Machete the movie

[mastermindjcg]

This movie ROCKED! If anything, the one truly weak link in this picture was Seagal. I realize accusing him of being stiff is like beating a dead horse, but he just sucked, period. When it comes time to do "Machete Kills", they should get Willem Dafoe to play Machete's insane twin brother, Ginsu. With a little extra makeup, and a handlebar mustache, Dafoe could easily pass for Trejo's brother. But, hey, that's just my two pennies. I mean, it's not like Robert Rodriguez needs any help coming up with crazy story ideas or anything. It would be cool, anyway, to see "Mache-TAY vs. Ginsu".

-so sayeth the mastermind-

 

[Matt Mortem]

This was one of the best films I've ever seen. I loved it. All the actors did a terrific job. I even surprised myself and enjoyed Lohan in the film (normally I dislike all she does). Great, great movie

 

[Thundarr]

Just saw this movie, and it was AWSOME. I wasn't bored at all, all of the actors were fantastic. And holy s#!t, Steven Seagal even let's someone he's fighting win! (I've heard its in his contract that no one is even allowed to hit him unless they are able to in an actual fight, which is why he always has actors like Tommy Lee Jones and Michael Cane playing his opponents in movies)

In total, I'd say this movie is an 8/10. Maybe 9.

 

[nightwing06]

Danny Trejo gets a top billed starring role in Machete.His leathery and weather beaten looks and dont F with me attitude have gained him roles in almost 200 films,but never as a star so this time its all eyes on Danny.Machete starts off with a serious tone,Machete is a federale ,who prefers using a machete hence the name who refuses to turn a deaf ear or be bought off by a drug kingpin (a super chubby and more stiff than usual Steven Seagal)So his wife is murdered right in fron of him,and then the revenge begins.
Much like last years fun Black Dynamite which was a great send up of black exploitation films of the 70's in that same vein Machete is a fun Mexican exploitation
film ,the violence is over the top and the lines and delivery of them are cheesy,but its all fun
Robert De Niro was funny as a racist Senator who's anti immigration ads portray immigrants as roaches.Jessica Alba was quite good as a U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent,her border crossed us speech was cute.
I dont think i will ever get tired of Michelle Rodriguez portraying a sexy tough chic.
Cheech Marin was also funny as a priest who assists Machete.
The weakest link here was Lindsay Lohan she sleepwalks through her role,and whats with the body double ?? She has been semi-nude in tons of magazines and Paparazzi
shots for the past 4 years.Some of the scenes feel a bit like bad Saturday Night Live skits,and the ending was a bit jumbled ,but Machete is still a fun action romp.
Scale of 1-10 an 8

 

[Thundarr]

Danny Trejo gets a top billed starring role in Machete.His leathery and weather beaten looks and dont F with me attitude have gained him roles in almost 200 films,but never as a star so this time its all eyes on Danny.Machete starts off with a serious tone,Machete is a federale ,who prefers using a machete hence the name who refuses to turn a deaf ear or be bought off by a drug kingpin (a super chubby and more stiff than usual Steven Seagal)So his wife is murdered right in fron of him,and then the revenge begins.
Much like last years fun Black Dynamite which was a great send up of black exploitation films of the 70's in that same vein Machete is a fun Mexican exploitation
film ,the violence is over the top and the lines and delivery of them are cheesy,but its all fun
Robert De Niro was funny as a racist Senator who's anti immigration ads portray immigrants as roaches.Jessica Alba was quite good as a U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent,her border crossed us speech was cute.
I dont think i will ever get tired of Michelle Rodriguez portraying a sexy tough chic.
Cheech Marin was also funny as a priest who assists Machete.
The weakest link here was Lindsay Lohan she sleepwalks through her role,and whats with the body double ?? She has been semi-nude in tons of magazines and Paparazzi
shots for the past 4 years.Some of the scenes feel a bit like bad Saturday Night Live skits,and the ending was a bit jumbled ,but Machete is still a fun action romp.
Scale of 1-10 an 8

Well she was playing a drug addicted party girl (a real stretch for her, I know). How did she research that role, I wonder? Follow herself around for six months?

 

[Thundarr]

I hope they do a sequel. Maybe Machete goes out and tries to find his daughter. They never specifically said that she was killed, just that the bad guys knew where she went to school. Maybe Steven Seagal took her in and raised her to be an assassin, one who hates Machete. That could make for an interesting plot to the sequel.

 

[co2]

I hope they do a sequel. Maybe Machete goes out and tries to find his daughter. They never specifically said that she was killed, just that the bad guys knew where she went to school. Maybe Steven Seagal took her in and raised her to be an assassin, one who hates Machete. That could make for an interesting plot to the sequel.

I thought of the EXACT same idea after I saw the movie. I would see that sequel.

 

[Iron_Stark]

I thought of the EXACT same idea after I saw the movie. I would see that sequel.

I just saw your pics and damn man, you met Michelle Rodriguez and the Babysitter Twins?

 

[Thundarr]

I thought of the EXACT same idea after I saw the movie. I would see that sequel.

Who should they get to play Machete's daughter? I can't think of any Latina actresses in their late teens to mid twenties who aren't porn stars. What should her code name be?

