*Official* Relationship Advice Thread Strikes Back

[S.A.A.D.]

I feel really immature for this one but you can't help how you feel. What do you do when your girl likes your best friend and talks to him noticably more than you? Like even to the point where her mom notices and says "What's up with that? I thought you two were dating?". I mean he has no interest in her but she just keeps talking to him the way she'd talk to me and flat out told him if she wasn't dating me she'd date him to which he responded "oh" and changed the subject.

This was of course after I asked her over and over if she liked him and she denied it up and down. I am just finding out monday when we were fighting and I pressured it out of her. My best friend seemed to act shocked too...Now I don't trust either of them and if it's up to me I'm never leaving the two in the same room again.

Am I being immature? Am I overreacting?

To me it sounds like a major red flag,I think that you should take her to the side for questioning,again. And give her a warning. If she doe's it again get rid of her,tell her that it was out of character for her because she's in a relationship with you,and that if she secretly want's out that she should come clean.

 

[Erzengel]

Has he ever tried anything to your knowledge?

 

[chapin]

what would you do if your 1 year-11 months girlfriend, all of the sudden, tells you over the phone in a very pissed way she thinks you really like a friends of hers?
and you of course dont like anyone but her and you dont even know who she is talking about? would you get mad? cause I got pissed at her for saying that! for a moment i thought of breaking up with her for not trusting me.
I dont like anyone else but her and it kinda made sad she thought that..

any advice?

 

[Erzengel]

Communication first. Why does she think you like her friend? But after you find out her answer, this goes into another issue, called Trust. If she's listening to someone else, or reading into things you say or looks you may have given her friend, then there's some insecurity issues on her end that she needs to work on.

 

[Eggyman]

Has he ever tried anything to your knowledge?

Me?

Once or twice after she first dumped him he tried to wiggle his way back in. The first time she said no. The second time she embarrassed him so he wouldn't do it again. I wouldn't even be bothered if he did try anything because I'd trust her to do the right thing. I just feel weird about her having contact with someone she's been intimate with. It is as simple as that. And it's stupid. I just feel this little bit of rage when I realise she's sat having drinks with her workmates and there's this guy across the table who knows what she can do in the bedroom. It's like she's cheating on me in his head lol

That's as plain as I can put it.

 

[Erzengel]

I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about it and again, you're just being human. I think most of us would feel similar in your position. As long as you have a healthy open trusting relationship, I don't you have any problem.

 

[chapin]

Communication first. Why does she think you like her friend? But after you find out her answer, this goes into another issue, called Trust. If she's listening to someone else, or reading into things you say or looks you may have given her friend, then there's some insecurity issues on her end that she needs to work on.

according to her, she thinks I ask too many questions about this person everytime she gets together to have lunch or coffee with a bunch of girlfriends from school every now and then... she wont say who she is and I have no clue who this friend of hers might be.
It really bothered me the whole situation you tell you the truth.
I have no idea what she is talking about!

 

[Eggyman]

Thanks mate. As long as I know that I'm not being a fu**tard for feeling like that sometimes, I'll be able to handle it better.

 

[Erzengel]

according to her, she thinks I ask too many questions about this person everytime she gets together to have lunch or coffee with a bunch of girlfriends from school every now and then... she wont say who she is and I have no clue who this friend of hers might be.
It really bothered me the whole situation you tell you the truth.
I have no idea what she is talking about!

How old are you and she?

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Ok, so I've posted in here before, but normally giving than taking. Pay back.

I don't really care how I come across here, because I'll be the first to admit that this is a dumb problem that I should just stop worrying about.

Here's the thing: My missus works with her ex. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, I trust her and she has no interest in him. They're not friends and it wasn't a long relationship. They do have to work together and share the same area when going out for after work drinks, and that's when it bothers me. It's not that I think anything's going to happen because I wouldn't be with her if I did. I just feel weird when I think about it. It probably has a lot to do with me cutting exes out once they are... exes. It just makes my skin crawl that she's out with a guy who... remembers things about her. You get me?

It's not a massive deal. It's never caused problems. But I wish I could get rid of that weird feeling when she's out with work, having drinks with a guy who's penis used to be in her mouth.

It is a silly problem. It goes against everything I am. I'm a confident guy. She shows me she loves me in every way. I can see she's traded up. I just don't get it. Is this natural?

Any suggestions apart from 'Grow the fu** up'?

You do need to "Grow the f up". These social functions are probably important, they may seem like nothing, but people know if you're missing and it shows you aren't a team player. It's not like she's going out with just her ex, he works a the same place, she has no choice but to see him, he can't be cut out of her life, like your exes. She probably feels just as weird. My girlfriend's roommate found out last year her fiancee got a job at her company, really messed with her head, even though they'd be in different departments she was afraid she might see him. The only way not to see this guy anymore is if she quit her job and that's not something you can ask her to do.

what would you do if your 1 year-11 months girlfriend, all of the sudden, tells you over the phone in a very pissed way she thinks you really like a friends of hers?
and you of course dont like anyone but her and you dont even know who she is talking about? would you get mad? cause I got pissed at her for saying that! for a moment i thought of breaking up with her for not trusting me.
I dont like anyone else but her and it kinda made sad she thought that..

any advice?

Sounds like there's a trust issue going on. Maybe her friends are getting in her head. You really need to talk about this calmly, getting pissed will make you look guilty.

