The Writer's thread (Authors, Screenwriters, playwrights, etc.))

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How do you guys feel about your work and somebody making recommendations to improve it?

I have a short film script that I'm proud of because it is my first serious effort.

The person loved the story...I'm more excited that they say I'm proficient in my craft, scriptwriting. Just hearing that, you know what you're doing, was music to my ears. But they loved the story, elaborated on a few issues to make it stronger, but then it swerved to...

...the final bit that they offered insight to, it kind of added some vulgarity that isn't there, or I never thought was there.

I guess what I'm saying or asking is, I'm usually the type to stand by my work...if I really believe in it, which I do...but should I make the changes I find questionable?

I love getting feedback on my work as long as I can use it to make it better.

I have someone reading over my work and I asked them to edit it as they saw fit to make it better so I can make it work. They have a lot of edits, some useful and I've incorporated into my work, others not at all which I've ignored.

Anyone that I ask to help with with my work I always make sure to let them know that I am looking for help but I may not take their advice depending on how I envision my work to be. If they suggest things that I find ruin the story or changes that I don't like that either add nothing or change the point then I ignore them.

I still thank them for the help and ideas though.
 
I love getting feedback on my work as long as I can use it to make it better.

I have someone reading over my work and I asked them to edit it as they saw fit to make it better so I can make it work. They have a lot of edits, some useful and I've incorporated into my work, others not at all which I've ignored.

Anyone that I ask to help with with my work I always make sure to let them know that I am looking for help but I may not take their advice depending on how I envision my work to be. If they suggest things that I find ruin the story or changes that I don't like that either add nothing or change the point then I ignore them.

I still thank them for the help and ideas though.

I'm always up for and game for feedback and I thank anyone who takes the time to look over my scripts.

Little tweaks to the material like this line isn't working or something like that, cool I'll look it over and rework it. When it comes to story again, if someone says, this isn't working, for this to work you need to explain the rules of your world, etc, that I can work with. I think it is more shock than anything right now. The person saw that in the story, what they recommended to expand on. I never saw or intended that, and nobody else saw that.

I was thinking it as the event unfolded but I wish said it and I was thinking...you wan't that in the story, you can buy it off me and do whatever you want with it, as long as I'm the storyteller, that's never happening.

ETA:

I have three short film scripts that have been said are the strongest of my portfolio. Two of the pieces I had a few peers say they could envision them at Festivals...one is the above mentioned one, the other is a horror story. I think my big additional question is, how do I say, go from writing them to a festival? I'm still very green to everything outside of scriptwriting in the industry.
 
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The interesting thing about any type of story is that people can find so much stuff you never intended to be read into it or find things that you put in that you never realized.

Of course there's also the people that like to read really weird stuff into what isn't a thing. You'll find people who find the weirdest **** into the most innocent of things. Look at Batman. Back in the 50's/60's/70's they had the whole 'Seduction of the Innocent' thing where Batman was supposed to be gay and teach the kids to be evil monsters.

Superman was always a dick though. :o
 
I'm using Lester Dent's plot formula. In it, Dent says you should get your theme established ASAP. Like, first few lines ASAP. That in mind, I'd like to hear what jumps out at you, thematically, from these few lines:

“I’ve seen our world’s end – its end is in inertia.” The speaker propped himself on a thick tome with emaciated arms that his pristine white robes failed to hide. Silence fell over the Southern Cross Lounge with his proclamation. His skinny frame trembled under the weight of his piecemeal armor.

Seated beside one of the Southern Cross Lounge’s frosted windows, Lash the Dragonspeaker chuckled. “I’ve found the night’s entertainment.” He looked across the room, giving the speaker an once-over. Tricked out in the horned gauntlets, scarlet leathers, and dragon-regent hide plates of his office as Dragonspeaker, Lash didn't hesitate to make brief eye contact with each of the patrons. In their eyes he read the words that danced at the tip of their tongues - and differences in nationality and race be damned, they were united in their mingled dislike and fear of the white-robed one's exhortations.

Experience taught that these kinds usually had little love or ability to cope with the world at hand.

The withered academician slammed the tome shut and swept across the dim lounge in a flurry of white, clanking as he came. All eyes in the Southern Cross Lounge returned to him and the scarlet-cloaked dragonspeaker shaman. The academician lifted The Great Balance: An Accounting of Dues and Dues-Not, and swung it at Lash. It cracked into the side of Lash’s head, spraying the wall opposite his cheek – a mess of blood and teeth.
 
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Reads like GRRM, especially that last detail.
 
Thank you for the read, Jack. I'd be happy to provide a critique if you've got anything...?
 
anyone familiar with this site?
https://www.wattpad.com/home

thoughts?
looks like a free way to self publish and get name out there?

ive bookmarked it to check out tomorrow
 
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Thank you for the read, Jack. I'd be happy to provide a critique if you've got anything...?

I'm not great at critiquing prose, to tell you the truth. Other than simple grammatical stuff like redundant vocabulary or misspellings I'm not very confident with feedback. Stylistically it's not what I typically lean towards but it's still solid. :up:
 
So I'm going to post my writings of The Chronicles of Libertaria where my alter egos of fellow Hype members battle the evil enchantress wizard, Hermaphroditis.

