I think so.​

​

THE EXALTED
WHAT WAS HER NAME?​

​

CUT TO: MONITOR ROOM – DAY
Danger Mouse talks to the Exalted on a small monitor, and Hippie Hunter, his mask off, his face a mess, watches them in fear.

HIPPIE HUNTER
You got to him, didn’t you…you got to him you bastards.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Hey…I’m not interrupting anything, am I?​

​

Hippie Hunter shoves his mask on his face and turns around to look at Webmistress.

HIPPIE HUNTER
You know you really should knock before you come into someone’s room uninvited.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
I just figured all those monitors, you would have seen me coming.​

​

HIPPIE HUNTER
You figured wrong…anything in particular you wanted to ask me?​

​

WEBMISTRESS​

Yeah. What were you doing with Victor?​

​

HIPPIE HUNTER
I rescued Victor. I figured you’d want to talk to him, seeing as he knew you guys or something.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Well, you see, there in lies our problem. Victor went absolutely crazy on us, almost killed Ball Buster.​

​

HIPPIE HUNTER
As I hear. It makes sense. Anyone who’s seen what he’s seen probably isn’t mentally stable anymore.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
You should have warned us.​

​

HIPPIE HUNTER
It’s not my place to tell you anything you don’t need to know.​

​

WEBMISTRESS​

I would say the fact that we were harboring a serial killer would be something we should know.​

​

Hippie Hunter snorts loudly.

HIPPIE HUNTER
Are there any one of you who’s really all that safe to be around?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Listen, the only reason I’m not killing you right now is because a friend of mine would be very upset with me if I did.​

​

HIPPIE HUNTER​

Chain Reaction isn’t your friend.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
What do you mean, she isn’t my friend?​

​

As he is about to speak, Hippie Hunter stops and shakes his head slowly.

HIPPIE HUNTER
You’ll find out soon enough. Right now, I’d worry more about homicidal boyfriend.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
There seems to be a lot of those around now. But you seem to be talking about someone else. Matt isn’t a killer.​

​

HIPPIE HUNTER
Well, I wouldn’t ask Ball Buster about that.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
What the **** do you mean, you wouldn’t ask Ball Buster?​

​

HIPPIE HUNTER
Matt snuck into his room with a sawed-off yesterday. Quite entertaining to watch actually. What’s up with his anger seizures? Those are great! HAHAH!​

​

A look of shock and disgust flashes onto Webmistress’s face.

HIPPIE HUNTER
Oh, so you didn’t know…my bad.​

 

[Master Chief]

FADE TO BLACK
FLASHBACK
FADE IN
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Patrons of the bar walk around, bumping into each other. Most of them happen to be drunk. A man sits at a table in the back of the room, messing with his tie. He is gray and balding. He wears big, goofy sunglasses that look like they are from the 70’s, and a smug complexion that you only get from winning at everything. Webmistress walks over to him, and sits down at his table.

WEBMISTRESS​

Hello, Dad.​

​

WEBMISTRESS’S DAD​

Hello, Sweety. I take it you haven’t missed me at all, have you?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Not really. As a matter of fact, I came here to kill you.​

​

WEBMISTRESS’S DAD
I’m flattered. This is about the jewels, isn’t it?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
What else would it be about?​

​

Her dad shrugs, and takes a chug of his beer.

WEBMISTRESS’S DAD​

I guess I kind of figured you’d come for me eventually. How’d you find me, anyway?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
I looked in every bar in this district.​

​

WEBMISTRESS’S DAD
Oh, so I suppose you think you’re clever. Well then, let’s talk about the diamond, shall we?​

​

The two men behind Webmistress get up, take out pistols from their jackets, and point them at her head. Her dad gets smug again. She doesn’t move an inch, nor does she look worried or surprised.

WEBMISTRESS’S DAD
You see, your going to give it to me, so I can sell it…or, you’re going to get gunned up in some Podunk bar is some Podunk town. Another tragic death without merit, and to really piss you off, I could even alert the media about it. You could become a real starlet, and I could even play the part of the grieving father.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Except you’d be the one that killed me.​

​

WEBMISTRESS’S DAD
Well, people don’t really have to know that part, do they? Tell me, do you still go by that Webmistress name? You really love to disgrace your family, don’t you? It’s cause your uncle used to call you Webby, right? That’s kind of childish, isn’t it? Taking off of dear old Uncle Tom. He was a dick anyway.​

​

Webmistress kicks the table and slides back in her chair. The two men react but not in time, she grabs both of their arms with each of her hands and breaks them. They both scream in agony. She flips the left one down to the floor and plants the stiletto of her heel into his eye, then summersaults and picks up the two guns. She shoots the guard still standing in the back three times. The body falls revealing Webmistress pointing the weapons at her father. Her father, looking down at the bodies of his two guards, laughs loudly.

