Are Nice Guys Doormats For Women???

[SoulManX]

The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]


Most guys know about the nice guy paradox. It’s where they’ve been told since they were young — both by women and by society in general — that women like “nice” guys. And because they’ve been told this over and over, most guys grow up trying this approach only to have reality pee in their faces.
This bothers guys. A lot. Why would women claim to want someone who will treat them nice, but then repeatedly turn down or mistreat those that give them exactly what they want? Well, I have the answer, and like most major truisms it’s pretty simple:

Women like when guys are nice to them, but only when they don’t have to be. ​

Think about that. Most guys exclusively using the “nice” approach are doormats, and many are so because that’s all they can be. They lack the attributes to attract a woman based on pure gravity (physical size/strength/prowess, ambition, sexuality, intelligence, money, etc.). As a result, these guys are essentially forced to grovel to attract a mate, which is patently unattractive.​

Quite simply, women like powerful men to be nice to them, not feminized pseudo-men. A weak man being nice to a woman is essentially an act of submission, like a beggar bowing his head and calling you sir. Sure, they were respectful to you, but they just asked you for money so it’s not as meaningful as if it came from a peer or superior.​

To get the true benefit of “nice” in the way that women enjoy, one has to be able to attract that same woman without being nice, i.e. by the sheer force of masculine character. Only once that foundation of primal respect is in place can the higher-order offerings such as kindness be appreciated. It’s counter-intuitve and it’s unpleasant, but we’re dealing with nature here. Don’t fight the rules; to do so is as pointless as picketing gravity or boycotting inertia.:​

Posted by Daniel Miessler

http://dmiessler.com/blogarchive/the-nice-guy-paradox-solved

 

[DorkyFresh]

hmm...so THAT's why i haven't had much luck with women. so what that article is saying is that i need power...

...maybe i'll try running for President. hey, if Bush can do it then it can't be THAT hard....right?

 

[jaguarr]

Everyone makes the mistake of equating being nice with being a pushover, which is a ginormous mistake. It's possible to be a nice guy but still be a driven, alpha-male type who doesn't let anyone walk all over them.

jag

 

[Darthphere]

There is nice, and there is too nice. I learned the hard way.

 

[SoulManX]

There is nice, and there is too nice. I learned the hard way.

We all have

 

[kytrigger]

Everyone makes the mistake of equating being nice with being a pushover, which is a ginormous mistake. It's possible to be a nice guy but still be a driven, alpha-male type who doesn't let anyone walk all over them.

jag

Exactly, being nice doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your balls. I'm not a total pimp or anything like that, but I consider myself pretty good with women and all I am is polite and respectful most of the time. But if they're a ***** and don't deserve that respect, then **** 'em, they ain't getting it.

 

[Jack Rabbit]

You can be a nice, polite guy and be assertive and not a complete *****. It's just a matter of finding a happy medium between an all-around nice guy and a confident, driven guy.

 

[terry78]

I think what they mean as far as that goes is an example of maybe standing up for someone that's in trouble or something like that. It shows you have the cajones to not let yourself get pushed around and you're also helping soemone else in their time of need, which means you're also a nice guy in that respect. You're a sweet guy to her, and you can also take charge when push comes to shove when something needs to be done. The women folk dig that I hear tell. It doesn't mean picking fights, but more or less being able to handle yourself.

 

[ShadowBoxing]

The kinda have to be more specific. Being nice and being a pushover are two different things.

 

[Master Chief]

The problem is most guys don't know the difference.

 

[Mr. Credible]

Everyone makes the mistake of equating being nice with being a pushover, which is a ginormous mistake. It's possible to be a nice guy but still be a driven, alpha-male type who doesn't let anyone walk all over them.

jag

very true.

it's a hard lesson to learn, and it took me forever, personally. but what it did get me is the ability to now, in my adult life, be nice, but without it coming across as pathetic, or acting like a pushover.

 

[terry78]

If you can treat her nice and still crack jokes about her and act like she's not all that, I think you have struck a balance. Don't put the ***** on a pedestal to quote the classic film.

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

It's hard for me to believe how clueless people are.
Someone make a thread: "Tying your own shoes:SOLVED!"

 

[Fran]

Don't put the ***** on a pedestal to quote the classic film.

"Why does everyone keep saying that to me?! "

 

[ShadowBoxing]

If you can treat her nice and still crack jokes about her and act like she's not all that, I think you have struck a balance. Don't put the ***** on a pedestal to quote the classic film.

Yeah, something like that. I'm not real sure how to put it into words. But basically if you crack wise and put on a bit of a cocky, funny persona in front of a woman it makes her feel as though she has to fight a little harder for you. Chock it up to the appearance of being independent and comfortable.

 

[kytrigger]

It's hard for me to believe how clueless people are.
Someone make a thread: "Tying your own shoes:SOLVED!"

I know. It used to really annoy me, but now, I could care less. t:

 

[terry78]

The reason there are so many threads on love and dating is because half of the people on here are 18 and under. That's all they have on their minds, which are between their legs.

 

[ShadowBoxing]

The reason there are so many threads on love and dating is because half of the people on here are 18 and under. That's all they have on their minds, which are between their legs.

Well there is that, the flip side is that we are on a site that caters to comic book nerds...not generally the "women affluent" members of society.

 

[Superman79]

If you can treat her nice and still crack jokes about her and act like she's not all that, I think you have struck a balance. Don't put the ***** on a pedestal to quote the classic film.

Well put.

**SMash** "Hey!! New pants!! That was not cool."

 

[Erzengel]

Honestly, "I'm a nice guy, I do everything for the girl I'm in love with but she says she doesn't see me more as a friend. What am I doing wrong?"

Maybe she isn't attracted to you?

 

[Superman79]

Honestly, "I'm a nice guy, I do everything for the girl I'm in love with but she says she doesn't see me more as a friend. What am I doing wrong?"

Maybe she isn't attracted to you?

It depends...did she take 19 months to call you back?? If that's the case she's likely just getting over someone... (and under someone else) t:

 

[redmarvel]

Basically, some "nice guys" are doormats for everyone... other "nice guys" are not.

However, if you want to be a doormat, would you prefer I walked over you in my high heels or barefoot (trying to decide if you're a masochist )

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

Honestly, "I'm a nice guy, I do everything for the girl I'm in love with but she says she doesn't see me more as a friend. What am I doing wrong?"

Maybe she isn't attracted to you?

lol, remember Maxwell Smart, totally dumbfounded and flabbergasted because he was attracted to a girl at school, and he said nice things to her, but then she wouldn't go on a date with him, and he actually said, "If I like her, she should like me, for liking her so much. "

a highlight of disturbing H***-Moments.

 

[Superman79]

Basically, some "nice guys" are doormats for everyone... other "nice guys" are not.

However, if you want to be a doormat, would you prefer I walked over you in my high heels or barefoot (trying to decide if you're a masochist )

Actually, red, if you could wear a nice pair of Nike Cross-Trainers...that would be super (it helps my back)

Or we could just say to hell with the walking bit...

 

[Erzengel]

Maxwell Smart, the Green Sashed Prom Court King in Our Hearts.