Is this finished yet?
 
Writing is such hard work...I've been making a lot of revisions for the back stories I wrote for some of my main characters. Thing is, I keep adding new ones - especially female ones so I came to a very hard decision and decided to take two existing characters and combine them together as one and take that one and condense it with the latest new female character I added late in the game.

I think this character will be something else...different but unusual in a sense cause her 'background' comes from all kinds of craziness...thanks to her bastardized father and her brother.
 
Link to new What If idea [Lone Ranger V. Man with No Name] : http://forums.superherohype.com/showthread.php?t=517375

A link to new WHAT IF idea [ Tarzan on the Planet of the Apes] :http://forums.superherohype.com/showthread.php?t=517377

A new link to WHAT IF... there was a more serious Space Ghost universe :http://forums.superherohype.com/showthread.php?t=517551

Original fiction idea : The Untalented Mr. Riley

http://forums.superherohype.com/showthread.php?t=516687

An original fan fiction idea : A Story of a Man Named Brady

http://forums.superherohype.com/showthread.php?t=517579

A new fan fiction idea : On the Shore of This Uncharted Desert Isle

http://forums.superherohype.com/showthread.php?t=518017
 
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Writing is such hard work...I've been making a lot of revisions for the back stories I wrote for some of my main characters. Thing is, I keep adding new ones - especially female ones so I came to a very hard decision and decided to take two existing characters and combine them together as one and take that one and condense it with the latest new female character I added late in the game.

I think this character will be something else...different but unusual in a sense cause her 'background' comes from all kinds of craziness...thanks to her bastardized father and her brother.

I've merged a few characters together for my first book that originally had nothing to do with each other. I've had some ideas for various things and eventually they all seem like they should be one thing. Like the main characters father, he's in prison for 'something' *coughexplainedinthefuturecough* and I've given him the codename Titan.

At first it was going to be a throwaway name for some jerk that got his stuff blown up a lot and all his money stolen by underlings but I figured out that it would be a good easy name to remember for people who read it and eventually I started associating it with his father. I dropped that part of the story so Titan could be a bigger part later. As for the things blowing up guy, I just made it a page of classified documents with [REDACTED] for various things because I couldn't think of certain parts to fill it in. :p

Making too many characters when you're new at it like I am is a bad idea. I originally had something like seven or eight named characters that had all sorts of backstory. Eventually I dropped two of them completely and realized two didn't need much of a backstory since they were pretty much one and done characters.
 
I've merged a few characters together for my first book that originally had nothing to do with each other. I've had some ideas for various things and eventually they all seem like they should be one thing. Like the main characters father, he's in prison for 'something' *coughexplainedinthefuturecough* and I've given him the codename Titan.

At first it was going to be a throwaway name for some jerk that got his stuff blown up a lot and all his money stolen by underlings but I figured out that it would be a good easy name to remember for people who read it and eventually I started associating it with his father. I dropped that part of the story so Titan could be a bigger part later. As for the things blowing up guy, I just made it a page of classified documents with [REDACTED] for various things because I couldn't think of certain parts to fill it in. :p

Making too many characters when you're new at it like I am is a bad idea. I originally had something like seven or eight named characters that had all sorts of backstory. Eventually I dropped two of them completely and realized two didn't need much of a backstory since they were pretty much one and done characters.

Its not the first time but its just...I am so committed to this story I've been working on for a few months now....I got 30 pages so far written but I have to go back and kinda do some revisions for a few scenes here and there. Its fun though. It really is because it gives you new room of ideas to work into the context of the story and expand it ...so since this is going to be a series, I have a lot of ground to cover.
 
Lol...it's set in a world very much like our own but in a darker tone...gritty. Its a very human kind of story...about a young hit man with a scarred past and wants to right the wrongs by not only facing his own inner demons but also stand up against the a hole who has made a heavy impact on the world.

Basically it sort of starts off with Nathan stumbling into a strip club and gets picked up by a stripper who turns out to be the twin sister of his dead girlfriend. Thing is she's a government agent...who's been on his trail because she thinks he killed her sister but its way more complicated than that. There's more to the plot when Guinevere re enters Nathan's life...and yeah...this story is going to be a big ass s*** storm...her father is the villain along with her brother and they come from a disturbed line of a psychopathic family....so lots of f up craziness throughout the story...

.it will have some subtle references to certain things we tend to make references to in our daily lives...anything like movie references...with a sense of humor or whatever..
 
I've merged a few characters together for my first book that originally had nothing to do with each other. I've had some ideas for various things and eventually they all seem like they should be one thing. Like the main characters father, he's in prison for 'something' *coughexplainedinthefuturecough* and I've given him the codename Titan.

At first it was going to be a throwaway name for some jerk that got his stuff blown up a lot and all his money stolen by underlings but I figured out that it would be a good easy name to remember for people who read it and eventually I started associating it with his father. I dropped that part of the story so Titan could be a bigger part later. As for the things blowing up guy, I just made it a page of classified documents with [REDACTED] for various things because I couldn't think of certain parts to fill it in. :p

Making too many characters when you're new at it like I am is a bad idea. I originally had something like seven or eight named characters that had all sorts of backstory. Eventually I dropped two of them completely and realized two didn't need much of a backstory since they were pretty much one and done characters.

