*Official* Relationship Advice Thread Strikes Back

[Asteroid-Man]

Well if you're not dating and it seems pointless, then don't bother wasting your time - if you force it you'll just seem creepy and clingy.


And as much as you say you're over it, the mere fact that you're doubting your decision means you still care for her - even if you refuse to acknowledge it.

 

[scatterax]

Wow, so much more simple than i thought it would be. lol. nice to know i made the right dicision.

And yes, i do care for her, but not at all in that way. the dang girl has to wear a heart moniter now. u'd have to be the grinch not to care.

 

[Asteroid-Man]

Glad I could help.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Well the good news is, my problem no longer seems to be attracting the girl.

The bad news is, now my problem is outside issues keeping me and the girl from being together despite mutual feelings.

 

[AndThePickles]

There was an interesting article on CNN today about some new relationship book that's out...I only skimmed, but the focus was on making sure that you yourself are "the one," as opposed to searching for "the one." Point being that if you make sure that you are a good catch, you won't have to search

 

[Anita18]

There was an interesting article on CNN today about some new relationship book that's out...I only skimmed, but the focus was on making sure that you yourself are "the one," as opposed to searching for "the one." Point being that if you make sure that you are a good catch, you won't have to search

My mom, after I chatted with her about being patient around my bf being fickle about seemingly everything but me, said, "Tell him he won't ever find a better girlfriend than you. " Complete with smiley face.

But the patience goes both ways since I was sick for a long time and we couldn't go out to eat for months. That and I like to take loooong showers.

We just spent 8 straight days together on a trip and it went very well! I probably even wouldn't have noticed that we spent so much time together continuously until he pointed it out after we got home from the airport.

I think patience is a real key there. People will do what they do and be the paradoxes they are, and so you're only responsible for your own happiness. I've always verbalized to him the option to leave someplace and pick me up later when I want to stay, so it's really not my problem anymore if he decides to stay and mope. Our relationship and my parents' relationship is very similar in that respect.

 

[Anita18]

Well the good news is, my problem no longer seems to be attracting the girl.

The bad news is, now my problem is outside issues keeping me and the girl from being together despite mutual feelings.

What could such outside issues possibly be? Unless your families are threatening to stone you for being in a relationship with each other, everything else is small potatoes.

 

[Hound55]

That and I like to take loooong showers.

Long showers are one of the greatest things in life.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

So, about a year ago I had a crush on this girl I've known for most of my life and who is about a year younger than me. But i gave up all hope after 2 weeks when I found out her older sister, whom is a couple months younger than me, and whom i have also known my whole life, had been convinced by her at the time new friends that I was creepy. Did I give up too soon? or would it've actually been creepy for me to try and win her over dispite what her older sis and friends were saying?

A little piece of advice: 9 out of 10 people probably think you're a pathetic a**hole. Don't sweat it. You don't need their approval, and you're better off with the other 10% anyways. Sounds like you two get along, and even if you are creepy, maybe she likes creepy guys...so don't worry about it.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

What could such outside issues possibly be? Unless your families are threatening to stone you for being in a relationship with each other, everything else is small potatoes.

A girl with absolutely zero self worth who got abandoned by the father of her baby and is afraid of giving into her feelings.

Sucks, her and I were getting on really well and on the cusp of something.

Oh well, hurts right now, but I'll be okay. I have another date with a different girl lined up for this weekend.

 

[LOBO3315a]

You don't want a woman with no self-worth. Trust me I lived with one for 13 years. It will only come back to haunt you.

 

[LOBO3315a]

You don't want a woman with no self-worth. Trust me I lived with one for 13 years. It will only come back to haunt you.

 

[BlackLantern]

yup

 

[AndThePickles]

Nell, I am SO so so proud of you for recognizing that it was a bad situation and moving on (and already having another date!) You've come a long way!

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Nell, I am SO so so proud of you for recognizing that it was a bad situation and moving on (and already having another date!) You've come a long way!

Thanks

Like I said, it hurts right now. I knew there was baggage, but she always came off as such a strong girl, and that the issues she was facing, while difficult, only made her stronger. It did make it difficult for us to progress the relationship, but it was progressing, just slowly. And we had a couple particular moments together that really showed that there was something there.

But now she's decided to run. She's said that there are feelings there, but she's starting to run from it. And when I ask her about it, she won't talk about it. She constantly talks about how great I am and how happy I make her, but now all of a sudden says we can't be together. She says she didn't always feel that way, but that something with her has changed, and she won't talk to me about it.

Well, she knows how I feel, and that's all I can do. If she doesn't appreciate it, no point in sticking around. It does hurt now, but I'll be fine. Yea there's that part of me that wants her to come back around, and for her and I to make things work, but I know that you can't force things to happen. The way I'm (trying to) look at it is that she had her shot, and now there are other girls who want theirs. I was there for her when nobody else was, and I gave her everything of myself, and if she doesn't appreciate it, then it's time to move on to someone that will. I'll be okay either way, she's the one that's going to have to deal with having run off a good man. /rant

 

[LOBO3315a]

Not to rain on your parade, but she probably has another guy she's more interested in.

