Teen Titans

[Zev]

Previously, on The Flash...

The Flash

The Flash 2: Rogue's Gallery

But all that was CRAP compared to this!




Simon stayed where he was, a small brown image, concealed by leaves. Even if he shut his eyes the sow's head still remained like an after-image. The half-shut eyes were dim with the infinite cynicism of adult life. They assured Simon that everything was a bad business. - William Golding, Lord Of The Flies

"We're in this position... I think it's our duty to abuse it." - Bono

OPEN ON:

BLACK SCREEN

NIGHTWING: (V.O.) I used to love reading comic books as a child. The heroes were colorful and larger than life. The villains were fiendish but harmless, always cooking up some overly complicated scheme which was always foiled just in the nick of time by the proper application of pseudo-science. And no one ever, EVER died. But a week after I turned ten... the comic books started getting dark. The villains became bloodthirsty and the heroes become indistinguishable from the villains. The hundreds of colors of Kryptonite, the millions of gadgets with a Bat-prefix added on... they disappeared. And the women... oh, God, who could write such horrible things happening to the women? No light shined anywhere. I guess, for me at least, art imitates life. So remember, you've been warned. This is not a dream. This is not a hoax. This is not an imaginary story.

EXT. FOREST – NIGHT

It's dark. Very dark. The moon behind an ominous cloud. A WOMAN in a black kurta with red trim runs through the forest, clutching a NINE-YEAR-OLD BOY in her arms. He's dressed in his own kurta. The branches of the trees scrape at her body as she tries to shield the boy in her arms. Behind them, we hear DOGS baying in the distance, men shouting.

BOY: I want to go home!

WOMAN: We are going home, sweetie. We just have to make it to the main road...

We hear a HELICOPTER overhead. The Woman takes shelter in the roots of an overturned tree. Uses it as a hiding place.

WOMAN: Don't say a word. Just keep quiet, honey. Quiet as a mouse...

Above, we hear boots stomping. More men, armed with rifles, wearing their own black kurtas. For the record, the CULTISTS.

BOY: Help! We're down here!

The Woman clamps a hand over his mouth, but it's too late. The Cultists have found them. The Woman finds half a dozen automatic weapons pointed at her as the Boy pulls away from her. He walks to CARDINAL SYN, a massive hulk of a man wearing a kurta with the sleeves ripped off, his body painted with various occult symbols. Syn, a native Zandian, is acromegalic, the bones beneath his skin swollen and distorted.

BOY: Can I go back to Brother Blood now? I miss him.

CARDINAL SYN: Sure you can, slugger.

The Boy walks up to join the Cultists. Looks down at his mother.

WOMAN: Please, he's just a boy!

CARDINAL SYN: (to Boy) Don't turn away and you'll get a sweet when we get back to the compound.

He aims the gun at the Woman.

CARDINAL SYN: Receive the love of Brother Blood into your heart.

BEEP! Pre-lap an ALARM CLOCK going off. Then we SMASH CUT to...

INT. WALLY'S ROOM – LINDA'S HOUSE – MORNING

A HAND slams down on the alarm clock, shutting it up before it can even get started. Wally sits up in bed, wide awake already.

WALLY WEST is... well, geez, if you're read the prequels, you probably have a fair idea who he is. But just as a refresher, if Wally were a comic book, he's be written by Chuck Dixon and he'd give wedgies to all the comic books written by Neil Gaiman. I'd add that he'd probably get in drunken brawls with the comic books written by Mark Millar, but that's probably stretching the metaphor too far.

Wally YAWNS, stretches.

WALLY: Ready for action.

On an endtable at the foot of the bed, two RINGS sit. A WEDDING BAND and the FLASH RING. He kicks the endtable, sending them both flying upwards. They fall back down onto his raised fingers. He bursts into super-motion.

INT. KITCHEN – LINDA'S HOUSE – MORNING

Wally pores through the fridge. Finds some Bagel Bites and burritos.

WALLY: Breakfast of champions.

He shoves them in the microwave, sets it for fifteen seconds.

Super-speeds to the answering machine, presses play. Then fast-forward. He makes small, innocuous comments to the helium-like fast-voices.

WALLY: I'll have to remember that. Sure mom, you too. No, I DON'T want to change my long-distance provider...

He speeds back to the microwave. Twelve seconds.

Speeds upstairs.

INT. BATHROOM – LINDA'S HOUSE – MORNING

Wally blurs into the bathroom moments before LESLIE, Linda's sister, can claim it. She death-glares the door.

LESLIE: Wally West, you better not even THINK about shaking dry!

We hear a sound like rain and Wally steps out, completely dry and wearing a robe. Behind him, the entire bathroom is wet.

WALLY: Blow dryers? We don't need no stinking blow dryers!

INT. KITCHEN – LINDA'S HOUSE – MORNING

Wally super-speeds through the newspaper.

WALLY: Man, that cat sure loves lasagna.

He looks at the microwave. Five seconds.

WALLY: C'mon, c'mon...

FINALLY it goes off. He pulls the food items out of the microwave, juggles them from hand to hand.

WALLY: Hot! Hot! Hot!

He cools them off by fanning them at superspeed, then starts digging in. Leslie interrupts the feeding frenzy.

LESLIE: You did remember that you're being interviewed on Linda's new talk show today... right?

Wally looks up. ****. He twists his trusty ring and the COSTUME shoots out of it, expanding as soon as it hits air...

EXT. SLIPSTREAM – MORNING

Flash is running... FAST. We see from a FACE CAM (think the Smashing Pumpkins video for 1979) as Flash presses a hand to his WINGED EARPIECE, activating a radio. Talks so fast it comes out as a BUZZ.

EXT. CLOCKTOWER – BLUDHAVEN – NOON

It's a clocktower. What do you want from me?

BARBARA: (V.O.) You know I can't understand you when talk at superspeed.

EXT. KEYSTONE CITY – VARIOUS LOCATIONS – MORNING

We see the red-and-yellow blur of THE FLASH as he speeds through various locations. Newspaper deliverymen, milkmen, and others look up from their morning routine to see a touch of the supernatural visiting their lives.

FLASH: (cut to a new location every word) You... were... supposed... to... remind... me.

BARBARA: (filtered) Must have slipped my mind. It happens when you're coordinating information for several freelance vigilantes.

FLASH: (sarcastic) Oh my God, you're seeing other people behind me back? I'm shocked!

BARBARA: (filtered) I'm sorry Flash, I guess we just grew apart.

FLASH: So, Oracle... you do all this from behind a computer in the comfort of your home, right?

ORACLE: (filtered) Right.

FLASH: Tell me, how do I even know you're dressed?

INT. CLOCKTOWER – MAINFRAME – NOON

A bank of supercomputers right out of William Gibson's wet dreams. A NITROGEN SYSTEM, an array of hoses winding across the floor, intermittently shoots jets of gas upwards, dropping the temperature enough to keep the whole building from bursting into flames.

We find one thick, coaxial T1 cable trailing out of a computer tower, follow it up the wall and through the ceiling and into...

INT. CLOCKTOWER – GEAR ROOM – NOON

Behind the face of the clock. Gears grind together silently in the background around a miniaturized SATELLITE DISH aimed out the clock face. A tall carousel loaded with micro discs. Some exercise equipment, a mini-fridge, trash can, stereo system, even a door to a bathroom in the corner. Basically a living space within a living space.

Six huge flat panels linked together above three keyboards. Weed-like cables coil everywhere, duct-taped into thickets that wind up and around the legs of several desks. Tabletops are filled with cannibalized equipment that lay open like an autopsied corpse.

Hacker heaven.

In the center of it all sits BARBARA GORDON in a WHEELCHAIR. Bespectacled. Mid-to-late twenties. Beautiful if she ever had time to do her hair. Very prim and proper. The all-knowing, all-seeing ORACLE.

In her pajamas.

BARBARA: Please. Do you think I'd be that unprofessional?

FLASH: (filtered, serious now) We going to meet face to face or not?

BARBARA: Why do you ask?

FLASH: (filtered) I don't know. Kinda weird just having you as a voice in my head. Be good for you to get some fresh air anyway. We could go for a walk in the country or something...

BARBARA: That's... kinda out of the question.

FLASH: (filtered) Have it your way.

INT. TV STUDIO – BACK STAGE – MORNING

The set of a morning talk show. Backstage. LINDA PARK, intellectual, down to earth, fidgets impatiently, a bad habit she's picked up from Wally. She's dressed professionally, wearing glasses and her hair up.

The DIRECTOR appears in Linda's face.

DIRECTOR: One minute to curtain, Linda! You promised us an exclusive!

LINDA: He'll be here.

DIRECTOR: He'd better be... for your sake.

He hustles off.

With a distant SONIC BOOM, Flash appears in the midst of the scene.

FLASH: I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille.

A P.A. tries to fit Flash with a mic. Linda shoves him aside.

LINDA: I'll do it.

As she puts it on his collar, they speak in hushed tones.

LINDA: You're late.

FLASH: Sorry. There was an earthquake in Markovia.

LINDA: You really expect me to believe that? Markovia is in the middle of a tectonic plate, it doesn't get earthquakes.

She finishes adjusting the mic.

LINDA: Flash fact.

DIRECTOR: (O.S.) Places, everyone, places!

They part, speaking at a conversational level now.

FLASH: Thanks for the help, Miss Park.

LINDA: Actually, it's Mrs. Park now.

Flash smiles.

FLASH: He must be a very lucky man.

Flash steals a kiss at superspeed, takes his place. Linda looks at a monitor as host BETHANY SNOW goes through her monologue. Linda mouths Snow's monologue along with her. By her pride in it, she was obviously the writer.


Next: Accusations, Political Incorrectness, and a Ratings Bonanza

 

[Zev]

INT. TV STUDIO – SET – MORNING

We pick up coming back from commercial break. Snow sits at the desk, Flash on a couch.

SNOW: Welcome back to Snow Storm. I'm your host, Bethany Storm. Well Flash, I think the question on everyone's mind is... where did you go? The city was brought to its knees by supervillains, practically turned into a No Man's Land... where were you?

FLASH: I was... detained.

SNOW: So you don't believe you have a responsibility to the people of Keystone?

FLASH: I do what I can, when I can. But I'm not a public servant. I wear a mask, I don't leave fingerprints. But I wasn't on vacation, if that helps.

Snow turns to camera.

SNOW: There you have it. The Flash – Hero or Vigilante?

FLASH: I'm right here, you know.

LINDA: Our next guest is the star of the number one box office hit of the year, the author of a new book, "My Other Self," and a controversial spokesperson for a new religious movement that calls itself the Brotherhood. Let's give a big welcome to Julian Racine!

Nothing happens. The man's missed his cue. Flash suddenly puts a hand to his ear. He's receiving a radio transmission.

FLASH: Excuse me a moment.

He disappears. An awkward silence.

SNOW: Well, obviously...

Flash reappears... his arm ON FIRE.

FLASH: Sorry 'bout that, forest fire in France. Snuffed it out like that.

He snaps his fingers.

SNOW: YOU'RE ON FIRE!

FLASH: No, it's the men and women of the fire department who are the real heroes.

SNOW: No, you're really on fire!

Flash notices the flame. Pats it out quickly.

FLASH: Man, I hate it when that happens. Worse than having something stuck in your teeth. You're always the last to notice, believe me.

INT. TV STUDIO – GREEN ROOM – MORNING

JULIAN RACINE, wearing the black KURTA of a Brotherhood member, has the jitters. As horrifying as it sounds, imagine a cross between Jane Fonda and Tom Cruise. He opens a panel on his RING, takes out a small pill, dry-swallows it. Immediately calms down. Repeats a mantra to himself as he walks towards the door.

RACINE: (deep-voiced) In a world run by evil corporations, a rebel who plays by his own rules starts a deadly game of cat and mouse with an all-powerful conspiracy in this searing portrait of extraordinary courage in a life under siege, starring… me!

INT. TV STUDIO – SET – MORNING

SNOW: Well, Mr. Racine is running a little late. You mind answering a few more questions for our pointer-count?

FLASH: Shoot.

SNOW: Mrs. Park, come on out!

Linda steps out from backstage. Sits down next to Flash. From his reaction, he obviously didn't expect this.

SNOW: Flash, this is my producer, Linda Park.

FLASH: Charmed.

LINDA: Tell us, Flash, who is it you keep talking to?

FLASH: I'm sorry, but that's... private.

The Director signals to Snow.

SNOW: Is that right? I think Julian's on his way out!

Julian comes out from backstage leaping around like a hyperactive loon to racuous applause, finally sitting down on the couch. Flash squirms away from him.

SNOW: Julian, welcome to the program.

RACINE: Great to be here, Beth!

"Inventive," Flash mutters his under breath.

SNOW: Now, Mr. Racine, is it true you're donating five hundred million dollars to the Brotherhood?

RACINE: That's absolutely right.

SNOW: (she's softballing him) Not many people go that far for their religions.

RACINE: I'm not spreading a religion. Brother Blood is a philosopher and it's his philosophy I carry, a philosophy which can apply to any religion.

LINDA: He's also carrying a lot of cash away from his followers, Mr. Racine.

RACINE: (smiling) We're all followers, Linda. You follow science... mechanistic, materialist, and cynical... empty. Brother Blood has to charge rent for those wishing to experience his teachings. There's food, salaries for the staff, scholarships...

LINDA: Spare me. You they give a scholarship because you're a celebrity... everyone else pays through the nose.

RACINE: That's tithing. Lots of churches do it.

LINDA: Tithing!? People are selling their cars, their homes, turning over their bank accounts!

RACINE: And it's worth it. This is not a pretend thing. Our government spends exponentially more than that on killing, calling it defending, and making machinery and technology to kill human beings in the name of peace. But today's students are even more stressed out. Their schools are hellholes. They're getting pathetic educations. They're not going forward with full decks of cards. But when they meditate, they will start shining like a bright, shiny penny, and their anxieties will go away. By diving within, they will attain a field of pure consciousness, pure bliss, creativity, intelligence, dynamic peace. You enliven the field, and every day it gets better. Negativity recedes.

FLASH: Tell me Pollyanna, do you need training to sling that much bull**** or does it just come naturally?

And that's the first thing he's said to Racine.

RACINE: Ah, the government puppet speaks.

FLASH: He had to respond to the Zandian puppet.

Racine laughs uncomfortably.

RACINE: Flash, you don't seem like such a "bad guy." You superheroes, none of you are bad so much as you are hurting America. Stop. See, the thing is, we need your help. The people need your help. Right now, you're helping the politicians and the corporations. And we're left out there to mow your lawns.

FLASH: No way you're going to convince me you mow your own lawn.

The stage quickly narrows to Flash vs. Racine.

RACINE: What is with your warmongering? What did Zandia ever do to you?

FLASH: Besides that time they tried to blow up my city?

RACINE: There's no link between that unfortunate incident and the Brotherhood.

FLASH: You mean, there's no proven link. That can change.

RACINE: I would expect that paranoia from an employee of the DEO.

FLASH: I ask myself what I can do for my country now and then, but I'm not on the payroll. I don't need to be.

RACINE: Ah yes, your merchandising. What's it like to have every active member of the Justice League condemn your... mercenary attitudes?

FLASH: Probably not as bad as winning five Razzies, Racine.

RACINE: You're bought and paid for to bring in your fellow metahumans for illegal detainment in internment camps!

FLASH: Those "fellow metahumans" were trying to destroy the world.

RACINE: Don't be so melodramatic. You and your masters may be able to nuke the world twelve times over and send troops all over the planet, but you can't feed and clothe our own people. That flabbergasts me.

FLASH: Does it keep you up at night, the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, can help themselves?

RACINE: No, you see, here's the problem. You don't know the history of superheroes. I do. What would you say if I called you a brutish fossil, symbolic of a decayed era gratefully forgotten?

FLASH: I don't know... thanks?

RACINE: Crime-fighting is a noble porno.

That non sequitur takes Flash by surprise. He takes a closer look at Racine, who is sweating heavily.

FLASH: Burning the candle at both ends, Racine?

Suddenly, all the monitors go dead. Breaking news. Flash looks at the large monitor behind them (used to show clips for the guests) as the DIRECTOR scrambles on stage to confer with the hostesses.

REPORTER: (filtered) A possible hostage situation in these quiet offices...

LINDA: That's eight blocks from here.

DIRECTOR: We may have to bump you, Beth. The network has to cover something like this on our doorstep.

LINDA: You'd bump my show for grass grow...

SNOW: Your show?

Flash stands.

FLASH: Save my seat.

He zips out.

DIRECTOR: Where's he going?

LINDA: To provide expert commentary.

On the monitor...

REPORTER: (filtered) I'll try to get a word from Police Lieutenant Chyre, who is standing...

CHYRE disappears in a blur of red and yellow. Reappears on stage being carried by the Flash.

FLASH: Let's hear a big round of applause for our next guest.

He runs off again.

CHYRE: Flash, what is the meaning of... this is a TV station, right?

LINDA: Right. We were just wondering if you could tell us anything about this alleged hostage situation.

CHYRE: Yeah, some Japanese terrorists have seized control of the building and if I don't get back...

Some very scared looking PEOPLE are deposited by the Flash.

LINDA: I think the hostages just arrived.

MAN: Don't shoot!

WOMAN: Is this a TV studio?

LINDA: Yes, you're on our special "Real-Life Crime" edition of Morning Talk. Suppose you tell us in your own words how it felt to be held captive by a maniac?

HOSTAGE: Do we get paid?

SNOW: No.

INT. HIGH-RISE – MORNING

Just as Chyre said, a group of JAPANESE TERRORISTS have set themselves up. They all carry automatic weapons. The LEADER has a katana in a scabbard on his back. Under guard, a REPORTER and CAMERAMAN set up to shoot them. All the terrorists wear rings like Racine's on their hands. The Leader clasps hands with a compatriot.

LEADER: Soon, the samurai will rise again.

CAMERAMAN: We're ready.

LEADER: Excellent. Give me the microphone. Key it to the P.A. system.

INT. CONTROL ROOM – MORNING

A terrorist hooks up the feeds. Suddenly, a blur passes through the room. Papers go flying, along with the terrorist. Red-gloved hands rewire the lines.

INT. HIGH-RISE – MORNING

The Leader takes the microphone. Puts it to to his mouth and starts to speak... but it isn't his voice that comes out of the speakers, it's THE FLASH'S (giving the impression that he's being DUBBED).

