Not-At-All-Original-Publications Presents: A Hype Odyssey!

[bored]

Brett Favre: Heave!

Lord Valumart, Sava, and Rigel7Soldiers shoved the VW closer to the water.

Brett Favre: Heave!

Wilhelm-Scream: They're not getting far.

Brett Favre: Hey, I'm trying my best. I think I have an idea. Gunny, Phanty, come over here!


A few minutes later:

Phanty and Gunny: *cheering* Go. Push. The Van! Go. Push. The Van!

The two waved pompoms in the air.

CConn: Admittedly, this worked out a lot better than I expected.

Brett Favre: Every good football player carries spare cheerleader uniforms with him for just such an occasion.

The VW Bus was finally pushed into the water. Floaters, which had been stowed in the back for no apparent reason, were attached, and the VW became a crappy, hippie boat.

Gunblade: Are we done?

Brett Favre: I suppose.

Gunblade: I could have tolerated being a cheerleader more if we didn't have to change in front of you guys.

Master Bruce: We had to make sure you didn't steal anything.

Gunblade: Like what?

Master Bruce: Our chances of seeing you naked, mostly.

Gunblade rolled her eyes, and went to change.

Phantasm: I thought it was a clever idea, Mr. Favre.

She pat his head, and climbed into the VW.

Brett Favre: Let's see Matt Hasselback do that.

Everyone piled back in, and Powderman shoved off from the edge of the river with a large stick. It was also in the back of the Bus.

Powderman: That Carey guy thinks ahead.

Somewhere, "Mr. Roboto" continued to play on infinite repeat. The VW Bus floated up the river.

Master Bruce: Do we even know if we're going the right direction?

CConn: Just go along with it.

 

[DOG LIPS]

Gunblade: I could have tolerated being a cheerleader more if we didn't have to change in front of you guys.

Master Bruce: We had to make sure you didn't steal anything.

Gunblade: Like what?

Master Bruce: Our chances of seeing you naked, mostly.

Gunblade rolled her eyes, and went to change.

*Drools*

 

[bored]

The VW Bus/Boat floated down the river Styx (like Dennis DeYoung Styx, not river to hell, but you knew that). Brett Favre sat on the hood, staring at the stars. Master Bruce climbed out with him.

Master Bruce: Can't sleep?

Brett Favre: Nope. You?

Master Bruce: I am the night.

Brett Favre: What?

Master Bruce: Nothing. What are you thinking about?

Favre inched away from MB slowly.

Master Bruce: What? I was making conversation!

Brett Favre: Sure you were.

Master Bruce: I was!

Brett Favre: That's what Jeff Garcia said.

Master Bruce: So Terrell Owens wasn't just being a dick when he accused him of being gay?

Brett Favre: Oh, no, T.O. really is a dick. Garcia just liked to talk about 'feelings' a lot. I think it helped him get poon.

Master Bruce: You speak of him like he was dead.

Brett Favre: Career-wise, he is. And if I can say that, it must be true.

Master Bruce: So, are you gonna retire, or what?

Brett Favre: No. I've thought about it, and I don't want to go out on such a low note. I've got one last run at the play-offs in me. Or maybe that's just curry. I really need to stop eating Thai food.

Master Bruce: Riiight.

Brett Favre: Javon Walker left Green Bay for Denver. Never liked that guy.

Master Bruce: Who?

Brett Favre: He was always kind of a loud-mouth. Charles Woodson's gonna play for us, though.

Master Bruce: What are you talking about?

Brett Favre: Football.

Master Bruce: You play football?

Brett Favre: You're making fun of me, aren't you?

Master Bruce: Yes. Yes, I am. This whole story has basically been making fun of you.

Brett Favre:

Master Bruce: Yeah, pretty lame.

As the VW Dingy floated, the Styx music began to be drowned out by something else.

Brett Favre: Do you hear that? It sounds like "Lady Marmalade". That stupid version those ****ty pop stars did for that movie a few years ago.

Master Bruce: Ew, it is. Don't listen to hard, or Christina Aguilera's voice will give you herpes.

Everyone inside the boat/bus stirred, and woke up.

Gunblade: What the hell is that?

Wilhelm-Scream: Is that Lil' Kim?

****tly pop stars: Voulez-vouz-vouz-ches Avec-moi?

Wilhelm-Scream: No!

CConn: Are they supposed to be Sirens, or something?

Powderman: I think.... Mya's singing sounds like an ambulance siren.

Brett Favre: So, should we go over there, or something? See what the hell's going on?

CConn: Hell no! Let's just get this damn trip done with!

Brett Favre: Alright then. On we go.

****ty pop stars: Aw.

Pink: My husband rides motorbikes! Aren't I rad!

CConn grabbed a tomato that was mysteriously in the glove compartment, and chucked it at her.

 

[Batman]

Awesome comeback, bored. You may truly be the last of a dying race.

 

[DBella]

Very nice update, bored.
I especially enjoyed Pink's cameo.

 

[bored]

May my resuming work on this rescue the once glorious genre of Hype-related fics.


----------------------


The VW crashed into the rocks at 7 a.m. The only reason for this was that Sava had fallen asleep at the wheel, of course, but the VW bus/boat still crashed. CConn led the group out onto the large island that they had inexplicably found themselves on (they had been on a river, after all).

CConn: Well, if it's any consolation, I think we're out of Ohio.

Powderman: Boredom... lifting... Monotony.... breaking.... Yes.... we have escaped.

everyone: Hooray!

