Try to imagine youre at the best theme park in the world. Now try to imagine that there is a roller coaster which is so colossally huge that the track wraps all the way around the entire rest of the park (and its a very big one so the ride is going to last two and a half hours). Now not only does the track go all the way around the park but it dips and dives and rises and tunnels through all the other, lesser, rides as well. Youre waiting in line and you can see the track ahead of you. Youre excited; youre going to get the all the thrills of a hundred smaller scale rides in one. You finally get strapped into your seat on the coaster and brace yourself for the most awesome ride of your life.
Then the ride starts and something goes horribly wrong. It travels so fast that not only can you not actually focus your eyes on the spectacle around you but your seat starts to vibrate and shake frenetically, making it impossible to see anything. To top all of that, every other seat on the ride is occupied by loud, obnoxious jerks who are having a who can be the most annoying competition. Eventually it becomes such hard work trying to use your eyes that you feel the need to just close them and endure the noise around you until the ride finally stops and you stumble out of your seat. You feel drained, ripped off and wondering how it all went so wrong.
Thats what Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is. A roller coaster thats so pre-occupied with being fast and throwing stuff at you that it forgets to be entertaining, coherent or still enough to let you drink in the eye candy youre being served. I gave up trying to enjoy it very early on because the film wouldnt let me.
Cont.