Nice guys finish last

[Anita18]

As I say I think the term "nice" doesn't carry much weight. Almost as though if you're attractive to most women (I mean personality wise, not physically) it'd probably be somewhat understood that you're nice (at least sometimes). I can't think of anyone who has good, quality, long term success who I could call a complete jerk. There's definitely room though for things like sarcasm, humor and "character flaws" in people who are nice. Although when you are attractive I think people tend to focus on other aspects of your personality other than niceness: such as creativity, charm, charisma, confidence or humor.

To be fair I think LOBO and I are talking about "niceness" specifically in regards to my ex-bf as, "a pushover who's ripe to be taken advantage of." I've been in a relationship with that guy, he will bend over backwards (and do some flips for good measure) to take care of you. I'm a more independent-minded person, and his bending over backwards indirectly caused me to be more of a spoiled beeyotch and I didn't like the person I became. I'm much more suited to my current bf, who lets me be myself and only provides help when I ask for it.

So LOBO and I on the same page there.

The other conversations that were going on, I think people were not on the same page as to what "nice" constituted.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I think yall are right about nice being too subjective a word. It holds a different meaning and definitionto everyone.

Yeah, I don't equate, being nice with being shy, or a doormat or quiet.

It's like saying something is "okay". You can change that word to mean nearly any range from good to bad.

 

[LOBO3315a]

To be fair I think LOBO and I are talking about "niceness" specifically in regards to my ex-bf as, "a pushover who's ripe to be taken advantage of." I've been in a relationship with that guy, he will bend over backwards (and do some flips for good measure) to take care of you. I'm a more independent-minded person, and his bending over backwards indirectly caused me to be more of a spoiled beeyotch and I didn't like the person I became. I'm much more suited to my current bf, who lets me be myself and only provides help when I ask for it.

So LOBO and I on the same page there.

The other conversations that were going on, I think people were not on the same page as to what "nice" constituted.

I used to be that guy. My X-wife cured me of it. It gets kind of old when you are totally exhausted, unable to lift a finger, and the person who is the focus of your affection says "You know, there's one more thing I'd like you to do...."

Now I'm more like your current B/F. I let the woman do her own thing. If I'm included, fine. If not, I have my own things to occupy my time. And I stopped trying to read minds.

 

[Anita18]

It's like saying something is "okay". You can change that word to mean nearly any range from good to bad.

That's why LOBO and I specifically agreed on what we'd be talking about in regards to "niceness" before discussing it.

Otherwise yeah, a lot of people would disagree on what "nice" entailed.

I used to be that guy. My X-wife cured me of it. It gets kind of old when you are totally exhausted, unable to lift a finger, and the person who is the focus of your affection says "You know, there's one more thing I'd like you to do...."

Now I'm more like your current B/F. I let the woman do her own thing. If I'm included, fine. If not, I have my own things to occupy my time. And I stopped trying to read minds.

Yeah, I think my ex-bf would try to read my mind, so much so that I came to expect it. Yeah, it was really stupid.

My current bf is so clueless that I literally have to tell him straight out what I need help with. It's not that he's thoughtless and lazy, he's just not observant and it's hard for him to read people. He actually really surprised me when he moved my bookcase to our new apartment without me asking him specifically while I was in class, but I had been talking about how we "had to move the bookcase after my class on Saturday" the previous few days so I guess it was hard to miss.

 

[Paradoxium]

With your definition, my ex-bf is the epitome of a "nice" person. I'm still afraid that he's gonna get taken advantage of, but he's married to someone who's just as nice to him so hopefully it all works out...

That's womanese for: I am totally hotter than that ***** he married t:

 

[Anita18]

That's womanese for: I am totally hotter than that ***** he married t:

Depends on your definition of hot. She's definitely his definition of hot more than I am. He likes well-endowed women, which I'm...totally not. Don't ask me why he was attracted to me in the first place, it's still a mystery to me. He said I was cute.

 

[Paradoxium]

Well endowed? That's womanese for fat. You cruel cruel girl t:

 

[Anita18]

Well endowed? That's womanese for fat. You cruel cruel girl t:

Well, considering it's really really REALLY hard for someone to be skinnier than me, practically everyone is gonna be fatter than I am.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

To throw a wrench in all these theories: My roommate is well endowed, and women just kind of come to him...doesn't seem to matter what he does or doesn't do.

 

[SpideyVille]

So I walked a female friend of mine to the train station after class tonight, and she told me I'm a nice guy and that I should never change, granted I've helped her out a lot over the past few weeks, for no real particular reason, meaning I don't like her or want to date her or anything.

When she told me that, it made me think of this thread, and made me wonder if she said it because she wants me to continue being nice to her, or if she wants me to stay this way because "there aren't that many nice guys out there anymore."

 

[Erzengel]

Or maybe as a subconscious statement in case she was thought you were slightly into her and it was her way of letting you know but like you said, you don't see her that way.

 

[ComicChick]

Probably both .

It is nice to hear of a guy doing something nice with no ulterior motive for once.

 

[Dwarf lord]

Here's a story for you. Recently, a girl that I've been interested for a while ended up breaking up with her long term boyfriend who decided he was more interested in sleeping around on his study abroad trip to London than staying with literally the coolest and nicest girl I've ever met in my life. They had been together for a while (just shy of four years), so I decided to give her time before I did anything. Anything else would just be disrespectful.

I guess a month was too long seeing as she's already with someone else... I mean, I'm happy that I respected her enough to let her get over her boyfriend and didn't capitalize on her new singleness, but this part of it is never fun...

