Are Nice Guys Doormats For Women???

[GoldenAgeHero]

i believe in second chances.(except when it comes to cheating in relatinships,**** that)

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Tip for EVERYONE EVER-- Don't Give Second Chances!!! *fireworks*

I believe people deserve second chances.

 

[AndThePickles]

why not?(ATP)

It usually turns out to be a bad idea. I've seen in happen many times where people break up because of something horrible, get back together, and have it end even more terribly than before. Of course I'm exaggerating and there will be times when people deserve a second chance, but it REALLY depends on the circumstances and what has happened. In the majority of cases, it's not a good idea.

 

[Erzengel]

It usually turns out to be a bad idea. I've seen in happen many times where people break up because of something horrible, get back together, and have it end even more terribly than before. Of course I'm exaggerating and there will be times when people deserve a second chance, but it REALLY depends on the circumstances and what has happened. In the majority of cases, it's not a good idea.

Majority probably.

But sometimes, I think you can meet the right person at the wrong time.

 

[Erzengel]

Yea, that was me.

I used to work with her. And I liked her. But she had turned me down, saying that she didn't like to mix her personal life and her professional life. That was her excuse for never being more than just friends with me.

Well, some things happened, and I got over her, because I kind of just realized that she wasn't much special, and she wasn't the kind of girl that I wanted, not like that. But we kept in touch. It helped that one of my best friends was roomates with her.

Well, when I went over to go visit my friend one night, she had called me, and told me she had a surprise for me. When I got there, it was the announcement that she was with this guy that I was friends with, this guy that we worked with...

She said she was sorry, she felt bad, because she told me "no" because she worked with me, but still got with this other guy we worked with. I was like "whatever", I didn't care anymore at that point.

Well they broke up after awhile. And since my friend was still roomates with her, I still saw her, and talked to her, and stuff. Well she called me up one night while I was at work (by this point it was a new job - we didn't work together), and wanted to go out with me after work. I figured what the hell, go out, have some drinks, and just have some fun.

That night was the first night she threw herself at me. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was a total booty call, and I was too dumb to capitolize. All that ended up happening was her and I kissed, and she told me something about sleeping with me if I didn't get any like after a month or something. Well, after that night, she began avoiding me. She sent me a message over the phone about feeling embarassed, and feeling stupid, for what she did and said, because she was drunk. But we lost touch, and didn't talk for about a year.

I got a message from her on myspace recently about how sorry she was, how she missed me, and how she changed. The message -really- sounded like she wanted to give "us" another shot (not that there ever was an "us" between us, but the possibility of it, since I did like her at one point). So when we decided to meet, I figured she'd take it slow. After all, she had been apologizing about her actions from a year prior.

Well she didn't, and she was all over me the whole time we were out. Making out, her grabbing me, sitting on my lap, laying on me, the whole thing. Well, I wasn't ready for things to go past a certain level, with her, at that point in time, so I kind of sabotaged myself from getting any that night. And then she ended up pulling the same routine - "Sorry, I was drunk. I just want to be your friend"

She said she had changed, and before her and I met that night, she seemed sincere. So I gave her a second chance. And she showed me that she hasn't changed.

Ahhh....the what happened last night was a mistake routine. LOL

Honestly, women have the same desires, weaknesses of men, it doesn't sound like she was interested in more than just a "hook up" or maybe she didn't like what she did when she was drunk or maybe there is someone else and she's just using you to fill a need. It honestly sounds like the latter.

 

[AndThePickles]

Majority probably.

But sometimes, I think you can meet the right person at the wrong time.

Well yeah, most definitely.

 

[ShadowBoxing]

When I say nerd, I mean, a completely stuttering, incomprehensible idiot with no clue as to what is going on.

I'm a "tad" drunk at the moment, so bear with me. I will try to make this somewhat comprehensible.

Not the common term of "nerd" as someone who sits around reading comics and playing RPG's.

Well whether or not you play D&D is irrelevant, since what most nerds differ on in interest, they share in lack of social graces. Plently of guys read comics, and of course more now play video games and get mad into movies and cartoons. Change of times it seems. However, that doesn't mean they still don't get laid, have girlfriends and maintain relationships.

But what you say is totally a self confidence issue dawg. It's not that you want to be stuttering and incomprehensible it's that somewhere deep down you feel you should be. You see, I'd imagine, that when you with your boys you aren't acting this way at all. Or better put, there are certain interactions that don't make you stutter, clam up, or act incomprehensible. That's how you need to start viewing women. Women aren't that different than guys (they are different - but not so different it takes a new langauge or new personality to talk to them). They have many of the same needs, speak the same langauge as you mostly, have many of the same problems and deal with many of the same topics on a day to day basis. Sure women have periods, and typically find guys sexually attractive, and have boobs...those change things, but you aren't worried about those things. When you talk the aim is to find "common" ground, to find something you can talk it up about without causing you to stutter, clam up or freeze.

Women aren't the SATs or the MCATs, they aren't going to ask you some question you can't answer or put you in a situation you can't handle. They have no REAL power over you either. But guys think they do. If you walk up to a girl, and get rejected, you're still you, the sky is still the sky, most of the animals still walk the earth, and Chuck Norris still kicks ass. Those things that matter don't change. And you risk more by putting all this pressure on yourself to succeed.

An instance that quickly comes to mind - I used to frequent this particular bar weekly with a group of friends. There was this particular waitress who worked there, who I happened to like, a lot. She was always nice (and yes, I always knew it was because that's part of the job - act nice to get tips), and because I liked her, I always tipped her a little bit better. I knew that given the circumstances (me being a bar patron, and her being the waitress at that bar) that I'd probably never really have a shot, but I really liked her and wanted to try anyways. So after I had been going in there for awhile, and I knew her, and she knew me, I asked her one night if she'd like to go out. Unfortunatley, I couldn't even -pretend- to be smooth. I don't know what got into me, but I literally was like "Um... would you um... um... do you want to go out sometime... ????!?!!??!"