FLASH: (filtered) Ahhh, run, it's Godzilla, you bastard! I don't know any generals! To me, you look like clowns!

The Leader stops. Taps at the microphone. Flash walks out of the control room, swinging a microphone by its cord like a yo-yo.

FLASH: Sorry, I couldn't resist. So, are we building a railroad or what?

The terrorists attack. Flash springs into action.

INT. TV STUDIO – SET – MORNING

The terrorists appear one by one, bound and gagged. Linda pulls down one of their gags and sticks a microphone in his face.

LINDA: So, anything you would like to say to the folks watching at home?

INT. HIGH-RISE – MORNING

The Leader opens his ring and grabs a pill. Flash grabs his hand before he can eat it.

FLASH: Velocity-9. Same stuff that gave Red Troika their powers, now a designer drug. But it only works if you can take it.

He knocks the Leader out.

INT. TV STUDIO – SET – MORNING

Flash reappears in front of the cameras as Chyre leads the terrorists away.

FLASH: Ta-da.

He moonwalks down the stage, stops by Linda.

FLASH: (sotto) How high do you want your ratings to be?

LINDA: (sotto) Flash, don't do anything... oh, what the hell? Do your worst.

Racine approaches, sputtering with outrage.

RACINE: This is a travesty! You just interfered with a sensitive negotiations, your lone wolf act could've gotten someone killed!

FLASH: Speaking of things that could get someone killed, I've seen that kind of ring before.

He snatches it off Racine's finger. Pops the top.

RACINE: You can't open that! It's an invasion of my privacy!

FLASH: Do I look like a cop? (to audience) What do you say, folks? Should we see what's behind ring number one?

The audience thunders its approval.

FLASH: Sorry Racy, the mob has spoken.

He opens the ring. Spills out some PILLS onto his hand.

FLASH: This is what I call Must-See TV.

RACINE: That's not mine.

FLASH: Let me guess, you were holding it for a friend? C'mon, you're going downtown.

RACINE: You can't do this to me!

FLASH: Your gift for foresight is woefully underdeveloped.

He takes Racine away, but not before whispering to him...

FLASH: You know why I did that? Because I could.

EXT. TV STUDIO – DAY

Flash catches Linda coming out of the studio. They're alone. She's taken off her glasses, let her hair down, and undone the first button on her blouse. He notes her appearance.

FLASH: Secret identities are cool, aren't they?

LINDA: I'm supposed to be the bloodless intellectual with no sex appeal.

FLASH: So, it's a reality show?

She gives him a well-deserved slug to the shoulder.

LINDA: All the sex appeal is courtesy of Bethany Snow, just because she's the one with huge...

FLASH: Tracts of land?

LINDA: Exactly. (beat) You know, with the legal team he keeps on retainer he'll probably be out of there in time for dinner.

FLASH: Wasn't about the arrest. It was about making a point.

LINDA: Well, point made. We'll probably make the eleven o'clock news.

F:ASH: Not bad for a premiere, huh?

LINDA: Not bad at all. I've got a few things to finish up here, you think you can bake the casserole? My parents are coming over at eight and it's very important...

FLASH: Relax. I'll handle it.

INT. KITCHEN – LINDA'S HOUSE – MORNING

Wally sets the stove. He leans back in his chair. The phone rings. He picks it up on the first ring.

WALLY: Thrill me.

The voice of SNAPPER CARR, Justice League butt monkey, comes over the line.

SNAPPER: We saw your antics on that talk show, West. You're officially under reprimand.

WALLY: (mocking) Oh no, not reprimand! Anything but that!

SNAPPER: Show up at the Watchtower within the hour for mandatory reassessment.

Wally sighs and hangs up. Move into a close-up of him. He looks up, as if noticing us. He looks around, seeing if anyone else is listening, then leans forward as if about to convey a deep secret.

WALLY: My name is Wally West. I'm the Flash. The Fastest Man Alive.

The Who's "Baba O'Riley" (Teenage Wasteland) comes on over the soundtrack. Wally plays along with the keyboard with one hand while pointing in a rocking-out fashion with the other. Then he sits and uses the other hand to play the piano part when it comes in. The drums enter. He drums along with Keith Moon and we segue to the CREDITS SEQUENCE. We see FLASHBACKS of the Titans in their youth. We see Grayson as a trapeze artist, Cyborg on an operating table, Raven studying an ancient tome in Azarath...

EXT. DARKNESS – TIMELESS

Wally lands, pushes himself up on his hands and knees.

WALLY: Well, I guess I showed...

He looks up to see a POST-APOCALYPTIC NIGHTMARE. A hellish wasteland with red skies, rivers of blood, and scorched, arthritic trees reaching up to a sun like a bloodshot eye. A line of CHAINED-TOGETHER slaves are on a FORCED MARCH. In the distance, a HUNDRED-FOOT-TALL DEVIL roams the land, FOUR BLAZING EYES under a set of antler-like horns.

WALLY: Oh boy...

A dark female voice fills Wally's head...

WOMAN: (V.O.) Begone. This is still within your power to prevent.

MORE CREDITS

We see Starfire fighting in an alien training center, Beast Boy changing into a mouse as a kid, Wonder Girl as a child walking away from a burning house...

INT. SACRIFICAL CHAMBER – MORNING

FLASH: Why don't you reflect on this for a while?

He kicks his boot right through Mirror Master's chest. Mirror Master EXPLODES into hundreds of silver fragments. A shard embeds itself in the wall. Reflected it in, Mirror Master's eye closes. Flash shakes his head.

FLASH: Seven years bad luck.

Mirror Master's mouth, lying on the floor in a shard of glass, speaks.

MIRROR MASTER: It's not over yet, West. My employer is coming. And there's going to be a crisis. From within, he will destroy.

And with that, we cut to the TITLE CARD.

TEEN TITANS


Next: Titans Together

 

[MaskedManJRK]

Pretty good.

My only problem...the "building a railroad" crack. Yeah, that's a bit...much.

 

[bored]

Zev's characterized Flash that way for a while. He's been playing up the whole conservative, un-PC aspect of the character's personality.

 

[Zev]

Pretty good.

My only problem...the "building a railroad" crack. Yeah, that's a bit...much.

Well, generally the point is that Flash is starting to go a little... too far. But I don't want to give too much away.

 

[Zev]

INT. SEEDY BAR – EVENING

SUPER: Bludhaven

Your typical dive. Probably two doors down from Crime Alley itself. The lowest of the low, all sharing horror stories. Shooting up, snorting up, or just good old-fashioned American boozing. One name catches our ear...

DRUNK: ...The Batman...

An old, mustached MAN in a red coat sits, playing a dice game, shaking his head. His opponents are two ROUGH-LOOKING customers, all pug noses and taped-up faces.

ROUGH 1: But he hasn't got a house, like a normal man. I been there, stowed away on that car of his, that... Batmobile! He's got this fortress or something, in the mountains. Like outta Dracula or something!

ROUGH 2: That ain't what I heard at all. I heard he's from hell. He rides out on this horse, black as midnight! See, there's this crack in the earth and he rolls out of it... like in that story with the headless dude!

MAN: You know what I heard? That you should shut up and roll the die.

ROUGH 1: Dice.

MAN: Die. Dice is plural. Die is the singular.

ROUGH 2: We should have two.

MAN: I only got the one. Roll, Morrie.

Rough 1 does. A one.

MAN: And the crowd goes wild.

ROUGH 1: Shut your face, stranger. Or I'll shut it with my mitts!

ROUGH 2: Wait a minute...

He bangs on the table. The die shoots up, lands on one. He bangs the table again. Another one. And again. And again.

ROUGH 1: Loaded dice!

MAN: Die, actually.

ROUGH 2: What do you think you're doing?

MAN: Really?

He pulls at his face. It STRETCHES like a flesh-colored latex. Which it is.

MAN: I'm just winging it.

Rough 1 pulls a gun. The Man kicks it upwards just as he pulls the trigger. The shot shatters the only lightbulb.The room is plunged into darkness. ROUGH 2 flicks on a lighter, uses it like a torch and locks the door.

ROUGH 2: You're locked in here with us now!

VOICE: (O.S.) No... you're locked in here with me.

Rough 2 turns around. The light from his lighter finds a MASK on the floor. The Man's face.

The patrons retreat into a tight circle around the lighter.

ROUGH 1: Where are you!?

VOICE: (O.S.) Everywhere.

Someone wanders a bit too far into the darkness. A BLACK-GLOVED HAND pulls him out of the light. Not even a whisper.

ROUGH 1: Louie? Where's Louie?

"Louie" CRASHES INTO THEM like a human missile, scattering them as if they were tenpins. The lighter lands in a puddle of spilled beer, which catches on fire. The flickering light providing brief, frightening glimpses of SOMETHING taking out the toughs one by one. Inhumanly fast.

Finally, only Rough 1 is left. He watches as NIGHTWING steps out of the shadows, stacking over the flame. A brief, epic glimpse of him before he STOMPS OUT the fire. He's wearing a black bodyglove with a light blue bird embelm on his chest that spreads over his arms and down to his gloves. A DOMINO MASK covers his face.

ROUGH 1: Who are you?

NIGHTWING: I'm Nightwing.

ROUGH 1: Who?

With a scowl, Nightwing knocks him out.

NIGHTWING: (Rodney Dangerfield) No respect. No respect!

Sighing, he leans against a beam and pulls a letter out from his glove. Reads it. It's a SUMMONS from the Justice League.

NIGHTWING: Better get going.

EXT. RACING TRACK – DAY

Three, two, one...

And they're off! The GRAYHOUNDS run out of the gates. One of them quickly takes the lead.

It's fur is tinted green.

EXT. RACING TRACK – LATER

Meet BEAST BOY, the youngest of the group-to-be. Gangly and dorky, but endearing. Oh, and green. He's outside a ticket office. He sets down a stub on a counter.

BEAST BOY: I'll take my winnings.

MAN: (O.S.) Nice bet.

BEAST BOY: I have a sixth sense about these things.

He turns around. DEO AGENT JAMES JESSE stares at him.

JESSE: Sorry about this, Logan. But there are some people who really need to talk to you.

EXT. THE ATHENS COMMUNE – DAY

The Athens Commune was started by Wonder Woman in the Amazon tradition, basing itself on the teachings of Paradise Island. It is a cross between an Amish farm and a battered women's shelter.

DONNA TROY (17), a drop-dead gorgous tomboy, walks through the commune next to SISTER ELECTRA, forties. Both are dressed in togas. Electra wears a wreath in her hair. Around them, we can see Grecian architecture, sisters planting food, milking cattle, etc.

ELECTRA: Another dream?

DONNA: No, the same dream. The exact same dream, every time I close my eyes. I think the Gods want me to do this for them.

ELECTRA: You haven't been outside the commune for more than two weeks at a time since you came here, save for your time as one of the Titans.

DONNA: I can manage. I'm stronger than Hippolyta herself, almost as strong as Diana!

ELECTRA: Victory is not always decided by by strength of arms, but by strength of character.

Donna looks down.

ELECTRA: And you have both. Do you remember how you came to us?

Donna shakes her head.

ELECTRA: Fifteen years old. Beaten, dehydrated, not remembering a thing except your own name. Donna. You knew only that you had to find us. We raised you as one of our own, away from the ravages of Man's World. And you have grown into a strong, beautiful young woman.

DONNA: You give me too much credit, sister. I never would have got this far if you and Diane didn't help me focus my rage through training.

ELECTRA: And you truly don't care where you came from, who your parents were?

DONNA: The past can't hurt us unless we let it.

ELECTRA: We will prepare supplies for your journey. If these visions truly come from the Gods, then you have no choice but to serve.

EXT. TRUCK STOP – NIGHT

Donna walks between two TRACTOR TRAILERS. Hefts a backpack off her shoulders, unzips it, pulls out a wad of cash. Slips a few twenties into her pockets. She wears a metal ALICE BAND CIRCLET, a red tanktop with the Wonder Woman logo over the cleavage, leather boots, and star-covered red leather pants.

INT. TRUCK STOP DINER – NIGHT

Donna enters. Sits down at the counter. Tosses some money to the OWNER.

DONNA: What can a gal get to eat around here?

OWNER: Burgers.

DONNA: Bring me some.

The Owner hustles off. He's seen it all.

A nasty-looking TRUCKER steps up behind Donna.

TRUCKER: You looking for a ride, girl?

He slaps her ass.

EXT. TRUCK STOP – NIGHT

The Trucker, all three hundred pounds of him, flies through the wall. Donna steps through the hole as we hear police sirens in the distance.

DONNA: That's Wonder Girl to you.

DREAM SEQUENCE – NIGHT

We see headlights illuminating a dark road. Then fire, pain... death. All twisted together in weird dream logic. Building and building to a climax. Until finally...

INT. CYBORG'S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Close on an EYE snapping open.

MOTHER: (O.S.) Bad dreams?

Pan over to a ROBOT EYE. A lens suspended in the socket by tiny servos. It glows like a coal in the dark.

CYBORG: My life is a bad dream.

CYBORG (18) sits up as we cut to a wider angle. He is half-man, half-machine, ebony skin glistening with sweat (where he still has sweat glands, that is). Before his accident, he was a jock and a damn good one. The entire upper right-hand quarter of his head has been replaced by robotics, veering off above his mouth to continue behind his face and down his spine. His entire body seems to be chrome metal. In places, his "skin" is transparent, allowing his doctors to easily see his remaining organs. As he wakes, armor plating slides over the "window."

MOTHER: I can tinker with your subroutine, eliminate your need for sleep with only minimal psychological side effects.

CYBORG: Don't. Sleeping's the only time I feel human.

MOTHER: The League called. They want to see you in the Watchtower.

CYBORG: Throw a few drug dealers around and you're a superhero.

He shakes his head.

CYBORG: I should just skip it. Probably won't miss anything.

MOTHER: It'd do you good to take a break from your self-pity.

CYBORG: If I do this, will you get off my back for a while?

MOTHER: Yes. Deal?

EXT. GALAXY – TIMELESS

The SLAVE-SHIP Q'ST'R trudges through the night, venting noxious-looking fumes.

INT. SLAVE-SHIP – TIMELESS

The room is near pitch-black. We dimly make out two CAGES, electricity playing down the "bars." Two voices, the language not our own...

MALE VOICE: (subtitled) We're going to die out here!

FEMALE VOICE: (subtitled) Quiet.

MALE VOICE: (subtitled) They'll never say the Prayer of Goodbye over us! Our souls will roam the netherworld forever, alone and friendless!

FEMALE VOICE: (subtitled) I'm trying to think.

EXT. SLAVE-SHIP – TIMELESS

The Slave-Ship docks with a massive rotating space station, KORDO 4.

INT. SPACE STATION – TIMELESS

The captain, TROGAAR, and his crew of frog-like GORDANIANS step out of dock. Trogaar takes a deep breath.

TROGAAR: (subtitled) I always liked the recyclers here. So much... fresher than the ones on the homeship. Come, we have business to attend to.

The first to come out, bound with energy-cuffs, is JORMAND'P. A Tamaranian, golden skin, long hair, pupilless green eyes.

Behind him is the Hannibal Lecter of outer space. Lower body wrapped up in a tank-like vehicle, hands held in "oven mitt" like chrome manacles, upper body covered by black rags.

Trogaar points out the second to his men.

TROGAAR: (subtitled) Careful with this one. She was trained by the Warlords of Okaara.

INT. SPACE STATION – AUCTION ROOM – TIMELESS

A sprawling, multi-level room. Like an attrium, packed with aliens of all sorts. We even recognize a few Thanagarians.

WEEZAK, Trogaar's lieutenant, watches as Jor and the second slave are secured in place.

WEEZAK: (subtitled) Hurry up, hurry up, I want to get back to the Citadel in time for dinner.

TROGAAR: (subtitled) Weezak, handle this. I need to... step outside for the moment.

He heads for the restroom. Weezak holds up Jor's head, forcing his mouth open.

WEEZAK: (subtitled) Good teeth! Start the bidding at... five hundred creds.

CUSTOMER 1: (subtitled) Five hundred! You must be out of your mind!

CUSTOMER 2: (subtitled) I'd sooner kiss a sun.

WEEZAK: (subtitled) Wait! Don't leave! We have other slaves for sale!

He goes to the second Tamaranian, pulls the rags off. Long tresses of curly red hair spill around her shoulders. Her face round, green eyes feline. This is no hardened criminal. In fact, she's beautiful. A ridiculously voluptuous body, contained inside skimpy Tamaranian body armor. Nymph, stoic, and warrior laced into one being; a wild sexuality, gentle innocence, and samurai toughness which all combine into PRINCESS KORIAND'R. She turns to the nearest customer, her eyes making love to him.

CUSTOMER: (subtitled) Does she know any... pleasure techniques?

WEEZAK: (subtitled) Yes, many. Kua'dib. Muork...

KORY: (subtitled) Guavong.

Judging from their reactions, that's very, very good. Still, the customer is skeptical.

CUSTOMER: (subtitled) Let me see her hands.

The customer is always right. Weezak rushes to obey. He takes the "oven mitts" off just as Trogaar returns. His eyes widen in fear.

TROGAAR: (subtitled) No!

The first blast takes his head clean off. Kory's hands glow with GREEN ENERGY.

KORY: (subtitled) I am Princess Koriand'r of Tamaran! I am NO MAN'S slave!

She blasts her way out of the restraints and throws herself into the fray, fighting with a boxing-like style that lets her take full advantage of her "starbolts," the green projectiles emitted from her hands. An impressive fight between her and the Slavers. In the crossfire, JOR takes a shot to the chest. He crumples to the floor.

KORY: (subtitled) JORMAND'P!

She rushes to his side, half-hearted keeping the Gordanians off their backs with starbolt fire.

JOR: (subtitled) My Princess... the docking bay is two decks up. There'll be ships there. You can find your way out.

KORY: (subtitled) I won't leave you!

JOR: (subtitled) I'd only slow you down. You are Tamaran's last hope now. Go!

KORY: (subtitled) I will not abandon you!

JOR: (subtitled) I don't recall giving you a choice.

He looks to the left for a moment... then whips his head to the right, BREAKING HIS OWN NECK. Tears stream from Kory's eyes. She whispers an alien phrase into his ear, then comes up.

KORY: (subtitled) You were wrong. The Prayer of Goodbye was said over you. You will live forever in my memory, Jormand'P.

The regrouped Gordanians are on the attack again.

