[SPOILERS] "More enjoyable than Transformers 2"? New Reviews!

It's entirely possible that the mainstream critics will rip it to shreds. Frankly, though, I don't hold much stock in critic reviews when it comes to fanboy stuff, unless they themselves are fanboys in some fashion. Fanboys are usually harder on fanboy material than critics are, so it's their opinion I usually value most. So when people who have been going "I thought this would be HORRIBLE" come out of it saying "It's actually pretty damn entertaining", I take that as a good sign.

All of that is more than enough reason to assume this movie will be lame.

?

- Directed by a guy who has never made a watchable film

He's made several watchable films by most standards.

- Featuring the Wayans brother least convincing as a tough guy struggling to sound like the Macho Man Randy Savage saying "wharrtss itt acceellleraaatteeEEE?"

That's really reaching, and hyperbolic to say the least.

- Having to choose beween two great classic concepts for CC's mask to redesign, this movie chose to make him a bubblebobble monster

Classic concepts, sure. "Great"? Eh. A hood and a faceplate are not exactly brilliant concepts.

- My cousin *might* have met Steven Sommers at a basketball game and Steven even admitted the movie wasn't that great

Might have?
 
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I hope that this movie is a huge hit domesticly and a huge flop internationally, so to prove what a bone headed decision it was to do away with the "Real American Hero" and U.S. military aspects of G.I. JOE in order to appeal to an international audience because America is not viewed in a positive light by non Americans.
 
Ok, I saw this today at a free sneak-peak. I'd pretty much lost interest in this movie until just a couple days ago, when I'd heard they were going to show it for free, just a couple of miles from where I live.

And make of this what you will, but this was shown in a modified auditorium, and it was filled to capacity. There were several hundred people in there, of all ages. I think people will go out in droves to see this movie, just like Transformers.

I haven't read any reviews, yet. However, I did read the two AICN user reviews linked from one of these threads, and those pretty much summed up how I felt while watching this, all the way down to the strong "Star Wars" vibe near the end. I was thinking the exact same thing. I don't have a whole lot to add. It's a very fast-paced, almost nonstop action flick, with loads of cheese all throughout. It was silly and cartoony, violent, a little bit sexy, and loud.

There's a ton of CGI going on, here. Some of it doesn't look so good, but the vast majority of people who go to see this will not care.

Somebody here complained about an apparent lack of vehicles, but there's no shortage of high-tech vehicle action in this movie. The 10 year-old kid in me loved it. The accelerator suits saw a lot of action in one long sequence, and that was basically the end of it. I just kind of rolled my eyes at this. I know that the tech is part of the fun, but this felt like something entirely different.

Heavy Duty and Breaker had larger roles than I expected. They served their purpose well. Same goes for Hawk and Scarlett. Channing Tatum was horrible, though. Ripcord was even sillier than I'd expected, but hell, the whole movie is just plain silly. The audience loved him. [BLACKOUT]I wasn't expecting to see Brendan Fraser in there. Was he supposed to be Flint?[/BLACKOUT]

The Baroness was a total mess to me, but she had some genuinely cool action moments, and she looked great in costume. Destro and Zartan were too cheesy for me. As for "The Doctor," I was willing to go along for the ride, and I actually liked his voice acting. [BLACKOUT]That is, up until the very end, when he put his new mask on. Then it just became unbelievably, jaw-droppingly cheesy and ridiculous.[/BLACKOUT]

Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow's shared history was shown via several flashback scenes spread over the course of the film. This was a joke. They should've given mention to it, and just saved it for a sequel. Nice fight choreography, though. I still don't care for Snake Eyes's half-finished, molded costume and mouth. I found it ridiculous and distracting.

The kids are going to eat this up, though. As we were leaving the theater and walking thru the parking lot, all I could hear was kids from all around me raving about their favorite scenes and begging their parents for movie-related toys and merchandise.

It's not the G.I. Joe movie that I would've liked to see...as a fan from way back when the comics first came out. At any rate, it's going to be a huge hit.
 
Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow's shared history was shown via several flashback scenes spread over the course of the film. This was a joke.

...because [BLACKOUT]all they do is show little kids fighting in lightning-fast, matrix-esque martial arts combat, and their (fat?) "Master" watching their growth (which doesn't go very far...they're still little kids when he dies). It's cute, but it's awful.[/BLACKOUT]
 
:huh: Cosmic, do you live near Cherry Point, North Carolina? Cause I got back from a free sneak preview of G.I. JOE that was sold out (1,800) and it too was a modified auditorium.

I think the movie was okay. Needed some more sexy from the two women actresses. The teen girls/women popped like hell when Channing Tantum popped on the screen for the first time.

I agree with your review, other than I like Channing Tantum in it. Even Marlon Waynes was watchable in this movie.

With Zartan in office as the President look a like, will he somehow get CC and that other guy out of prison?
 
:huh: Cosmic, do you live near Cherry Point, North Carolina? Cause I got back from a free sneak preview of G.I. JOE that was sold out (1,800) and it too was a modified auditorium.