I have a Titan in one of my scripts as well, and Titan must just be the go to name...I don't know how many pieces or scripts I've read where the name is Titan. Costumed crusader, dastardly villain, or otherworldly being...Titan...

Or maybe we're all not as creative as we think and in the wrong industry...
 
Titan is just a go to name. I'm pretty sure that DC and Marvel have a few dozen people using that in some way. DC has the Teen Titans and alternate futures of them are Titans.

Besides, I just wanted a generic Supervillian name to give the impression of what we're dealing with. If you hear the name Titan then you assume he's a big guy and if powered then he's tough.
 
Titan is just a go to name. I'm pretty sure that DC and Marvel have a few dozen people using that in some way. DC has the Teen Titans and alternate futures of them are Titans.

Besides, I just wanted a generic Supervillian name to give the impression of what we're dealing with. If you hear the name Titan then you assume he's a big guy and if powered then he's tough.

And mines a hero, lol. :woot:

Good luck with your piece.
 
Hah. You too.

Maybe we should make them fight. :p
 
My villain's a militant hobbit with jaundice and a snake-raptor attached to his liver like a parasitic twin.

IDK WTF the **** that comes out of my processor comes from. :p
 
Are you channeling Frank Miller? I'm getting visions of Sin City from that description. :p
 
"Clash of the Titans..."

It writes itself...lol.
 
Shari’s flight from the ghosts of slaughters past brought her to the Scarlet Sands where iron obelisks holding the shrieking souls of oxidizer demons thrust skyward, pleading with a sun the color of necrotic flesh.

**** you, its purple and I'm proud. :p

Kevan - DKR is my favorite Bat comic, but it might be more me cutting my comic teeth on the 90's stuff that was maligned as grimderp.

And here's where I use that lovely purple sentence

I need to know that I’m better than the beasts, Shari thought. She watched the dragonspeaker as he counted out his winnings, casting his glances at the other gaming tables. Though if that means a lack of cunning that’s clearly the forte of this beast, perhaps I’d rather be on even footing. The excitement in his eyes was night and day from the way he’d glared at Quell with bloody murder. Admittedly, I’ve never heard tell of Midnightii dragonspeakers caring all that much about their parents. Looking back at Quell, sitting with his physiology text, she thought on what he’d said the day the dragonspeaker strolled into her city of Yhakor.

“They don’t know any better, these dragonspeakers,” Quell had said as he reviewed an Eberraiese Grimoire titled Inkusubi of Lustmord Vale. Shari saw the smile quirk Quell’s lips. “They’re a people who get drunk on awe and derive nourishment from shock – rape, decapitation, enslavement, a whole ****ing lock, stock and barrel of shock.” He turned to her, laid on the bed that dominated her bedroom and glanced back at the window that gave a panoramic view of Yhakor. “I could summon Inkusubi itself, let it fill me and then utterly destroy you.” His voice heightened with each word; it turned out that was all that heightened. I wish you’d do something, Shari remembered thinking as he mewled beneath her, killing the excitement with his trepidation. ****ing anything, really –

The door to the Southern Cross Lounge creaked open; the creature that came in jerked Shari from memories of Quell’s tepid lovemaking. That son of a ***** actually did something. Through the robes she caught a flash of slick green skin marred by a really nasty case of psoriasis. The Molted Whelp glanced around, pausing when its red eyes marked Shari’s distinctly Eberraiese features amid the bulkier, harrier Blood natives.

I’d take his ****ing sex demon over that sick-in-the-head son of a *****, Shari thought. She left the lounge quickly as she dared.

Shari’s flight from the ghosts of slaughters past brought her to the Scarlet Expanse where iron obelisks holding the shrieking souls of Ahrioken thrust skyward, pleading with a sun the color of necrotic flesh. Her hand slid along the metals, hot to the touch from the green scaled Ahrioken pursuing their passions – drinking, ****ing, forever creating their own worlds within their gray prisons –, as she approached Blood’s enduring testament to the shamanic dragonspeakers. The mount beneath her, a kangha from Rage Canyon, bared its venomous fangs; the reptile’s keen senses detected the violence these Ahrioken had wrought at the behest of the dragonspeaker that had razed the Scarlet Expanse.

I’m not discounting the possibility that you don’t approve of me hiring the dragonspeaker from Midnight. She stroked the kangha’s soft white wattle. The kangha calmed at her touch. They aren’t all bloodthirsty butchers. No more than I was when I worked as a butcher.

Beyond the graveyard of obelisks sprawled the ruins of a seaside village. A testament to the dragonspeakers’ ignorant penchant for violence.

Or so the priests claimed. Shari touched a meathook that had once held cuts of kriegkhan steak. She shivered at the memory of what she’d seen hanging from the magicked vines in villages visited by the Molted Whelps.

