Spidey's Wisecracks... SUGGESTIONS

[Christopher Nolan]

@ bbf2
Good Job.

 

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Spider-Man 1:

(Peter rushes outside to see that Uncle Ben has been shot)
Peter: Oh no! Somebody's killed Matlock!

Spider-Man: You have a knack for getting in trouble.
Mary Jane: You have a knack for saving my life. I think I have a superhero stalker.
Spider-Man: Don't flatter yourself, tubby.

Peter Parker: [relating to M.J. what he supposedly said to Spider-man] I said, um, Spider-man, I said, uh, the great thing about M.J. is when you look in her eyes, and she's looking back in yours, everything feels not quite normal, because you feel stronger, and weaker at the same time. You feel excited, and at the same time, terrified. The truth is you don't know what you feel, except you know what kind of man you want to be. It's as if you've reached the unreachable, and you weren't ready for it.
Mary Jane: You said that?
Peter Parker: Of course not. I told him you're a cheap **** who f*** anyone that pays attention to you.

Spider-Man 2:

Peter Parker: Um, I don't have time for girls right now.
Harry Osborn: What are you - dead?
Peter Parker: No, but that's how I like my women.

Peter Parker: Would you think about it?
Mary Jane Watson: Think about what?
Peter Parker: Picking up where we left off.
Mary Jane Watson: Where was that? We never got on. You can't get off if you don't get on Peter.
Peter Parker: Oh, trust me, I can DEFINATELY get off.

Mary Jane Watson: Peter I'm getting married.
Spider-Man: I've always imagined you getting you married on a hill top.
Mary Jane Watson: Who's the groom?
Spider-Man: Kevin Federline.

Harry Osborn: Now... lets see who's behind the mask
[pulls off mask and reveals Peter]
Harry Osborn: [stumbles backwards] No... it can't be!
Spider-Man: [gets up] Harry, where is he? You have to tell me where he is!
Harry Osborn: [pause] Peter... you killed my father.
Spider-Man: Yes, but not before I raped him. Just like I'm about to rape YOU!
Harry Osborn: WHAT?
Spider-Man: Just kidding. Where's MJ?

Spider-Man 3:

GG2: Peter, you killed my father. For that I can NEVER forgive you.
Spider-Man: And I can never forgive you for that outfit!

Aunt Carnage: Spider-Man! I'm going to rip out your spine and eat your spleen!
Spider-Man: Don't forget to put in new dentures first!

Sandman: Please help me, Spider-Man. My daughter is dying.
Spider-Man: That's not what she said last night!

Crazy + Funny = I love it.

 

[Infinity9999x]

Basically I think they should get Bendis to come on set and just write as many wisecracks as he can think of. I love what he writes in USM.

And agreed on the Cartoon Spidey, whenever I read spidey comics I hear his voice, albeit a younger sounding version in USM.

 

[shigsy2003]

Yep Chris Barnes is the ultimate Spidey. Actually he is the best voice to a character I have ever heard. Conroy was excellent for Batman I know, and yes Cullen was great at Prime, Erwin was a good He-Man and Welker was a fantastic Megatron...lest we forget Most being amazing as Eric BUT Barnes just does everything so well. Funny 'Sting of the Scorpion' (Thugs: "lets get him...its three against one" Spidey "as far as I'm concerned that means your out numbered) all the way to angry/sad as in 'Turning Point'.

Utterly fantastic.

 

[Amm-arD]

^^^bbf2 that was a good read! LOL

 

[3dman27]

indeed it was

 

[spider-neil]

the mainframe/mtv cgi spidey had some great lines

spidey (to kingpin) - 'am I going to fight your henchmen or did you EAT them already'

 

[3dman27]

mj"how do you like the black suit yo're using now?"
spidey "it has on thing in common with my original spidey suit"
mj"whats that?"
spidey "it would look BETTER on YOU"

 

[Christopher Nolan]

mj"how do you like the black suit yo're using now?"
spidey "it has on thing in common with my original spidey suit"
mj"whats that?"
spidey "it would look BETTER on YOU"

LOL

 

[Agent Thermal]

Ha, who knows, maybe this symbiote suit (since it supposedly brings out repressed feelings and general aggression) will bring out some WISECRACKS too, since they seem to be consistantly repressed by Peter.

 

[Eddie Brock]

Ha, who knows, maybe this symbiote suit (since it supposedly brings out repressed feelings and general aggression) will bring out some WISECRACKS too, since they seem to be consistantly repressed by Peter.

actually, it will probably do the exact opposite

 

[Agent Thermal]

Yeah, I know. I was just tryin' to spread some sarcastic optimism, I guess.

 

[Eddie Brock]

Yeah, I know. I was just tryin' to spread some sarcastic optimism, I guess.

don't we all wish things could be different..

 

[SpideredOut]

Aunt Carnage: Come give Auntie may a hug Peter.

Peter: Sorry I reserve all my hugs for my pet teddy bear at night.
______________________________________________________

*spider man sees sand man for the first time*

Spider-Man: Woah, cats must love you. Your like a walking, living litter box.

Sand-Man: I gotta pet Tarantula maybe you two can go out for a good time!

Spider-Man: Hey! Maybe we can!

________________________________________________________

*Spider-Man sees SuperMan*

Spider-Man: You know why I want to be you? So I can see what kind of colors panties MJ is wearing.

________________________________________________________

Harry: You killed my father!

Peter: No the glider killed your father.

Harry: You'll pay for this!

Peter: You can sue me but I'll never pay for that dented Glider!

 

[Eddie Brock]

Harry: Don't try to explain Pete, I know you killed my father!
Peter: Harry, I'll give you one warning, if you keep saying that, I WILL make a cheesy Star Wars reference!

 

["Iron Man"]

Spidey (about Sandman's shirt): Jesus! Not the Christmas guy!

 

[Eddie Brock]

Spidey (about Sandman's shirt): Jesus! Not the Christmas guy!

????????

 

[Agent Thermal]

Venom: "We've waited so long for this moment, Parker. We think we'll start by ripping out and eating your spleen..."

Spiderman: "Sorry man, spleen-removing is against my religion. You'll have to remove some OTHER non-vital organ that nobody knows the function of."

Venom: "SILENCE!"

Spiderman: "...is golden, yes, I'm aware of that. But seriously, did you know that spiders have poisonous spleens? Didn't know that one, did ya?"

Venom: "..."

Spiderman: "Yeah, me neither."

--------------------

And so on and so forth.

 

[Eddie Brock]

^ good stuff, but i must continue being confused by Iron Man...

 

[Asteroid-Man]

Spidey (about Sandman's shirt): Jesus! Not the Christmas guy!

That was lame

 

[Eddie Brock]

That was lame

i don't even get it!!

 

[Agent Thermal]

^ good stuff, but i must continue being confused by Iron Man...

Thanks! And I agree - perhaps Iron Man can provide some insight into what he means...?

 

[Eddie Brock]

Thanks! And I agree - perhaps Iron Man can provide some insight into what he means...?

yeah, your stuff sounds like it's straight out of USM

 

[Agent Thermal]

Well, I certainly do appreciate that.

 

[Fran]

i don't even get it!!

that's the general consensus around herrr.