Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America

[hippy fascist]

unlike england, however, we have a freedom of speech. so you can be offended all you want. and why would you want to take australia? it's like Britain's closet full of stuff they don't want

ROFL

Yeah because freedom of speech can really exist in a country where the christian right are basically in charge...umm...okay

 

[cryptic name]

ROFL

Yeah because freedom of speech can really exist in a country where the christian right are basically in charge...umm...okay

there is no God, and Jesus was just a man. well, i just said that on a public forum, and unless I'm mistaken, no one will be coming to my house to arrest me for it.

 

[mightiest_mortal]

so who votes we all just team up with Russia and China and get America to quit pissing everyone else off?

 

[Dark Carnage]

Where do you get all this warm beer bull****? My Dad keeps all his cans in the fridge.

 

[hippy fascist]

America takes a piss, Brittian gets a mop, America takes a dump, Britain hands us some extra toliet paper, you Britts are like our Alfred Pennyworth, the LOL fact that hes also a britt has not been lost upon me.

http://www.spellcheck.net/

 

[Eros]

ROFL

Yeah because freedom of speech can really exist in a country where the christian right are basically in charge...umm...okay

Funny thing is 71 percent of the population in England is christian, and Im pretty sure they control that country like the bloody Queen use to.

 

[hippy fascist]

there is no God, and Jesus was just a man. well, i just said that on a public forum, and unless I'm mistaken, no one will be coming to my house to arrest me for it.

but if the hype was a tv show you would have just caused it's cancellation

 

[Eros]

but if the hype was a tv show you would have just caused it's cancellation

You have mistaken america for England again, unlike like the England, America doesn't just consist of uptight old white people, who talk like a 18th century novel[Like England].

 

[cryptic name]

but if the hype was a tv show you would have just caused it's cancellation

i severely doubt that.
anyway, none of this really matters. the reptillians are the ones with the real control

 

[hippy fascist]

Funny thing is 71 percent of the population in England is christian, and Im pretty sure they control that country like the bloody Queen use to.

what part of christian RIGHT did you fail to comprehend?

 

[Victarion]

Tea is for pansys!

Take that, you rutting Brits!

 

[hippy fascist]

You have mistaken america for England again, unlike like the England, America doesn't just consist of uptight old white people, who talk like a 18th century novel[Like England].

when someone makes a post this stupid you have to ask yourself a question

does the poster simply have downs syndrome or were ma & pa eros related?

 

[Eros]

when someone makes a post this stupid you have to ask yourself a question

does the poster simply have downs syndrome or were ma & pa eros related?

As opposed to your "petition to revoke the independence of the united states" post/thread. serously are you joking with this thread, because if not this is just sad[really sad].

 

[Victarion]

I think he was just joking...

Otherwise I smell another revolution.

 

[C. Lee]

 

[mightiest_mortal]

Funny thing is 71 percent of the population in England is christian, and Im pretty sure they control that country like the bloody Queen use to.

u need to update your statistics. Only 53% here arre christians, and 40% say they have no religion at all.

 

[cryptic name]

and if you question my assertion that there's no god... ^ there it is

 

[hippy fascist]

 

[Calvin]

It's so odd, for a 50 year old woman, she's pretty damn good looking. However she's an evil commie ***** and she's incredibly ignorant of what happens outside of France. I'm so conflicted

Considering that the alternative is a racist version of Bush, I'm not as conflicted.

 

[Eros]

I think he was just joking...

Otherwise I smell another revolution.

England isn't that dumb.

 

[Victarion]

How do we know what those tea-sipping yahoos are up too?

 

[jks]

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair MP, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

The House of Representatives and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.

You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

Look up "interspersed."

There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).

You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.

While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. Popular British films such as the Italian Job and the Wicker Man should never be remade.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football." There are other types of football such as Rugby, Aussie Rules & Gaelic football. However proper football - which will no longer be known as soccer, is the best known, most loved and most popular. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).

We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2008.

You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of North America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. The 4th of July is no longer a public holiday. The 2nd of November will be a new national holiday, but only in Britain. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager . From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From the 10th of November the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until the 1st of April) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon -- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.

Memo to john cleese:

It's not the 70's anymore, this isn't holy grail, you're not funny in anything but that. Thanks for tryin, but you phail.

 

[Halcohol]

As a member of the country that's pretty much half British and half American, I think I'm uniquely qualified to make the following statements:

This is a stupid argument. The USA and the UK are on the same side.

The USA is like the child that has grown up, had a falling out with his dad, and gone on to be the most successful businessman in the city. Of course, he thinks his success makes up for his lack of a personality, his arrogance, and his selfishness. He drives an H3 and parks on peoples' lawns, simply because he can. Oh, and he has the tendency to pull a gun and mug people on the street if they have something he wants.

Then there's the father, a semi-retired middle-aged man who's past his prime. He longs for the good old days and doesn't understand why his son won't come back to ask him for advice every now and again. He's dreading the day his son finally gives up and puts him in a home, but until that day he's going to continue to think he still has a say in what his friends, family, and neighbours do.

That's what I think.

 

[Watchman]

 

[Eros]

As a member of the country that's pretty much half British and half American, I think I'm uniquely qualified to make the following statements:

This is a stupid argument. The USA and the UK are on the same side.

The USA is like the child that has grown up, had a falling out with his dad, and gone on to be the most successful businessman in the city. Of course, he thinks his success makes up for his lack of a personality, his arrogance, and his selfishness. He drives an H3 and parks on peoples' lawns, simply because he can. Oh, and he has the tendency to pull a gun and mug people on the street if they have something he wants.

Then there's the father, a semi-retired middle-aged man who's past his prime. He longs for the good old days and doesn't understand why his son won't come back to ask him for advice every now and again. He's dreading the day his son finally gives up and puts him in a home, but until that day he's going to continue to think he still has a say in what his friends, family, and neighbours do.

That's what I think.

Really Really Cool analogy dude , unlike Fascist you don't sound like a hypocrite.