 

[Erzengel]

You could still ask her out as well.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Here's a story for you. Recently, a girl that I've been interested for a while ended up breaking up with her long term boyfriend who decided he was more interested in sleeping around on his study abroad trip to London than staying with literally the coolest and nicest girl I've ever met in my life. They had been together for a while (just shy of four years), so I decided to give her time before I did anything. Anything else would just be disrespectful.

I guess a month was too long seeing as she's already with someone else... I mean, I'm happy that I respected her enough to let her get over her boyfriend and didn't capitalize on her new singleness, but this part of it is never fun...

The classic "nice guy" failure. While you were being respectful, someone else saw the opportunity and just went for it, he made the move and has a date, leaving you with your hand. You've just gotta go for it, the worst that would've happened is she rejected you and you'd be in the same position, but at least had the knowledge that you tried. It's the classic quote, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"

 

[SpideyVille]

Here's a story for you. Recently, a girl that I've been interested for a while ended up breaking up with her long term boyfriend who decided he was more interested in sleeping around on his study abroad trip to London than staying with literally the coolest and nicest girl I've ever met in my life. They had been together for a while (just shy of four years), so I decided to give her time before I did anything. Anything else would just be disrespectful.

I guess a month was too long seeing as she's already with someone else... I mean, I'm happy that I respected her enough to let her get over her boyfriend and didn't capitalize on her new singleness, but this part of it is never fun...

I was in a similar position, except I actually told the girl I liked her, in which she gave me the "I just got out of a long relationship" excuse. We were still friends after that, up until she started dating some other guy a short while later.

I was mad for a while until I realized I was better off without her. Looking at how she had to drop out of college after 1 year because she was pregnant and used that as an excuse to do nothing for 9 months, its sees like that was more of a blessing in disguise for me.

 

[terry78]

Why do you even want to be categorized as a nice guy exactly? I don't mean do a 180 and become a raging *******, but you know. You would be better off being labeled as the funny guy, the sarcastic guy, something with a little edge to it.

 

[Spider-Who?]

From my experience, if a girl says no, its ALWAYS a blessing in disguise.

 

[Spider-Who?]

Why do you even want to be categorized as a nice guy exactly? I don't mean do a 180 and become a raging *******, but you know. You would be better off being labeled as the funny guy, the sarcastic guy, something with a little edge to it.

I get what you're saying. For me, I try to cover a few bases in waves. It also depends on the situation. A few of my buddies are getting married, so there have been a lot of situations where I'm in the company of the brides, their folks, and bridesmaids. When the folks are around, I slip more into the part of the sweet guy to get respect from the 'rents, which in turn gains me respect from the bridesmaids. When I'm with the bridesmaids, I'll switch between being the funny guy, the intellectual guy, and the "deep" artistic/musician guy depending on the situation. This not only covers nearly all personality types that women typically like, but also keeps them on their toes since they never know which of my many faces they'll interact with next time. I've had one bridesmaid ask for my number and was told a few months ago that another wants to jump my bones, despite having a bf. I haven't acted on either - don't want to dip into the company ink, as it were; but its good for practice/confidence boosting.

 

[PyroChamber]

From my experience, if a girl says no, its ALWAYS a blessing in disguise.

More like dodging a bullet.

 

[Erzengel]

Why is it dipping into the company ink?

 

[Spider-Who?]

1) Never mess with a bridezilla or her friends.
2) Lets say you start to date a friend of your buddies wife/gf. What happens when things go sour? Battle lines get drawn and its not fun for anyone.

 

[Erzengel]

Eh, I have and both of them took my side regardless.

I mean it depends, if your intentions are somewhat noble what's the harm?

And if one is looking to jump your bones, regardless of having a boyfriend, well her intentions and her character are pretty much out there already.

 

[Spider-Who?]

Eh, I have and both of them took my side regardless.

I mean it depends, if your intentions are somewhat noble what's the harm?

And if one is looking to jump your bones, regardless of having a boyfriend, well her intentions and her character are pretty much out there already.

agreed. like i said, I'm not planning on acting on either, especially the one with the bf. My point was just that you can be the "nice" guy, but also bring forward other traits that women deem attractive. You don't have to be one or the other, nor do I think you SHOULD be one or the other. Give em a taste of your different personalities at different times, keep em guessing.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Here's a story for you. Recently, a girl that I've been interested for a while ended up breaking up with her long term boyfriend who decided he was more interested in sleeping around on his study abroad trip to London than staying with literally the coolest and nicest girl I've ever met in my life. They had been together for a while (just shy of four years), so I decided to give her time before I did anything. Anything else would just be disrespectful.

I guess a month was too long seeing as she's already with someone else... I mean, I'm happy that I respected her enough to let her get over her boyfriend and didn't capitalize on her new singleness, but this part of it is never fun...

The classic "nice guy" failure. While you were being respectful, someone else saw the opportunity and just went for it, he made the move and has a date, leaving you with your hand. You've just gotta go for it, the worst that would've happened is she rejected you and you'd be in the same position, but at least had the knowledge that you tried. It's the classic quote, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"

Amazingfantasy15 pretty much took the words right out of my fingers. Yeah, I have to agree. As much as you think you're being respectful (and to a certain degree you are actually), it's just working against you and against human nature quite frankly. The easiest way people get over a past relationship is to get on top of someone else. I'd go out on a limb and say in most cases they'll at least give you the time of day if you can give them something to smile and laugh about. That's a somewhat "no d'uh" statement, but if she just went through a break up, having fun with someone is the best cure, even if sex isn't involved.