Was I in the wrong?

Schlosser85

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So my ex, whom I still extremely close to in a platonic way, is struggling with depression, which he gets periodically. Meanwhile his boyfriend, whom he lives with, is being very distant, sleeping on the couch downstairs, and basically blowing it off any time Mark tries to get him to level about what's going on. This is eating Mark up with uncertainty about their relationship, which needless to say isn't helping him deal with depression.

Last night, after Mark basically poured his heart out to me about this for hours, I sent Dustin (his bf) a Facebook private message saying "you need to level with Mark one way or another, because not knowing what's going on is driving him crazy and making his depression worse".

Now you might say I butted my head in, but Mark confides in me about all this on a practically daily basis, and all three of us had previously been very close.

Well, I get a text message this afternoon from Dustin saying "you sir are no longer welcome here at my house". I also discover he's deleted me from his Facebook friends. I call Mark and ask "WTF??", and apparently Dustin took me to be telling him to leave Mark. Now I might be biased because I already knew what I meant, but I didn't think it came across that way. I texted Dustin insisting that I was not at all suggesting they break up, I was only telling them they need to communicate with each other. No response.

I'm a bit offended right now. But, outside opinions, what do you think? Was I in the wrong? Did he overreact? Does my message sound the way he interpreted it?
 
If they are good friends of yours, you should have called him or talked to him face to face about it. That way there could be no misunderstanding.
 
You should have been upfront with them both. Not just go to one person after talking to the other. Your message was obviously too vague, and that hurt you since you didn't tell the other guy you said something.
 
In disputes between friends, I find out both sides of the story, make my own judgement, and then keep it to myself and stay the hell out of it.
 
I think that it was completely inappropriate for you to interfere that way, sorry.
 
you done ****ed up, Schloss.....stay out of it, its not your concern
 
Your name shoulda been Bennett, cuz you ain't in it.
 
My name is Stephen, and I would prefer to stay out of this particular situation if you don't mind. Thank you. :o
 
My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.
 
Dustin is a moron. I don't think you're in the wrong. It sounds like he's got some major security issues.
 
Since you're the ex, it probably came off to the other guy that you were trying to break them up so you could get back with your ex.

Regardless of his current bf knowing how "platonic" you are, you're still a threat.

Being best friends with an ex doesn't always work, and this is one of those times. I'd say next time, keep it to yourself.
 
I don't get this new trend of being friendly with your ex.....ex is an ex....lose my number, come get your ****, and **** off
 
And of course, call me when you wanna have some guilt ridden hate sex.
 
I love hate sex.....so good....where is my viking helmet??
 
I don't think you were in the wrong Schlosser. You are friends with both of them and just wanted them to talk it out and stop avoiding the subject. I will say though that being an 'ex' does bring another level to the conversation that might not be there had it just been a regular friend. (That could possibly have been why Dustin interpreted your message the way he did.) Not that I am excusing Dustin's reaction...because I'm not.
 
His intentions were good, but that's a tricky situation to put yourself in.
 
I agree Marx.

At the end of the day, You should arrange a meeting to sort things out. Also get some ice-cream. Ice-cream makes any **** day, perfect :)
 
I agree Marx.

At the end of the day, You should arrange a meeting to sort things out. Also get some ice-cream. Ice-cream makes any **** day, perfect :)

It just always sucks when you mean well...and it gets turned into something it was never meant to be. I've been in that situation before. I was asked my 'honest opinion' and I gave it. Blew things all to hell. :csad:
 
Main thing is: you can't win in this situation. Best to just keep away and let them work it out. Your intentions were good but people are crazy when a relationship is involved. The most I would say is your ex needs some counseling regardless if he stays with that guy or not. But getting/being pulled in the middle of a couples business never works out well.
 
So my ex, whom I still extremely close to in a platonic way, is struggling with depression, which he gets periodically. Meanwhile his boyfriend, whom he lives with, is being very distant, sleeping on the couch downstairs, and basically blowing it off any time Mark tries to get him to level about what's going on. This is eating Mark up with uncertainty about their relationship, which needless to say isn't helping him deal with depression.

Last night, after Mark basically poured his heart out to me about this for hours, I sent Dustin (his bf) a Facebook private message saying "you need to level with Mark one way or another, because not knowing what's going on is driving him crazy and making his depression worse".

Now you might say I butted my head in, but Mark confides in me about all this on a practically daily basis, and all three of us had previously been very close.

Well, I get a text message this afternoon from Dustin saying "you sir are no longer welcome here at my house". I also discover he's deleted me from his Facebook friends. I call Mark and ask "WTF??", and apparently Dustin took me to be telling him to leave Mark. Now I might be biased because I already knew what I meant, but I didn't think it came across that way. I texted Dustin insisting that I was not at all suggesting they break up, I was only telling them they need to communicate with each other. No response.

I'm a bit offended right now. But, outside opinions, what do you think? Was I in the wrong? Did he overreact? Does my message sound the way he interpreted it?

They obviously are in such a bad situation that they see your empathy as a threat. I would keep my distance and let them figure this out by themselves. You obviously shouldn't turn your back either, but just keep the door open to dialogue. Eventually they should turn around.
 

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