*Official* Relationship Advice Thread Strikes Back

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

now what you gotta do is...call her up, tell her you're sorry you're being an idiot, and then go to her house and bang it out.

But seriously, yeah, that whole 'begging you to stay" and "'your so different than any guy i've met'" stuff...she's totally smacking you over the head with a bag of "lets bang it out" bricks.

Oddly enough, that's exactly what I was dealing with in my situation.

When the girl and I first met, she'd get mad at me if I even hinted that I was going to leave to go somewhere else. When I made my first move on her, I completely blew her mind, and she told me about how my approach was unlike any other guy and she was so impressed that she told her mom about me.

Things started getting a bit more serious, emotions started getting involved on both sides, and she started pushing away and it caused a fight between the 2 of us. After I said some things to her during the fight, she came back around a few days later and completely apologized for everything that was going wrong between us, admitting she hadn't treated me right. She started telling me she wanted to see me, she wanted me to hold her, and that she made herself up to look extra cute for me to make up for how she'd been treating me. She started sending me some text messages that I didn't respond to right away, asking me what I was doing, and she started getting impatient when I didn't respond right away. She completely became the pursuer. When I finally saw her later that day, it was very emotional, and started to get rather intimate and now she's freaked out about it because during the moment of intimacy, I tried to kiss her. I haven't spoken to her but twice in the 2 weeks since then, once when she told me she now needed space and felt more distant, and once when I saw her after class and was trying to talk to her, but she stuck around long enough to say "I don't want to talk about all this right now" before she left.

Lot of people are telling me to give her time, because she's just dealing with her own issues right now and needs some space, but she'll come around. That was how I was treating it for a bit, but now my mindset has turned into I got too much other stuff to worry about than to be treated like a yo-yo by this girl. I have another girl who, admitedly I'm not nearly as into at the moment, but she's totally into me, and she is a very sweet girl and she is cute and she doesn't play games or bring the drama. I'm okay with "baggage", because frankly, we all have baggage and it's not the baggage that determines who you are as a person, and I do see a really great girl in her, but it's gotten to the point that she's letting her baggage now make her decisions for her, and I don't have time for that. She's flat out told me that she has feelings for me, and she sees me as a boyfriend, not friend, and constantly tells me she's happy with me, but I can't do anything with a girl who wants to push everything away cuz she's scared.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Not trying to be mean to ETM but

A lot of peoples lives are gonna be filled with horrible or meaningless moments and days that are wasted in a calender chock full of nothing.

You say you want to get it over with. You could take these meaningless chances as a "practice round". So when you finally meet somebody you like it won't feel as awkward to you.

Then again with it being your first kiss, I understand you not wanting it to have any value once so ever.

Just ponder it over some more.

My first "real" kiss (I'm not talking about a peck on the lips, cuz I was doing that back in high school) was with a drunken friend at a bar one night after we went out for drinks, she got drunk and we ended up making out.

It really doesn't bother me that much that my first kiss wasn't with the girl of my dreams. It didn't take away from any of the magic that was the first kiss that I shared with a girl that I was in love with.

I used to think that a kiss was something chalk full of emotion, and had to be "special", but now that I'm older, and have had a little bit more experience, I've realized that sometimes a kiss is something special and magical, and sometimes a kiss is just drunk people having fun at the bar or at a party.

I'd vote for "just get it over with"

 

[Erzengel]

My friend just went through what you were doing. She went on and on about loving him, etc. however she didn't want to be in a committed relationship with him. He ended up moving on.

There's only so much chasing you can do before you just give up.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

My friend just went through what you were doing. She went on and on about loving him, etc. however she didn't want to be in a committed relationship with him. He ended up moving on.

There's only so much chasing you can do before you just give up.

Pretty much. It sucks cuz this girl and I really cared for each other, but one of my good friends put it best - "You can't change free will"

It's still recent enough and fresh enough on my mind that the emotions are still there, and I want nothing more than for her to come around and for her and I to put all this crap behind us and start up the relationship that we both want, but at the same time I know that there's only so much that I can do, and I've done all that I can do and at some point you just gotta let go.

