Sorry, wrong number

[Immortalfire]

Ever got a call on the phone that was just weird? Sure you have. Sadly I must admit, I've never gotten of those really weird, funny WTF calls. I did get this one the other week.

Me: Hello?
Guy: Is Al there?
Me: No sir, I think you've got the wrong number.
Guy: Al's not there?
Me: No, you have the wrong number.
Guy: Alright *hangs up*

The next day, I swear...

Me: Hello?
Guy: Is Al there?
Me: *heavy sigh* No, you've got the wrong number.
Guy: Al?
Me: There is NO AL AT THIS NUMBER!
Guy: Alright fine *hangs up*

I haven't heard back from him.

 

[The Spawn]

Is your phone new?

 

[Immortalfire]

Is your phone new?

No.

 

[Peacekeeper 2.0]

"Hello?"
"*inaudible mumbling*"
"...Hello is someone there?"
"Fifty three. And if it's not slippery enough there's always a drugstore down the street. Heyo!"
"...what?"
"*hangs up*"


True story.

 

[DOG LIPS]

This one happened a week ago:

Me: Yellow?
Girl: Hi Jason, the meeting has been changed to 3pm.
Me: Oh, sorry, you have the wrong number.
Girl: Don't be an ass, J. Just be there on time.
Me: Seriously, you have the wrong number. That's not my name, and I don't do meetings.
Girl: *Laughs* Sorry! *Hangs up*

I'm sure the guy was late for his meeting. She sounded hot, too.

 

[The Spawn]

Oh...usually with new numbers you'd get that a lot.

 

[Danger Mouse]

Lady: "Hello."
Guy on the other end: *heavy breathing*
Lady: "Hello? Who is this?"
Guy on the other end: *heavy breathing and moans*
Lady: "Listen, I can't understand a word you're saying over the heavy breathing and moaning. Why don't you come over?"

 

[The Spawn]

http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&sort=funnymtd&head=1&thread_id=62969

 

[Immortalfire]

This one happened a week ago:

Me: Yellow?
Girl: Hi Jason, the meeting has been changed to 3pm.
Me: Oh, sorry, you have the wrong number.
Girl: Don't be an ass, J. Just be there on time.
Me: Seriously, you have the wrong number. That's not my name, and I don't do meetings.
Girl: *Laughs* Sorry! *Hangs up*

I'm sure the guy was late for his meeting. She sounded hot, too.

She called you an ass. She so wanted you.

 

[Mee]

Pretty sure I made a thread about it, but I got a collect call once from a correctional facility in Miami, some creepy sounding dude "looking for his kin." I ended up just hanging up on him.

 

[DOG LIPS]

She called you an ass. She so wanted you.

Totally.

 

[Immortalfire]

This happened once to me...

Me: Hello?
Woman: Hey how are ya, when can I pick up my deer head?
Me: What?
Woman: You know, my hubby brought it in last week.
Me: I think you have the wrong number.
Woman: Is this the taxidermist?
Me: No.
Woman: OMG! I'm so sorry! *hangs up*

 

[terry78]

If you've had the number for a while and someone repeatedly calls asking for someone else, either they're missing a number, or someone got your number somehow and gave it to a person they didn't want to keep in touch with. A dude constantly called my cell for about a month and basically told me that I have the same number as his friend, which is impossible.

 

[Immortalfire]

A buddy and his wife got this one not long ago, talk about a laugh riot. They won't mind me sharing it.

Friend's Wife: Hello
Lady with thick Oriental accent- Hey baby what you are wearing?
FW: Pardon me?
LWTOA: Don't you say no pardon me baby. You get over here and spank me I not wearing no panties baby.
FW: *silence*
LWTOA: Come on baby I am waiting for you I not wearing no panties baby spank me I am so hot for you.
Friend's Wife: I am absolutely certain you have the wrong number.
LWTOA: Oh man. Oh man. Oh man. Oh man. Oh sorry sorry so sorry. *hangs up*

They told me this, I was gasping for air.

 

[terry78]

^I would've continued the conversation ad nauseum.

 

[Alpha and Omega]

Around or close to the time before last Christmas, some poor elderly couple apparently misdialed and left an extremely long voice-mail for their grandson on my phone. They wished him a happy birthday(I guess his coincided with that holiday season) and it was funny because they were telling him to use his head in life, learn to appreciate other people, and to remember what they had discussed about safe sex.

