Okay, I'll try and make my way through all this.... Speed dating - No, simple as that but thanks for the explanation, I refer you to my previous answers on it's 'circus and performing animal' routines, I don't 'perform' for anyone, you either like me or you don't, I shouldn't have to jump through hoops for someone's tick box sheet by way of whether I have 'razzmatazz' or a decent job or a winning smile, or a house in the country. What changed initially, between your last relationship and the point at which you now realise you are worthy? Why did you ever think yourself unworthy? I am clearly 'missing out' and as I get older (I'm 44 in 11 days time) and I see my friends around me building their families and share events and have happy times together I know how much it hurts not being able to share that or 'have that', the simple things in a relationship, the big things, any of it, it just hurts not having someone to hold hands with or cuddle in the evening or simply 'share my life' with. The unworthiness stems from a huge amount of psychological mess really from childhood to teen to a breakdown in my early 20's to alcoholism to depression, just years of self loathing which therapy and a lot of self reflection, learning to appreciate myself and know that I'm a good person has resolved and wanting and believing I AM worthy for someone. That's a summery of the reasons, the full answer would run to pages. I've never really been dating, in all honesty. My first GF was at late 20's, we met through a friend and I cast her in my film, we broke up whilst making the film, we finished the film. That was it. That was 13 years ago. Haven't dated since. Prior to that, liked someone at 16, we were really good mates, I liked her very much, I declared this, she didn't think the same, she went out with a best mate of mine, broke my heart, I decided at that point, I would never have another relationship. Didn't until I was 29 and the relationship with actress. Haven't dated since then which as I say was 13 years ago. I think this is where your problem lays, maybe. If you're adamant that you feel as though you can only develop a relationship from a friendship then you run the risk of being friendzoned by every woman you meet. That, or the friendship is (potentially) based on a lie as you're (potentially) looking to escalate/evolve it once you feel comfortable with said person, when they may just want a friend. About 70% of my friendship base is female, I can honestly say I don't want a relationship or to sleep with them. Yes, I am 'forever' seen as the brother not the BF potential because I don't project myself to females as 'sexual possibility Jim' from the outset, whomever that female is on meeting them. In the past I've been 'happy' to play that role, and this is where the 'change' is, I want to be or feel able to be the BF role not just a friend. That's where the difference is now.