I remember when the hung my manager from this very hook because of justice - where was the justice in them taking away my family's only source of income? Her eyes picked out the dried blood. Bleating about barbarism, *****ing to every man, woman, child and god that would listen about cosmic injustices committed by dragons - what a ****ing joke, that was just dragons being dragons. A bitter grin fixed itself on Shari's face. Isn't their need to militarize and maintain their grip on my home in Eberrai proof enough that the best we can do is seek the little things that give us reason to go on and deal with the inevitability of ****ing nature enough for those miserable Molted Whelp whiners?

Throw away the woe is me act and grow the **** up. She wiped some snot from her nose and the tears budding at the corners of her eyes. Something nudged her. She spun. Face to face with her kangha, she blinked as its rough tongue lapped the tears from her cheeks. Shari laughed and rubbed her kangha behind its tiny triangular ears. They laid back against its skull, content. "Maybe I should help them instead of hurt them. I mean, look at where I am now."

The kangha cocked its head to the side, its tongue flickering out.

"Their ignorance made me strive to do better - and chieftain of Yhakor is better than my parents could've hoped for when we fled Eberrai!" Shari swung onto the kangha. She set a course for her chieftain's manor.
The first step in helping is understanding.

Quell, tonight's your lucky night.


Shari’s kangha jerked to a stop at the village gates. Its hackles rose in time with its hisses. Ozone hung heavy over the path. Something responded to the kangha with a hiss of its own.

Sorcery! Shari’s muscles tensed as she thrust her hands into the tangle of magic-pumping arteries just beyond sight of those untrained in the arts of the Sajin monks.

Remember what happened last time you reached for this power?

What is this? Shari felt her arms trembling as cries filled her ears. Lightning crackled across the iron obelisks. Smoke rose from the screaming metal gravemarkers. Bruise-colored blotches spread across their surfaces. Then down across her arms black-red bursts of blood beneath her skin culminated in torrents of blood erupting from her weakening arms.

You’ve reached to far – and the magical stress of tapping the land’s intangible mana veins has blown out your veins.

Shari whimpered, remembering how the healers had blown out her veins. She’d attacked the Molted Whelp while it prognosticated to her sobbing employer. A meat cleaver taken from a side of kriegkhan ribs bit into a wrinkled, loose tumor – the tumor thrashed and shrieked, clearly not a tumor. The Whelp’s retribution had put her in the hospital where her veins blew out blood, the sight of it sending her back to when her struggling manager had been thrust onto a hanging meathook.

**** that, Shari thought. **** this, whatever’s doing this – whip out your Sajin training and show this uppity sonofa***** what a Chieftain of Blood can do!

A bolt of lightning roared up from the ground, exploding in a flash that blinded Shari. Her vision returned, revealing a horned demon armored in red ice. Gouts of steam hissed from nostrils at the end of its elongated snout. Lightning danced in hateful eyes. The demon’s matted fur hissed against the pavement as it clanked toward Shari and her frightened mount.

“You Ahrioken-spawn cannibalized our masters, the dragon-regents appointed by the Visang Primord.” The demon drew a sword whose blade shifted between steel and lightning. “Crime clings to them like void to a viashino.” It pointed the blade at Shari, raised it slightly.

Good – you keep jabbering. She laughed mentally. These pontificating bastards never learned to attack while the enemy’s shields are down.

“Step aside, Ahrioken chieftain.” Demonic eyes narrowed. “You stand in the way of the dragon-regent’s justice.”

Shari dropped, jerking her kangha aside as a storm of snow vomited from the red glow surrounding the demon’s lightning-sword. The snow clung to the iron obelisk, detonating within seconds of impact.

“Your conviction was my summons,” the demon said in response to the confusion on Shari’s face. Bellows from the smoking obelisks drew her attention to the gathering of horned demons with their matted fur and red armor. They drew swords of lightning, stone, and magma, raised their snouts and roared to announce their return.

Shari returned her attention to the immediate threat. “Do the Molted Whelps have illusionists in their ranks? “

The demon shook its massive head. “We serve the Dragonspeaker; we are the blade that supports the great scales of Justice.” Its voice grew gruff, lusty, “A Justice unfettered by the angels’ broken concept of balance. And here there is a need for that purest form of Justice – a Red Reckoning.”

Shari rolled aside as the demon moved forward, drawing on the mana coursing through the plane’s arteries. Her ears filled with a howling as she reached into the lifeblood of the efreet that haunted the land’s mana veins.

“Don’t overreach,” the demon said as it slogged past Shari, stopping to drive its blade into the ground. A blast of lightning discharged from its length. Shari fell back, her arms singed by the demon’s magic. “I staunched the rush of efreet. They’ve been busy with the imprisoned Ahrioken, but they’re there. Ripping at epithelia, shred by shred.”

Well, then, Shari thought as the gathering of demons moved on through the badlands, leaving her behind, you serve the dragonspeaker; I couldn’t think of anyone more deserving of your Red Reckoning than the Molted Whelp. She climbed to her feet, mounted her kangha and sighed. Quell’s right in their path – I hope you realize what you’ve invited on yourself, wizard.