WEEZAK: (subtitled) We've got her pinned down! There's nowhere left for her to...

With a thought, Kory ASCENDS into the air. Hovering like a bird. Then FLYING upwards.

WEEZAK: (subtitled) Fly!?

INT. SPACE STATION – DOCKING BAY – TIMELESS

Kory flies into the room, full of various alien ships. She looks around, trying to pick out the right one. A LASER BLAST impacts by her head, inadvertantly drawing her attention to...

KORY: (subtitled) Yes!

EXT. SPACE STATION - TIMELESS

THE STAR SLIDER roars out of the docking bay like a bat out of hell! It's basically a flying car, about the size of an SUV.

INT. STAR SLIDER – TIMELESS

Kory takes aim on the holographic HUD.

KORY: (subtitled) Something to remember Tamaran by.

EXT. SPACE STATION – TIMELESS

The Star Slider ATTACKS, raining down laser fire on the Slave-Ship. Hull breaches bleed out atmosphere... as "Enforcer" ships disembark from the space station, on a pursuit course.

INT. STAR SLIDER – TIMELESS

Kory checks the computer.

KORY: (subtitled) Time to plot course?

COMPUTER: (subtitled) Four parsecs.

KORY: (subtitled) Don't have that kind of time... input random coordinates.

COMPUTER: (subtitled) Ill-advised, ill-advised, ill...

KORY: (subtitled) Override and slide on my mark!

An Enforcer comes within range, OPENS FIRE. A nasty hit causes liquid-crystalline FUEL to begin spilling out.

KORY: (subtitled) Mark!

A HYPERSPACE BUBBLE forms around the Star Slider. The ship doesn't move... it remains perfectly still. But around it, the universe leaps into motion... the stars realigning for a brief moment before settling on the familiar view around...


Next: First Impressions

 

[MaskedManJRK]

Well, generally the point is that Flash is starting to go a little... too far. But I don't want to give too much away.

Ah, okay. Can't wait to see where you're going with all of this. Liked the Nightwing and Cyborg stuff, and you might very well be the first person to actually get me to like Starfire.

But, I have to read MORE to judge that.

 

[Zev]

EXT. WATCHTOWER – TIMELESS

The space station rotates in the vacuum of space.

WALLY: (V.O.) Space: The Final Frontier...

INT. WATCHTOWER – TIMELESS

Wally looks out the window, continuing his monologue. He wears his usual casual ensemble of faded jeans and a rock band T-shirt (this one a Graceful Dead tee).

WALLY: These are the voyages of the Justice League. Our continuing mission: To explore strange new worlds. To seek out new life and new superheroes. To boldly screw with their lives as no man has screwed before!

He steps away from the window, passing a poster showing a group of smiling, cleancut, multiethnic twenty-somethings working harmoniously in JL jumpsuits, with the caption "In The League, You're Part Of The Family!" He sneers derisively at it.

PULL OUT to reveal the contrast of the others. They're lounging around the waiting area in their civvies. For the first time we see DICK GRAYSON, Nightwing's civilian alter-ego. Nineteen, certified adrenaline junkie, the ultimate big brother. He's the smartest, best-looking, most athletic guy you've ever met, times five. Every guy wants to be him, every girl wants to be with him, and every mother hopes desperately that her daughter will land him. Every move he makes is infused with Billy Zane cool. In an eccentric touch, he wears a red sweater vest. Somehow, it looks cool on him.

And a cloaked waif, RAVEN, sits in the middle of the room, meditating. Dark-eyed, pale-skinned, beautiful in a haunted way. She looks like Persephone, escaped from the underworld. She wears a black leotard under her bluish-black cloak. Short matte-black hair pokes out from her hood. Wally does a double-take upon seeing her. He gets a bit closer, recognizing her.

WALLY: Excuse me, do we know each other?

RAVEN: No.

WALLY: Are you sure, sister? I never forget a face.

RAVEN: Neither do I. And I've never seen you.

WALLY: I do know you! I've seen you in my dreams!

RAVEN: Is that some kind of lame pick-up line?

WALLY: You look a little younger though... did you have some work done? Maybe a little Botox...

RAVEN: Goodbye.

WALLY: (looking at her breasts) No, you were a little more... developed in my dreams. Maybe it was your mother, though for the ages to mesh up it'd have to be a teen pregnancy...

CYBORG: Yo. Leave her alone.

WALLY: We're just talking.

CYBORG: I said leave her alone.

WALLY: Excuse me, is NBC is paying YOU five million dollars to say "The price is right" during one of your battles?

CYBORG: Doesn't CBS produce that show?

WALLY: ...your point being?

He delivers a parting shot before he walks away.

WALLY: See you later, Raven.

She looks at him for the first time. Her eyes are resigned, fatalistic. His burn with an almost feverish intensity.

WALLY: (low) Yeah, sister, I do know you...

CYBORG: (protective) You're only supposed to use initials.

WALLY: That's easy for you to say. V is cool. V for victory, V: The Miniseries, Star Wars Episode V. What's W? Hey, is our name supposed to be first or last initial? Not that it matters...

RAVEN: Because both your names start with W?

BEAST BOY: WW? That's pretty cool. Like "World War."

WALLY: Sure thing, G.

BEAST BOY: Name's Logan. Garfield Logan.

He turns into a cat.

BEAST BOY: No relation.

He turns into a WOLVERINE.

BEAST BOY: On either count.

Grayson does a series of somersaults. Stops in front of Donna, who lowers her magazine.

GRAYSON: Jesus... D?

DONNA: D!

WALLY: Nothing like Double Ds.

Dick hugs Donna warmly.

CYBORG: You two know each other?

GRAYSON: We've worked together.

CYBORG: I'll bet.

Beast Boy looks at Wally's T-shirt.

BEAST BOY: Norm's Sup-R-Mart! That's so random! It's a totally vintage design with a real rural authenticity. Where did you get it?

WALLY: Norm's Sup-R-Mart.

SNAPPER CARR steps into the room.

SNAPPER: The Justice League has been delayed on an assignment.

WALLY: Great, so we can go, right?

SNAPPER: No. You can wait for them to get back. You all have disciplinary problems that need to be...

He notices Wally lighting a cigarette with the LIGHTER he got in Flash 2.

SNAPPER: Hey, there's no smoking in here!

WALLY: What are you going to do? Reprimand me?

SNAPPER: Hmpf. The League should be with you shortly.

He turns on his heel and exits the room. Queen's "Under Pressure" starts up as we TIME-LAPSE through the time passing. It's a long while. Raven meditates, Beast Boy plays with a Game Boy, Grayson does acrobatics, Donna reads a book, Cyborg adjusts a screw in his arm.

More time passes. Donna passes her book to Cyborg. Flash and Beast Boy play cards. Grayson tries to start a conversation with Raven.

Finally, we stop with Donna leaning against a wall, sighing with boredom.

DONNA: Hey, I've got an idea... anyone ever seen The Breakfast Club? Maybe the six of us could form a group or something.

RAVEN: No...

DONNA: Well, I thought it was a good idea.

RAVEN: There will be seven.

Just then, the Watchtower is ROCKED with a strange force.

CYBORG: What the hell was that?

WALLY: An earthquake?

GRAYSON: In space?

BEAST BOY: I give it a 6.8, because it has a beat and you can dance to it!

DONNA: Hey, guys...

She's looking out the window. We see the STAR SLIDER shoot past the station and hit atmosphere like a meteorite.

WALLY: Is it just me or was that a spaceship?

GRAYSON: First contact... Jesus H. Christ.

CYBORG: They could be hostile.

Wally smiles. He lives for this.

WALLY: Well, I'm going to go say hi.

GRAYSON: Do you get so little excitement in your life that you have to look for adventure?

WALLY: Adventure, excitement, a Jedi craves not these things.

GRAYSON: Jedi?

WALLY: You haven't seen Star Wars? What cave have you been living in?

GRAYSON: We didn't name it.

Wally gives him a "crazy!" look and starts down the corridor. The other teens look around. One by one, they start following him, starting with Beast Bot, ending with Grayson.

RAVEN: (to herself) The board is set. The pieces are in play.

INT. CORRIDOR – WATCHTOWER

Wally strides down the corridor, the others following.

GRAYSON: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Isn't this the League's job?

WALLY: The Justice League is unavailable. It's up to us. (beat) Always wanted to say that.

He stops at a door.

WALLY: Here we go. Hangar.

He punches a code into the KEYPAD. "2121809"

GRAYSON: Lincoln's birthday.

WALLY: Look at the big brains on whathisname.

The door beeps negatively.

WALLY: Damn. They deleted my pass code.

BEAST BOY: You were in the League?

WALLY: Almost. Yo; tall, dark, and mechano, you want to take a look at that?

CYBORG: What makes you think I know anything about hacking?

WALLY: Well, it'd be kind of racist if I asked one of the white people first, now wouldn't it? Oh, AND YOU'RE A ROBOT!

CYBORG: I'm a cyborg. Hence the name.

WALLY: We're all very happy for you.

Cyborg looks at the keypad. Presses a few keys. It beeps.

CYBORG: Self-cleaning. Can't pick up any traces of the last person to gain admittance. I'm going to try the manual override.

INT. HANGAR – WATCHTOWER

The door is knocked off its hinges. Cyborg lowers his foot and steps inside, the teens following.

WALLY: Manual override, huh?

CYBORG: It worked, didn't it?

In front of them are several LEAGUE SHUTTLES. Wally opens one.

WALLY: Anyone know how to fly one of these things?

DONNA: You're stealing Justice League property?

WALLY: Steal is such an ugly word. I prefer theft. It just sounds cooler to me.

GRAYSON: I can pilot it.

WALLY: Good. Everyone else, change into your work clothes.

He twists his ring. The Flash costume erupts from it.

WALLY: It's hero time.


Next: Recruitment Drive

 

[MaskedManJRK]

Nice. up:

 

[bored]

spiffy.

 

[Zev]

INT./EXT. SHUTTLE – RE-ENTRY

The hull glows cherry-red as the shuttle passes through the atmosphere. Below, we can see the VAPOR TRAIL of the Star Slider. Donna is in the co-pilot's seat.

GRAYSON: Just like old times, huh?

DONNA: Just like. You think it's a sign?

GRAYSON: What do you mean?

DONNA: Signs, portents, omens from the gods. Six teenagers with superpowers just happen to be in the same place at the same time when it comes time to help someone? Am I the only one with deja vu?

GRAYSON: They're not the same. We can't undo the mistakes of the past, no matter how much we want to. We can't repeat the past.

DONNA: (incredulous) Can't repeat the past? Why of course you can!

Through the windshield, we see where the Star-Slider has crashed. The OCEAN.

In the back, Raven sits next to Flash.

FLASH: Seven, huh? We going to meet someone down there?

RAVEN: Do you want me to tell you God's truth? This is a farm of ashes.

FLASH: I was about to say the exact same thing, sister.

Further back, Cyborg and Beast Boy.

BEAST BOY: You ever done this before? Been on a mission?

CYBORG: Nope.

BEAST BOY: So, what were you doing in the Watchtower?

CYBORG: Did a little urban renewal. Guess someone took exception to that. Probably the guy who's face I broke.

BEAST BOY: Whoa. That's hardcore.

CYBORG: Thanks.

Suddenly, Grayson shouts back...

GRAYSON: Green person, Beast Boy, right?

BEAST BOY: I prefer Changeling.

CYBORG: Nah man, Beast Boy's got a certain ring to it...

GRAYSON: Scout for survivors. Flash, you go with him.

FLASH: Who died and made you boss?

GRAYSON: That would be you, if you don't get to it.

Flash shoots him a look. The shuttle is now hovering over the ocean. The door opens.

FLASH: (to Grayson) Don't get too comfortable wearing the big hat.

GRAYSON: This isn't about who's in charge, this is about saving lives.

FLASH: Then you won't mind taking orders from me.

DONNA: Could one of you get going before I slip on all the testosterone?

Flash smiles.

FLASH: No prob.

He stands at the doorway.

FLASH: Just so you know, fearless leader, my heart will go on.

He grabs Beast Boy.

FLASH: With me, small fry. Man overboard.

He swings over the side, dragging a protesting Beast Boy with him.

EXT. WATER – DAY

Flash and Beast Boy land in the water. Spring right back up to the surface.

FLASH: Alright, we need to get that ship back to the surface. Is your superpower talking to fish or something?

BEAST BOY: There's no need to be condescending. I turn into fish. Animals of all sorts, actually. Even dinosaurs!

FLASH: Can you give me a sperm whale?

BEAST BOY: That much mass? Be tricky. I might black out.

FLASH: That's a chance I'm willing to take. When I give you the signal, transform and put the ship in your mouth. Now, follow me.

He dives.

EXT. UNDERWATER – DAY

Flash shoots downwards like a torpedo, Beast Boy following as a DOLPHIN.

They catch up to the Star Slider as it slips into the murky blackness of the abyss. Beast Boy turns into an ANGLERFISH, his bioluminescence providing illumination (whew!). Flash gives him an A-OK sign and swims to the Star Slider. He signals to Beast Boy, who transforms into a SPERM WHALE. Flash holds onto the Star Slider as Beast Boy engulfs the Star Slider.

INT. WHALE – DAY

Within the massive interior of the whale, Flash gasps in fresh air.

FLASH: Now I know what Geppeto felt like.

He pulls at the cockpit of the Star Slider, trying to get it open. Inside, we see Kory, unconscious. Purple blood runs from a gash on her head and her body is encased in a jelly-like substance (the alien equivalent of an airbag). Flash pounds on the glass. It's unbreakable.

EXT. WATER – DAY

The shuttle has landed on inflated PONTOONS. Grayson stands in the open sidedoor as Beast Boy rises and spits the Star Slider out, than reverts back to his human form. He's severely weakened. Grayson throws him a life preserver. Flash swims against the Star Slider, keeping it afloat.

FLASH: Someone throw me a rope or something!

GRAYSON: Shuttle doesn't have one!

CYBORG: That's not necessarily true.

He pulls a CABLE out of his WINCH built into his body, throws it to Flash.

FLASH: I can't believe I'm handling another man's block and tackle.

Flash begins wrapping the cable around the Star Slider as Grayson turns to Cyborg.

GRAYSON: You have a winch built into your body?

CYBORG: I have everything built in. I even have roller skates.

GRAYSON: Roller skates? When would those come in handy?

CYBORG: More often than ice skates.

Grayson looks ashamed.

DONNA: Dick, we've got company!

Grayson looks up. A NAVAL DESTROYER is on the horizon. Cyborg's artifical eye whirs and telescopes out.

CYBORG: From the markings, North Korean. They are NOT going to be happy about us traipsing about in their backyard.

GRAYSON: We are out of time! Donna, break it open.

Donna leaps down on the Star Slider, centers herself, then breaks the cockpit open like a coconut with a KARATE CHOP.

BEAST BOY: (pulling himself into the shuttle) Remind me never to piss you off.

DONNA: Who says you haven't already?

Donna scoops up the "cocoon" Kory is trapped inside as Grayson pulls a GRENADE from his belt.

GRAYSON: (re: Kory) When she wakes up, nobody tell her that she was in his mouth. Alright everyone, get clear, I'm blowing the ship.

FLASH: The hell you are!

He clambers up onto the shuttle.

GRAYSON: We can't allow the North Koreans to get their hands on that ship.

FLASH: Exactly. That's why we're taking it with us.

GRAYSON: You're thinking of the ship?

FLASH: The technology inside this ship could advance our scientific knowledge by generations, not to mention be worth billions. I'm claiming salvage. (beat) Don't worry, I'll cut you all in for a fair share.

GRAYSON: Unacceptable. We don't have time to...

FLASH: No, we don't. Fly the damn ship. There's no time to argue.

Grayson looks about to press the point. Flash interrupts before he can start...

FLASH: Unless you'd like to tell Miss First Contact there that you trashed her ride. That'll go over like a Superman-can't-see-through-it balloon.

Grayson hunkers down in the pilot's chair.

GRAYSON: You want the ship, you secure it. As of five seconds from now, we're a memory.

EXT. MOUNTAIN – DAY

The Shuttle lands, the Star Slider trailing behind it like a car with a tow truck. The teenagers (ah, to hell with it. The Titans) pile out, carrying Kory in a stretcher. She's still covered by the crash fluid. Grayson arrives at a particular rock wall, presses a section.

GRAYSON: Open, 1-1-9.

Nothing.

GRAYSON: Override, 1-1-4-8.

FLASH: Now is not the time for a nervous breakdown.

GRAYSON: I'm not hallucinating! It's...

The secret door swings open. ALFRED, a kind-looking man in his late sixties stands there, shotgun in one hand, tray of refreshments in the other.

ALFRED: Ah, Master Dick. So good to see you again! And you've brought friends.

Stunned silence.

BEAST BOY: Batman's OLDER than I thought he would be... and more British.

INT. BAT-CAVE – DAY

AN IMMENSE CAVERN. A network of aged timbers intersect themselves, shoring up the side of the foundation. High-ribbed, jagged walls, suggesting some sort of labyrinth beyond. One area of the cave is devoted to exercise - weights, Nautilus machines, rings - even a trapeze. Another section features a myriad of complicated machines and a fully equipped crime lab. A mechanical Tyrannosaurus Rex stands in another section. Next to it is the giant penny. This, along with other exhibits, is the trophy section. We also see a partially constructed futuristic HELICOPTER... a vintage Neal Adams WHIRLYBAT (as sharp-eyed viewers will note).

The Titans continue deeper into the cave, led by Alfred (who carries a lantern). They bear Kory like a Viking funeral.

BEAST BOY: (re: T-Rex) Nice decor. Looking for the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval?

DONNA: Shut up, Gar.

BEAST BOY: Hey, you remembered my name! Nobody ever remembers my name!

DONNA: Then how do they know who to stay away from?

Kory is set down on a medical exam table. Alfred begins entering commands into a console beside it.

FLASH: Maybe she's not an alien. Maybe she's an astronaut or something.

Kory opens her eyes. Solid green.

FLASH: Maybe not.

A hovering holographic schematic of Kory's physiology appears over her, descends onto her body. Unsurprising, it's totally unlike anything we've ever seen before.

CYBORG: Two hearts.

BEAST BOY: She'd need twice as much Maalox as a human!

FLASH: Shut up Gar.

BEAST BOY: Hey, you know my name too!

FLASH: Heard when D said it.

DONNA: My name is Donna.

