Rate the joke above yours thread

[Bnightwing]

Put the joke in spoiler tags and just after you rate it put another joke down\

Spoiler

An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, "7 points!"

His wife looked at him and said, "What the hell are you doing?"

He simply replied, "Just playing bed football."

Ten minutes later the wife let a loud one and said, "Tie game - 7,7."

The husband's competitive side kicked in and he started starting straining... when suddenly he crapped his pants! His wife looks over and said, "Now what's the score?"

He said, "Still 7,7. End of quarter switch sides!!!""

 

[Poetic Chaos]

Put the joke in spoiler tags and just after you rate it put another joke down\

Spoiler

A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final. Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST."

So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn't exist, except for one student. He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final in to the astonishment of his peers.

Time goes by, and the day comes when all the students get their final grades ... and to the amazment of the class, the student who wrote for thirty seconds gets the highest grade in the class.

His answer to the question: "What chair?"

I chuckled 8/10

What do 9/10 people enjoy?

Spoiler

Gang Rape

 

[Prison Mike]

8/10. I like that one!

Spoiler

What's an atheist's favorite Christmas movie?

Coincidence on 34th Street.

 

[Alex The Great]

lol.

A man comes into George Bush's Office
Man: Mister Preident.
GWB: Yeah?
Man: Brazillion Soldiers were killed today in Iraq.
GWB: By god, that's terrible.
Man: ...........
GWB: How Much is a brazillion?

 

[Captain_BluTac]

LOL 8/10

Spoiler

Q. What's pink and tough?
A. A pig with a flick knife.

 

[Mr. Credible]

lol.

A man comes into George Bush's Office
Man: Mister Preident.
GWB: Yeah?
Man: Brazillion Soldiers were killed today in Iraq.
GWB: By god, that's terrible.
Man: ...........
GWB: How Much is a brazillion?

lol, i've heard that one before. good stuff. 8/10

Spoiler

a man walks into work one day and his boss pulls him aside and tells him that they're trying to cut costs, and tells him to lay off one of his employees.

the man can't decide who to fire, so he decides to fire the person who shows up late and heads straight to the water cooler, since he figures that person is most likely hungover.

his employees jack and sarah are both late, and both head straight for the water cooler. so, he pulls sarah aside, and tells her "sarah, i have bad news... i either need to lay you or jack off."

sarah replies "well, could you just jack off, then? i'm really hungover today."

 

[SuBe]

10/10 That's pretty good.

Spoiler

Swiming along in the Ocean were two giant whales.
One was male, the other was female.
They swam along, talking about all the whale stuff that whales usually talk about, you know, about plankton and stuff, when a whaling vessel went by.
At first both were afraid and tried to swim away, when the male whale just stopped cold. The Female whale, happy they got away, looked at him and ask what's wrong?
He said, "Hey! That ship, those were the hunters that killed my dad and brother! I remember the name of the ship!"
She said, "What should we do?"
He said "Let's go back and use our blow holes and tip over the boat!"
She though about it for a moment and then, reluctanly agreed.
They swam back, used all the force they could muster and actually tipped the boat over using their Blow Holes.
The Sailors, now afraid and in the water, started to swim ashore.
The Male Whale, not content with what happened, got another idea. "Hey! Before all those Sailors get to shore, let's gooble them up! They deserve it!"
When the Female Whale looked him right in the eye and said "I was up for the Blow Job, but I'm not going to shallow any seamen!"

 

[Manic]

10/10 That's pretty good.

Spoiler

Swiming along in the Ocean were two giant whales.
One was male, the other was female.
They swam along, talking about all the whale stuff that whales usually talk about, you know, about plankton and stuff, when a whaling vessel went by.
At first both were afraid and tried to swim away, when the male whale just stopped cold. The Female whale, happy they got away, looked at him and ask what's wrong?
He said, "Hey! That ship, those were the hunters that killed my dad and brother! I remember the name of the ship!"
She said, "What should we do?"
He said "Let's go back and use our blow holes and tip over the boat!"
She though about it for a moment and then, reluctanly agreed.
They swam back, used all the force they could muster and actually tipped the boat over using their Blow Holes.
The Sailors, now afraid and in the water, started to swim ashore.
The Male Whale, not content with what happened, got another idea. "Hey! Before all those Sailors get to shore, let's gooble them up! They deserve it!"
When the Female Whale looked him right in the eye and said "I was up for the Blow Job, but I'm not going to shallow any seamen!"

8/10. Solid joke.

Spoiler

A chicken is lying in bed next to an egg, smoking a cigarette. The chicken says, "Well, I guess we know which came first."

 

[Prison Mike]

lol 8/10

Spoiler

- Why dwarfs laugh while they play the soccer?
- Because the grass tickles their balls!

 

[Bnightwing]

7/10
lol

Spoiler

-What is a trees favorite drink?
Root Beer

 

[spike spiegel]

7/10 ahahahaha...

Spoiler

Have you ever heard of the forgetful house painter who was painting his house on a ladder? He stepped back to admire to his work.

 

[the_ultimate_evil]

5/10

Spoiler

A dog is truly a man's best friend, want proof? ok lock your dog and your wife in the boot of your car, wait an hour or so and then come back and open the boot. guess which one is more pleased to see you

 

[Untilteld]

Ha ha. 7/10

Spoiler

Where would a horse live if it were human? A neighhhhhbourhood

 

[AlteredEgo]

5/10

Spoiler

A dog is truly a man's best friend, want proof? ok lock your dog and your wife in the boot of your car, wait an hour or so and then come back and open the boot. guess which one is more pleased to see you

haha 8/10

Spoiler

Q: A tampax and a kotex walk by eachother on the street, which one says "Hi" first?
A: Neither, they're both stuck up b*tches. Badump-tsh!

 

[Bnightwing]

lol 8/10

Spoiler

A man walks up to a woman and asks if he can touch her boobs and of course the woman said no,then the man replied with he would pay 100 dollars to touch her boobs, and yet the woman still said no. The man then said he would pay a sum of 1000 dollars just to this beautiful womans breasts and yet again she said no.For the last time the man said he would pay 10,000 dollars to touch this womans boobs and she agreed and told the man to follow her in the ally.She lifted her shirt and these was the most amazing boobs this man has ever seen and she asked if he was gonna touch them and then the man replied with "No thanks they are too expensive"