Shari’s shoulders slumped as she neared the outskirts of Yhakor. The city’s wealth lay in its autri plant breeding programs; it had been Quell’s procurement of skilled druids that made the programs a success. Unfortunately, it’s likely that Quell’s letting the Molted Whelp take advantage of his caring nature. Greetings from Yhakor’s citizens fell on deaf ears. And, the Whelp, well its masters have probably savaged its ability to think and reason for itself.

At the silver heart of Quell stood the chieftain’s manor. Shari left her kangha with the stablemaster and went straight to her lounge. Pouring a shot of cinnamon-flavored whiskey, she sipped it and considered her options where the missing Sajin monks were concerned.

If the monks keep turning up missing, then that’s the end of the Eberraiese support for our autri plant programs. The thought was bitter as her shot. Ramifications of the program’s collapse burned as badly as cinnamon whiskey snaking down her throat. Then there’s the potential for riots…Blood’s got problems enough with efreet. Let the more militant monks start freeing nature elementals from the arteries of green mana coursing through Eberrai and, she poured and downed another shot, there goes my tenure as chieftain.

Shari automatically fixed three more shots and downed them in rapid succession. Then it all came back up, ruining her lounge’s shiny new bar. She began cleaning the mess, grinning at her rational for the whiskey. You toasted your early bids for the autri program with this fiery crap. It shouldn’t have succeeded, but it did. Look at you now. The vomit cleaned, she disposed of the rags and glanced at the whiskey bottle. Almost gone. Shrugging, she poured herself another series of shots. Why not – the stakes are just as high now as they were before.


Introduction to the Quell guy you see in the above passage; it is the scene where he makes his way to Yhakor City, where Shari rules as the Alpha Chieftain.

A metaphor born of massacre; I’ll be damned, Quell’s ivory mask hid the wonder etching its way onto his gaunt face. His eyes moved along steel spine spanning the length of Yhakor City to the spinning vertebrae like devices from which ran afferent and efferent attachments forming anastomoses with Blood’s mana veins. The neon glow of mana pulled from the land lit the anastomoses gathered in radiant nebulas around the vertebrae that stood in harsh juxtaposition to the shrieking roars of the haunts dragged screaming from the comforts of their mana veins. The steel spine with its multicolored attachments reminded Quell of the carnival-like temples where the Red God’s high-ranking jester priests paid obscene obeisance to the forces of entropy. Worse is the veneer of civility under which these folk live. Everyone calls this Yhakor the Spine of the World, he snorted, yet where’s the spine in raising a civilization from the blood and bone of beasts savage as the Primeval dragons –

A screech made Quell start, throwing himself facedown on the plateau as a wind of carrion gusted over his robed form. He picked himself up, scarcely believing what he saw descending upon the frightened mana constructs fighting against death by the spinning vertebrae.

From his place on the red plateau overlooking Yhakor Quell stood witness to the struggle between the maimed masses of dragons, nature elementals, angels, demons, and djinn native to the veins and the city’s drake-mounted monks. A frown replaced the slack wonder.

The matted purple, violet, and golden fur tells me that those are Sajin monks. Quell shook his head, reached into the satchel of books slung over his shoulder and found a moldering volume taken from the Jade Blade borderlands between Eberrai and the subcontinent Takejukai. Flipping it to a dogeared page, he skimmed it. His hands slammed the book shut with the force of a judge slamming his gavel home to pass judgment on the guilty party. And so you were right again, brother. I’ve been too tender hearted where the ways of the world are concerned. The drake-mounted hypocrites, the folk whose sangromancy drained the corpses of dying dragons to raise these great monuments to murder…I’ve been too kind, far too kind.

II

Sitting in the nosebleed section of Yhakor’s Mixed Martial Magery Arts arena, counting the bets he’d taken in from the pit bosses slithering among the wealthier patrons in the sideline seats, Lash grinned as he watched the drake-mounted Sajin monks work their ascetic magic. Green auras shrouded their furred forms as they balanced on their drakes’ wingspans. Around their fists the magical energy shaped itself into fantastic devices with which they mended the broken dragons, djinn, demons, angels, and deep green nature elementals. Wounds set, sealed, and stitched the Sajin guided the mana-haunts back into the efferent anastomoses, returning the renewed to whatever it was they called home in the plane’s mana veins.
They make it look easy – so easy. Lash sighed, pocketing his winnings.
 
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Another short story. This one's called Fault Lines.

Fault Lines

Ignore the reality long enough, Lash thought, and you’ll turn around to find yourself spitted on a blade forged of ruin. In this case – that ruin is lightning. He stood at the head of an assembly of red-clad mages marked across their occipital lobes, fists, or hands by scarified patches of dragonscale. His mages - the Dragonscaled Storm - was the thunderhead from which his minotaur reckoning-gangs struck with lighting-fast efficiency.

Molten entities with elongated skulls of lava tapering to blunt snouts rained fire from their great wings. The flames were caught by nets of magical lightning from the minotaurs. Bolts of lightning clipped the wings of efreet that tried to escape the reckoning-gangs. In dying the efreet screeched about blasphemies against the Midnight Tyrant, the Great Bahamut Itself.