FLASH: Whatever.

Grayson points to two organs, apparently linked to the mouth and nostrils. They're full of crash fluid.

GRAYSON: I think these are her lungs.

FLASH: And if they're not?

GRAYSON: Then let's hope we haven't killed anyone important.

He brings his fist down on the lungs. Kory's eyes snap open again and she rolls to the side, vomiting off the exam table. Grayson scoots onto the table and compassionately holds her hair. She turns back to him, wiping crash fluid from her mouth and flicking it away. She's covered in the stuff. Alfred hands her a towel. She begins wiping off, says "Thank you" in her language.

ALFRED: You're quite welcome.

Yello's "Oh Yeah" plays. Grayson is taken aback as her form is revealed under the crash fluid. She's beautiful... and wearing very little. And he's still sitting next to her.

GRAYSON: Ummm... hi.

FLASH: Way to make first contact.

DONNA: Shh!

KORY: Bah weep granna weep ninny bahn.

FLASH: I don't recognize a word of that and I've been around. You?

NIGHTWING: No.

CYBORG: Doesn't fit anything in my databases.

Flash looks at Cyborg, who taps the metal side of his head.

FLASH: Cute.

BEAST BOY: Maybe we can use the universal language... of music! (singing) Be our guest, be our guest, put our service to the test! Something something, a whole new world, a dazzling...

He begins waving his arms frantically to cover up his lack of lyrical knowledge.

BEAST BOY: Can you feel the love tonight? The world for once, in perfect harmony...

GRAYSON: Well, if she hasn't told him to shut up by now, she obviously doesn't know how to.

BEAST BOY: Good thin... HEY!

Kory looks at Grayson exclusively. Smiles at him. Grayson taps his chest.

GRAYSON: Dick. My name is Dick.

She taps his chest slowly.

KORY: Dick.

GRAYSON: That's right.

Kory taps her own chest.

KORY: Koriand'r.

Grayson tries to reproduce the strange inflections. It's no small feat for a human tongue to produce the same consonents.

GRAYSON: Kory... Anders?

Kory nods. Close enough. Kory taps his chest.

KORY: Dick.

She taps her own chest.

KORY: Koriand'r.

Grayson looks at others.

GRAYSON: I think she's getting the hang of this.

She kisses him, slow and hot on the mouth.

FLASH: And I thought I worked fast.

Grayson's eyes widen and we see FLASHES of his past. A trapeze artist in the circus... a mere glimpse of his childhood days before we SLAM back to the present as Kory breaks away from him.

KORY: Your name is Dick Grayson. My name is... Princess Koriand'r.

GRAYSON: (realizing) Their race has touch telepathy. I just taught her English.

FLASH: Bet you slipped a little French in there too, eh?

BEAST BOY: (to Kory) Habla espanol? Sprechen sie deutsch, fraulein?

ALFRED: Master Dick, the... master would like to see you.

Grayson smiles ruefully. He knew this was coming.

GRAYSON: I'll be right back.

He walks off as Kory sits up. Flash looks at Alfred.

FLASH: The master, huh?

ALFRED: Yes.

FLASH: So... you wATch tHe PlaCE wHIle thE mAsTEr iS aWaY?

ALFRED: ...yes, I think that's safe to say.

FLASH: Say "ThE MastER wOUld Not aPpRovE."

ALFRED: No.

MEANWHILE, Donna is helping out Kory.

DONNA: So, (mispronounces it) Koriand'r... (mispronounces it again) Koriand'r... Kory, are you alright? Any pains?

KORY: No, I feel... fine? That is word? That is THE word?

DONNA: Yes.

KORY: Why do you cover your body so much? Are you ashamed of it?

DONNA: No, I'm... I'll explain later.

KORY: I am looking forward to it! (beat, realizes what she has just said automatically) What a strange expression! This is an interesting language! I very much enjoyed learning it.

Donna smirks.

DONNA: I'll bet.

CYBORG: Hey, anybody seen Raven?

BEAST BOY: No.

KORY: Raven?

CYBORG: You think she's back at the shuttle? Oh man, I left her on the shuttle!

ELSEWHERE, Flash is taking cover behind a stalagmite. He pulls off a glove. Underneath, his hand is a construct of pure energy. It flickers in and out, gradually fading back into flesh.

FLASH: Why can't I control this?

He pulls the glove back on and steps out from behind the stalagmite, intercepting Cyborg.

FLASH: Listen... Cyborg, right?

CYBORG: Right.

Flash wraps an arm around Cyborg's shoulders.

FLASH: You think this place has everything you need to do an analysis on the ship?

CYBORG: Maybe a preliminary one, but nothing in-depth.

FLASH: I just need answers and I need them now. (lowers his voice so Kory can't hear) Are there going to be more of those things? And if there are, how do we fight them?

CYBORG: My parents have a few contacts at S.T.A.R. Labs. I could have them do some tests on the metal.

FLASH: Good, perfect. Get on that.

CYBORG: By the way, that was good thinking taking the ship along. I like how you thought on your feet.

FLASH: Where else would I think?

He pats Cyborg on the shoulder as the man-machine goes to follow Beast Boy. From another part of the cave we can hear muffled shouting, the words unclear but the emotion tangible. One of the voices is Grayson. Flash sits down next to a display case of disguises. He looks at them. Takes out a latex mask (similar to the one Grayson used in the opening) experimentally, sets it flush against his face. Looks like it fits pretty well.

BARBARA: (O.S.) Keep it. Looks good on you.

Flash turns around to see Barbara, recognizing her voice.

FLASH: You're... not what I expected.

BARBARA: You're exactly what I expected.

He tucks the mask in his belt as Grayson walks back onto scene.

GRAYSON: (re: shouting) Sorry about that. He... values his privacy.

He gives Barbara a familiar peck on the cheek. Their relationship is clear. Flash raises an eyebrow.

GRAYSON: Hey babe.

BARBARA: Hey.

GRAYSON: We were just leaving. See you tonight?

BARBARA: Sure.

Grayson walks offscreen, leaving Flash and Barbara alone. We hear him shouting out a few orders in the background, of the "pack it up, we're leaving" variety. Barbara avoids Flash's gaze.

BARBARA: I didn't want you to find out like this.

FLASH: Why not?

BARBARA: Maybe I just enjoyed... how you thought of me.

FLASH: Whatever I thought of you, you lived up to it. (beat) Although you're a tad shorter than I expected.

Barbara cracks up.

Grayson, from out of nowhere, places a hand on Flash's shoulder that is both reminder and warning.

GRAYSON: Flash, we're leaving.

FLASH: (Wayne and/or Garth) What? Did your dad say we can't practice in his garage? How are we ever going to be ready for Battle of the Bands?

Grayson walks off. He stops in front of an EXHIBIT. Alfred joins him.

GRAYSON: Funny... I don't remember which case this came from.

ALFRED: I believe it transpired after Master Jason became Robin.

Grayson fakes a smile.

GRAYSON: Right.

EXT. BATCAVE – DAY

The Titans-to-be exit to the shuttle, Kory floating among them. Raven is waiting for them.

CYBORG: Flash was right. We should form a club. A league or something!

FLASH: A league? Who the hell are you, Jules Verne?

KORY: There are seven of us. Perhaps we should be the "Seven Soldiers."

BEAST BOY: No way! That's a lame name! We should call ourselves something cool, like... like... the DOOM PATROL!

FLASH: No one let him name anything, ever.

GRAYSON: I have the perfect name.

EXT. CENTRAL CITY – EVENING

The sleek, corporate megalopolis. Keystone's big brother. Makes Metropolis look like a Dairy Queen. Built on the shore of the vast PEREZ BAY. And in the center of that bay is an island, on which is built a stupendous SKYSCRAPER in the shape of a T (which I realize is architectually unfeasible, but, gentle reader, you've already accepted men that can run faster than the speed of sound, shapeshifters, aliens, cyborgs, space stations, and others. So exercise that suspension of disbelief a little more). Think Terrace on the Park in Flushing Meadow Park.

The SHUTTLE flies towards it.

FLASH: (V.O.) What is this? Your secret headquarters? We're hiding out inside a building shaped like a giant initial? No sir, they'll never look for us there.

INT. TITAN TOWER – EVENING

The core of Titan Tower is taken up by a massive, multi-level atrium, the majority of the building donuted around it. Glass elevators run up and down its length.

And the place is a ****ing wreck. Cobwebs, dust, it's been abandoned for a while. The Titans walk through.

GRAYSON: This place was once the headquarters of an elite team. Myself, Aqualad, Speedy, (nods to Donna) Wonder Girl here, and Kid Flash.

BEAST BOY: Kid Flash? Any relation?

FLASH: Thawne. We've met.

GRAYSON: He still on the loose?

FLASH: (grim nod) Still.

RAVEN: (to herself) Speedy?

GRAYSON: After we... disbanded... I kinda gave the maid the decade off. But I figure this is as good a place as any to hole Kory up until we figure out what to do with her. (to Kory, apologetic) If that's alright with you, of course.

Kory has plucked a spider from its web.

KORY: What is this called?

GRAYSON: A spider.

KORY: Ohhhh.

CYBORG: You're not going to put that in your mouth, are you?

Kory eats it.

CYBORG: And you did.

Grayson digs through a pantry.

GRAYSON: If you're hungry, it can't be too hard to find something compatible with your digestive system. Our races don't seem so different...

He's not having much luck.

FLASH: I could go get some food, if you want.

GRAYSON: No thanks.

FLASH: Take me about two seconds ta run down to 7-11.

GRAYSON: I said I've got it!

He gives Kory a can of SPAM, opens it for her. Doesn't look very appetizing.

GRAYSON: Sorry about the food, but I haven't updated the stock in a while.

She pours the meat out, then eats the can.

GRAYSON: Whatever works for you.

FLASH: Speaking of food, anyone got the time?

CYBORG: Seven forty-two.

FLASH: The casserole!

He disappears. Grayson looks at the others.

GRAYSON: Well, if that's everyone, I think we've got a lot to talk about...


Next: Meet The Parents

 

[MaskedManJRK]

Coolz.

 

[Zev]

INT. KITCHEN – LINDA'S HOUSE – EVENING

Wally, smoking a cigarette, pulls the casserole out of the oven. It's burnt to a crisp.

WALLY: Linda will understand.

Leslie walks into the kitchen.

LESLIE: Linda won't understand.

She takes the cigarette from him, drops it on the floor, and stomps it out under her foot.

WALLY: I was making first contact with an alien species.

LESLIE: And now you're making first contact with her parents... and all you have to offer is a burnt casserole.

WALLY: Oh yeah?

INT. HOUSE 1 – EVENING

A man answers the door.

WALLY: Hello, are you fixing a casserole tonight?

INT. HOUSE 2 – EVENING

A woman answers the door.

WALLY: Hello, are you fixing a casserole tonight?

INT. HOUSE 3 – EVENING

Another man answers the door.

WALLY: Hello, are you fixing a casserole tonight?

MAN: Yes, I am.

WALLY: Can I have it?

MAN: No.

WALLY: I'll pay you fifty bucks.

MAN: No.

WALLY: A hundred.

MAN: Why?

WALLY: You can fix another casserole!

MAN: But I like this casserole.

WALLY: It's a casserole! It's not worth one hundred dollars!

MAN: Then why are you willing to pay a hundred dollars for it?

Wally looks around. How's he going to explain this one. Then a lightbulb comes up over his head.

WALLY: Hypertime.

MAN: Oh, alright.

EXT. HOUSE 3 – EVENING

Wally walks away from the house, holding the casserole. REVEAL he's in San Francisco.

WALLY: Nobody fixes casserole anymore.

INT. LINDA'S HOUSE – EVENING

Wally opens the door. Linda's there. We see her parents, ANGUS and LISA PARK, getting their bags out of the car.

LINDA: Wally, tell me the casserole is fine.

WALLY: Perfect.

LINDA: Alright, good. Remember, we want to break it to them very gently that we're married. So don't say anything about that.

WALLY: Got it.

LINDA: And don't mention how you kinda... destroyed their son-in-law.

WALLY: He started it.

LINDA: And above all else, don't tell them about your one night stand with Leslie.

WALLY: Water under the bridge.

LINDA: In fact, it'd probably be best if you said as little as possible.

WALLY: I was thinking the exact same thing.

Linda's parents have drawn near.

LINDA: Wally, these are my parents, Angus and Lisa Park.

WALLY: Nice to meet you, Mrs. Park. Mr. Park.

ANGUS: I'm not in the military anymore, but I'd still prefer to be called the Colonel.

WALLY: Well, it's a pleasure to finally meet you, Colonel Angus.

LISA: So, this is your boyfriend?

LINDA: (correcting) Husband.

Linda slaps her forehead. Oops.

ANGUS: YOU'RE MARRIED!?

WALLY: (quickly) Only a little.

LISA: How can you be only a little married?

WALLY: Very carefully.

LINDA: We eloped.

WALLY: You could say it was a spur of the moment thing.

Polite laughter.

LINDA: You might say it was on impulse!

More laughter.

WALLY: You might say we were totally wasted and got hitched in a Vegas chapel by an Elvis impersonator!

Dead silence.

WALLY: You MIGHT say that...

INT. LINDA'S HOUSE – DINING ROOM – EVENING

Wally, Linda, and the 'rents are gathered round the dinner table. There's not much to talk about.

LINDA: Mom, tell Wally the story of how you and dad met.

LISA: Oh, it was unforgettable. I was a resident, Angus was in the ROTC program... At first I couldn't stand Colonel Angus.

WALLY: He rubbed you the wrong way?

Linda elbows Wally in the ribs. The parents don't notice.

LISA: Yes, that's it exactly. Colonel Angus is an acquired taste. He may be rough, he may not smell very good... but deep down, Colonel Angus is very sweet. So when when Angus popped the question...

WALLY: Well, what woman could say no to Colonel Angus?

LINDA: (under her breath) I'm in love with a ******.

WALLY: (sotto) Is he a better lay than me?

LISA: Wally, why is it you haven't had us over before now?

WALLY: I've been very busy. But Linda's wanted us to have Colonel Angus here for ages.

ANGUS: If I overstay my welcome, just tap me on the head. But I'd really like to stay long enough to get to know my new... son-in-law.

WALLY: (to Linda) I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to a great many experiences with Colonel Angus.

INT. WALLY'S ROOM – LINDA'S HOUSE – NIGHT

Wally is lying awake in bed.

WALLY: Well, that went well.

We can hear water running in the background.

LINDA: (O.S.) Could've been worse.

WALLY: How could it have been worse?

LINDA: (O.S.) They could've transformed into aliens or something.

WALLY: I had a dream once that my father did that.

LINDA: (O.S.) My parents don't like you, you know.

WALLY: I kinda figured.

LINDA: (O.S.) I figure it's the Mormon thing. My father's Mormon, which means my mother is Mormon, so it stands to follow...

WALLY: Ouch.

LINDA: (O.S.) Of course, when Leslie married a non-Mormon supervillain, no one batted an eyelash because she's just so damn perfect...

WALLY: Maybe they did and you just didn't notice.

LINDA: (O.S.) Oh, trust me, they didn't. Always did love her best...

Wally doesn't want to argue the point.

WALLY: Yeah, that sounds like them, the bastards.

LINDA: (O.S.) They're not all that bad, they're just very protective.

WALLY: So am I. Look, I've stared down the forces of darkness on multiple occasions, I think I can handle the Mormons. Although when you think about it, there's really not that much difference...

Linda steps out of the bathroom in sweatpants and a tanktop.

LINDA: (warningly) Wally...

She slips into bed.

LINDA: (re: clothes) I know, it's not silk lingerie...

WALLY: You'd look good in anything. (reaching out) Of course, you'd look better in nothing.

Right on cue, Micah's crying interrupts them.

LINDA: You know, it's really unfair that we have to deal with a baby without first doing the fun part.

Wally looks away, burying his head in the pllows.

WALLY: Good night.

LINDA: Night.

He turns off the light. A few seconds later, he turns it back on.

WALLY: You know, maybe we should think about getting our own place.

LINDA: We've talked about this...

WALLY: No we haven't. Now when I moved in here, I thought it was only going to be for a little while, you told me it was only going to be for a little while...

LINDA: So, what, you want me to leave Leslie to raise a child by herself?

WALLY: I'm not saying that, it's just...

LINDA: Do you want to move out?

WALLY: No, of course not, I'm just wondering when we're going to get a little times to ourselves. I'm tired of being pulled in every direction.

LINDA: I know.

WALLY: At least go apartment-hunting with me. See if we can find a place...

LINDA: No, I can't. I've got the show and...

WALLY: I understand.

He turns off the light.

WALLY: (quiet, to himself) I always have to "understand"...


Next: Joining Up And The Obligatory "Cleaning The Place Up" Montage.

 

[Zev]

INT. WATCHTOWER – THE NEXT DAY

Flash walks through the station.

FLASH: (singing) Red streak speeds by, Flash the Hedgehog. Too fast for the naked eye, Flash the Hedgehog. Flash, he can really move. Flash, he's got an attitude. Flash, he's the fastest thing alive!

He sits down in front of GREEN ARROW, who's trying to work at a crossword puzzle.

FLASH: Hey Green Arrow. Still like hard, pointy shafts?

GREEN ARROW: You were supposed to be at the meeting.

FLASH: It's alright, I forgive you for starting without me. Mind giving me the Cliff's Notes version?

GREEN ARROW: You mean, now that we've come to our decision and there's no way you can change it?

FLASH: That's somewhat ominous.

GREEN ARROW: Six days ago, you barely managed to stop Plunder from releasing nerve gas into the subways.

FLASH: Hey, I handled it, didn't I? Near-disasters don't count.

GREEN ARROW: Your entire career as the Flash has been marked with disregard for the law, lack of respect for authority, and general malcontent. You yourself are brash, reckless, impulsive, immature, and a publicity hound!

FLASH: What are you getting at, queen? (off his reaction) I'm sorry, do you prefer Ollie?

GREEN ARROW: The Twin Cities have grown since the days of Barry Allen. Perhaps it is too much for one man to handle... especially if that man has your... limited... experience.

FLASH: You're replacing me?

GREEN ARROW: No. Merely placing you among colleagues, where you could better learn how to be a hero. We've been meaning to place you together for some time now.

FLASH: I don't need babysitters and I don't need an entourage. I can do this on my own.

GREEN ARROW: The counsel has made its decision. I suggest you abide by it. Or can you follow no rules but your own?