Otherwise there would be no need for her to turn down a good relationship, bug-a-boos in her head not withstanding.

 

[AndThePickles]

I agree, Lobo.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Not to rain on your parade, but she probably has another guy she's more interested in.

Otherwise there would be no need for her to turn down a good relationship, bug-a-boos in her head not withstanding.

It's entirely possible. I've discussed the matter of her ex with her on multiple occasions, and the response has always been that she's done with him. He abandoned her after she got pregnant, and has never been there for her or the baby.

I suppose there can be other guys too. I don't think there are, but at this point, anything is possible. The last time we talked, when she told me we can't be together, was her telling me she doesn't want to be with anyone, she wants herself and her son, and that's it. Then she started talking about how "a lot" has changed (with her), that she's not the girl I first met anymore, and I don't need her in my life. She won't talk about what the "a lot" is that's changed, she only acknowledges that feelings are involved (and that they only complicate matters) and this isn't always how she wanted it to end.

 

[AndThePickles]

It's entirely possible. I've discussed the matter of her ex with her on multiple occasions, and the response has always been that she's done with him. He abandoned her after she got pregnant, and has never been there for her or the baby.

I suppose there can be other guys too. I don't think there are, but at this point, anything is possible. The last time we talked, when she told me we can't be together, was her telling me she doesn't want to be with anyone, she wants herself and her son, and that's it. Then she started talking about how "a lot" has changed (with her), that she's not the girl I first met anymore, and I don't need her in my life. She won't talk about what the "a lot" is that's changed, she only acknowledges that feelings are involved (and that they only complicate matters) and this isn't always how she wanted it to end.

Sorry, but in regards to the bold - I call total b.s.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Sorry, but in regards to the bold - I call total b.s.

Maybe. And honestly, thinking about how her and I got on that conversation to being with, I could see where LOBO could be totally correct about another guy.

 

[LOBO3315a]

I credit my knowledge of women based on many years of listening to Lex and Terry. While they may be crude, obnoxious, and damned funny, their relationship advice is usually spot on.

Oh, and my 13 years of single-handedly trying to 'fix' someone with no self esteem.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I credit my knowledge of women based on many years of listening to Lex and Terry. While they may be crude, obnoxious, and damned funny, their relationship advice is usually spot on.

Oh, and my 13 years of single-handedly trying to 'fix' someone with no self esteem.

Never heard of Lex and Terry.

And now, I'm dreading class today. She's been talking about how she's just gonna stop coming to class, due to the fact that she's got all this crap going on in her life, and she's not even going to continue at this school next semester (going to a tech school), and she hasn't been showing up, and even when she does skipping other classes due to being "too stressful", but now she texts me telling me she's gonna be there today.

 

[LOBO3315a]

Google them. If you watch the live broadcast, or download the podcasts, you'll get a feel for them. Rarely are they wrong when it comes to motivations of the femenine psyche. Things that utterly confuse us guys, they are able to break down and simplify. That and they fart on the air a lot.

Hmm, if it were me, I'd block her texts, or ignore them. He who cares the least, generally wins. Might make you more intreaguing to her.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I guess that's what I'm trying to figure out. A part of me expected (and hoped) that this was just gonna be the end, I wasn't gonna hear from her anymore, and I wasn't gonna see her anymore, and in the end, one of 2 things was going to happen: 1. She was truly done with me, and that was just gonna be it, and I could move on or 2. She just needed time to "figure herself out", and she'd eventually come around and we could pick up where we left off.

By seeing her, I'm not sure exactly how to show like I "don't care" (even though I do, lol). If I stay and talk to her, like we typically would always do, or walk with her to her car to say goodbye, it shows that I still care, and still want to be around her, but if I just ignore her and leave her be, it shows that her actions got to me and have hurt me.

And it's funny that you mention your 13 year marriage of trying to fix the girl with no self esteem - I had a buddy staying with me for a couple weeks after his wife up and left him out of nowhere, so we talked about his marriage, and my issues with this girl. I talked to him last night to catch him up on what's been going on, and he compared my situation to his marriage - the feelings are there but the girl is a runner, and when she doesn't have the self esteem in herself, and can't face up to the situations in her life, there's nothing that anyone can do for her, that no guy will truly be able to get into her heart.

I might have to check out Lex and Terry sometime though.

 

[enterthemadness]

I credit my knowledge of women based on many years of listening to Lex and Terry. While they may be crude, obnoxious, and damned funny, their relationship advice is usually spot on.

Oh, and my 13 years of single-handedly trying to 'fix' someone with no self esteem.

t:t: OMG I LUV LOVE LEX AND TERRY!!!!!!!! I even have iphone app, always try to listen to them. I keep trying to get them to come out to Eastern NC for a fan and greet weekend thing. But alas, nothing yet. They be in the mounatins next month in NC.

Nell, Lex and Terry is a nationally radio morning show. You can watch them on their site or ustream page, or listen to them on iphone and android apps, iheartradio app as well. It's basically...magically.