 

[chapin]

How old are you and she?

get ready to laugh.. she's 26 and I'm 27

Is this a highschool drama/issue or what!?

 

[JStorm]

get ready to laugh.. she's 26 and I'm 27

Is this a highschool drama/issue or what!?

Possibly. But there is more to this than you are letting on, or she is bat**** crazy. There HAS to be rhyme or reason to her allegations. Furthermore, you may be asking one too many questions about 'Susie with the nice ass.'

Rack your brain and think through the event prior to her giving you a lashing. Did you laugh at jokes one girl made, more than the others? Did you mention they way anyone dressed to your girl later on? Etc? Little details to a woman can be overlooked by men greatly. Think through, hard.

 

[Erzengel]

Yeah, it sounds like she has some real insecurity issues. You kinda need to sit her down and set her straight and probably not mention this "friend" for a while even if to you it was some sort of off handed comment and see what happens from there.

 

[chapin]

two things:
1. I dont even see them that often, once or twice every couple of months at least! Because of my job i dont hang out that much with her girlfriends from highschool.

2. and the funny thing is that this weekend we have a weeding and she is a bridesmaids along with all of her friends.. and this mysterious girl will obviously will be there

 

[JStorm]

two things:
1. I dont even see them that often, once or twice every couple of months at least! Because of my job i dont hang out that much with her girlfriends from highschool.

2. and the funny thing is that this weekend we have a weeding and she is a bridesmaids along with all of her friends.. and this mysterious girl will obviously will be there

This is good. Make note over everything you do. Keep your mouth shut around anyone but her. If asked questions, give a greeting and pleasant response, ESPECIALLY AROUND ANY OTHER FEMALE.

Do not play out of character, but be mindful of the situation at hand.

If she comes at you, and you played just like I said, then you may be able to narrow down who it is, or call BS and tell her to hit the road. Take specific notes, be able to counter every crazed attack. BE ABLE TO SAY "I KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT."

 

[chapin]

This is good. Make note over everything you do. Keep your mouth shut around anyone but her. If asked questions, give a greeting and pleasant response, ESPECIALLY AROUND ANY OTHER FEMALE.

Do not play out of character, but be mindful of the situation at hand.

If she comes at you, and you played just like I said, then you may be able to narrow down who it is, or call BS and tell her to hit the road. Take specific notes, be able to counter every crazed attack. BE ABLE TO SAY "I KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT."

I'm just going to be like my normal myself basically. Nothing out of the ordinary or special.
thanks for the advice guys

 

[enterthemadness]

I hate when parents and family put pressure on me to marry and reproduce, not to mention the dreaded get a woman. I don't like talking to women, I'm anti social, deal with it. Too many damn people on earth already.

 

[Savage]

To me it sounds like a major red flag,I think that you should take her to the side for questioning,again. And give her a warning. If she doe's it again get rid of her,tell her that it was out of character for her because she's in a relationship with you,and that if she secretly want's out that she should come clean.

She said she was fishing for an answer from him out of curiosity. She didn't want to flat out ask him if he has any interest in her. I don't really buy it but I know my friend wouldn't do that to me and since she's had something similar happen to her and she claims she'd never do that to me (especially with him) I'm kind of just...there. I don't have to worry about cheating but it is something that makes me very uncomfortable. We have enough issues without this crap.

...This first love thing kinda sucks. I've had this girl as a romantic part of my life for 5 years. There's never been any getting over each other. Just lots of breaks and rebounds that resembled each other. It really is one of those things where I know what the logical things to do are and then logic gets it's ass kicked by emotion.

 

[Erzengel]

I think your family is just worried at your age and you've never had a girlfriend.

You don't even feel the need to be with a woman just for companionship?

 

[enterthemadness]

I think your family is just worried at your age and you've never had a girlfriend.

You don't even feel the need to be with a woman just for companionship?

Of course I want a GF, but don't want to deal with the work that comes with it. I'm 23 and keep changing my mind on things. Like...do I want to go back to community to continue my goal of being a film director? Yes, but I be happy just being the coffee boy on a film set at this point. However, I would only be ok with that for a 2 or 3 yr period.

 

[Erzengel]

It sounds more like you're afraid of being in relationship and seem to be making excuses.

 

[AndThePickles]

It sounds more like you're afraid of being in relationship and seem to be making excuses.

He's been saying the same things for a couple of years, now. It also seems like brushing off wanting a gf is a nice cover up for potentially feeling rejected.

 

[ComicChick]

Of course I want a GF, but don't want to deal with the work that comes with it. I'm 23 and keep changing my mind on things. Like...do I want to go back to community to continue my goal of being a film director? Yes, but I be happy just being the coffee boy on a film set at this point. However, I would only be ok with that for a 2 or 3 yr period.

he basically sounds like he wants a maid or an escort. he wants a girlfriend but isn't willing to do anything at all.

 

[Anubis]

Bang Maid.

 

[enterthemadness]

He's been saying the same things for a couple of years, now. It also seems like brushing off wanting a gf is a nice cover up for potentially feeling rejected.

You could be right...I also live at home and my social life and work life is pretty bad, so having a gf wouldn't be wise right now.

he basically sounds like he wants a made or an escort. he wants a girlfriend but isn't willing to do anything at all.

What is a made? A maid? No. Escort? No.