I truly appreciate their advice. But I do not appreciate being called names, and being treated as something I'm not.
We're treating you like something you ARE, your failure to recognize that is the problem.
If you're going to call me "a freaky, creepy, emo kid who obssesses over a girl and is a potential rapist"... then I will act like the very thing you call me for the remainder of the discussion, since speaking in any other manner won't get through to some of you.
No one here thinks your necessarily emo or freaky. But creepy, obsessed (you called her a 'goddess' dude...that's obsessed
), and you have borderline rapist tendencies. No offense, I've known two or three stalkers/rapist..one such stalker apparent chose me as his target (thankfully defending myself isn't an issue). The fact that you use 'goddess' and 'pedestal' so easily in your posts without understanding the
clear implications those words give off when talking about such things shows you cannot see your own forrest for the trees. You might not be stalking her now, but what you say
is creepy to the rest of us, so unless you live in Bizarro world you've already violated social norms here.
Not true. Obviously... you haven't been reading either.
- I am NOT trying to get in her pants. I have no intention of doing so. You do not have to believe that.
I don't.
- I am NOT trying to manipulate her. I am a listener, and I am there for her, and I never tell her what to do.
You don't have to speak to manipulate someone, in fact listening and or acting as though you care simply for the sake or caring is manipulation. She has, all these years, been under the impression you've been listening to her as a friend and just as friend. Reality; you've been listening to her as someone who is infatuated with her and biding time until she "takes you".
Manipulating her would be to say "Dump him, and be with me"... which I will not do.
Nooooo...in fact that would be being honest, because that is, as you've said to us, how you really feel.
Hence, I'm not manipulating her at all. I'm not putting thoughts into her head. I'm simply listening, and I don't have an opinion.
Exactly why you're manipulating her. You're
lying and purposefully being
secretive because you're afraid of the potential consequences of either telling her you like her [as more than a friend] just so you can keep her around long enough hoping for that one moment when she reciprocates your feelings.
- Why is it so hard to believe that I am genuinely listening to her?
You might be
genuinely listening to her, but you're
genuinely doing it for a motive you have not made clear to her. It would be like if I was nice to you because I wanted money from you, I might have even taken the time to actually listen to you, but as long as I keep my motives secret it doesn't matter; I'd be an ass just the same.
- If I've been waiting 8 years to get in her pants and have been unsuccessful, don't you think I would've forgotten about her and got an easy chick who was willing to put out?
No, because as you've said she is a "goddess" and "queen", you've hardly built this up as an experience any trailer trash could give you.
I've had two major girlfriends; one lasted 2 years, and the other lasted 11 months; both girls were interested in sex.... I was not. Therefore, those relationships did not work out for me. I ended them. I don't want a girl who is in a relationship to have sex... Believe it or not, I have morals, and I wish to save myself for marriage. I am not a "*****", and I am not "afraid" to have sex. I was the prom king, I am a very outgoing guy, and I am not afraid of anybody. The girl we are talking about is basically my kryptonite. I'm not a "*****" when it comes to other girls. Believe that.
Then, as you just said, you're afraid of sex. You're afraid to explore that side of yourself. Or you're holding out for the "one" who you've apparently determined is her.
So... before you say I'm trying to just "get in her pants", listen to me: I'M REALLY NOT. It's people like you who are causing me to make sarcastic statements like the ones on the last page. Your comments are ignorant.
So, let's keep disecting them, shall we?
Yeah lets, because you apparently have no ability to do that yourself.
Once again, completely wrong.
If she were to find a very good guy, completely opposite of the guy she has now... I would be happy for her.
Who put you in charge of deciding whats good for her, exactly? Please explain that?
If the guy who treats her better isn't me, I'd be FINE with it
That remains to be seen.
just as long as I knew she was happy.
How do you know she's unhappy now? How do you even know such a guy would make her happy? As I stated before, why, all of the sudden, if you're such a 'friend', do you get to decide what makes her happy? That's not what friends do to eachother.
What I want doesn't matter... I just want her to be happy.
That sentence eats itself. "What I want doesn't matter...I just want her to be happy"
If I told her everything, and she said, "No, Aaaron, I don't like you in that way", I'd still want to be her best friend.
Then why haven't you done in the past 8 years, you've had 8 years to do it, why haven't you? You claim not to care, but you're actions speak otherwise.
The guy she has now calls her trash, cheats on her, and never wants to be with her. Am I wrong in wanting her to find a better guy?
How is that thinking of myself?
"I wrong in wanting", otherwise put "I want". Thinking of yourself. You don't get to determine what's better for her in her relationships.
I actually fantasize about coming in and beating you up. :heart:
Because I'm not telling you what you want to hear I imagine.
It's a lot more complicated than "I'm the hero, he's the villain, and she's the damsel in distress." Nope.. not at all. He's my friend as well
Whose girlfriend you want to either steal away from him, or have stolen from him...yeah, some friend.
... and I can't butt into the situation if he hasn't done anything to ME personally.
Well, you got one thing right.
He's actually a very good friend to me.
Pity you don't reciprocate that.
What right would I have to beat him up, over a relationship that shouldn't be my business in the first place?
Yeah, no du'h. This ought to be your moment of clarity, but I've read the rest of the post...so, no.
I don't hate the guy... He's not my "Lex Luthor" by any means... He's simply a guy who treats a girl a complete crap, and that girl happens to be one whom I really care about.
Again, you don't get to be the judge of that, only they do.
Read above, if you haven't already. He's a good friend to me, which is why it's hard to do something. He's NOT good to her... must I repeat it? He's cheated on her, he puts her down, and he's always too busy for her.
