Harvey Dent. Two-Face. Sitting here, in his humble home. The ultimate incarnation of a do-gooder turned rotten apple, and the living extention of everything The Joker was trying to prove. And he was sitting
here. This was comedy gold.
The Joker kicked open the door to his office in the condemned Funnibones Toy Factory on the south side of Gotham... one of the many garish and ghastly hideouts of which he had used to throw the police off of his trail. But this one had a certain charm the others didn't. As The Joker creeped into the room, a visibly annoyed Two-Face trailing in behind him, flipping that same silver dollar, he looked upon the array of grinning harlequin nicknacks and windups with a certain satisfaction.
"Ah, such lovely children. Does a man's heart good to know when he's missed after a long day of work.", The Joker offbeatedly mentioned, before looking over his shoulder at Dent.
"Tell me, Harv... did you have a family to come home to when you capped those medics? Or maybe a couple families? After all, a man like you must prefer a lifestyle of multiple choice! HA HA!"
Two-Face gritted his teeth, for a short moment, but held it back long enough for a response.
"You don't get to talk about that, clown. Ever.", He responded in a half-growl, half calmed monotone.
"Touchy, touchy.", The Joker replied, wagging his finger.
"Too much of that snobbish quabbling and you're prone to get hurt in a town like this. I mean, hell, someone could rip half your face off!"
The Joker cackled, madly, walking over to his desk, and plopping down in the chair, throwing his legs onto it in a relax postion.
"Oh, lighten up, Harv. Life's a gag! You've got to be ready to take the punchlines as they come! For instance,", The Joker began, sitting up.
"Do you know how highly ironic it is to suddenly find one of the city's leading anti-criminal activists to approach little ole' me? That's like sicking a rabid dog on a school of kittens!"
"Believe me. It took a bit of convincing before I could actually convince myself to do this...", Harvey began, sitting down in the opposite chair.
"The truth is, Joker, I need your help, as much as I hate to admit it."
The Joker gasped.
"You? Harvey Do-Good DA Dent? Need my help?! God, Bush must've really screwed up the election process if you're looking to me to get up in the polls!", The Joker howled.
"THIS ISN'T FUNNY, CLOWN!", Two-Face yelled, the scarred half of his face staring The Joker down as if he were nothing but a maggot, ready to be squished within an inch of his life.
"They ruined me. They all ruined me. Took away my life, my sanity, my... wife. This whole goddamned city."
"Not to mention your hygeine.", The Joker responded, not missing a beat.
"Seriously, do they have a cream for that? HAHAHA!"
"DAMN IT!", Two-Face yelled, before Harvey sighed.
"Look, what I'm saying is... I want you to help me make them pay."
"You're breaking my heart.", The Joker stated, with thick sarcasm.
"Boo-hoo. Denty lost his wifey-poo. Now he wants to kick the big, bad bully of a city between the legs because of it! Do you have any idea how many times I've heard a sob story like that?"
"This time's different.", Harvey responded, clasping his hands together.
"Much different. Because we both have something to gain, here. The entire city will be up for grabs, by the time I'm finished."
The Joker was silent, for a moment. At first, Harvey considered that he was pondering over the offer. Then, all too unexpected, he heard was the thick, loud laughter that boomed from behind the maniac's mask. The Joker was hysterical, as he threw up his arms, looked to the ceiling, and spun wildy, nearly falling out of his chair. Now, it was clear that both Dent and Two-Face were growing tired of Joker's hysterics, as he stood up, angered.
"WHAT'S. SO. FUNNY?!", Two-Face growled.
Continuing his manic laughter, The madman finally fell from his chair, on his hands and knees, as Dent looked above the desk, at the still chuckling clown.
"Oh, do excuse me...", The Joker breathed, as he caught oxygen again for the first time in moments.
"I just tend to find such ridiculous gestures highly amusing. Did you say the whole city?"
The Joker stood, fixing his jacket lapel.
"I don't know what kind of fumes you've been breathing, Harvey Dentedbrain, but if a five star performer like me can't bring the city to it's snivelling knees, what makes you think a two-bit fugitive with a face that looks like play-dough can do any better?"
Pausing, The Joker then giggled again.
"HAHA. Get it? Two-bit? HAHAH-"
Two-Face lunged forward, and grabbed The Joker by the coat, looking dead in his eyes.
"Listen to me, you maniac! I have more connections in this city than you've had headlines! What the hell gives you the right to say you're better than me?!", Dent and Two-Face barked.
Taking Harvey's arm, The Joker slapped it away with a force that surprised Dent, and pointed at his face.
"Don't. Touch. The clown.", Joker threatened, in a rarely seen hint of enraged anger that made Dent sit back down.
"He could have a squirting flower on hand, you know!"
The Joker laughed, before re-seating himself.
"Come on, Dent! We both know what you're saying is crazy enough to make me look like Ghandi!", He continued.
"You're going to have to try a little harder than that to sway me in your reindeer games!"
"Alright,", Dent responded, with a smirk.
"What if I told you that you, and you alone, would get the first dibs on a certain cape and cowled individual that happens to fit into this plan I've made?"
The Joker paused. This time, in truth, he really was taken off guard.
It had been long months since his initial encounter with The Batman. But even so, The Joker held a certain hatred boiling just beneath the surface for making him look bad on a night that was, essentially, supposed to be his greatest breakout performance of the time. Truly, though he had succeeded in humiliating his one-time foe... a garish performer in his own right that had dared tread on The Joker's stage... there was a hint of unfinished buisness lurking about The Joker's mind, as he recalled the Dark Knight's close,
very close success in apprehending him. After all, what was the fun in humilation if it didn't end in untimely, agonising expiration?
"You've hit the nail on the preverbial head, Dent.", The Joker finally responded, placing his own hands together in mock fashion.
"Tell me, how is the Batcase these days? Still keeping his ears starched, I assume?"
"I've only encountered him once, thank god...", Dent responded.
"And if everything goes according to plan, then it'll be the last time aswell. Provided, of course, you're willing to listen to what I have to say."
"A chance to gut the cowled cocanut?", The Joker asked.
"Why, that could potentially be my greatest performance yet. After all that rodent's put on the line for this hellhole, killing him off would be a feat that'd send Copperfield packing!"
"Exactly,", Harvey agreed.
"And with Batman out of the way, given his rather... stellar record in meddling in certain affairs, there'd be nothing stopping me to take Gotham for my own needs."
"Now just a minute, Harv...", The Joker inclined.
"I may only be interested in The Bat. But what makes you think I wouldn't want a piece of that ole' city pie? You're going to need to cut me a slice, if you expect so much as a giggle out of me towards this charity you call a scheme."
Two-Face considered this.
"And that'd be all? Just The Batman, and apart of the city? No strings?"
The Joker grinned, beneath his mask.
"Oh, I'd be as contempt as a rapist in an orphanage."
Harvey stuck out his hand.
"You've got a deal."
Standing up from his chair, The Joker held out his own hand, aswell.
"Let's shake on it."
Harvey reached outwards to grab The Joker's hand in response, but paused, as he realised something: The Joker was wearing a joybuzzer. Two-Face growled, angrily, as The Joker cackled madly, pulling the device off of his wrist.
"HAHA! So that's where that went!"
After a true handshake between the two, the night went on, as Dent began revealing bits and pieces of his 'gag' to The Joker. And with every new tidbit, The Joker became even more fixated on the larger scope of the plan itself. This was going to be one hell of a show. And best of all, in the Joker's warped viewpoint... Batman was going to be the star attraction, in a show of immenient doom!
He could hardly wait.