Rigel7Soldiers jumped for joy, while Gunblade enthusiastically *****-slapped Phantasm.

Master Bruce: Okay, now what?

CConn: How about you, me, and Sava explore a bit?



A few hours later....

CConn: This is really not what I had in mind when I suggested exploring, guys.

Sava: I wish I knew how to quit you, Master Bruce.

Cyclops: Halt! Who makes pop-cultural references there?

Sava: Cyclops, is that you?

Cyclops: Indeed, it is. Sava, is that you? And CConn? Master Bruce?

CConn: Are we back in Hype-World?

Cyclops: Oh my Mod, of course not.

CConn: So what are you doing here?

Cyclops: After I resigned my position as a Moderator, and lept out a window of the Modastery with my rocket boots*, I sought out a new life, and I've found it here, on this island placed haphazardly in a body of water that most were previously led to assume was a normal-sized river. I live a happy, solitary life on La Isla del Cyclops, which you, by stumbling upon it, have interrupted.

Master Bruce: Oh, um... Sorry.

Cyclops: You are? Well, I'll accept that. I forgive you Master Bruce. Sava and CConn, however, must come with me, so that they can be punished.

The trees around them quivered, and vines wrapped themselves around Sava and CConn. Within moments, they'd been hoisted into the upper levels of foliage.

Master Bruce: Oh, snap.

Cyclops: Huh? That's never happened before. And I was so excited to use this.

He produced a make-shift lightsaber from his belt.

Master Bruce: Wow, that looks really good.

Cyclops: Thanks. I spent a whole weekend making it. The blade is aquamarine.

Master Bruce: Classic.

Cyclops: I thought so.

Master Bruce: So, am I done here?

Cyclops: Oh, yes. Have a nice day. I'll just be off, slowly torturing Sava and CConn to within inches of their lives for trespassing on my home until the sweet embrace of death finally overtakes them both. Bye.

Master Bruce: Bye.

Master Bruce smiled, and turned to leave. Halfway back to the VW, he paused.

Master Bruce: Heyyyy, waitaminute!


------------------

*this happened in "Hype-World: An Epic"

 

[POWdER-man]

ha, good stuff bored...

I am starting to sound like William Shatner....or the kid from Malcolm in the Middle.

 

[bored]

So, I'd been writing "Spammers in Space", and I remembered that I still had to finish this. If that'll happen or not, I don't know, but here's a new installment!

-----------


Master Bruce whistled as he returned to the Volkswagon.

Phantasm: So, what happened?

Brett Favre: Was there anything interesting?

Master Bruce: Oh, yeah, Cyclops was there. He had a home-made lightsaber.

Phantasm: Cool!

Powderman: Where are... CConn and Sava?

Master Bruce: What? Oh, ****, that's right, they got taken away by vines. Cyclops wasn't sure what was up, so I thought it best just to leave.

Brett Favre: Vines?

Master Bruce: Yeah. Creepy, huh.

Rigel7Soldiers: Did they want to buy newspapers?

Gunblade: Should we, perhaps, rescue them?

Master Bruce: But I just walked all the way back here .

Powderman: What say you... Wilhelm-Scream?

Wilhelm-Scream: I honestly don't care.

Powderman: 'Kay.

Gunblade: Well, I'm going to go find them.



Meanwhile, in Cyclops's lair....

Cyclops: So I just realized something?

CConn: Yeah?

Cyclops: You're not the first ones those vines have caught.

He pointed to several skeletons on the wall.

Sava: Nice. Can I loot them?

Cyclops: Go for it.



Master Bruce: Okay, follow me, guys.

Brett Favre: Hold on, I should get something.

Number 4 went back into the VW, and came back with a satchel.

Wilhelm-Scream: Where'd that come from?

Brett Favre: I've had it on me most of the time.

Phantasm: Didn't you notice?

Wilhelm-Scream: No.

Phantasm: Oh well. That's okay, Wilhelm.

She patted his head.

Wilhelm-Scream: Please don't do that.

Powderman: So... what's in the... bag, Brett?

Favre reached in, and pulled out a golden football.

Brett Favre: It gives me strength in times of great need.

Master Bruce: You don't consider away games against the Bears great need?

Brett Favre: **** off. I was given this by the Elders of the Gridiron, many years ago.



Many years ago....

Several men stood in brown robes, in a room completely lit by candles. Manly candles, though. The kind that Shaolin monks use. None of this sissy Bed, Bath, and Beyond scented crap.

Johnny Unitas: Are you prepared for judgement, Brett?

Brett Favre: I am.

Johnny Unitas: Then hear the words of the Elders. What say you, Archie Manning?

Archie Manning: He is approved, at least until my boys start playing.

Gale Sayers: I also approve. The ghost of Brian Piccolo says you are worthy.

Dick Butkus: For not laughing at my name, I approve of you.

Mike Ditka: May you forever shine, Young Gungslinger.

Jan Stenerud: I'm a kicker!

Jim Brown: Take this Golden Football, Favre, and may it forever protect you. And try not to throw too many interceptions. It never looks good.



Brett Favre: Okay, let's roll.

He looked, and realized that the others had already started off to rescue CConn and Sava.

Brett Favre: Crap.

 

[hippie_hunter]

Can I have a part with me working on my Escape to New York remake and winning the Academy Award

 

[POWdER-man]

Nice bored.. Good to see I am still remembered around here...