Frankly, aside from cheating on her (which is their problem, not yours), the latter offenses don't sound bad at all. I'm always too busy for my girlfriends because I get obsessed by my work, it's who I am. A lot of guys are like that; ya'know the whole "we have responsibilities to things other than bending over backwards for people". Part of your problem is you don't realize all relationships require compromise, in other words there are parts of my life that won't change simply because a girl shows up and starts dating me. There are some things however I will sacrifice and we meet on terms we BOTH agree on.
And frankly, as for putting her down, that happens a lot between college relationships, it's common. Girls don't like endless compliments, not sure if you know that. Making fun of one another is a way of bonding, like how guys give eachother crap and call themselves "gay" and poke fun...but you understand, amongst eachother, it's meaningless.
To you, who gave you the moral yard stick to measure other people's lives?
She has put up with it for 3 1/2 years because she is a weak individual who was treated like crap her whole life.
For the most part I wouldn't call my friends "weak individuals who get treated like crap".
It's funny how you're defending a guy who does these horrible things.
He's Hitler
Maybe you have bigger issues than you're willing to admit? Maybe it's weird for you to see a guy like me, who has morals and values, and who genuinely cares about a girl and doesn't want to get in her pants... because you're the opposite of the type of guy I am? Have I got you figured?
Not really, you just seem like a pathetic dueschbag who started a thread on a message board trying to get advice on how to win over a girl you lack the ability to "get with". I have morals and values, but I'm also not blind to my apparent flaws, and will readily admit them. You on the other hand...
He hasn't cheated on ME, so how could I hate him? I don't demonize him at all.
you're defending a guy who does these horrible things
You're talking about all the guy on a message board, claiming he does 'horrible things', that's demonizing.
If I never knew the guy, and he wasn't my friend, I'm sure I would've said to her, "Ditch this guy... we both know I would treat you better."
... And I would treat her better.
Again it's all about you.
We don't know you would treat her better,
you think you would treat her better. Big difference. She obviously, as of yet, doesn't believe this either, or else she would have chosen you given the chance.
And Honestly, you'd treat her worse. You'd be so jealous of every guy who looked at her...
Oh, there it is. You figured it all out.
- I've had two serious relationships.
- I've been on plenty of dates in college.
- I often talk to her about those dates.
- Lots of girls check me out, and I do talk to them.
- I am very capable and worthy of "getting it on" with these girls, but I do not. That's because I'm "crazy and weird and I want to save myself for marriage.... OH NO!!! I'm a weird bible-thumper!!! Look out!!!"
(I'm not a weird bible-thumper. I'm not religous. I just have a strong feeling on marriage, and letting your first time be magical with "the one").
I know, I'm soooo goddamn strange.
You're beliefs might not be, but you're behavior is. And your ability to determine what "the one" means is incredibly skewed at best.
And your ability to attract women has little or nothing to do with this, since we're talking about one girl, not all of them.
You people make it look like I cry in the corner and torture small animals.
People project their image of themselves onto other people. The fact that I never said those words, nor claimed anything remotely similar makes me think now that may be your own self image.
I'm a 20 year old college student who is normal like all of you, and I have feelings for a girl who is taken.
It's not abnormal, but it is creepy and anxiety ridden.
I wish I could be with her, sure. Why do you insist on making it something more?
Why do you spend you're life wishing for things. I don't wish things, I do them. Me and Jag (Fitness Threaders) could sit around wishing for bodies to appear on us one morning, but instead we take initiative and work out.
You look at one post, and you think you have this entire psychological outline on my life, and how my mind operates, but you actually have no f***ing clue.
It's been you who needed to get a clue from the first page. The fact that you don't think calling someone "queen" and "goddess" and "on a pedestal" is creepy speaks a lot to your problems.
This is a situation that is NOT as important as others.
Yet this is the one you started an entire thread about.
This is NOT the focus of my life.
Then why have you spent this long on it on a website.
I'm trying to survive college for christ's sakes
So am I?
and I thought I'd vent and ask for advice on a forum... and you think I'm some kind of a freak. You're incredibly ignorant.
You didn't vent, you asked for advice, and then when it was given you tried to spin it so it would fit some plan to 'get her' into your waiting arms.
I did not let "scads" of opportunites pass me by. I had two major relationships, one was 2 years, the other was 11 months, and I've been dating several girls in college.
As you said non sexual, which I find hard to believe they lasted that long when the other party wanted sex.
I started this thread to vent.
I started a thread to vent once, I vented, people b*tched at me for being such a p*ssy, but I never argued back...because all I needed was cursing and it was over. You've been venting, apparently, for 8 years. When I vent it ends rather quickly. I go home, say "f***, I missed out" and it's over...I don't piss and moan and try to concoct ways to "get her" for years of my life.
That could very well be the case. I won't deny it. I'm not some fruit cake who's running around screaming "She's my destiny! It was written in the stars! We're meant to be! LOL!! Let's watch Donnie Darko!!"
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Here is what I will conclude with. How would your "friends" react if they saw this thread? If they knew you went behind their backs and talked about how you want them to break up and her to be with you? How would this girl feel if she knew you were talking about her abuse? If she knew you were giving out a 3 step program to "get with her"?
The truth is you don't care for anyone, but yourself. You don't want to help anyone, but yourself...and your only friend, and worst enemy, is yourself. If this was about her you'd tell her to get therapy for her abuse. But it's not about her. The Alpha and Omega of everything you say involves her breaking up with him and getting with someone you deem good, yourself included.
Your like the man who wants world change, but constantly talks as if he were in charge. You don't get to decide for anyone, but yourself, what happiness is or includes. You need to understand this or else you're never understand relationships, including friendships.
HAHA!!!
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