Women...NAY....people like direct and honest. To the point helps to. If you have something to say...say IT. "Uhhh...ummm....du'h....doi....mmmmkay" doesn't help you in the slightest. I don't have time for that kind of talk, why would a girl. You know what you want to say, right? So just say it. Trust me, saying it directly...could it really turn out any worse than being so cautious about it?

 

[Gilpesh]

Majority probably.

But sometimes, I think you can meet the right person at the wrong time.

I would hope that the right person would make it the right time as I would try my hardest as well. That would kinda make them the right person in the first place.

But to just sit around as you both sleep with a random assortment of people just cause you met at the 'wrong time'... means that it is not and never was the right person.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Well whether or not you play D&D is irrelevant, since what most nerds differ on in interest, they share in lack of social graces. Plently of guys read comics, and of course more now play video games and get mad into movies and cartoons. Change of times it seems. However, that doesn't mean they still don't get laid, have girlfriends and maintain relationships.

But what you say is totally a self confidence issue dawg. It's not that you want to be stuttering and incomprehensible it's that somewhere deep down you feel you should be. You see, I'd imagine, that when you with your boys you aren't acting this way at all. Or better put, there are certain interactions that don't make you stutter, clam up, or act incomprehensible. That's how you need to start viewing women. Women aren't that different than guys (they are different - but not so different it takes a new langauge or new personality to talk to them). They have many of the same needs, speak the same langauge as you mostly, have many of the same problems and deal with many of the same topics on a day to day basis. Sure women have periods, and typically find guys sexually attractive, and have boobs...those change things, but you aren't worried about those things. When you talk the aim is to find "common" ground, to find something you can talk it up about without causing you to stutter, clam up or freeze.

Women aren't the SATs or the MCATs, they aren't going to ask you some question you can't answer or put you in a situation you can't handle. They have no REAL power over you either. But guys think they do. If you walk up to a girl, and get rejected, you're still you, the sky is still the sky, most of the animals still walk the earth, and Chuck Norris still kicks ass. Those things that matter don't change. And you risk more by putting all this pressure on yourself to succeed.

Women...NAY....people like direct and honest. To the point helps to. If you have something to say...say IT. "Uhhh...ummm....du'h....doi....mmmmkay" doesn't help you in the slightest. I don't have time for that kind of talk, why would a girl. You know what you want to say, right? So just say it. Trust me, saying it directly...could it really turn out any worse than being so cautious about it?

Well, I just used "nerd" as a term for how I acted. I meant to make no judgements upon "nerds" (after all, I consider myself to be a nerd, and I don't follow many of the traditional stereotypes).

Otherwise, I do understand what you're saying.

You know, one thing a friend of mine said to me once was that the reason I probably view women the way I do (i.e. get nervous around them, see them as so "different", etc...) is that I've never been around them - except my mother.

I don't have any sisters. I have 1 female cousin, who isn't really even MY cousin (she'd be my cousin's cousin), and I only ever saw her on Thanksgiving up until the age of around 8 or so. Hell, there was never even a "girl next door" that I grew up with or anything.

When I was in around 5th, 6th grade, there was 1 younger girl across the street that I used to play with, but I never saw her as a "girl" persay, she was just my buddy that I hung out with. And definatley at that age (especially since she was a few years younger than me), she wasn't really an example of general womanhood.

So my whole life, I've only ever been around guys. So due to my experience, women really do seem like a different species to me. At least that's my friend's theory.

I'm getting more experience now. I have a female friend that I spend lots of time with. We spend so much time together, that even her boyfriend calls me her "secondary boyfriend"... and through my time with her, I am gaining a lot of experience about women, even if I'm not actually in a romantic relationship with her. Also, she's been pregnant since May, and again despite not being her boyfriend, I've been dealing with that a lot as well. So the experience is definatley helping to shape my views that women are normal people just like us... but yea, I guess sometimes I -do- (to quote the classic) "put the ***** on the pedastal".

 

[Erzengel]

I would hope that the right person would make it the right time as I would try my hardest as well. That would kinda make them the right person in the first place.

But to just sit around as you both sleep with a random assortment of people just cause you met at the 'wrong time'... means that it is not and never was the right person.

Specifically, wrong time as in different places/stages in your life.

 

[Anita18]

She reads Psalms 23 and sings "What A Friend We Have In Jesus."
What do you think she does?

Thanks a lot, dude. I don't need a man, or even another person, to make me feel good in that way. t:

Or I guess my urges are less strong than other people's, if they really must take the effort to go find someone to help them with their horniness. Or screw it, I'm just effin' lazy.

Specifically, wrong time as in different places/stages in your life.

Ain't that the truth. I'm totally different from what I was 4 years ago. Well, I'm still a geek, still an artist at heart, but I've definitely grown from then.

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

lol, Anita18 = Worst Girlfriend In The World.

 

[Anita18]

lol, Anita18 = Worst Girlfriend In The World.

LOL. Of course doing it with another person would be nicer, but I'm averse to intimate physical contact with people I don't trust in that way. It makes me feel really uncomfortable.

When I say I'm lazy, I mean I won't try making a relationship with someone who isn't compatible with me. Or maybe it isn't laziness so much as sheer intelligence.

 

[Neptune]

I enjoy ignoring others when I'm not making sarcastic and cynical comments about them.

Hahaha, i wanna hang out with you.