FLASH: Hey, hey, I never said I didn't play well with others. But who exactly did you have in mind?

GREEN ARROW: The team has already been assembled.

FLASH: Well, I need to review the ranks, see what their training is, how well they can take orders...

GREEN ARROW: That is not your concern.

FLASH: Beg pardon?

GREEN ARROW: You will not be leading the group.

FLASH: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! I am the go-to guy. I am Keystone City's favorite son. What schlub could possibly take my place?

GREEN ARROW: Nightwing out of Bludhaven.

FLASH: Who?

GREEN ARROW: I believe you've met. Batman vouched for him.

FLASH: Oh, Batman. Well, that changes everything.

GREEN ARROW: Batman is a senior member of the counsel. You would do well to follow his example. By the way, your new comic book hit the shelves today. You gave us the publication rights when you tried to join. Maybe you should give it a read.

He throws a comic book on the table. The cover is drawn by Rob Liefeld. Flash seethes.

FLASH: I'm going to get you for this! And I'm not going to be one of your damn sidekicks!

INT. WATCHTOWER – CORRIDOR – DAY

Flash walks down the corridor, quivering with rage. He actually goes "on the fritz," buzzing in and out as his anger unconsciously activates the Speed Force. He stops, calms down. Continues on.

INT. LINDA'S HOUSE – DAY

Wally is watching a movie when Leslie comes downstairs, holding Micah.

LESLIE: Wally, could you take the dog for a walk?

WALLY: He's not my dog.

LESLIE: Roger always used to walk the dog.

WALLY: Roger also tried to take over the world.

LESLIE: Just think of it was your way of pitching in. Since you don't pay for rent or food or... much of anything, really.

WALLY: I'm sensing a little unresolved sexual tension here. Anytime you want to join Linda and be the bread in a Wally sandwich, just say the word.

Leslie just smiles and turns off the DVD player, changes the channel to Teletubbies. Micah claps her hands.

WALLY: A man's got a limit! I can't get a life if my heart's not in it!

EXT. BLUDHAVEN – DAY

Here, the Great Depression never ended. OFFICER DICK GRAYSON patrols this hellhole on motorcycle, trying to keep anyone from lighting a match in his assigned powderkeg.

POLICE DISPATCH: (filtered) All units, we have a hostage situation at the Detlife Building, all units...

Grayson turns the corner into a dark alley...

INT. HIDE-OUT – DAY

Acrobat twins MARGOT and ALIKI have Wally (who wears a stylish, casual black suit, including a topcoat) tied up, Margot holding a feather, Aliki a scarf. Suddenly, NIGHTWING crashes through the window on motorcycle.

NIGHTWING: Let him... go?

Wally groans in disappointment. He stands up, the ropes dropping away from him. The man doesn't have time to NOT be an awesome mother****er.

WALLY: You couldn't have waited five minutes? (to Double Dare) Sorry, ladies, we'll have to pick this up another time. Bon voyage. Shoo. The men have to talk.

They go, blowing him kisses.

NIGHTWING: You're letting them go.

WALLY: Nightwing, the world would be a poorer place with them in prison, don't you think?

NIGHTWING: The world is going to be a poorer place because they're going to STEAL EVERYTHING!

WALLY: Yes, but... they're twins. TWINS, Nightwing. Anyway, just needed to let you know that I'm in.

NIGHTWING: In what?

WALLY: Your group. What are we calling ourselves anyway? The Thunderbolts? Thunderbirds? Must be something with thunder in it, I'm sure...

NIGHTWING: The Teen Titans.

WALLY: ...no, really.

NIGHTWING: Really.

WALLY: ...I'll learn to love it. And in the meantime, I'll be happy to be Tyler to your Tippecanoe.

NIGHTWING: Harrison.

WALLY: Whatever. I think you could use a man of my experience at your right hand. From what I've seen, leading a team this size... gonna be harder than it looks. Things have changed since your day. They have silicon boobs and let you say "****" on TV.

NIGHTWING: I appreciate the offer, but Donna's the deputy leader until further notice.

WALLY: That so?

NIGHTWING: Yeah. That's so. She's my oldest friend, I trust her implicitly.

WALLY: So you don't trust me?

NIGHTWING: And they call me a detective. Sorry, but I don't see any need for you on the team. You're a disruptive influence and you'll bring down trouble we don't need on all our heads.

WALLY: League says I'm in, buffalo wing. You gonna tell them to sit on it and rotate? I'm betting you haven't got the guts.

NIGHTWING: (quiet) ...if the League says you're in, you're in. Just don't expect the rest of us to like it.

WALLY: Fooly cooly. Oh, and one other thing. Who's going to take care of Bludhaven while you're out?

NIGHTWING: I have a replacement in mind.

WALLY: This replacement have a name?

NIGHTWING: Not for you.

WALLY: Touche. (gives weird salute) Be seeing you.

INT. LINDA'S HOUSE – DAY

Wally is packing. Linda stands nearby.

WALLY: This has nothing to do with us. It's just until I get the team in working order. Think of it like a... business trip. (beat) It's a five minute run, and that's pacing myself. You have my beeper number. You can call anytime.

LINDA: It's not the same.

WALLY: No, it's not.

LINDA: Why do you have to lead these... Teen Titans anyway?

WALLY: Well, I couldn't very well say no. They might get killed without me. I couldn't live with myself if that happened.

He closes his suitcase, picks it up.

WALLY: I have work to do. Read your newspaper everyday and you'll understand.

LINDA: Which section?

WALLY: I don't know... Life & Arts?

EXT. TITAN TOWER – DAY

Wally looks up at the decrepit Titan Tower. He's still wearing his sleek, fashionable suit, and holding his suitcase in one hand. He shakes his head.

WALLY: I've got a lot of work to do.

INT. TITAN TOWER – BARRACKS – DAY

We leap right into the chorus of AC/DC's "Back In Black" as Wally, smoking a cigarette, hangs up that famous Farrah Fewcett poster. This space is uniquely his, not the uneasy melange of the room he and Linda shared. Some Transformers toys, a TV and VCR, a mini-fridge, etc. A bachelor pad, basically.

Donna, from the doorway, sees the pin-up.

DONNA: You know that objectifies women?

WALLY: (sarcastic) And I have to live with that guilt for the rest of my life.

He waves her goodbye. His Flash Ring glimmers in the light, striking a chord of the operatic high-adventure FLASH THEME, before we pan back to Donna and track with her as she walks away. "Back In Black" melts into DONNA'S THEME, a Gwen Stefani-like breezy girlpop opening that quickly sharpens into brutal DARKCORE as her face falls with discontent ("Nobody listens to me. Nobody takes me seriously.") and she enters her room, which is filled with Amazon weapons and training equipment.

The haunting melodies of RAVEN'S THEME take over as she sweeps past camera. She stalks down the corridor and into her room, which appears to be pitch black. Next door, Cyborg steps out of his room. The thick-as-molasses bass lines and heavy licks of a blues tune (electronic would be too obvious, wouldn't you agree?), CYBORG'S THEME, come on the soundtrack.

KORY'S THEME, a cool, groovy J-pop tune, accompanies her as she hovers along with the rest, meeting up with BEAST BOY, who now leads the way to the sound of his THEME, a light, airy hip-hop song (the kind of thing Will Smith would sing).

And as the group continues into the Assembly Room, their themes blend together into the TITANS THEME, incorporating each of their different themes from moment to moment before the mix is dominated by NIGHTWING'S THEME, a dark, gothic orchestra showing us that he is clearly a Son of the Bat. But soon Nightwing's Theme gives up the spotlight and joins the beat, the Titans Theme swelling and growing until it comes to a dynamic crescendo as the team, in full costume, assembles for the first time.

FLASH: Alright... now what?

INT. TITAN TOWER – ASSEMBLY ROOM – DAY

An all-purpose briefing room, water cooler discussion place, and lecture hall, all in one. Nightwing stands at the forefront.

NIGHTWING: We're all here? Good, then let's get started. As of this moment, you are all part of the new Teen Titans.

FLASH: Some-new, some-different?

NIGHTWING: Don't be cheeky.

Flash sits next to Donna, who's taken in the messy surroundings.

FLASH: (sotto) Well, if we fix this place up... it could be a real ****hole!

DONNA: (sotto) There's that can-do spirit we've all come to love.

NIGHTWING: Right, first task... let's get this place cleaned up. Supplies in the corner. Let's get started.

The Titans pick up cleaning supplies. Flash sees that Kory isn't doing anything. He kicks up a mope, spins it around ala Darth Maul, then holds it out to Kory.

FLASH: You want to lend a hand, E.T.?

KORY: I will be addressed as Princess Koriand'r... or not at all!

CYBORG: Guess they don't have chill pills in outer space.

KORY: Shut up! You are ugly! I am the prettiest one here!

She runs off.

NIGHTWING: I'm the leader. I'll talk to her.

He walks after her. Flash chimes in with...

FLASH: Uptown girl!
She's been living in her uptown world...

The others, except for Nightwing and Raven, quickly join in.

ALL: I bet she's never had a backstreet guy
I bet her momma never told her why

Nightwing simmers as they continue their song behind him.

INT. TITAN TOWER – KORY'S ROOM – DAY

Nightwing enters. The room is entirely undecorated. Kory looks at him.

NIGHTWING: Well, I see you haven't quite... adjusted to your new surroundings yet.

KORY: No.

NIGHTWING: Listen, Princess... Kory... I know you're scared. You're in a strange place, with strange people, millions of miles from home, perhaps never to see your friends and family again... I'm not helping, am I?

Kory shakes her head.

NIGHTWING: To tell you the truth, I'm scared as well. I'm a little new around here myself. But I can conquer that fear. Because these people are my friends and yours too. They won't let any harm come to us.

KORY: And are you my friend?

NIGHTWING: I would never let anything hurt you.

KORY: Thank you.

NIGHTWING: So c'mon, how about we show those guys what you can do?

Kory smiles. Bone Symphony's "One Foot In Front of The Other" starts.

INT. TITAN TOWER – MONTAGE – DAY

A series of shots guiding us through the restoration of the Tower, including...

Donna gets up from scrubbing the floor to stretch. The men all stare.

Beast Boy, as a cat, chases a rat.

Flash "dusts" a room by running in a circle, creating a whirlwind which sucks all the grime up... leaving him covered in it when he comes to a stop.

Nightwing, standing on a ladder, changes a lightbulb. Kory hands him a new one. He thanks her, then does a double-take when he realizes she's hovering off the ground.

Flash tries out a faucet. Murky brown water comes out. He gets some on his hands. Wipes it on Raven's cloak when she isn't looking.

Cyborg looks at a dusty floor. Turns one leg into a VACUUM CLEANER and begins cleaning up.

Beast Boy, as an elephant, sucks up some water in his trunk and sprays it out on the ceiling, cleaning away cobwebs.

Cyborg, still vacuuming, picks up a couch to vacuum under it.

Donna wields two brooms at once as she cleans out a room.

Flash rewires a fusebox. Connects two wires. BZZZZT!

Flash comes out of the room, his body black with soot. He raises a finger as if about to say something, coughs out some smoke, then collapses.

Nightwing washes a window. Is surprised to see Kory washing the other side of the window... reverse angle reveals she's hovering outside Titan Tower, thirty floors up.

Flash moonwalks past Donna and Beast Boy (who are scrubbing the floor), two sponges tied to the bottom of his feet. Donna and Beast Boy look at each other.

Flash, Donna, and Beast Boy skate past Grayson on sponges.

Nightwing hammers some nails. Accidentally hits his thumb. He holds it up and Raven grabs hold of it for a moment, whispers something under her breath. Nightwing marvels as the pain goes away.

Beast Boy is painting a wall. Donna walks by. He checks her out as she leaves. Turns back to his work to see he's reached a doorway... and painted over Cyborg's face.

Nightwing walks into a bathroom. Runs back out in horror.

Nightwing, now wielding a flamethrower and a bio-suit, torches the bathroom.

Montage comes to an end.


Next: Zandia

 

[Zev]

INT. TITAN TOWER – TROPHY ROOM – DAY

Cyborg and Grayson walk through the trophy room. Most of the "exhibits" are empty, but a few are still full.

GRAYSON: Man, I can't believe we just left this stuff here.

Cyborg picks up what looks like a futuristic bazooka.

CYBORG: Is this a sonic cannon?

GRAYSON: Oh, yeah. We took it from... whatshisname? Trident! He made Aqualad deaf for a while...

CYBORG: Mind if I borrow it?

GRAYSON: Go ahead.

INT. TITAN TOWER – COMPUTER ROOM – DAY

The processing power for the entire tower is located in here. One mainframe reads "Climate Control," another reads "Defense Systems." That sort of thing. BARBARA is bringing the new systems on line, updating from DOS to Cray supercomputers. Hands start rubbing her shoulders.

BARBARA: Oh, thanks pookie. I needed that.

WALLY: (O.S.) Anytime, "pookie."

Barbara spins around. Wally backs away, snerting.

WALLY: Magic fingers.

BARBARA: That's not funny.

She strains for a surge protector on a high shelf. Wally grabs it and holds it out for her.

WALLY: Like a fish needs a bicycle, right?

BARBARA: Don't get cute.

WALLY: I'll pass the word along to my plastic surgeon. Need some help?

BARBARA: There's a reason I don't have handles on the back of my wheelchair, West.

WALLY: It looks cool? (beat) Call me Wally.

He lies down beside her wheelchair, crawls underneath the computer.

WALLY: Tell me what to hook up.

BARBARA: You ever do anything like this before?

WALLY: Programmed my VCR.

BARBARA: This is slightly more complicated than that.

WALLY: I figured. What first?

BARBARA: Plug the I/O line into the orange socket.

WALLY: (fumbles around) Check. (beat) So, Nightwing, huh?

BARBARA: (nodding) Nightwing.

WALLY: Seems like a nice guy.

BARBARA: He is. You see the thick blue cable?

WALLY: Uh-huh.

BARBARA: That's the broadband. Plug it into the socket marked "Modem."

WALLY: Don't think this team would work without him. Nightwing I mean.

BARBARA: Flip the red switch into on position.

WALLY: Makes everyone feel at home. Even Kory.

BARBARA: Kory?

Wally rolls out from under the computer for a moment.

WALLY: You know...

He pantomimes her silhouette with his hands.

WALLY: With the hair?

BARBARA: Oh. Her.

WALLY: Yeah.

Wally returns to under the computer.

WALLY: Spends a lot of time with her, makes sure she doesn't feel lonely or lost or anything.

BARBARA: Well, he's always been friendly.

WALLY: What about you?

BARBARA: Plug in the green cables to the three tiers. What do you mean?

WALLY: Are you friendly?

BARBARA: I'm sociable.

WALLY: That's good. So, how about joining me for a drink later?

BARBARA: I don't think it'd be appropriate.

WALLY: According to who?

BARBARA: Me. Maybe your wife. You want me to take a poll or is that good enough for you?

WALLY: It's fine. You just seem awful defensive.

BARBARA: I'm not being defensive.

WALLY: Yes, you are.

BARBARA: No, I'm not. And you're supposed to be hooking the computer up.

WALLY: I did. Try it.

Barbara boots up the computer. It works perfectly.

WALLY: Well?

BARBARA: It works.

Wally rolls out from under the computer again.

WALLY: Never underestimate the programming power necessary to get a VCR working. Those things are the devil.

He extends his hand to Barbara. She helps him up. Their banter is light, flirtatious. Wally's all charm.

WALLY: You be sure to call me if you have second thoughts on that drink.

BARBARA: I do my drinking at home.

WALLY: I'll have to visit sometime.

BARBARA: I'll have to invite you sometime.

WALLY: You do that. Maybe I can program your VCR.

BARBARA: I don't have a VCR.

WALLY: Don't tell me you're into Betamax.

BARBARA: Tivo.

WALLY: Maybe you can teach me how to use it.

BARBARA: There's no real trick to it.

WALLY: Then I won't be there long. Unless you have some other things you want to teach me...

NIGHTWING: (O.S.) Ahem.

Wally turns. Nightwing stands in the doorway. Barbara tries to back away from Wally, but Wally grabs her wheelchair, preventing her from moving. If Nightwing notices, he doesn't give a sign.

WALLY: It's not what you think! I know it looks like we're getting the system online, but we're actually having sex.

NIGHTWING: (ignoring him, to Barbara) Computers up?

Barbara suppresses her panic. Wally discreetly lets go of her wheelchair and moves away from her in a more natural, roundabout manner.

BARBARA: Yeah. Should run nice and smooth now.

WALLY: She was having some hardware trouble, I helped her sort it out.

NIGHTWING: Nice of you.

WALLY: Ain't it just?

It couldn't be more obvious that they don't trust each other.

WALLY: I'd better see if anyone else needs my help.

NIGHTWING: You'd better.

Wally exits. Nightwing smiles, thinking he's won the mini-confrontation when...

WALLY: (O.S.) Kory, you need a hand with that?

Nightwing's face falls. He tries to hide it from Barbara as he crosses over to her and massages her shoulders, a bit possessively. There's an undercurrent of "staking his claim" to the scene.

NIGHTWING: Think you could help me out on transportation too? Steer me to the info I need on the web.

BARBARA: Last time I checked, Batman was good with transport. Bat-Wing, Bat-Copter, Batmobile, Batboat...

NIGHTWING: I don't want to go running to him for advice every ten minutes.

BARBARA: What's with you guys? You have to make everything so difficult. He views you as an equal. Get over it.

NIGHTWING: He was just down in Bludhaven last week to...

BARBARA: He's concerned about you. Though it would kill him to say it. Just like it kills you to ask for help.

NIGHTWING: Listen, things are okay between us right now, but you don't know what it's like in his shadow.

Barbara reaches up and slips his mask off, gesturing with it.

BARBARA: I don't, huh? You seem to forget how he reacted the first time I showed up in a cape and boots.

GRAYSON: (laughing) He just about hit the stalactites.

BARBARA: (serious) You were invited into the club, Dick. I joined over his disapproval. His very vocal disapproval.

GRAYSON: (smiling) We had some times...

Barbara is not pleased at the memories Grayson's words bring up... and even less so with the nostalgia he obviously feels.

INT. TITAN TOWER – COMMON ROOM – DAY

Wally is trying to use the phone as Cyborg enters.

WALLY: Hey, Wondy, you got any idea what's wrong with this thing?

