I'm going some kind of crazy

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

So I'm 25 years old, and I live on my own. But I have only been on my own for a year. I lived with my parents until I was 24. Living in California, with no education, it was next to impossible for me to get out of the house, and be able to afford it. I tried living with some friends for a bit, but I got screwed over and lost the friendship.

So in January last year, I packed up and moved across the country. My brother lives in Tennessee, and I came out here to live.

I've been doing decently. Despite having my parents take care of me for, a long time, I know how to work. I work 2 jobs, and while I struggle sometimes, I am able to take care of myself. My bills and rent get paid. I have food and groceries. It's tough, but it gets done.

But I think I've realized that emotionally, I have been unable to take care of myself. When I first got out here, it wasn't a problem. I spent a lot of time hanging out with my brother, and his family. Started meeting some new people and going out. It was fun.

But the past couple months or so (especially around Christmas, my first away from home), things changed. I've been suffering from relentless anxiety since December. I made a post about my illogical fear of flying because I was supposed to go home to California (a trip I ultimately cancelled, for various reasons, but the dominating one was my anxiety and fear). Back in July, I took myself to the emergency for chest pains, thinking I was having a heart attack - only to be told I was perfectly healthy and there was nothing wrong with me (I am now in debt to the hospital $1300 for a gas pain... ). I recently went through a major phase where I became emotionally crippled by the thought of my own mortality (and the mortality of my loved ones, especially my parents). Just the knowledge that ONE day, the time will come that my parents won't be here, and eventually, I won't be here. And now - I've had, well I wouldn't even call it a headache. It doesn't hurt. But I feel a weird sensation sometimes when I bend over to pick something up, and have had a weird feeling in my head. What is in actuality more than likely a head cold, I have built up in my head as a brain tumor

I try to go out, a lot of this I think is just anxiety from being alone (and not just romantically, but I don't have that many friends out here that I spend much time with), but whenever I get home, my mind floods back to these negative thoughts. I've tried meditation, and it helps slightly, but not a bit.

The world is changing around me, and I think I'm finally beginning to realize it. I've lived in a rather sheltered bubble most of my life, and now I've broken completely out of it without little transition. It was one extreme to another.

And I think that I am realizing recently that I have much growing up to do still. I feel I am very mature on a lot of levels, but on a lot of emotional levels, I'm not mature. The world (and it's finiteness) scares me, and I don't know how to deal with it.

No, I don't need advice. I'm just venting. It's been a rough patch of time for me these past couple months. But I don't need advice. The fact remains that it is I that has the growing up to do, and certain things I need to face head on for myself. But it is nice to vent sometimes.

 

[Lunar_Wolf]

I went through a stage where I thought every little thing was something major. I even went to the hospital 2-3 times thinking stupid things.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

yea its pretty ridiculous. i need a therapist.

 

[Eggyman]

I don't think you do need a therapist. Rather than pay a therapist through the arse with money you could use to do other things... socially, for instance. What you pay a therapist for an hour every week could probably fill up your social calender for a while, help you find new friends, fund a hobby.

Don't be so quick to jump on the therapist bandwagon when all he'll probably tell you is stuff you already know.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I don't think you do need a therapist. Rather than pay a therapist through the arse with money you could use to do other things... socially, for instance. What you pay a therapist for an hour every week could probably fill up your social calender for a while, help you find new friends, fund a hobby.

Don't be so quick to jump on the therapist bandwagon when all he'll probably tell you is stuff you already know.

I only mention a therapist because my brother had one for awhile (his job kind of forced him to) and now he swears by it. He thinks it'd be beneficial to me, so that I can find out just what is causing my anxieties, and I can attack those things. I am also not opposed to bettering myself in anyway what so ever.

However, a therapist isn't really my realistic choice. My realistic choice is doing the things I've been doing - getting out more (I do know people here, I've just been rather anti-social and don't take the initiative to contact anyone myself), meeting new people, and when I'm at home, doing things like meditating to help find inner peace within myself.

I'm still not okay with my mortality, but I am learning to come to grips with things like my living location (I want to go home eventually, but I have things to do here that will make me a better person when I return) and other things.

But my mortality is still the biggest issue.

 

[Mutagen]

It seems like I have related issues, I sometimes get these 'attacks' when I come back from visiting my family and friends, that's two hours away.

I see a psych once a month and am currently on medication, I will tell the doc about these phases, and I'm sure she'll tell me it's normal, to ignore it, and increase my medication until the problem goes away. She often does with my problems that I think are major.

Now I'm dependent on medical drugs for my safety and the safety of those around me.

If she has anything different to say, I let you know too.

 

[Ghostvirus]

I am pretty sure everyone has a prob with their mortality.

 

[Ace of Knaves]

I suggest you smoke some weed, shag some girls (or men, to each their own!) and just chill the **** out. Life is too short to be worrying about everything. I've had a pretty crappy life, actually, a very crappy life. But **** it, I just try to have some fun, don't take everything too seriously and get on with it. Everyone goes through periods where they are stuck in a rut, it's human nature.

 

[November Rain]

Nell, it just sounds to me like you need something to focus on.

Having no real goals can cause you to overanalyse things. Find a reason for being and ultimately accept people are going to die. You do this by spending every moment with them like it may be your last and not leaving things unsaid or letting bad vibes last too long.

Yes, someday everyone of us will die but what really matters is that we don't live our lives in vain and we make some form of physical or emotional contribution to something or someone and in that essence, a part of you could carry one living forever.

That indeed is a beautiful thing to live for.

 

[Joker]

You know, often I think that all life is meaningless, and nothing any of us do matters at all. In only a mere 100 years no one will even remember that any of us existed as an actual person, for instance. And you know what I do to deal with that? Drink.