I just thought it was a little bit ironic that she has this thing on her Facebook saying "She will chase you around for awhile, but there's going to come a day when she's going to stop running circles around you. She's gonna get over you and it will be at that very moment you're going to wish you had let her catch you" When I saw that the other day, I couldn't help but chuckle a little bit.

 

[AndThePickles]

Take what you can get.

Haha

Honestly, your first kiss in general really shouldn't be that big of a deal. It's your first kiss with the one you end up falling in love with that is the most special. Hell, that's the only "first kiss" with anyone that stays in my memory is my first kiss with Spoons.

Your first kiss will likely be awkward. And I'm going to be blunt here: any woman you kiss will have expected that a man your age has already had plenty of practice. So...it may be less embarrassing if it's with a woman you won't be seeing often.

 

[Erzengel]

Also, I know this is going to sound chauvinistic but if you are doing this dog and pony show and haven't even kissed her yet, it's time to punch out.

How emotionally invested can you really be with a small level of physical intimacy?

 

[enterthemadness]

Looks like my first kiss may have to come drunk then. I'm just more lose and relaxed. Hell, I don't like hugging people, but I was hugging the female bartender. And yes, I was asking for hugs. And high fives. Had 5 beers I paid for...bug light can, bottle of bud light lime, 3 budweiser, then stole a shot from my friend having the bday, then somehow got anthor shot for free.

Make fun of me...I know I'm a lightweight. I can't even recall who gave me the second shot...people just told me to drink it. Nasty shots.

 

[Erzengel]

Actually I think it's worse that you asked for hugs as opposed to being a lightweight.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Also, I know this is going to sound chauvinistic but if you are doing this dog and pony show and haven't even kissed her yet, it's time to punch out.

How emotionally invested can you really be with a small level of physical intimacy?

You'd be surprised. There's been physical intimacy, and we have had a lot of moments together, and I have kissed her before, lots of kisses on the forehead, cheek, stuff like that. And she never once acted like anything was wrong - until I tried to really kiss her and now she's all flipped out.

Your point still remains valid tho - at some point it's time to call it a day, and I have reached that point.

 

[Erzengel]

My definition of physical intimacy is a little less after school special than that.

 

[enterthemadness]

Actually I think it's worse that you asked for hugs as opposed to being a lightweight.

Eh, maybe. Hopefully next time I get drunk...I'm more...reserved. It's fun being a fun goofy drunk...but I was too lose.

 

[Erzengel]

I'm more outgoing when I'm drunk. Have a couple to relax. Don't get s't faced and make an ass of yourself.

 

[Hound55]

Two light beers and three regular strength American beers..?

OK, you're a lightweight...

And I'm with Erz... take what you can get. Not about the punching out bit though, because I'm still trying to play the sensitive guy and make all the girls go "Awwwwwwww" before I do the impossible and scramble out of the friendzone.

So Pickles, how're you and Spoons going?

*SLAP*

Still good, huh? Tell him I said "Hi".

Anita?

*Knee to testicles*

In my country we tend to just say "No thanks" but fair enough...

*Limps over to Henchy standing with Drakon*

*Drakon shakes head in contempt, Henchy looks horrified*

OK then... Good to know where we stand...

 

[enterthemadness]

Was that joke aimed at me? And I weigh 120 or so. At 5'5.

 

[Anita18]

Two light beers and three regular strength American beers..?

OK, you're a lightweight...

And I'm with Erz... take what you can get. Not about the punching out bit though, because I'm still trying to play the sensitive guy and make all the girls go "Awwwwwwww" before I do the impossible and scramble out of the friendzone.

So Pickles, how're you and Spoons going?

*SLAP*

Still good, huh? Tell him I said "Hi".

Anita?

*Knee to testicles*

In my country we tend to just say "No thanks" but fair enough...

*Limps over to Henchy standing with Drakon*

*Drakon shakes head in contempt, Henchy looks horrified*

OK then... Good to know where we stand...

I'm not sure exactly what the point of this was, but I ed all the same.

Speaking of lightweight, my sister puked on her friend's carpet (and again in her bf's bathroom) after having a glass of red wine and a glass of champagne together in the span of about four hours.