CYBORG: You have to press nine to dial out.

WALLY: Oh, thanks.

He dials as Cyborg rummages through the refridgerator.

WALLY: Linda? Yeah, it's me. Just calling to tell you that I can't get away from work tonight. No, everything's fine, just kinda hectic. Dotting I's, crossing T's. So... don't wait up. Yeah. Bye.

He hangs up.

WALLY: Vic, you had a chance to look over the spaceship yet?

CYBORG: Starship, actually. Kory says it has a FTL drive.

WALLY: Really. Wow. That's fascinating. Any idea what's powering it?

CYBORG: No. Could be fusion, dilithium, antimatter...

WALLY: It could be hydro-matic, ultra-matic. Why, it could be greased lightning! That thing's gonna look really kick-ass once we stick a big ol' Confederate flag on top. (off Cyborg's reaction) Ya know, old Stars and Bars? Nah, man, I'm just jossin' you.

EXT. BALTIC SEA – EVENING

A CH-47 Chinook helicopter flies above the water. We cut ahead to its destination...

EXT. ZANDIA – EVENING

Establishing shot. An island republic. Peasants live off shoe leather miles away from warlords who live like kings. We travel over the landscape. The ground is littered with WORK CAMPS, keeping the military juggernaut running. Hell on earth.

EXT. TEMPLE – EVENING

A clearing. The helicopter lands and a mob of RECRUITS step out. They are dressed in civilian clothes, business suits, T-shirts, various diverse clothing. As they step from the helicopter, they are handed folded black KURTAS by topless female TEMPLE ATTENDANTS.

Cardinal Syn is waiting for them.

CARDINAL SYN: I am Cardinal Syn. Follow me, for you are about to be initiated into the cult of Brother Blood. To witness the rebirth of power, the regenesis of faith. Faith which must ever be tested, for it must ever be unshakable. Tonight, you who are to become acolytes shall partake in such a ceremony, which shall give meaning and purpose to the one we have assembled here to worship.

He walks away from the helipad. The recruits follow to the the HUB, a massive high-tech fortress that belies the anciet power it houses.

INT. HUB – EVENING

Cardinal Syn, holding a torch, guides the recruits down a winding staircase cut out of the stone.

INT. TEMPLE – EVENING

The colossal subterranean temple has been carved out of a solid mass of rock. A vaulting cathedral-like ceiling is supported by rows of carved stone columns, carved into the shapes of fearsome demons from various mythologies. Mammoth statues of Lovecraftian horrors loom above the already gathered worshippers (numbering in the hundreds if not thousands, all men), all dressed in black kurtas, all sweating heavily from the oppressive heat (which adds to the hallucinatory atmosphere). Red heat hisses up from fissures in the ground. Forget what I said earlier. This is hell on earth.

Kurta-wearing CULTISTS use torches to light pool of oils contained in cavities at the top of the chamber. Small dams are released, allowing the flaming oil to flow down chutes and channel cleverly cut into the cliffs on either side of the chamber. The flaming oil ignites larger pools in huge hollowed out chambers within the walls... carved into the shape of SKULLS. The skulls burst into glowing life just like gargantuan jack o'lanterns!

On the side of the temple, rib-like halls lead to dark side chambers (this is just the large center of the cave system).

A narrow rock bridge extends into a natural amphitheater, the bottom a pool of what appears to be LAVA. Red water drips from the stalactites above. In the center of the amphitheater, at the end of the bridge, is a giant skull carved from onyx, suspended from the ceiling by giant metal chains. The teeth are cruel SPIKES (there is no lower jaw). And the skull has FOUR EYES and HORNS.

Cardinal Syn walks across the narrow bridge to the platform suspended in front of the skull. He stops in front of it, turns to the assembled worshippers. Behind Cardinal Syn, the skull lowers into the blood inexorably. Smoke-billowing URNS are passed through the ranks by beautiful TEMPLE PROSTITUES in sheer, diaphanous robes, some as young as thirteen. They are the only women present. Quiet, skittish. Like battered wives. The worshippers breathe deeply of the smoke, a perverted form of communion. Their eyes dilute when they inhale.

CARDINAL SYN: Seven hundred years ago our master forsook the wretched path of humanity by embracing the rites of blood! Blood which gives life to all living things! This sinner, whose name is now forgotten, turned his face on the evil excesses of all governments and celebrated the true fulfillment of the religion of blood! And to those who stood in the way... he punished!

Cardinal Syn gestures grandly upwards to the stalactites. We see now that CORPSES in various states of decay are nailed to the stalactites over the amphitheater. Roman Centurions, Viking raiders, Teutonic Knights, Russian troops from the time of Peter the Great, Nazi soldiers, Polish sailors, political dissidents. Their blood drips down to the bottom of the chamber, filling it with a lake's worth of not lava, but boiling BLOOD.

Which the skull is completely submerged in.

CARDINAL SYN: Rise now, ye who were once sinner, rise from the boiling depths! Rise from the blood of thine enemies! Rise, sinner, rise! Ye who have known the depths of despair, now reach for the heavenly heights! Rise! Rise! Rise!

The worshippers begin chanting "Rise!" along with him. Their massed voices shake the temple. They stomp their feet, clap their hands. And the skull is lifted out of the blood, BROTHER BLOOD standing atop it like a colossus bestriding the world. Blood runs off his body in rivulets. He is a man with an EVIL EUPHORIA, showing off all the charm and charisma that's made him one of the world's most powerful men. His eyes are deep set, his cheeks sunken, his face narrow, his hairline a widow's peak. His complexion is pale. His hair jet black. His razor-sharp features, accented by long jagged sideburns and a pointed goatee, resemble no one so much as Satan himself... except possibly RAVEN.

The skull rises to its former height. Cardinal Syn holds his hands up, gesturing for silence.

CARDINAL SYN: Stop! He has come! He is here. He is hope. He is life!

Brother Blood leaps down from the skull, landing by Cardinal Syn in an animalistic crouch. He slowly straightens, perfect body pulling taut, the blood leaving his body in strange patterns.

CARDINAL SYN: Sister Serenity, the master's robes.

Sister Serenity, a particularly frightened and beautiful woman, holds out Brother Blood's ceremonial robes. He slips them on slowly, reverently. They resemble armor more than anything else. Last comes his headdress, a ram's skull. It fits over his head, concealing his frightful visage. His striking pale blue eyes stare balefully from the shadows produced by the headdress.

CARDINAL SYN: As we test our faith, so does our master. For no man or woman born of flesh is beyond the temptations of darkness. Not even the sinner now called Brother Blood! Master! Does she tempt you?

Brother Blood rips open Serenity's robes, gazes lustfully at her breasts. She's scared speechless.

BROTHER BLOOD: She does.

CARDINAL SYN: Do you reject her?

Brother Blood smiles. His hand moves to Serenity's face, caressing it tenderly.

BROTHER BLOOD: (quietly, so only Serenity can hear) A believer would look at you and see a being created in God's own image. An atheist would see the pinnacle of millions upon millions of years of evolution. Do you know what I see?

He rips out her throat.

BROTHER BLOOD: Meat.

CARDINAL SYN: He remains pure! All hail Brother Blood! All hail him who is our lord and master!

Brother Blood walks down the bridge towards his followers, cape billowing behind him like a raven's wings.

BROTHER BLOOD: Greetings, believers in the rite! Welcome to the Brotherhood! A church that began when one sinner saw the light! A church that shall never falter until all unbelievers believe! We are close, my children. So close I can taste success. But success, as with faith, must be earned through belief. Now my children, pray! Pray for the power of Brother Blood!

His followers bow down before him, praising his name.

BROTHER BLOOD: We shall have no intention except to enter paradise by cleansing away the infidels, the impure, the deviant, the abominations. We will set them on fire to illuminate the night when daylight fails! They will be clothed in the hides of beasts and torn to death by dogs! They will be wiped from the map, wiped from the annals of history! America is a cancer. And like any tumor, it must be removed for the good of the whole. We will wipe it from the map! Then, in the coming year, the sun will rise on the empire of Brother Blood! (beat) I like sunrises. They make anything seem possible.

INT. BLOOD'S CHAMBER – EVENING

Another room carved into the rock, Blood’s chambers are a taxidermist’s dream, filled with every stuffed corpse imaginable. Cardinal Syn and Brother Blood enter.

BROTHER BLOOD: You know, throughout the history of civilization, society has amused itself by satisfying its collective bloodlust. Roman gladiators. Hangings. The WWF. And now ripping women's throats out. Personally, I prefer the wrasslin'.

Brother Blood hangs up his headdress on a rack. In his own quarters, he seems... normal, like a man coming home from a long day at work.

CARDINAL SYN: It has been a century since you were born.

BROTHER BLOOD: I know that. No Blood in my long and illustrious lineage has ever lived past his hundredth year. But I have no son to take my place.

CARDINAL SYN: It is still a chance you shouldn't take.

Brother Blood picks up the BOOK OF BLOOD from the coffee table. It bears an uncanny resemblance to the Necronomicon from the Evil Dead movies.

BROTHER BLOOD: (reading) "My blood has cursed your blood. And the blood of the father shall pass to the child and the child shall slay the father from this generation to all that will come." We will fulfill our holy mission within the next year, before my hundred and first birthday. Who can stop us now?


Next: Mysterious, Scary Past

 

[Zev]

INT. TITAN TOWER – BEAST BOY'S ROOM – NIGHT

Awake, Gar stands in front of a mirror, leaning on his dresser with both arms. In quick cuts...

BEAST BOY: Knock knock.

BEAST BOY: A priest, a rabbi, and a horse walk into a bar...

He starts trying out different funny voices.

BEAST BOY: "You're a mean drunk, Superman."

BEAST BOY: "No, a pair of socks!"

BEAST BOY: "But this one's eating my popcorn!"

BEAST BOY: "But if the Queen knew, why did she ask me for them?"

BEAST BOY: "Wrecked her? Damn near killed her!"

BEAST BOY: (laughing hysterically)

INT. TITAN TOWER – COMMON ROOM – NIGHT

The lights outside the bedrooms have been dimmed to a considerate level. Beast Boy walks in on Wally nuking a slice of pizza in the microwave. Beast Boy's in his pajamas, Wally's wearing an expensive smoking jacket. Wally doesn't turn away from the spinning plate.

BEAST BOY: You can't get any sleep either?

WALLY: Already got my forty winks. You'd be surprised how fast you can breeze through the sleep cycle when you meditate with the Speed Force. I call it speed-sleeping. Hundreds of dreams per night. It's better than LSD. So, what's bothering you?

BEAST BOY: I don't know... all my life I've felt kinda unloved. And now Donna comes along and I have no idea how to handle it.

WALLY: Women trouble? Geez, why didn't you say so!?

He slaps Beast Boy on the back.

WALLY: Talk to me in the morning, she won't know what hit her.

Cyborg walks in. As Wally takes his pizza out, Cyborg heats some milk in the microwave.

WALLY: Got to you too, huh?

CYBORG: (nods) Couldn't sleep. Had a weird dream about this guy with four eyes...

BEAST BOY: A red guy? A BIG red guy?

RAVEN: (entering) With horns?

WALLY: Trigon.

BEAST BOY: Who?

Wally draws a picture at superspeed.

WALLY: Did he look like this?

CYBORG: Yeah.

BEAST BOY: This is weird.

WALLY: Trigon. We've met.

RAVEN: You've met Trigon?

WALLY: Well... heard of him. Fought proxies...

RAVEN: You have contested the will of Trigon and lived?

WALLY: Yeah, sister. What do you know about this?

Raven leaves, but utters a girlish giggle as she goes.

WALLY: Well, that was a big help.

INT. TITAN TOWER – BARRACKS – NIGHT

Wally walks down the corridor, munching on his pizza. He turns a corner and sees Grayson ahead of him. Grayson is standing in front of his room (the inside is dark), the door open in front of him. He's almost trembling in fear.

WALLY: Uhh, hi.

Grayson turns. Wipes the sweat off his brow.

GRAYSON: Hey.

WALLY: What are you doing up this late?

GRAYSON: Just having trouble sleeping, same as you I guess.

WALLY: I sleep like a baby. Never been one for a guilty conscience.

GRAYSON: I don't have a guilty conscience. Usually I sleep like the dead.

Wally makes an "I wish" face.

WALLY: Well...

He reaches into Grayson's room and flicks on the light.

WALLY: There's the door.

GRAYSON: Yeah, thanks.

WALLY: I'll never figure out how a control freak like you can't even control your own fear.

GRAYSON: I'm not afraid and I'm not a control freak. I just don't like being... not being in control.

WALLY: Really? How come?

GRAYSON: Tried it once. Didn't like it.

WALLY: That why you don't wear the red and green anymore?

GRAYSON: Good night, West.

INT. TITAN TOWER – WALLY'S ROOM – NIGHT

Wally closes the door, flops down on the bed.

WALLY: Am I the only one here without a mysterious, scary past?

As he strips off his robe, we see a GUNSHOT SCAR over his heart.

INT. TITAN TOWER – GRAYSON'S ROOM – NIGHT

The place is in a state of continual mess. Every light in the room on, a billy club in one hand, Grayson checks his room. Behind the closet, under the bed, everywhere someone might be hiding. Satisfied, he turns off the light and lies down on the bed. He doesn't pull the cover back.

EXT. TITAN TOWER – SUNRISE

The crack of dawn. Somewhere a rooster is crowing.

INT. TITAN TOWER – GRAYSON'S ROOM – DAWN

Grayson wakes up to see Kory standing over him. He's startled.

GRAYSON: Shouldn't you be in bed?

Kory smiles and draws back his covers. Grayson pulls them back down.

GRAYSON: I mean, shouldn't you be asleep?

KORY: (confused) I slept for three of your hours. Anymore and I was afraid you would accuse me of sloth! Here.

She picks up a breakfast tray from the bedstand, pushes it onto him.

KORY: The recipe book calls them "pamcakes."

GRAYSON: That's pancakes, actually... (takes a bite) They're good.

Kory just beams at him.

GRAYSON: Thank you.

Grayson sets the tray aside and starts to get out of bed. Notices Kory still looking at him.

GRAYSON: Do you mind?

KORY: Do I...? No! Go right ahead!

INT. TITAN TOWER – CORRIDOR – DAWN

Grayson walks next to DONNA.

GRAYSON: It got kind of creepy after a while. Especially when I got dressed...

DONNA: Yeah, having a beautiful, scantily-clad woman waiting on you hand and foot... I don't know how you put up with it.

GRAYSON: Jealous much? Well, shall we wake the troops?

DONNA: Let's.

She pulls a fire alarm.

INT. TITAN TOWER – CYBORG'S ROOM – DAWN

Cyborg is sleeping on... well, it isn't so much a bed as it is a socket. He's already moved his stuff in. An old Westinghouse refrigerator, a round table, sports trophies laying all around, even some little baseball guys whose heads rock.

Suddenly, EXTINGUISHER GAS shoots out of the sprinkler system (something like the burst from a fire extinguisher).

INT. TITAN TOWER – ATRIUM – DAWN

Beast Boy, Cyborg, Kory, and Wally gather in the atrium. The men are covered with foam.

WALLY: Who's the dead man that pulled the fire alarm?

Grayson and Donna approach them.

GRAYSON: Just making sure you got your wake-up call. It's time for training.

INT. TITAN TOWER – GYM – DAWN

The Titans, led by Grayson, go through QIGONG exercises.

WALLY: (ala schoolchild) Teacher, teacher, I have a question!

GRAYSON: What is it, West?

WALLY: Whose idea was it for you to wear the hot pants? Yours or Batman's? Honestly, I don't know which is more disturbing.

Grayson smiles.

GRAYSON: Warm-up's over. Let's move on to combat training.

WALLY: Combat training? I think I can skip that part.

GRAYSON: You know how to fight, huh?

WALLY: Yeah.

GRAYSON: Maybe if you knew how to fight better, Keystone City wouldn't be in thirty-eight pieces right now.

WALLY: You wanna find out firsthand how much I know about fighting?

GRAYSON: Let's start off with our beginners. Gar!

Beast Boy looks up from opening a power bar.

BEAST BOY: Sway?

Grayson goes to Kory.

GRAYSON: Kory, we're going to be training. You know what that means?

KORY: Yes, like... pretend.

GRAYSON: Exactly. To hone our skills.

KORY: Yes, we do that on my world as well.

GRAYSON: Alright, good. Now, Beast Boy's going to pretend to attack you. You just... defend yourself, alright? But don't hurt him for real.

KORY: I understand.

GRAYSON: Excellent! Guys, pick your weapons.

Wally hangs back, watching. Accessing. As Kory selects a BO STAFF. Examines the heft. Whaps one end against her palm. Good enough. Beast Boy a staff for himself. They face each other.

BEAST BOY: Just so you know, I'm really hoping we have co-ed showers.

GRAYSON: Attack!

Beast Boy screams and rush Kory, who dead-palms into his chest with a STARBOLT. Beast Boy goes flying backwards. Wally zooms across the room in the tick of a stopwatch, catches him before he hits the wall. Sets him down. There's a hole scorched in his protective padding, the edges dripping with some sort of glowing residue. Wally rubs some between his fingers. It burns him. He wipes it off on his pants.

WALLY: Starfire!

He doesn't notice Kory suddenly next to him. She offers her hand to Beast Boy, who gets a good look at her cleavage as she bends over.

KORY: Did I win?

BEAST BOY: Uh, definitely.

She helps him up. Then turns to Wally.

KORY: Starfire. I like that.

WALLY: What the hell was that? You could've killed him!

KORY: No. Only used...

She holds her hands apart a small amount.

WALLY: A little bit? You were only using a little bit?

Kory nods.

WALLY: (eyes scheming) You can do more?

Grayson and the other non-fliers have caught up to them.

GRAYSON: Everyone okay?

WALLY: Yeah, boss. Just a little culture clash.

GRAYSON: That's enough for today. Hit the showers.

INT. TITAN TOWER – MEN'S SHOWERS – MORNING

Wally, Grayson, and Beast Boy scrub down in stalls. Beast Boy's having some trouble getting his showerhead to work. It rattles uncooperatively as he tinkers with it.

WALLY: So, Grayson... how 'bout that Kory?

GRAYSON: She could be a real asset to the team.

WALLY: Yeah, right. Just be careful with her. She's an alien.

GRAYSON: What's that supposed to mean?

