Morden Man
Civilian
- Joined
- Aug 12, 2014
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- 132
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Today was the day that I went back home. After the better part of three days of solid testing with Pete at his lab, I was finally supposed to move back into Angelas apartment. The only problem with that being that thanks to my newfound gifts I know shes been seeing someone else. Or at the very least sleeping with. And the thought of lying beside her in bed knowing that shed been writhing around in it with someone else only nights before was too much even for the new and improved chipper Matt. No, I couldnt put myself through that and I couldnt put her through that. Especially if she wasnt happy in this.
The drive home isnt an especially long one but it is a quiet one. How could I have been so stupid? How did I not see the signs? The questions go round and round my head as I glance at Angela in the driving seat. She looks back at me and smiles slightly before concentrating on the road.
Angela helps me out of the car and I play along, letting her take me by the arm and lead me upstairs into the apartment. As she sits me down, I can feel my stomach churning as I smell the scent of whoever was here all over my things.
Isnt it nice to be home? Angela says with a smile. All those hospital rooms and labs, I bet youre pleased to be back here.
I wish I could play along and pretend that everything was alright. For all the good my newfound abilities had done me, this was one particular piece of knowledge that I wish I could unlearn. Im not one for willful ignorance but this seemed like a case for it if ever there was one.
We need to talk.
Her heart skips a beat. She knows something is wrong.
What do you mean? Talk about what?
I could drag this out and make it as painful for her as possible. Try to trap her in her own lies, see how many times shed look me in the face and lie about it. But Im not going to do that. Thats not what this is about. I love her too much to play games with her about something like this. Theres a reasonable explanation behind it all, Murdock, she wouldnt have torn your relationship apart for nothing.
I know that youve been seeing someone else.
I dont k
Please dont lie to me, I say with a sigh. God knows there have been enough lies between the two of us as it is. Im trying to give you the opportunity to be honest with me.
She nods solemnly.
It was a mistake. You had been so distant for so long and just when it seemed like we were turning a corner you started keeping secrets and hiding things from me again.
Shes telling the truth, she truly does regret it. I wish I could deny that Id been secretive, that Id looked her in the face and promised her things knowing Id break them, but I couldnt do it. Over and over again Id let her down and, though it didnt excuse what shed done, it went some way to explaining it.
I understand.
And then whatever happened at Wildcats that night happened and no one would tell me anything, Angela said as tears began to well in her eyes. Foggy and Ted shut me out like I was some intruder into your life. What was I supposed to do? Three months! Three months of being treated like a complete stranger by the family of the person I loved.
I can hear the pain in her voice as it shakes. I want to hold her and tell her everything will be okay, that I forgive her for what happened, and love her more than anything. None of it would be a lie. But I wouldnt be forgiving her because Id actually forgiven her, it would be saying Id forgive her to make her feel better about it, if not because I was scared how Id survive if she werent around. And that wouldnt be fair on anyone.
Who is he?
Ben Urich, Angela mutters. The Ben Urich.
Is that name meant to mean something to me?
Angela arches her eyebrow somewhat as if I should know who he is. Im not sure whether she realises how insulting her consternation at my not having heard of the man she was unfaithful with is. I dont think anyone had ever described me as the Matt Murdock in my life and at the rate I was going at I couldnt ever see it happening.
I met him through work and I guess things sort of escalated from there. It wasnt supposed to be anything serious, I was so miserable whilst you were laid in that hospital bed and I had no idea whether you were going to wake up or not. It was fun and exciting and took my mind off everything that happened, thats all. It was nothing more than that.
The words fun and exciting cut into me like knives. I cant help but picturing Angela smiling and laughing in this guys company like she used to when we first met. Ben. Why did that name ring a bell? Had she mentioned him to me before? I had a sneaking suspicion that she had at some point.
I swear it didnt mean anything.
I sit in silence for a few moments and try to take everything in, try to find some way to reconcile my feelings for Angela with what has happened. As the tears begin to roll down her cheeks my heart drops. If I were a stronger man Id be able to forgive her for this, especially given all the lies Id told and everything that had happened. But I cant.
I think maybe I should go to Teds for a little while so I can clear my head and get a little bit of space. Nothing good can come from being cooped up in here with one another after something like this. I need some space to think.
She shakes her head vociferously.
You stay here and Ill go and stay with my parents for a few nights. You shouldnt have to move out because of my mistakes. This is your home as well as mine, Matt, and given your health it doesnt make sense for you to move.
I cant be here knowing what happened here, Angela.
I want to go back and change it all. Untell every lie I ever told, go back and tell myself to tell her that I love her more often and to be more honest. Maybe if I had been we wouldnt have ended up in this situation. Maybe if Id not gone after Austins father my whole life wouldnt have fallen apart. Id still have my eyesight, the woman I loved, and I wouldnt have to look over my shoulder anytime I went out for fear of Turk, Grotto, and Cao coming to finish what they started.
Im sorry, Angela says quietly. I love you more than anything.
Whatever Peters procedure had done to me, however powerful it had made my other senses, it couldnt make me feel less powerless than I did now.