 

[Hound55]

No, that joke was about the state of American beer... and then it was a pisstake of a number of things which get talked about in recent pages here and my own self-depracating style of humour playing it out.

And I don't care about your height/weight...

 

[Hound55]

I'm not sure exactly what the point of this was, but I ed all the same.

The world needs laughter...

Mostly referencing the long line of friendzone posts and the "remaining friends with one side hoping that one day it might develop into more" which has appeared a few times as well, most recently with Pickles recent warning that guys generally hope for more.

Speaking of lightweight, my sister puked on her friend's carpet (and again in her bf's bathroom) after having a glass of red wine and a glass of champagne together in the span of about four hours.

Now THAT is a lightweight.

Never take that girl wine tasting...

 

[terry78]

I just walked into this thread after not visiting it for a couple months or so, and these last few posts...guess you had to be there.

 

[Anita18]

Now THAT is a lightweight.

Never take that girl wine tasting...

The sad part is that I'm probably even more lightweight than she is, because I've never had an entire glass of anything. And I weigh less than she does to boot.

It's probably better for everybody.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I guess I've heard the 'Let's just be friends' speech too many times, in which I tried to be a good friend, and she winds up hooking up with a friend of mine and totally ignoring me, afterwards. I've never had much luck with 'Just being friends', so whenever I hear that, I get on down the road.

As for 'He who cares the least', while it may be immature behavior, it does work, espically on self centered people. It makes people wonder what you have going on that's more interesting than they are. And it allows you to have the dignity to pursue your own life, without showing that you are pining for the person in question. AND, you just might find a different person that appriceates your independance.

I've found that most of the time you get the "Let's just be friends" speech is when you've waited too long to make that first move. Within a the first or second date you've got to make a move, hold her hand, kiss her, something that shows this isn't just friends hanging out. It may be "scary", but you've gotta get over that because the scarier thing is having to hear her talk about the guy who did make the move that now gets to see her naked.

 

[Erzengel]

A lot of people think the "friend" route is the way to go but yeah, if you aren't "in" by the 2nd or 3rd date, then walk away.

 

[LOBO3315a]

LOL, I got the 'let's just be friends' when I was asking them out on the first date.....

 

[Frodo]

Yeah the friend route really isn't the way to go because women tend to put men in catagories fairly quickly ,so you're either in the potential mate box or the friend box. Guys don't put women in those boxes and are far more open to being with a friend then women are I think ,On the other hand , I think women are far more likely to stay friends with a guy they like, even if they can't be a couple, then guys will given the same situation.

The thing is I think guy/girl friends tend to fall for the other over time , so while you may not have wanted her when you've met over time you begin to become interested in something more, and by that time it's too late.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

LOL, I got the 'let's just be friends' when I was asking them out on the first date.....

Yeah, but were you being friendly with them before. They've a very limited timeframe between meeting a girl and asking her out that you have to stay out of the friend zone. You have to establish that you're interested in her as a girl rather than a friend quickly, most guys that complain about being put in the friendzone usually try to show interest as a friend first, then move onto being interested in her as a girl. Which doesn't work.

Yeah the friend route really isn't the way to go because women tend to put men in catagories fairly quickly ,so you're either in the potential mate box or the friend box. Guys don't put women in those boxes and are far more open to being with a friend then women are I think ,On the other hand , I think women are far more likely to stay friends with a guy they like, even if they can't be a couple, then guys will given the same situation.

The thing is I think guy/girl friends tend to fall for the other over time , so while you may not have wanted her when you've met over time you begin to become interested in something more, and by that time it's too late.

Like How I Met Your Mother's Mermaid Theory from last night. She may be a manatee at first, but before you know it she'll become a mermaid. Although it's usually when she's the only girl you're talking to at the time. I've had it happen to me, develop feelings for a girl I saw as just a friend, I realized what it was though and was able to change my thinking.

 

[Frodo]

I think everyone at one time or another has liked a friend. The sexes may handle the situations in different ways but basically, its pretty common . Hell it even happens when one or both of the friends are in relationships.