I think the movie was okay. Needed some more sexy from the two women actresses. The teen girls/women popped like hell when Channing Tantum popped on the screen for the first time.

I agree with your review, other than I like Channing Tantum in it. Even Marlon Waynes was watchable in this movie.

Yeah, that's where I saw it. The place was packed...it was insane. Next time they need to close the damn doors well ahead of time. It was a joke.

Anyways, somebody said Tatum's performance was "wooden." The guy couldn't be any more bland, to me. He wasn't believable as Duke. 10 year-old Storm Shadow was a superior actor to Tatum in this. He was laughable. Maybe he would've fared better as Snake Eyes, or some other mute character.
 
Yeah, that's where I saw it. The place was packed...it was insane. Next time they need to close the damn doors well ahead of time. It was a joke.

Anyways, somebody said Tatum's performance was "wooden." The guy couldn't be any more bland, to me. He wasn't believable as Duke. 10 year-old Storm Shadow was a superior actor to Tatum in this. He was laughable. Maybe he would've fared better as Snake Eyes, or some other mute character.

OMG, that's weird as hell. I wonder if I've seen you.:o

I will admit...Channing was better in Fighting than here in G.I. Joe.

And I forgot to add the part where the print went all blurry and then exploded causing a 3-5 min delay. People were like :wow: oh noes!.
 
That was hilarious! "Everybody PLEASE stay calm!" They did fix it pretty quickly, though.
 
That was hilarious! "Everybody PLEASE stay calm!" They did fix it pretty quickly, though.

One of the people that worked there said that? I only remember the constant 'We are at max capacity...everybody please move further into your row.' That was annoying. If u at max capacity...moving further down shouldn't work cause max means no more seats. Logic Fail.
 
They announced it once or twice, and lots of people laughed. Anyway, what they need to do next time is give a ticket to every person who walks into the theater. Single file line, nobody goes in without a ticket. Every occupied seat is counted. Close the doors and turn away people who show up late. No more tickets, no more seats.
 
They announced it once or twice, and lots of people laughed. Anyway, what they need to do next time is give a ticket to every person who walks into the theater. Single file line, nobody goes in without a ticket. Every occupied seat is counted. Close the doors and turn away people who show up late. No more tickets, no more seats.

Yeah, that be better.

Does any regular movie theater have a screen with more than 1,800 seats. My Dad told me he heard it was sold out at 1800. I was like :wow: Damn. I know it had to be over 1,000, but 200 away from 2,000?!
 
All of that is more than enough reason to assume this movie will be lame.

- Directed by a guy who has never made a watchable film
- Featuring the Wayans brother least convincing as a tough guy struggling to sound like the Macho Man Randy Savage saying "wharrtss itt acceellleraaatteeEEE?"
- The trailers and tv spots all are made up entirely of scenes from the worst movie ever made, "G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra"
- Having to choose beween two great classic concepts for CC's mask to redesign, this movie chose to make him a bubblebobble monster
- My cousin *might* have met Steven Sommers at a basketball game and Steven even admitted the movie wasn't that great

Wow.

Certain people have some...thoughtful inquiries when it comes to films...
 
All of that is more than enough reason to assume this movie will be lame.

- Directed by a guy who has never made a watchable film
- Featuring the Wayans brother least convincing as a tough guy struggling to sound like the Macho Man Randy Savage saying "wharrtss itt acceellleraaatteeEEE?"
- The trailers and tv spots all are made up entirely of scenes from the worst movie ever made, "G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra"
- Having to choose beween two great classic concepts for CC's mask to redesign, this movie chose to make him a bubblebobble monster
- My cousin *might* have met Steven Sommers at a basketball game and Steven even admitted the movie wasn't that great

[YT]yyc7oxZwLjU[/YT]

Will the real UltimateJustin please stand up? :hehe:
 
Actually, I still think that Sommers' Deep Rising is a fun horror/monster flick.

I watched Deep Rising last night, and while the CGI is dated, the whole film in general is still fantastic, in my opinion. Sommers put together a great cast, for starters (great character actors like Wes Studi, Cliff Curtis, and Clifton Powell), and Treat Williams was a damn near perfect lead. He was great in the way that Brendan Fraser was great in the Mummy films, because they both played sort of self-referencial versions of a stereotypical action star. Sommers writes his action leads with a subtle wink to the audience, and I like that about him.
 
I don't think Devin bashes movies because he doesn't understand them at all. He usually, especially in terms of big movies and action/blockbuster stuff, bashes movies that he feels are pretentious, or movies he feels have been overrated by other critics.

Devin liking GI JOE basically just means it was a fun movie that doesn't pander. He tends to love fun movies, as long as they're not dumb.

I guess you know the guy personally so I'm not going to argue about what you've discovered in your long late night soul-bearing sessions with him. Not to mention that I dont have time to psychoanalyse what every guy-with-a-site-on-the-internet's motivations are.