“The only blasphemy here is complacency.” Lash spoke loud enough for the gathered Storm to hear. “Dragonscaled, disperse to the foothills, link up with the other Storms. Geomancers, get fortifications raised. I want the region inaccessible to outsiders.”

The crunch of snow told Lash that the Storm had obeyed. He ordered the rest of the gathering into the weald where the minotaurs were cleaning up the dead efreet. “Get the defenses up. We can count on their cinder shades. They won’t want to give up the castle’s network of underground forges without a fight.”

Lash watched as they went to do their work. Many of them had been there when Lash earned his infamy, and his branded name. Pride lifted his shoulders, swelled his chest at the obedience he saw in his Dragonscaled Storm.

“Lightning is the stone-cold killer, the stormbringer, the life-taker, the great consumer.” Fireball laughed. “The efreet weren’t entirely wrong.” A shark’s grin cut across her tawny face. “I’d rather the rest of those dragon-headed frauds knew that we were the ones wielding the weapons that ended their rule here.”

Lash dismissed his minotaur-wizards. “Well, the efreet reckoned wrong when they reckoned we wouldn’t lash out…reality has a nasty way of dragging you out of your safehouse.” He swept his runesword toward the ranks of Dragonscaled Storm geomancers, pyromancers, and elementalists scouring the highland weald. “We’ve got the efreet by the balls and they don’t even realize it. Without access to this region’s timber, well, they’ll have a hell of a time with their forges.”

He stood on the plateau overlooking a castle said to be sacred by the efreet warlords of Midnight. A bit of well-placed dragonspeaking by Lash gave the holy site a consecration in the vital stuff of the efreet. He smiled like a father watching the birth of his children, clutched the handle of his runesword tightly as a husband supporting his wife through her contractions.

“Feels good, yeah?” Fireball clutched his arm, gave him a friendly shake.

“Yeah. It’s a bit like seeing your firstborn come into the world.” Lash looked back down at the Dragonscaled Storm. Those he’d stirred to rebellion were using their talents to get rid of the evidence. “You can’t help but wonder if they’ll get to make full use of their skills, make a name for themselves.”

“Didn’t know you had any kids.”

“I don’t.” Lash drew his weapon. Raised blue runes glittered across the sword’s red blade. “When you’re in the ranks of dragonspeakers – you gotta weather the empathetic storms. They’ll rage right through your psyche when you’re trying to work.” He shrugged, laying the blade across his palms. “Manipulating the tinniest elements of chance like that, the mind kinda wanders.” He scowled. “What’ll happen to this one’s family if he can’t pay the bills because he lost a bet, will that one like the concrete shoes he gets when he can’t repay his loans…”

Lash’s tongue flicked against the back of his teeth. The phantom taste of Brander’s blood lingered years after the incident where he’d chewed through the shaman’s jugular. He grimaced, remembering the horror on his mother’s face. She hadn’t expected her baby boy to bite the hand that had been feeding them. His hand traced the ice-blue runes; images played within their depths – Brander shaming Lash’s father, mother and father fighting, everyone screaming when little Lash savaged Brander’s throat.

“I think you need to put that away.” Fireball said. “You keep looking at that runesword all funny. Sure it’s not whispering sweet nothings to you? The runeswords in the pulps always did that before they gutted their owners.”

Lash laughed. “Pulps never passed those ridiculous morality tests the efreet mandated.”

“Working the furnaces…jeez you talk about mind-numbing.” Fireball pulled a beaten yellow-paged book from her cloak’s pocket. “Even my elementals wanted a bit of stimulation. One of them may have filched a pulp or two before they went into the flames.” She handed it to Lash. “Give it a look – starts like a rag, then turns into a history journal, complete with peer reviews.”

Blech, history. Lash cracked the book, wasting a couple of hours speed-reading the gist of the historical bits. Tables and diagrams describing something akin to dragonspeaking. Fireball had gone, then returned and cleared her throat, startling Lash.

Lash shifted his runesword to one hand and flipped the pulp shut. The cover depicted a beak-snouted barbarian in chains with a horned, elongated skull wielding a black sword on which an efreet had been spitted. His eyes went to the author. “Is this some kind of joke?” He chuckled. “Midnight’s Tyrant. Its almost as if the efreet were embarrassed that their master would pen anything so interesting.”

“I know, right?” Fireball opened her fists, conjuring fire elementals. She sent the trio of fiery creatures down to help the geomancers fortify the castle defenses. “Hah –the little bundles of energy, they’re children when you get right down to it.”

Lash watched the elementals tumble over one another in their mad dash to help their earthen brethren. “Like a clutch of newly hatched raptor whelps. All tripping over one another with their games of dominance.”

Fireball nodded. “That too.” Red flames flickered across dragonscale patches on her palms. “It does my heart good to see my elementals happy. Their lives are too short, too eventful, for them to not be happy.” She made fists. “I don’t think they enjoyed eating our own.” A shiver seized Fireball. “Or being forced into the burnt remains of the so-called infidels.”