WALLY: It means the INS could deport. What the hell do you think it means!? Dude, haven't you seen Species? First, everyone loves the alien chick, but then she's all going around, eating people.

Cyborg, buffing himself with a car-wash bristle, chimes in.

CYBORG: BS.

WALLY: You should be more worried, Cy, the black guy always dies first. (to Grayson) Don't take it personally, but I'm assuming Kory isn't a romantic interest?

GRAYSON: I'm sorry, don't take what personally?

WALLY: Well, she's a beautiful, vibrant young woman.

GRAYSON: Yeah, what's your point?

WALLY: I think I just found out why they don't call you the MAN Wonder.

GRAYSON: Listen here. She takes orders from me...

WALLY: (under his breath) How kinky...

GRAYSON: (louder) As do you and the rest of the Titans. That's all.

WALLY: That's all?

GRAYSON: That's all.

WALLY: Whatever you say, boss.

Beast Boy gets the showerhead working. It sprays blood on him.

BEAST BOY: What the hell!

GRAYSON: Oh, sorry, that would probably be from the poltergeist.

BEAST BOY: Poltergeist?

GRAYSON: Long story. Don't worry, he's harmless... just don't mention Willian Randolph Hearst, alright? Trust me on that.


Next: A Very Adamant Nudist

 

[MaskedManJRK]

Cool, though I'm not sure if I get the poltergeist bit. Is that actually from the comics?

 

[Zev]

No, it's just a random weird thing.

 

[MaskedManJRK]

No, it's just a random weird thing.

Ah. Cool-b***hin'.

 

[Zev]

INT. TITAN TOWER – KITCHEN – MORNING

A clean, antiseptic space. A few tables. Almost what you might find on a military base. Wally eats breakfast. Cyborg sits across from him. In the background, Beast Boy has transformed into an OCTOPUS and is making breakfast with all eight tentacles. One pours orange juice, one flips pancakes, one slices grapefuit, etc.

WALLY: You know, the French have, like, forty-two words for surrender.

CYBORG: I thought it was the Eskimo andsnow.

WALLY: No, pretty sure it's the French. They have "Oh ****, please don't kill us!" and "Hey, violence never solves anything, so we'll be the bigger man and lie down here." It's like a scale.

CYBORG: What's your point?

WALLY: Well, I wonder how many words the Tamaranians have for breast?

CYBORG: Probably not as many as we do. I mean, there's breast, boob, tit...

WALLY: Melon, gazonga, bazooka, ta-ta, sweater monkeys...

They notice Donna staring at them from another table.

DONNA: ...dirty pillows, funbags, headlights, knockers...

The INTERCOM, a high-tech panel on the wall, beeps. Wally zooms over and answers it.

WALLY: Yeah?

LINDA: (filtered) Could you let it finish ringing one time, Wally?

WALLY: I'll buzz you up.

INT. TITAN TOWER – COMPUTER ROOM – MORNING

Grayson presses send on an e-mail.

GRAYSON: That's everything I've got on him.

On screen, we see the funeral mask of the ORACLE in a window.

BARBARA: (filtered) I'll run a search... again... but it'll take me a while to run through all the databases.

GRAYSON: Well, I appreciate it. And while you're at it, put a tag on any police reports that fit Zucco's description.

BARBARA: (filtered) On it. You know, these searches run themselves. You could come over to my place and then you'd be here when the results come back.

GRAYSON: Tempting, but I've got to stay on top of things here.

BARBARA: (disappointed, filtered) Your loss. I'll buzz you when I know something. Oracle out.

DONNA: (O.S.) So, you and Oracle, huh?

Grayson turns. Donna is standing in the doorway.

GRAYSON: We were just... I was... it's not...

DONNA: Dick, you're blushing. Things must be getting serious.

GRAYSON: Sort of...

DONNA: Well, I'm happy for you. But we've got a situation with Kory.

INT. TITAN TOWER – ATRIUM – MORNING

Wally walks into the atrium to see a chimp clinging to Linda.

WALLY: You son of a *****!

He punches the chimp.

LINDA: Wally, what is wrong with you!

WALLY: It's Gar, he can transform into animals!

Beast Boy walks into the room.

BEAST BOY: Hey, what's up?

WALLY: Honest mistake. Gar, Gar, tell her know you turn into animals!

BEAST BOY: Cuckoo, cuckoo...

LINDA: Mr. Peepers is an animal for the show. I'm watching him until we broadcast.

WALLY: I said I was sorry. Hey, what's with the cookies?

Pointing to a plate of snickerdoodles sitting nearby.

LINDA: They're not cookies, they're snickerdoodles. (awkward) I figured since your metabolism is so fast, you'd need sugar. Because it's hyper and... they taste good too.

WALLY: I love this lady.

He kisses her. Behind him, Kory comes out of the women's showers naked.

KORY: Hello Wally!

WALLY: She's naked, isn't she?

LINDA: A-yup.

WALLY: I promise not to turn around if you promise not to be angry.

LINDA: Deal.

Kory is quickly causing a bit of a stir. Beast Boy holds out a robe.

BEAST BOY: Here. In case you're cold. It's called clothing. Clo—thing. It keeps you warm. Yes? No? Maybe? Alright, forget it.

He throws the robe at here. She blasts it with a starbolt.

BEAST BOY: She must be a very adamant nudist.

GRAYSON: (entering) She's not a nudist. Kory, come with me.

He leads Kory away.

WALLY: Yup, the action never stops at Titan Tower.

LINDA: That's the alien you were talking about? When you said she could defy gravity, you meant she could fly... right?

INT. TITAN TOWER – GRAYSON'S ROOM – MORNING

Grayson, trying very hard not to look, brings Kory into his room. He drapes a bedsheet around her.

GRAYSON: Alright, stay here. I'm going to try and scare you up some clothes.

KORY: Scare me up some...? Why should they be frightened?

GRAYSON: Never mind. Just... stay put.

INT. TITAN TOWER – GROUND FLOOR – MORNING

Linda, Wally, and Cyborg are walking towards the exit.

LINDA: Well, thanks for showing me around.

CYBORG: My pleasure.

LINDA: Try not to give Wally too hard a time. This is his first time leading a super-team. Bye.

She walks out the door.

CYBORG: Leading?

WALLY: Not one word.

CYBORG: How long you think you can keep that up?

WALLY: Until Dick's out and I'm in.

INT. TITAN TOWER – WORKSHOP – MORNING

Cyborg is hard at work disassembling and reverse-engineering the sonic cannon.

CYBORG: Still cutting-edge after all these years... amazing.

Beast Boy walks in.

BEAST BOY: Yo, Vic, we've got a meeting.

CYBORG: Be there in a minute.

INT. TITAN TOWER – DONNA'S ROOM – MORNING

Donna is reading a book as the door buzzes.

DONNA: Enter.

The door slides open. Beast Boy pokes his head in.

BEAST BOY: Hey, we've got a get-together.

DONNA: I'll be there.

Beast Boy lingers.

DONNA: Yes?

BEAST BOY: Oh, uh... nothing.

He closes the door.

INT. TITAN TOWER – GRAYSON'S ROOM – MORNING

Dick returns with Kory's armor

GRAYSON: Here. I took the liberty of cleaning it, so... hope you don't mind the lack of smell.

KORY: Glorious!

She starts changing in front of him. He turns around.

KORY: Does my form disgust you?

GRAYSON: No, but around here it's considered polite not to look at a woman when she's... in the all together.

KORY: Making love must be difficult.

GRAYSON: Well, that's an exception... there are exceptions, I mean... it's kinda hard to explain.

KORY: You have very strange customs.

Beast Boy walks in, sees Kory naked, her hair covering her breasts.

BEAST BOY: Dick, Raven called a team meeting in five. Kory, have you considered wearing your hair up?

Grayson shoves him out.

EXT. TITAN TOWER – ROOFTOP – MORNING

Wally stands atop Titan Tower, practicing his golf swing. He slices a golf ball into a billboard across the street. Beast Boy walks up the stairs.

BEAST BOY: Raven's... you play golf?

WALLY: I've sunk a few holes in my time. Now, what was that?

BEAST BOY: Raven's called a meeting.

WALLY: Be right down. Hey, wait a minute.

He rests his golf club on his shoulders.

WALLY: (as Bob Hope) This is wild, just wild!

BEAST BOY: I don't get it.

WALLY: Phillistine.

BEAST BOY: Oh, and I saw Grayson and Kory together. They were... well, she was naked.

WALLY: Hunh. Thanks for bringing this to my attention.

BEAST BOY: Say, Linda seems like a hot piece. How'd you get her?

WALLY: Easy. I married her.

BEAST BOY: Ouch.

Beast Boy returns downstairs. Wally reaches down, picks up a golf ball just as his hand turns into lightning. The ball is infused with energy. He tosses it upwards and it zooms into the sky. He smiles crookedly.


Next: Makeover makeover makeover makeover makeover makeover MAKEOVER (clap clap clap)!

 

[Zev]

INT. TITAN TOWER – ASSEMBLY ROOM – MORNING

The Titans, except for Kory, are all seated at the conference table, which is in the shape of a T.

RAVEN: I think it's obvious that Starfire's going to be a bit of a problem.

WALLY: Starfire? Is that what we're calling her now?

CYBORG: She knows the language, but she doesn't know anything about how to blend in like an Earth woman. Who else can teach her that?

DONNA: Well, I've only been in mainstream society a few years. I wouldn't know the first thing about... anything.

RAVEN: I could give her a few pointers...

ALL: No!

BEAST BOY: Maybe Linda could do it.

WALLY: What?

BEAST BOY: Well, she already knows who we are and what we do. Best to keep it in the family.

GRAYSON: Good suggestion, Gar. Wally, call her and see if you're up to it.

WALLY: No, no way. I won't have her palling around with a dangerous alien!

DONNA: Isn't that her decision?

WALLY: ...I'll give her a ring.

INT. TITAN TOWER – ATRIUM – MORNING

Beast Boy runs after Donna.

BEAST BOY: Hey, Wonder Girl, wait up!

Donna looks around. All Amazon steel.

BEAST BOY: Flash said... I mean, I thought you might give me a tour of the place... I mean this building's so big and I might get... lost... or something...

DONNA: I'd love to show you around.

Beast Boy breathes a sigh of relief.

INT. TITAN TOWER – REC ROOM – MORNING

Donna shows Beast Boy in. It's a nice place. Swimming pool, hot tub, and so on.

DONNA: This is the rec room. We have a hologram system too, so...

She presses a console on the wall. The background filters through several scenic views. Tropical island, erupting volcano, desert steppes, etc.

DONNA: Beautiful, huh?

BEAST BOY: (staring at her) Yeah.

DONNA: Upstairs is the garage and sky jet hangar, along with the parts and storage area. Downstairs is the guest rooms, library, and den. Ground floor is the reception area and lobby. Underground is the generators, laboratory, and submarine pen. Got all that?

BEAST BOY: Yeah. Got it. So, uhh... why do you wear red all the time?

DONNA: Doesn't show blood.

BEAST BOY: Ah. Well, that's nice.

INT. TITAN TOWER – MORNING

Linda enters, carrying a suitcase.

LINDA: So, what's the emergency?

WALLY: We need a makeover.

Kory hugs Linda exuberantly.

KORY: We shall be bestest of friends!

LINDA: (mouthing) I'm going to kill you.

Wally teasingly cups a hand to his ear, "I can't hear you."

INT. TITAN TOWER – KORY'S ROOM – MORNING

Linda rifles through a suitcase on the bed. Kory stands nearby.

LINDA: Gotta tell you, Kory, I still haven't gotten over the fact that you're an alien. I mean, you're not a little green man with tentacles or anything.

KORY: Why thank you, Linda, neither are you. But I still do not understand why I have to wear these.

She says, holding up a bra and panties.

KORY: They certainly cannot be for protection.

LINDA: They are for protection. They protect the guys from going insane when they see you.

KORY: That is... bad?

LINDA: Sometimes. I mean, yeah, most of the time.

KORY: You sound unsure.

Linda looks at her with brutal honesty.

LINDA: I'd give anything for Wally to look at me the way he looks at you.

KORY: What?

LINDA: Well, you know. You're you... you're tall and... tall...

KORY: And I have very large, supple...

LINDA: Tracts of land, yes, I noticed. Forget it. Listen... intellectual attraction is fine and all, but I'm not an unattractive woman. He should... no, never mind. It's private, forget I said anything. So, what cup size do you wear?

KORY: I don't know. I've never worn a bra.

LINDA: I hate you so much.

Linda pulls Kory behind a screen. Kory's armor flies off discretely behind the screen.

LINDA: Alright, let's see how you look in some of my old clothes... we're about the same size.

Linda and Kory emerge from the screen. The slim clothes is about to burst on Kory's volpturous frame, thin white shirt ju-uu-ust held together at the front by a single heroic button.

LINDA: Okay, maybe NOT...

They disappear behind the screen again.

LINDA: Usually I have a thing about sunglasses indoors, but in your case, I'll make an exception.

INT. TITAN TOWER – ATRIUM – MORNING

Linda walks out of Kory's room. The Titans, except for Raven, are there.

LINDA: For what you are about to see... we must enter, quietly, into the realm of genius. What was once a fierce alien warrior has now becolme a sophisticated, charming... woman about town! Everyone, say hello to Kory Anders.

Kory walks out, now passing for human in a simple sundress and a pair of pink sunglasses which cover her green eyes.

KORY: Hello Kory Anders.

Everyone reacts, especially Grayson.

BEAST BOY: Uch! That suit is horrible, wretched, disgusting! Take it off this instant!

Donna slaps him upside the head.

KORY: Is it true? Do I look...

GRAYSON: Kory, you look great.

He reacts as if he's propositioned her.

GRAYSON: I mean, you look good. I mean... did I mention you fight very well? Yeah, you do.

KORY: Your compliments do me honor.

LINDA: Have to work on the speech patterns.

WALLY: Or we could just tell everyone she's from Timbuktu.

LINDA: Why there?

WALLY: Do YOU know anyone from there?

No one nods. He makes a good point.

WALLY: Linda, you're a miracle worker.

LINDA: You owe me, babe. It's called sex of the... great, now she's got me doing it.

Wally extends his hand to shake with Kory.

WALLY: Well, on behalf of the Titans, I'd like to welcome you to the team.

She examines it quizically.

WALLY: Oh. You see, you...

He takes her hand, wraps it around his. Gives it a shake.

WALLY: See?

Kory looks at him. Punches him hard in the nose.

KORY: None may touch the royal presense without my express permission.

Wally stands up, trying to stem the bleeding from his nose.

WALLY: You *****.

He steps towards her. Grayson blocks him.

GRAYSON: Hold on there, chief.

WALLY: Out of my way, this is between my fists and her.

GRAYSON: C'mon. You really going to hit a lady?

WALLY: That's no lady, that's an alien.

GRAYSON: Back off, West. Now.

WALLY: And what if I don't?

KORY: (O.S.) I... apologize.

Wally and Grayson turn. Kory looks apolegtic.

KORY: I overreacted. It won't happen again.

WALLY: Yeah, well... see that it doesn't! You don't cross a vampire, you don't moon a werewolf, and you DO NOT piss me off, sweetcheeks.

He storms off.

KORY: Why does he think my cheeks are sweet?

INT. TITAN TOWER – RAVEN'S ROOM – DAY

Raven is meditating when Wally forces the door open, still fuming.

WALLY: I think it's time we talk. I want some answers!

Raven doesn't say anything.

WALLY: Alright, I'll talk, you listen. When I was... a lot younger than I am now, I was mugged.

INT. DARK ALLEY – FLASHBACK

Fifteen-year-old Wally is walking down a dark alley when a MUGGER jumps out in front of him, wielding a gun.

MUGGER: Your money or your life!

WALLY: Whoa there, easy now. Let's talk this over.

MUGGER: Just give me your wallet, scag!

WALLY: There's no need to be rude. You probably need my money to support a crippling drug habit, don't you? Well, in the long run, it would do you a lot more good to get to a methadone clinic.

MUGGER: Just give me your money!

Wally takes out his wallet.

WALLY: I'm running a little short on funds. Can you take a check?

The Mugger snatches it from Wally.

MUGGER: Now shut up!

He pulls the trigger. Wally stumbles back against the wall.

WALLY: Why did you do that? There was no need for that...

He slumps to the ground.

WALLY: No need at all...

INT. TITAN TOWER – RAVEN'S ROOM – DAY

WALLY: I should have been dead. I lied there and bled for four hours. The time passed so quickly... I could barely stay awake. Then I saw you.

INT. DARK ALLEY – FLASHBACK

Wally looks up. We see the familiar corvine silhouette

WALLY: What are you looking at?

He fights his way to his feet.

WALLY: What the hell are you looking at!?

He walks towards her, out into the street... and salvation.

INT. TITAN TOWER – RAVEN'S ROOM – DAY

WALLY: Ever since then, I've been seeing you. At first just fleeting glimpses out of the corner of my eye. I thought I was going crazy. But as the years passed I saw you more and more. And when I became this way, when I ascended... I was able to talk to you. So you tell me, what's going on?

RAVEN: I can't help you. I can't give you the answers you seek.

WALLY: I will find out exactly what you are. That's a promise.


Next: Date Night

 

[TheWaterologist]

I didn't actually read this, but I support most of Zev's work, so I'm going to assume it's good.

 

[MaskedManJRK]

Not too shabby.

 

[Zev]

EXT. PARK – DAY

It's a bright, bright, sunshiny day. Kory walks through the park, dressed in Earth clothes and wearing sunglasses. Her fashion sense is as alien as the rest of her, but doesn't conceal her stunning good looks. A MAN skateboards by her.

MAN: You are one fine-looking babe!

KORY: Thank you. You are one fine-looking babe yourself.

She goes off the trail, looking up through the tree canopy.

KORY: Those birds... they seem so carefree and happy. Well, I have nothing else to do tonight and Donna DID say I should enjoy myself...

EXT. SKY – DAY

STARFIRE flies through the clouds alongside the birds.

STARFIRE: Free at last! Free to fly, free to breathe. I love it! The air is cooler, but it os still so delightful!

She goes through a series of loop-de-loops.

STARFIRE: I love being here! This Earth, it is almost as much a paradise as home.

She rises above atmosphere, looking down at the Earth from orbit.

STARFIRE: Home? This is my home now!

The sun peeks over the horizon. She witnesses a sunrise from outer space. Basks in the light.