Hatchet? Tamahawk? Cleaver? Bouie? Sickle? (I'm trying to suggest code names other than "Katana", as that one is already taken and is rather cliche).

 

[The Executioner]

They can get an actress that is mixed.

 

[Lord Blackbolt]

they can get the little girl from Spy kids.

 

[mclay18]

Alba has said in numerous interviews that she wasn't actually nude, and that she had on underwear and that it was a post-production effect.

Well, there goes those Blu-ray Mr. Skin grabs.

 

[Matt Mortem]

Well, there goes those Blu-ray Mr. Skin grabs.

You see the unedited original non-nude in one of the trailers

 

[bullets]

And holy s#!t, Steven Seagal even let's someone he's fighting win! (I've heard its in his contract that no one is even allowed to hit him unless they are able to in an actual fight, which is why he always has actors like Tommy Lee Jones and Michael Cane playing his opponents in movies)
.

There are so many rumors about Seagal's ego but where are they all coming from?

 

[CelticPredator]

^ Segal.

 

[Thundarr]

they can get the little girl from Spy kids.

I was thinking that as a possibility myself. She must be in her early to mid twenties by now. I know the little brother is in his teens (for those of you who don't know, he played the bully that Michael Myers kills in that s#!tty RZ Halloween remake). Only question is, "Did she grow up to be a hotty?"

 

[Leenie]

I have to be honest on this one ... I was disappointed with the movie, and I'm almost heartbroken to be saying this.

Now, before people chime in with a load of bull that's in the vain of "Of course you didn't love it, because you're a GIRL," I would just like to say that I love action movies. And I love ridiculous action movies with over-the-top violence. I also enjoy a good portion of Robert Rodriguez's work, like From Dusk Til Dawn. The Grindhouse double feature that came out in 2007 is highly enjoyable for me as well (though I prefer Death Proof, but I digress). I KNEW what I was getting into when I bought a ticket to see Machete.

I have a lot of issues with this movie, so I won't get into specifics and make a long post even longer. Let's just say that the movie could have easily been more awesome.

I REALLY hope that Hobo With a Shotgun turns out better than this did.

 

[The Executioner]

That chick from Spy Kids movie had her own tv show on ABC Family that got canceled but she looked pretty hot.

 

[terry78]

I have to be honest on this one ... I was disappointed with the movie, and I'm almost heartbroken to be saying this.

Now, before people chime in with a load of bull that's in the vain of "Of course you didn't love it, because you're a GIRL," I would just like to say that I love action movies. And I love ridiculous action movies with over-the-top violence. I also enjoy a good portion of Robert Rodriguez's work, like From Dusk Til Dawn. The Grindhouse double feature that came out in 2007 is highly enjoyable for me as well (though I prefer Death Proof, but I digress). I KNEW what I was getting into when I bought a ticket to see Machete.

I have a lot of issues with this movie, so I won't get into specifics and make a long post even longer. Let's just say that the movie could have easily been more awesome.

I REALLY hope that Hobo With a Shotgun turns out better than this did.

Your displeasure of the movie isn't what shocks me, but the fact that you are a girl does.

 

[Iron_Stark]

This movie F'n rocked.

 

[Thundarr]

That chick from Spy Kids movie had her own tv show on ABC Family that got canceled but she looked pretty hot.

Looked her up on IMDB. Her name's Alexa Vega. She did grow up to be quite the hotty. She played the daughter in Repo: The Genetic Opera. So yeah, hotty.

 

[Rain Dog]

Well she was playing a drug addicted party girl (a real stretch for her, I know). How did she research that role, I wonder? Follow herself around for six months?

lol a friend of mine joked that Rodriguez may have pulled a Bowfinger and Lohan had no idea she was in a movie.

 

[Thundarr]

lol a friend of mine joked that Rodriguez may have pulled a Bowfinger and Lohan had no idea she was in a movie.

You don't have to pull a Bowfinger with LiLo. She does so much blow, she probably didn't even realize she was in the movie.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

I have to be honest on this one ... I was disappointed with the movie, and I'm almost heartbroken to be saying this.

Now, before people chime in with a load of bull that's in the vain of "Of course you didn't love it, because you're a GIRL," I would just like to say that I love action movies. And I love ridiculous action movies with over-the-top violence. I also enjoy a good portion of Robert Rodriguez's work, like From Dusk Til Dawn. The Grindhouse double feature that came out in 2007 is highly enjoyable for me as well (though I prefer Death Proof, but I digress). I KNEW what I was getting into when I bought a ticket to see Machete.

I have a lot of issues with this movie, so I won't get into specifics and make a long post even longer. Let's just say that the movie could have easily been more awesome.

I REALLY hope that Hobo With a Shotgun turns out better than this did.

Hey,thanks for acknowledging that you were disappointed,I was worried about being the only one in this thread who was disappointed with the movie alot. I really wanted to like this movie. And I agree with you about Hobo With a Shotgun,hopefully that will make up for Machete sufficiently.

 

[matrix_ghost]

Saw the movie yesterday.
Loved every second of this. It doesn't drag like the desperado sequel. At least for me.
And i need to find the song where Machete gets it on with the chicks.