Winds blowing in carried a stinking cocktail of rot, burnt fat, and rotting eggs.

“Right on cue, Lash – the cinder shades. Hear them?”

“Smell them, yeah.” Lash said. He closed his eyes, cocked his head. A rumbling moan carried to them on the icy winds of Midnight. “Maybe the reckoning-gangs will find it in their demon’s hearts to deal them a mercy.” Lash ran his fingers along the icy runes, chanting a summons.

They erupted from the metaphysical arteries in a storm of lightning. Ozone washed over the killing field. Thunder roared with the horned devils’ bellows. Matted fur hissed against armor whose mirror sheen reflected the summation of injustice strewn across the blood-soaked snow.

The minotaurs’ armor warped the ruined features of the cinder shades into something passing human. The demonic beasts drew blades of white lightning. Together they slaughtered the Dragonscaled Storm with lightning storms hurled from their cloven-hoofed fists. Elementals charged with hails of fire and stone. The minotaurs’ lightning blasts turned the enfilade back against the elementals and their conjurers.

****, **** ****! Lash gripped his runesword with both hands, crying “Skredflamecaller! Skredflamecaller!” In response the blade glowed red, then howled. From the charnel shriek came storms of snow that clung to the minotaurs’ armor. Fire roared from the sticky snow. The stink of burnt hair suffocated the killing field.

Fireball conjured fire elementals. Lash thrust out a hand to halt the overeager fire-things.

“Stop!” Lash said, “These are my problem. You make sure the Storms hold the fortifications.”

Fireball nodded. “You keep that book, Lash.”

“Thanks!” Lash smiled briefly.

Roars from below snared his attention. Fire from the explosive snow swept out from the minotaurs. It consumed the Dragonscaled Storm that survived the reckoning-gangs’ initial attack. He ran down into a mire of singed hair, burnt fat, and voided bowels.

“What the **** are you doing?” Lash shouted over the dying screams.

“A red reckoning.” The nearest minotaur said. “It has ever been our duty. You’ve invoked a tempest of emotion: passion for righteousness, passion for power, hatred for ignorance.” Its deep voice shivered into a disgusting grunt. “You speak with the tongue of our creators, but it was their passions that were our yoke. Not their serpents’ speech.”

That’s the last time I use abstraction to rationalize a bad decision. Lash massaged his temple. Oh, binding these dynamos of red mana to your service seemed like it was a gamble – so hey, why not use your talents as a dragonspeaker? He took a calming breath.

“To whom to do you answer, then?”

“Justice, righteous passion –”

“****ing can it., I heard you the first time!” Lash said. He flinched at the minotaur’s snort. Either an efreet or someone hopelessly brainwashed by them. He saw death in the reckoner’s demonic eyes burning like coals. May as well give the pulp a shot. He flipped to the bent page, one eye on the text. His other stayed on the minotaur; then both went to the reckoner-gang as they knelt. I haven’t even started an incantation…

The earth exploded behind Lash. He started, tripping over his boots and falling face first onto the ground. Teeth aching, ears ringing, he pushed himself up and rolled around. A geomancer, indicated by the full forearm scabbing of dragonscale running along both limbs, rose from the crater on a tide of rock.

In his eyes Lash saw a madness that ignited something within. Deep inside he felt it uncoiling. It wasn’t unlike the feeling he’d had before vomiting after doing four cups of whiskey.

“That was our livelihood.” The geomancer pointed to the scattered efreet carnage, then the castle. “Their forges and munitions factories.”

“How many of you geomancers got a chance to use your abilities?” Lash said, climbing to his feet. He saw the old pulp was too far out of reach. So much for that; let’s see if this being a gambling scenario where my life’s on the line is good enough for my dragonspeaking to pull through.

“All of us were given a chance.” The geomancer said.

“Even the ones that were executed before their branding?” Lash said, readying his runesword. His fingers ran along the blade’s runes.

“Families of dissidents were eliminated, yes,” the geomancer said. He crossed his arms across his chest. “Keeps them from ruining life for the rest of us.”

Something in Lash’s chest burned. I know this isn’t necessarily the geomancer’s fault, but that’s just too ****ing vile.

“Do you hear what you’re saying?” Lash said, walking toward the geomancer. In a rumble of thunder and blast of ozone, a minotaur stood before the dragonspeaker.

“No crimes were committed. The efreet acted in accordance with their laws.” The reckoner brought its lightning blade around to bar the path to the geomancer.

“Really?” Lash said, suddenly hot. He was acutely away that sweat plastered his leathers to his tanned skin. “Then tell me why my Dragonscaled Storm had to die. I’m the one that talked them into seizing the Forgeland Frontiers!”

“None of this was your fault,” the geomancer shrugged. “They were the ones that chose to follow you. Their decision, their consequences.” He stepped down from his tide of living stone. Looking at Lash over the minotaur’s shoulder, he said: “I wish the minotaurs had laid you low. I stood against the madness you inspired.” His voice hitched. “And what did I get for it – my workshop raided, my weapons taken for your armies, my family made examples of. Why did my family have to suffer for you?”