This is what I suggest you do as well. Go out and buy 4 or 5 bottles of Captain Morgan Tattoo, and when it all gets to be too much, just sit down with a glass, at the kitchen table, and drink yourself stupid. It's not a permanent solution, but it's better than freaking out all the time.

Or suicide, you could always do that too. Maybe do it over a webcam, in a chat room? I don't know, just throwing out ideas.

 

[Firm18]

Sometimes I get depressed thinking about how everything is changing knowing that someday coming back from school/work my parents and my brother won't be there...even my dogs (one is 13 years old and I know it will go soon ). About two months ago I felt totally empty. It was good when I was studying cause info just got into me really well but I didn't feel nothing. I wasn't happy nor sad...It seemed I was just a body. SInce then lots of things changed but I still don't feel like I used to before. Maybe it has sth to do with my having no time at all because of the school and going to bed like at 3 am and getting up at 7.

I hope you will be fine.

 

[michephantom]

I've kinda been where you were. I ended up spending a horrible week in a mental health facility (the hospital's crazy farm) and taking antidepressants for two years afterwards. My problem was probably that I worked too much and took on too many things, didn't know how to ask for help, and was not social enough.

But now, things are pretty cool, I've been off medication for three months, and I'm mostly happy. You need to find at least two good friends you can goof off with and try not to work so hard. I know it's not easy with two jobs. You should consider a cheap junior college, it could really improve the quality of your life.

 

[chamber-music]

You sound so like Holden Caulfield. My advise don't think/worry so much. Everyone goes through down periods its natural.

I don't know perhaps I'm not that deep but things like my mortality don't bother me. I don't care if I die tomorrow or 40 years from now, we are all gonna die so don't worry about it.

Socialize more. When your having a good time with friends you won't feel so bad or think too much about bad stuff.

My cousin went through a phase where he wouldn't talk to anyone and went to a mental hospital for a few months.

 

[Darthphere]

Dude, you got problems. It seems like everyday you're starting a new thread about your ****ed up life. You're making me depressed, ****.

 

[Knightsaber Priss]

Sounds to me like you have a serious anxiety problem. This is something you might need to see a mental health professional about. I just don't think it's normal hat you're stressed out about your own mortality to the point of it hampering your happiness.

 

[Tyrinus]

It seems like I have related issues, I sometimes get these 'attacks' when I come back from visiting my family and friends, that's two hours away.

I see a psych once a month and am currently on medication, I will tell the doc about these phases, and I'm sure she'll tell me it's normal, to ignore it, and increase my medication until the problem goes away. She often does with my problems that I think are major.

Now I'm dependent on medical drugs for my safety and the safety of those around me.

If she has anything different to say, I let you know too.

If you don't think a therapist is addressing issues you should get a new one.

 

[Eggyman]

Road Trip quote of the day:

You're all brains, not enough c**k and balls.

 

[Darthphere]

Road Trip quote of the day:

You're all brains, not enough c**k and balls.

 

[batsone]

goddammed pu**ys, boo-hoo, woah is me life is so rough. Get over yourself. grow a pair. ****.

nell, your right it is nice to vent.

 

[The Guard]

None of this sounds crazy.

What exactly do you mean when you say you can't take care of yourself? Sounds to me like you are, though you sound a bit anxious about it. That's normal, though, after being taken care of for so long.

Don't be so quick to jump on the therapist bandwagon when all he'll probably tell you is stuff you already know.

Agreed. Therapists should be for when your conditions or behaviors start preventing you from functioning in society, or when you become a danger to yourself and others.

I'm still not okay with my mortality, but I am learning to come to grips with things like my living location (I want to go home eventually, but I have things to do here that will make me a better person when I return) and other things.

But my mortality is still the biggest issue.

That's okay. Everyone has issues, and at least the one you have right now is an important one. Who IS okay with their mortality? Very few people I know.

You know, often I think that all life is meaningless, and nothing any of us do matters at all. In only a mere 100 years no one will even remember that any of us existed as an actual person, for instance. And you know what I do to deal with that? Drink.

This is what I suggest you do as well. Go out and buy 4 or 5 bottles of Captain Morgan Tattoo, and when it all gets to be too much, just sit down with a glass, at the kitchen table, and drink yourself stupid. It's not a permanent solution, but it's better than freaking out all the time.

You're suggesting that this person with a potential anxiety disorder drown themselves in depressant chemicals?

 

[chamber-music]

Road Trip quote of the day:

You're all brains, not enough c**k and balls.

You tell em Eggyman

keep that upper lip stiff dammit

Emotional problems are for sissys, toddlers and those soft in the head.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

What exactly do you mean when you say you can't take care of yourself? Sounds to me like you are, though you sound a bit anxious about it. That's normal, though, after being taken care of for so long.

Like I said, it's an emotional thing. I have no problem working to pay my rent and bills and pay for my own groceries and stuff, but it's the emotional struggle of being so far away from anything and everything that has ever been familiar to me, how hard it can be to adapt at times.

That's okay. Everyone has issues, and at least the one you have right now is an important one. Who IS okay with their mortality? Very few people I know.

I've actually met quite a few people who are not only okay with their own mortality, but even some people that embrace it. Not in a suicidal way, but just in the fact that they don't want to linger around forever. To use a bad metaphor, they just wanna clock in, do their time, and punch out when their time comes. I don't have that level of acceptance.

 

[Master Chief]

I suggest you smoke some weed

Highly recommended, but in moderation. Too much can intensify your feelings eventually.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Highly recommended, but in moderation. Too much can intensify your feelings eventually.

Weed makes me paranoid.

 

[Gilpesh]

You should *********e and forget about your problems. It worked for Jesus.