But looking purely at the reviews they post, they're not consistent and certainly not based on the criteria you mention. Literally that entire site is based on being contrary. If the majority of critics like a movie they'll pan it to drive traffic from the minority who dont agree. If critics and fans hate a movie they'll focus on some small point that noobs who feel differently can latch on for the positive... again driving traffic. It's plainly ridiculous to assert that GI Joe, a franchise created to sell merchandise by a toy company not "pander." The entire thing is a 2 hour commercial. Yet nonsensical minutiae like that makes sense to a small segment, and might even make them feel smart for "getting it" and that's how the site survives.

The quality of the reviews and the talent they have preclude that site from being one of the "big boys" and they know that so they've adopted that strategy to be one of the "also mentioned" geek reviews on the internet.

You realize you wrote essentially the same thing as I did right? "bashes movies that he feels are pretentious, or movies he feels have been overrated by other critics." Drew formerly of AIC, Ebert etc (actual critics) review the movie, not review the review. It really doesn't matter when you're reviewing a movie what other reviewers thought. The schtick about "overrated by other critics" is essentially a calling card for other nerds who disagree with consensus (educated) opinion but dont have an outlet or the ability to voice their outrage... CHUD gives them that place. As I said, it's about being contrary, not about actually giving intelligent insight about a movie like legit critics/sites do.

Directed by a guy who has never made a watchable film

no Sommers early stuff isn't terrible. I doubt you've seen Deep Rising. Sommers took a turn circa Scorpion King. Even the first Mummy had this old-timey matinee serial feel to it that made it watchable. His last few movies have sucked but it's not like every movie he's made has been terrible. I mean he's not Ratner.
 
The only thing this is gonna flamed for is the faithfulness to the comics or whatever. By the fans. Who cares? The film is what it is. enjoy it for that. I'm gonna agree with The Guard here.

And lest we forget, The Mummy is Sommer's best film, and it's damn good and enjoyable. I'll watch it whenever it comes on, despite where it is.
 
The Baroness was a total mess to me, but she had some genuinely cool action moments, and she looked great in costume. Destro and Zartan were too cheesy for me. As for "The Doctor," I was willing to go along for the ride, and I actually liked his voice acting. [blackout]That is, up until the very end, when he put his new mask on. Then it just became unbelievably, jaw-droppingly cheesy and ridiculous.[/blackout]

care to elaborate on the jaw-droppingness for me? I want to be prepared.
 
I guess you know the guy personally so I'm not going to argue about what you've discovered in your long late night soul-bearing sessions with him. Not to mention that I dont have time to psychoanalyse what every guy-with-a-site-on-the-internet's motivations are.

I don't know him personally, no. I've spoken with him a few times via PMs and such and we've shared our views on the Batman franchise, but even without that, I can see in his reviews that he likes entertaining and fun movies that he feels aren't immensely flawed, and dislikes overrated movies that he feels are too "serious". He's said as much himself. Many times.

Is that the be all end all, of assessing his approach to reviews? Hardly. But I do disagree that he simply hates movies he doesn't understand. That was my only disagreement with you.

Devin's reviews tend not to be consistent, from what I've seen, mostly because he doesn't remotely approach them as a serious, unbiased critic would. He approaches them based on what he personally enjoys. That is the reason his reviews tend to be "contrary" much of the time, in my mind. That said, he may well just like being contrary. All I have is the content of his reviews to go on, and I could generally care less about the politics behind them.

Does GI JOE pander? I suppose, to a point. I'm talking about Hollywood pandering, though, as in "Made for the LCD in every single facet", not simply the fact that there's a film based on a toyline.

And again, I said he "tends" to dislike movies that do so. Not that he always does.
 
Yeah Devin's a bit of a naysayer. It's all about being different for him. If you look at his review for The Dark Knight it has the seem numerical rating as this or Hellboy II (which was released around the same time) yet the ratio of positive vs negative in the reviews are on opposite ends. If The Dark Knight is as good as Hellboy II then why spend a majority of the review for TDK b****ing about the flaws. He's the anti-Harry Knowles who sometimes gets caught up in the moment. Drew McWeeny, Peter Sciretta and the guys at Latino Review are the one's I pay more attention to. No offense to Devin, I'm sure he can be a decent guy every now and then.

I am glad to see this getting some good reviews. Sometimes I think some people would rather a movie be terrible than enjoyable. Like because the trailers were bad (and most agree they were) they have so much invested in it being bad that they do not go into the film with an open mind.
 
Well, that is true, to some extent. I gave up on hoping that this movie would be good a long time ago (and I mean actually good, not so-over-the-top-stupid-that-I-loved-it good), so there is this morbid part of me that just wants to see this movie be the worst it could possibly be. I'm talking about a cinematic colonoscopy. If the movie achieves that, I'll probably enjoy it on some level.

Sadly though, I think it's going to be very middle-of-the road... kinda boring, fairly bad but not so awful that I can laugh at it. Just pretty lame, overall.
 

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