What, I didn’t tell them to do any of that! Lash snarled, grip tightening on his runesword. Gotta get Fireball my other officers to shut that **** down, make examples of the savages taking advantage of the chaos.

Lash began to speak. His words were slurred. He struggled to piece them together. The geomancer and minotaur were lost in a flurry of white. Shooting pains rocketed from his chest to his arm, neck, and head. His heartbeat was in his ear, loud as the pounding of hammer on anvil. Words came out in a nonsensical mess. Gritting his teeth, he chanted against an encroaching loss of consciousness.

“The ones that did that disobeyed my orders,” Lash said. That’s a damn lie, you know you didn’t think that far ahead. Relied on that old dragonspeaking to pull you through. Leaning on his runesword like a cripple on a crutch, he reached out a shaking hand, against the burning pain that had it firmly in its jaws. “The longer you sit here whining the-” the more it happens; you turned lose a horde hardened by privation…your dragonspeaking failed again. Now people are hurting. Lash grinded his teeth against the storm of unpleasant images flashing through his mind, and said: “The longer we waste time here, the more people will fall prey to the efreet and their attempts to play us against one another.”

The geomancer pushed the minotaur aside and walked up to Lash. He swung a scaled forearm, knocking away the runesword. The dragonspeaker crashed to the ground, rolled over to look the geomancer in the eye.

“Everything was fine until you came along and ruined it,” the geomancer snapped his fingers. At his beck a jagged earth elemental clawed its way from the ground.

Lash kept on eye on the elemental and the other on the geomancer. “Alright. Everything was fine until then. Now, its not. We can keep fighting here and let it get worse,” he ate a handful of snow to sooth the fire raging inside. He rubbed another handful against his burning face. “Or, we can go and put an end to it – what the **** are you doing?”

The geomancer knelt, took Lash by the chin and twisted his head to the side. Brushing aside hair, Lash knew that the geomancer had found his dragonscale.

“I’m not surprised. A dragonspeaker – your kind have a knack for turning all against the one.” The geomancer let Lash’s head fall, rose and stepped back. Disgust etched itself onto the geomancer’s bronze features. “I’ll not be your tool in this.”

Bahamutdammit, but this kid’s slow as ****ing molasses going up a hill in the dead of winter! Lash began climbing to his feet.

“I don’t need a ****ing tool.” On shaky legs, he began hobbling for his runesword. “What about the others who’re probably suffering right now? Dragonspeakers that didn’t do anything other than stick up for their beliefs, geomancers motivated by love of kith and kin – are you going to keep heaping them on the sacrificial altar to tear me down, make yourself feel good rather than face the reality of this ****storm?”

Lash could tell the geomancer was thinking on his rant. The goodhearted, yet misguided kid’s eyes had that distant look. He muttered something.

“What was that?” Lash said.

“What else have I got left?” the geomancer’s voice quivered, then cracked. “The efreet and the Tyrant of Midnight, they’ll kill us all because of you. That’s what always happens when someone goes against the grain. You tried to give us everything. In doing so, you took it all.” He dug his fist into the earth elemental, pulled free a jag of stone. “This is all I have left.”

Screaming, the geomancer threw himself at Lash.

“Revenge is not reckoning!” the minotaur spun, swinging his lightning sword at the geomancer. Its electric blade fizzled against the jagged earth elemental as it barreled into the minotaur from the side.

Lash fell back, threw up his burning arm, screaming the words from Fireball’s pulp. Flesh rippled, liquefied, his fingers fusing and nails growing into talons. Talons sprouted into fangs. From the roaring dragon’s snout at the end of Lash’s arm came a burst of fire, shot through with lightning. It devoured the crying geomancer.

The kid’s screams clawed their way into Lash’s ears. Slithering through his ear canal, they ripped their way into his brain. In the darkness of his mind the reminder of his heroics found a home. Sorry, I didn’t…the efreet…the ****ing efreet and their ****ing regime did this to you, kid.

Roaring against the pain, yet grinning in spite of it, Lash was jerked forward by the conjuration at the end of his arm.. The dragon shed Lash’s arm like a snake shedding its skin. Serpentine with red scales mottled brown, the dragon let out a hissing cry. It struck the minotaurs, snakelike, frying them.

Lash’s grin rolled over and died when the gang of reckoners rebounded the dragon’s assault with their lightning swords. He started when arms grabbed him. Craning his neck, he saw Fireball, disheveled, pulling him away from the massacre. She looked down at him, then back at the minotaurs, throwing another horde of elementals at them.

A blade of ruin, Lash thought. Breathing was getting harder. Reality drove that ****er home. As if to remind the dragonspeaker the geomancer’s screams ripped through his head. Sharp and loud as a thunderclap. I’m a coward, a damn coward. Couldn’t face reality…

Much as Lash longed for the fever and bloodloss to drive him under, they didn’t. The highland weald around Fireball and Lash was alive with magical explosions, the roar of unseen creatures, screams, grunts, the wet ripping of things dying.

This is now your reality, dragonspeaker, Lash told himself. Deal with it.
 
What programs are you all using for your writing? Basic word programs that come with the computers/tablets or specialized software?
 
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