WEBMISTRESS’S DAD
You really are a chip off the old block, aren’t you?​

​

WEBMISTRESS​

Your friend Ichi said hi.​

​

The gun-blasts are loud, echoing throughout the whole room as bullets cling to the floor. Webmistress’s father falls backwards, hid body full of holes. She drops the gun, gives a tip to the bartender and leaves. Everyone goes back to their drinks as if nothing happened.

BARTENDER
They never f**king shoot outside!​

​

FADE TO BLACK
FLASHBACK ENDS
FADE IN
INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Matt Murdock gets up, putting his sunglasses and his clothes back on. He heads down the hallway until Webmistress grabs him by the throat and shoves him against the wall.

WEBMISTRESS
Who told you? Did he tell you?​

​

MATT MURDOCK
Tell me what?​

​

WEBMISTRESS​

Don’t act stupid with me. Who told you about me and Ball Buster?​

​

Matt shakes his head, completely lost.

​

MATT MURDOCK
You and Ball Buster?​

​

WEBMISTRESS​

That we used to date before we came here, to this building.​

​

MATT MURDOCK
What…I…I thought you and I…​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Jesus, that’s how you knew how to call me Webby, isn’t it? It wasn’t because we loved each other, it’s because you heard it from Ball Buster.​

​

MATT MURDOCK​

Wait, Webby, there’s some misunderstand—​

​

Webmistress knees Matt in the crotch, and walks away as he doubles over confused and in pain.

CUT TO: THE EXALTED’S THRONE ROOM – NIGHT
Jayna and Danger Mouse are talking as Exalted watches them, not far away.

JAYNA
I’m just glad you’re back…don’t run off on me like that again.​

​

DANGER MOUSE
I know, and I’m sorry. But everything’s fine now, I promise.​

​

There is a noise, the sound of footprints. The Exalted gets up walking over to Danger Mouse and Jayna.

THE EXALTED
PERHAPS YOU TWO SHOULD GO. SPEND SOME TIME TOGETHER IN THE BLUE ROOM, IF YOU WANT.​

​

JAYNA
Why, what is it?​

​

THE EXALTED
JUST GO. GET HAPPY WITH ONE ANOTHER OR SOMETHING.​

​

Jayna looks confused.

​

JAYNA
Like sex…?​

​

THE EXALTED
WHATEVER YOU KIDS DO THESE DAYS.​

​

Danger Mouse takes Jayna and they leave. As they do, Jayna looks over her shoulder at Exalted, who is looking expectantly at the door.
It is moments after the couple leave that Webmistress enters the room, a shotgun in her hand. The Exalted sighs, smiling under his big hood.

WEBMISTRESS
Hello, Exalted.​

​

THE EXALTED
WEBMISTRESS. THE PLEASURE IS LONG OVERDUE.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Whatever, can we just get to the point, please?​

​

THE EXALTED
AND WHAT POINT WOULD THAT BE?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
What do you know about Hippie Hunter?​

​

THE EXALTED
HE SUPPLIES ME WITH INFORMATION. LIKE YOU USED TO.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Let’s not get into this now.​

​

THE EXALTED
YOU WERE GREAT, YOU KNOW THAT: MY FAVORITE PUPIL. NOT EVEN DANGER MOUSE IS AS GOOD AS YOU WERE.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Shut up. That part of my life is over. You used me as bait.​

​

THE EXALTED
AND IT WORKED. HOW IS MATT, BY THE WAY?​

​

Webmistress sighs.

WEBMISTRESS
He tried to kill Ball Buster.​

​

THE EXALTED
DID HE NOW?​

​

WEBMISTRESS​

Yeah.​

​

​

THE EXALTED​

WELL GOOD FOR HIM. I WANTED TO SHUT THAT PRICK UP YEARS AGO, WHEN HE MADE THAT JOKE ABOUT MY SUIT IN CONNECTION WITH MY PENIS.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
What?​

​

THE EXALTED
NEVER MIND. YOU JUST SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO ME ABOUT MATT.​

​

WEBMISTRESS​

No, I shouldn’t of. You talk about Love and Peace, but you don’t mean it. You got Jayna and Danger Mouse living the same bull**** story I was. You only care about yourself.​

​

THE EXALTED
…THAT ISN’T TRUE.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Then tell me, Exalted, what is?​

​

The two of them stand there together for a long time.

THE EXALTED
I SUPPOSE I’LL SEE YOU LATER THEN?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Same time as always.​

​

Webmistress ***** her gun and walks away. Exalted watches her as she leaves, and walks back to his throne.

THE EXALTED​

Silence is key to avoid answering uncomfortable questions.​

FADE TO BLACK

HYPE: THE SERIES​

 

[deemar325]

What the hell is this thread?

 

[Master Chief]

It's a little fan fiction. Me and jj (well, jollyjohnny wrote 'em I just added) used to write these short little bulls**t scripts for kicks, and I came up with this idea to do a TV show type of thing instead of randomiz shorts. It was supposed to be a weekly thing, but now it's more monthly.