STARFIRE: Koriand'r... of the planet Earth! I love it... I love it!

She flies back down towards Earth.

EXT. TITAN TOWER – ROOFTOP – DAY

Wally is practicing his golf stroke again as Starfire touches down.

WALLY: Dick's looking for you. You know how he gets when you go out on your own. A little bit overprotective if you ask me...

STARFIRE: I did not ask you.

WALLY: Well then, can I ask YOU something? As a woman?

STARFIRE: Sure, just lighten your voice a little.

WALLY: ...I have no excuse for not seeing that one coming.

He tosses her his golf club.

WALLY: What is it about Dick Grayson?

STARFIRE: He is kind... gentle. He cares for people, protects them. Even if he doesn't want them to know. He makes me laugh. He places others before himself.

WALLY: And what virtue does self-sacrifice have if you place no value on the self?

STARFIRE: (the last word) He is not like you.

WALLY: Me?

STARFIRE: You use people. You do not care about their feelings. You are... insensitive.

WALLY: I'm sensitive! I've got sensitive coming out my ass!

STARFIRE: Does your wife know that?

WALLY: That's great. I'm getting marital advice from the bloodthirsty nymphomaniac space alien.

STARFIRE: How do you earthlings put it? "The truth hurts, doesn't it?"

WALLY: Oh, I get it. You think you share something. You think you can relate because you're both got some trauma in your past, some weird hurt/comfort thing between the two of you. Well, let me tell you how it really went down. It was several years ago at a circus. Someone sabotaged the ropes of the trapeze and...

STARFIRE: Let me guess, his parents were high-wire trapeze artists that were killed in a tragic accident.

WALLY: ...no. His parents were killed BY the trapeze artists, when they FELL on his parents. It made him mad. It made him mean mad!

STARFIRE: I do not care.

WALLY: He'll never love you. He can't love anything. He only does what he does because it's an excuse to hurt people. You get involved with him, you'll get hurt too. Wait and see.

EXT. LINDA'S HOUSE – DAY

Linda is struggling to carry as many grocery bags as possible out of her car when they suddenly disappear from her arms. Wally appears in front of her.

WALLY: The detergent goes under the sink, right?

LINDA: Wally, I don't have time for this, I have to meeting with my producers...

Wally scoops her up in his arms.

WALLY: Tell them you got carried away.

EXT. CAFE – ITALY – DAY

Wally and Linda sit at a ritzy restaurant.

LINDA: Okay, I'll admit it. I'm impressed.

A WAITER comes to their table.

WALLY: Fettucini con Funghi Porcini.

WAITER: Bellissimo, signor.

WALLY: Oh, and could I have some ketchup with that?

Linda hits her forehead with the palm of her hand while the Waiter's entire body sinks in disappointment. Other TABLE OCCUPANTS sadly shake their heads. The Waiter shuffles off, mumbling under his breath.

LINDA: So, what's the occasion?

WALLY: No real reason. Some money was burning a hole in my pocket, I had some time away from the Titans, couldn't think of anyone I'd rather spend it with.

LINDA: Really? I thought you and Raven...

WALLY: Me and Raven?

He laughs.

WALLY: Linda, Raven's a lesbian.

LINDA: She is?

WALLY: Hey, don't ask, don't spell.

Physically sarcastic, the Waiter brings a tall wine basket with a bottle of ketchup in it.

WALLY: Thanks. (to Linda) Do you think we rushed into things?

LINDA: Like what?

WALLY: Moving in together, getting married... everything.

LINDA: We never talked about an annulment.

WALLY: We never talked about it, but maybe we just did all of this too soon.

LINDA: What are you saying? You want to end this?

WALLY: No. I just... I just wish things could go back to the way they were. No Zandia, no Titans, just you and me.

LINDA: We can't go back, Wally. We can only go forward. Look, I understand you have responsibilities. I just wish you'd spend more time with your new bride.

Wally seems to consider her words for a moment. Then, with grave meaning...

WALLY: Alright. Do you know where I can find her?

Linda tries to poke him in the eye. Wally blocks her, Stooge-style.

LINDA: Can I ask you something? How come you don't phase through objects anymore?

WALLY: I do when the situation calls for it. But it's really hard. You have to vibrate yourself so that your molecules can pass between the molecules of an object and...

LINDA: Wait a minute... you can vibrate your body?

WALLY: Yes.

She grabs his arm.

LINDA: Come with me.

INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

Through the window we see a romantic view. Wally struggles to get comfortable under her sheets as Linda reaches for a bottle of wine by the bed.

LINDA: So, why do they call you the fastest man alive?

WALLY: Nasty, nasty rumor.

He gets up and begins to get dressed.

LINDA: No, stay. Let's just cuddle for a little while.

WALLY: I can't, I've gotta get back.

LINDA: We hardly ever see each other since you joined up. This isn't the way it's supposed to be for newlyweds.

WALLY: I know things aren't the best, but I have responsibilities now, obligations...

LINDA: Yeah. To me. I'm your wife, Wally. You're my husband and I feel like loving you.

WALLY: I wish I had time, but I don't. They need me.

LINDA: So do I.

WALLY: I... I don't like being apart from you. I didn't want to give you that impression.

LINDA: Then don't. Stop getting dressed. I'll make it worth your while...

WALLY: (considering) I could make an excuse.

LINDA: In the morning?

WALLY: (nods) In the morning.

She pats the bed.

LINDA: Now come over here and keep me warm.

INT. TITAN TOWER – ASSEMBLY ROOM – MORNING

The Titans, aside from Wally, are gathered.

BEAST BOY: C'mon, Dick, why the secret identities? They're a pain.

GRAYSON: I can see where having green skin could make it a problem, Gar. But I need it to keep... people I love safe. Besides, I need the privacy.

DONNA: I'm just lucky. I don't wear a mask, but no one's connected Donna Troy with Wonder Girl.

BEAST BOY: That's cause they aren't looking at your face.

CYBORG: I don't need a secret identity. Anyone try to mess with me or my parents, they know it's going to get personal.

KORY: Parents... mine don't need protecting. Not in the way a secret identity would help.

GRAYSON: You have...? I shouldn't be surprised, but I guess I never really thought about it.

KORY: Oh yes, they're probably still on my homeplanet...

BEAST BOY: There's a whole planet where people dress like you? Tell me more...

KORY: My brother and sister... my parents... I do not suppose I will ever see them again.

CYBORG: Why not just get the Justice League to help you? Superman or Green Lantern...

KORY: You don't understand. I cannot go home. I can never go home again. It's been so long since I last soared through its lush valleys and gentle hills, I wonder if its changed any since I left.

BEAST BOY: I know what you mean. I wonder about... valleys and... hills too.

CYBORG: Saladhead, you don't shut up, you're going to be making it to the ground floor without an elevator... or stairs.

KORY: When you found me, I was but a slave. But I was not born as such. I was raised a princess of Tamaran and would have been our people's queen, but I suppose ruling paradise was not my destiny. For Tamaran was as close to paradise as any world I have ever seen. And even now, when I sleep, I dream of its magnificence and beauty. I truly miss it. Dick Grayson, you have said my bloodlust startled you. Yet, that is our way. From what I've seen, you Earthlings are suspicious of your friends and show compassion for those who hate you. I am sorry, but your way seems so wrong to me. On Tamaran we love our friends with an unrestrained heart and hate our enemies with equal fervor.

Wally strolls into the meeting. Everyone else is waiting for him.

GRAYSON: You going to tell us what kept you?

WALLY: Car trouble.

GRAYSON: You don't need a car!

WALLY: It's obvious you were trained by the World's Greatest Detective.

RAVEN: He was having sex.

WALLY: (patronizing) No, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, I was making love. Now, can we get down to business?

GRAYSON: Victor, if you would?

CYBORG: I've managed to get the... Star Slider up in running condition. It can probably handle atmo, but I don't want to risk it on outer space if that's a possibility.

DONNA: I don't think we'll be declaring war on the moon anytime soon.

CYBORG: Now, if Kory could give me a few tips on how to work it...

KORY: I would prefer if Dick learned.

There's an uncomfortable pause that Wally takes in all-too-clearly.

GRAYSON: That's fine. I'm team leader, I should be the first to test out our transportation.

WALLY: Well, if that's settled, on to matters of vital importance.

He hands out a box full of action figures.

WALLY: Everyone take on, I'm sure you'll find yours. I fielded out our merchandising contract, just testing the waters, and we've had a few interesting bids.

Grayson looks at his. It's of the original Nightwing design, with the plunging neckline and disco collar.

GRAYSON: What is this?

WALLY: I have no idea, but the kids seem to love it.

BEAST BOY: Ummm... mine has a mask. Why would I need a mask? I'm green. And actually, I prefer to be called Changeling...

WALLY: Well, Beast Boy tested better. Now, we don't have the voice chips installed yet, so everyone be sure to try and think up some good catchphrases. Put some real thought into it, because once it's set down, you can't change it.


Next: Magenta

 

[Zev]

INT. BASMA'S OFFICE – DAY

ANGLE ON TV. Racine walks through a choir of Brotherhood children singing John Lennon's "Imagine" in the background.

RACINE: In this modern world of ours, it's easy to get overwhelmed. Perhaps it's time to set our eyes back on the old ways. Perhaps it's time for...

BASMA, Flash's publicist, mutes it.

BASMA: It's on every channel. He even bought a spot on the Superbowl.

FLASH: Cheeky bastard.

BASMA: His lawyer argued that you could've planted those drugs at superspeed.

FLASH: And he just happened to have a false compartment in his ring. Yeah, right.

BASMA: It sets a bad precedent. Your prior cases could be retried on this information. People you busted could walk.

FLASH: The hell they will! Not only am I going to prove this nancy-boy's a user, I'm gonna prove he's in bed with Zandia like a two-cent ****e! We need to retailiate. Get me a guest spot on something important. The Muppet Show!

BASMA: They cancelled it.

FLASH: They cancelled the Muppet Show? I loved that show. Did you see the one where Luke Skywalker guest-starred? Not Mark Hamill, Luke...

BASMA: Anita called.

FLASH: Anita? Anita FITE?

BASMA: Yes.

FLASH: That should've been the first thing you told me. Next time, see that it is. I'm going to see her.

BASMA: Sir, you have an appointment for...

FLASH: Cancel it. Cancel all my appointments for the rest of the day.

INT. HUTCH – DAY

Flash stands in front of a fire. ANITA FITE, a black woman who an almost unearthly aura of mysteriousness, sits at a table drawing Tarot cards, a python wrapped around her shoulders.

FLASH: Hi Empress.

ANITA: You're supposed to take off your clothes to participate in the ritual.

FLASH: Can't you at least buy me a drink first? Sorry, Anita, but who was it that saved your father from that hurricane? Who was it that paid to fix up his fishing boat? Who's your white knight, your patron saint?

ANITA: You are.

FLASH: Exactly, which makes you my *****, if you'll pardon my colloqualism. Now, do that voodoo that you do so well.

She lays down photos of ruins onto a desk. Flash scans through them quickly.

ANITA: This is Gaelic. These are Celtic runes. This is Latin, Egyptian hieroglyphics... you get the idea. Now, there is some overlap, just enough to tell where to put them in sequence... but these are all different fragments of the same legend, one that appears in virtually every mythology we're aware of.

FLASH: And it concerns me.

ANITA: That's right. Roughly translated, it says that a great hero, that would be you, will rise up and save the world from a coming darkness.

FLASH: Well, that's a relief.

ANITA: That's the part that's already happened. Now, this symbol... it really doesn't translate. By connotation, it means either equal or opposite. In this case, we think it means both. Your mirror image, your opposite number... your shadow, in other words.

FLASH: And what's the last bit?

ANITA: One must stand. One must fall. And if you fail, the world will be engulfed by a thousand years of darkness.

FLASH: Thursday already?

ANITA: This isn't any old armageddon. This is the endgame. (beat) The Phantom Stranger is on the move.

FLASH: You're serious?

ANITA: Always.

FLASH: Well. Well, don't that beat all? Bring 'em on. I'm ready for this "shadow."

ANITA: It's not that simple. There is one last piece we just found. That's why I called you here.

FLASH: What is it?

ANITA: "The darkness becomes the light and the light becomes the darkness."

Flash shakes his head.

FLASH: I don't get it.

ANITA: We don't either. Just... be careful. This... shadow... won't be there to make friends. Oh, one more thing.

FLASH: Yeah?

ANITA: The great hero? He's referred to as the Destroyer.

FLASH: Must be a mistranslation...

ANITA: There's no mistake. (beat) I don't know what loa owns your head. But I've never seen anything like it before.

FLASH: That's me. The one and only. The never lonely.

EXT. TITAN TOWER – DAY

Establishing shot.

DONNA: (O.S.) I HONESTLY CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!

INT. TITAN TOWER – ATRIUM – DAY

Wally and Beast Boy walk away from an enraged Donna.

WALLY: Oh, c'mon. You would have done the exact same thing in our place.

DONNA: That is a load of crap and you know it!

Grayson steps in.

GRAYSON: Alright, what seems to be the trouble?

DONNA: They panty-raided the Themyscirian embasssy!

Beast Boy holds up a pair of gargantuan leopard-print panties.

GRAYSON: And apparently killed a cheetah while they were at it.

Before the argument can continue, Cyborg pokes his head in.

CYBORG: Guys, we've got trouble!

GRAYSON: Right here in Central City?

WALLY: And that starts with T and that rhymes with P and that stands for...?

CYBORG: Magenta.

WALLY: (disappointed) Oh, well, the important thing is I gave it my best.

DONNA: We're battling a crayon color.

WALLY: I know. We've met.

GRAYSON: You and Magenta?

WALLY: I have a life outside of you, ya know.

BEAST BOY: Who is she? Alien invader? Bloodthirsty terrorist? World conqueror?

WALLY: Worse. Ex-girlfriend.

CYBORG: Wait, someone close to you in your secret identity just happens to become a supervillain? Isn't that a bit of a coincidence?

WALLY: Happens to the other guy all the time.

GRAYSON: Right, this is what we've been training for...

Wally quick-changes into Flash.

FLASH: Cool your jets, Dick. I'll handle this myself.

GRAYSON: We're a team, West. Remember?

FLASH: I don't need back-up to handle one little girl. I've been saving this city since before you were wearing pants that came down below your knees. Don't ever think I need you.

He runs off.

GRAYSON: Suit up. He's getting help whether he likes it or not.

EXT. OVERPASS – DAY

MAGENTA, a beautiful woman with purple hair, sits on top of a pick-up truck. Bits of metal debris float around her. The people are all trapped inside their cars by magnetic force. Flash speeds onto the scene.

FLASH: Frankie Kane, what a surprise! I was just about to call you...

MAGENTA: Shut up, you bastard!

FLASH: Let them go, Frankie. It's me you want.

MAGENTA: No argument there.

With a sweep of her hand, the car doors open. The people run off, streaming past Flash. Underneath, the overpass begins to SHAKE APART. Flash stumbles as BARS of rebar rip out of the concrete. Magenta sends them swarming towards Flash, who dodges the projectiles. He stops suddenly, clutching his heart. Zoom in to reveal his heart is beating like a hummingbird's. The lengths of rebar wrap around him; ankles, knees, thighs, wrists, arms, neck. Flash is lifted into the air.

MAGENTA: Bastard, you said you'd always love me!

FLASH: Oh, no, baby, that was just pillow talk.

The rebar SQUEEZES, digging into his flesh...

FLASH: They lied when they said honesty was the best policy.

NIGHTWING: (O.S.) Titans, GO!

Magenta looks up to see the other Titans have surrounded her. She uses her magnetic powers to crush Cyborg against Beast Boy. Donna-as-Wonder-Girl comes at her. Magenta takes controls of her bracelets.

MAGENTA: Nuh-uh.

Wonder Girl is knocked out by her own bracelets.

RAVEN: (O.S.) Are you through?

Magenta turns. Raven is staring at her, all wrapped up in her cloak. Magenta reaches out with her power, levitating all the cars.

MAGENTA: You want some too?

RAVEN: No. I just wanted to distract you so that he could knock you out.

Magenta turns just in time to catch a nerve blow from NIGHTWING. She collapses, unconscious.

NIGHTWING: I love it when a plan comes together.

The rest of the Titans are recovering. Cyborg frees Flash from the rebar.

FLASH: Thanks.

CYBORG: That was it? Why did we even bother?

NIGHTWING: They can't all be the battle to end all battles. C'mon, ride's this way.

FLASH: Ride?

The STAR SLIDER, piloted by Kory, rises up into frame. She waves cheerfully at them. Flash waves back.

NIGHTWING: I'll fly us back home.

FLASH: How come you always get to drive?

NIGHTWING: Because I've been piloting supersonic aircraft since I hit puberty.

FLASH: So... since last week, then?

NIGHTWING: Come on, we've gotta leave. Press is on the way. We are not ready to go public yet.

FLASH: Sure thing.

As the Titans climb onto the Star Slider, Flash WRITES A NOTE. We hear what he's writing.

FLASH: (V.O.) Dear members of the press: You see us as you want to see us: in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. You see us as a leader, a speedster, a princess, a changeling, a cyborg, a witch, and an amazon. But we found out that each one of us is an alien, a speedster, an alien, a changeling, a cyborg, a witch, and an amazon. Well, not so much the cyborg thing. Does that answer your question?

He leaves the note on Magenta and walks onto the Star Slider, rising one hand in silent salute. Simple Minds' "Don't You Forget About Me" plays as we FADE OUT.

INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE – EVENING

Flash sits on the exam table across from TINA MCGEE, his doctor.

TINA: So you've been having these... "attacks" for weeks now?

FLASH: Yes, but never one this... intense. My heart was beating so fast it pumped air instead of blood. I've been able to use the Speed Force only piecemeal, to conserve it, but I've always been in control of it.

TINA: Well, it's obvious you're losing control. I don't know what I can tell you. You're a rather unique case.

FLASH: I just need to know if it's going to get worse.

TINA: I don't know.

FLASH: Is there any way to predict when the next attack is going to occur?

TINA: I'm sorry. But I think it's pretty clear that if things continue the way they are now... you will die.

FLASH: Everyone's dying. I'm just doing it faster than most.

TINA: We should tell your teammates...

FLASH: No! No one can know! (beat) I don't have any children. I don't even have someone to carry on my work like I did for Barry. I'm the last of my kind. This is my legacy. I can't allow anything to stand in the way of that.


Next: Flying