Wtf? Who would talk with their grandparents about that? Lol.

 

[jaguarr]

When I first got my number about 7 years ago, I quickly discovered that the people who had it before me skipped out on a bunch of creditors. I had skip tracers from half the credit card companies and debt recovery services in the company calling me. I would tell them over and over that I didn't know these people, that I had just gotten the number and please stop calling me. They'd always keep pressing for information about the people who had the number before I did, anyway, and always wound up calling back because they thought I was hiding something or trying to cover up for the people they were looking for. We're talking anywhere from a minimum of 8 to as many as 20 different phone calls in an evening from these vultures. I finally got so fed up that just being honest with them wasn't working that I finally started telling them that the people they were looking for died in a horrible automobile accident just a couple months ago and I'd act all upset. I'd then give them the number for the lawyer that was handling the estate. That lawyer's number was always for that Ronnie Deutsch lawyer lady on television that does bankruptcy cases out of Chicago, only I'd tell the creditors that the lawyer's name was Ronald Dutch. LOL! It took about three years to finally get all those people to stop calling me using this tactic, but it worked. Every now and again I still get a call from the people who had the number before I did. If I ever meet them I'm going to stab them both in the stomach with a butcher knife.

jag

 

[Flash-er]

Oh, how about this one...

Collection Agency: Hi. I'm trying to get a hold of Jen.
Me: You're about the 10th person to call me for her. I've just moved into this place and I've never heard of her. Please remove me from whatever list you have.
CA: Well sir, this is the number we have down for her.
Me: I don't see how that could be since I've had this number for 4 yrs and I've never heard of her. The only way you could have this number in your records is if you had this address for her, and did some kind of search to find out what the current number for this place is. You need to remove this number from your records because I'm tired of getting calls for someone I've never met.
CA: You couldn't have had this number for that long because it's what we have for her. If you want us to stop calling, you're going to have to call your phone service to have it removed because that's not our responsiblility.
Me: YOU'RE the ones bothering me for something I have no idea about. YOU'VE got the wrong number on YOUR list. Give me your supervisor.
CA: Just a moment.

*we get disconnected*

 

[jaguarr]

The other thing that works really well with phone solicitors and creditors looking for someone else who won't stop calling is to let them get a few sentences into their schpiel and then say "Oh! Can you hold on for just one moment!?". They'll always say "Sure!". Put the phone down and just leave it like that. Or, put it down while they're still talking and let them go on and on all they want. All those people are paid and promoted by their statistics. If you waste their time like that, eventually they'll start taking you out of the automated call queues because you will kill their stats and they'll get into trouble with their employers.

jag

 

[Dew k. Mosi]

I got a call at the Comic Shop once.

Me: Dj's Universal Comics.
Caller: whisper whisper
Me: I'm sorry, sir, I can't hear you.
Caller: Do you sell whisper whisper?
Me: I'm having trouble hearing you still, sir. This is a comic book store. Are you looking for a specific comic?
Caller: Do you sell adult comics?
Me: Oooooh, you mean like hentai?
Caller: Bondage Fairies.
Me: Oh, no sir, we don't. But Meltdown in Hollywood does. Want me to give you the number?
Caller: No I can't write it down. Mother might find it. I'll look it up. Thank you.

Seriously, if you are going to buy dirty books, and you are too embarassed to speak out loud, you aren't ready for the dirty books.

 

[jaguarr]

Norman Bates likes bondage fairies?

jag

 

[Dew k. Mosi]

Norman Bates likes bondage fairies?

jag

That was my thought too

 

[The Shredder]

I once had a number that was one number off from a local Target's number. Obviously I got alot of phone calls from people thinking they were dialing Target. And it didnt take too long for me to change the number again.

 

[Dew k. Mosi]

For the past 5 years we've gotten calls for Charles and Deanna Cox. Turns out Charles was a town councilman so he is on all the charity and lobbying lists. God knows where they are now.

 

[imaperson2]

I once got a phone call from this girl that said she was from the "Bloods" and that she was gonna beat the crap out of me i wish i remembered the dialogue but it was kind of a while ago. i also got some call from this oriental lady asking if i had green vagina