Who Shall Inherit Herr Logan's Kingdom?

[Herr Logan]

Earlier, I said there's a possibility that I may be moving to a location that doesn't afford easy Internet access. Then I said it wasn't happening. Well, now it seems like it's probably going to happen. I may not be able to post again after this post, actually. No guarantees either way at this point. Anyway, in the event that I do disappear off the face of the Earth (metaphorically speaking, of course... maybe), someone should rule this Mighty Kingdom in my stead.
Of course, none of you will be nearly as good as me, but ya takes what ya can gets, know what I mean? By the way, for those who aren't sure, my Kingdom equals all Safe Haven threads, the list of which are posted on the initial post of the original Safe Haven.

The main responsibilities of this title, in all of the Safe Havens, will include keeping discussion going, exercising discretion over the "faithfulness" of proposed ideas, upholding all of the rules, and reporting those who offend the laws of this great land. I also want to say that whosoever becomes my heir is not to turn any of these threads into a spam/humor thread or ongoing political pulpit.
If you try to change the Sacred Rules I so carefully laid out, make a poll on vote on each change first. If you act rashly and do not honor me in my woeful absence, I'll know, bub. I'll scowl at you from beyond the grave (or wherever I actually end up)!

Here are my nominations for ruler, in alphabetical order:

Abaddon
Doc Ock
Head>On<Collider
Hunter Rider
Kame-sennin
Mister J
The Batman
Zaphod
Zev


This is not an all-inclusive list, and it is also not the be all and end all (the list, I mean). If other people want to be in the election, or if others have different nominations, talk amongst yourselves and create a new thread with a new poll. If I didn't list you, it's because I'm running short on time, not because I don't love you.

I'm going to make the poll multiple-check, which may be impractical, I don't know. If there's a tie, you guys fight to the death and sort it out amongst yourselves. If a single poster is chosen and declines the great Honor of my throne, may his family never cleanse themselves of the shame of it all.
As I said in my earlier post, if I do come back here to stay, I'll be reclaiming my throne, and any who try to stand in the way will become a cautionary tale (not in terms of mod reporting... we's gonna have us a tussle in this situation, we are).
I forgot to set a time limit on this poll, so I'll leave it up to your sound judgment as to when you decide who's been elected.

I want to say it's been a pleasure and an honor working with you fine people. You've given me a lot of joy and laughs. I salute you, the true fans of superhero comics. May this great Kingdom continue to thrive and flourish in my absence. A tentative farewell to you all.

*sobs* Sorry, I just can't stand goodbyes, is all.

Seriously, guys, it's been great. As for the teeming masses of intellectual plebeians and sycophantic apologists, never let them enjoy a moment's peace. Give 'em hell! Yeah, that's right!

 

[Cullen]

Bummer.

 

[The Batman]

Herr, i thank you, for giving me some intelligent and thought out posts. For not being one of the morons on a superhero board who'll take any and everything the creative teams give them, even though it's a slap in the face to the original comics.

 

[Abaddon]

Aww.sucks,Logy. Do try and visit from time to time.

I'm honored to be mentioned, but the responsibility is far too great. Besides,I see some good choices there leading in the poll.

 

[Herr Logan]

I want to apologize if anyone feels I've been jerking them around about my future status here. As it is, I may be continuing my membership on the Hype and in the Safe Havens. This could still change.

Here's the deal:
My five and a half year relationship with my lover and fiancee has ended, this time for real. This is an indescribable loss, and I have no idea how successfully I can recover from this, or how long it may take. On the one hand, the world is a cruel, filthy place that rewards the wicked, victimizes the innocent and the just and has never offered me much hope. On the other hand, I just took Criminal Justice Statistics-- my biggest academic and mental challenge-- in a condensed, 6-week format and left it bleeding to death at my feet with a "B-" shaped wound in its belly, which means there is no clear limit to what I can or cannot do. I'm also still smarter than most of the imagination-deprived yokels in this entire web community, and every one of them knows it. So yeah, it's a toss-up.

In the near future, I could end up anywhere from simply living with my parents once again and without a car, to being hospitalized, to dead (and God only knows which is worse). I may be taking a less active role here, as I feel my enthusiasm for superheroes, among other areas of life, has decreased greatly. This poll will still determine who my successor/fill-in will be if I end up being absent for an extended period of time (if I go three weeks without posting, we'll say).

I want to thank those who knew of my situation and offered their support. You guys kick ass, and I'll try to kick my fair share of ass during this troubling time in return. Long live the Haven and the Truth of the Mythologies that it honors!

 

[JLBats]

Wow, this is pretty self-important.

Also, I like the rules in the safe haven thread. VERY clever

 

[Herr Logan]

Herr, i thank you, for giving me some intelligent and thought out posts. For not being one of the morons on a superhero board who'll take any and everything the creative teams give them, even though it's a slap in the face to the original comics.

You're quite welcome. Intelligent, well-read and passionate fans such as yourself deserve no less.

Aww.sucks,Logy. Do try and visit from time to time.

I'm honored to be mentioned, but the responsibility is far too great. Besides,I see some good choices there leading in the poll.

It's cool, Abby. You got your own domain to rule, but I thank you for your contributions in mine.

 

[Herr Logan]

Wow, this is pretty self-important.

Also, I like the rules in the safe haven thread. VERY clever

Right now, as exhausted as I am, I honestly can't tell if you're being sarcastic about the rules or not.

If you are, then get it out of your system in this thread only, and keep silent in the actual Safe Havens themselves.

If not, then feel free to contribute and abide by those rules.

 

[JLBats]

...Sarcasm? Never.

 

[Cullen]

I want to apologize if anyone feels I've been jerking them around about my future status here. As it is, I may be continuing my membership on the Hype and in the Safe Havens. This could still change.

Here's the deal:
My five and a half year relationship with my lover and fiancee has ended, this time for real. This is an indescribable loss, and I have no idea how successfully I can recover from this, or how long it may take. On the one hand, the world is a cruel, filthy place that rewards the wicked, victimizes the innocent and the just and has never offered me much hope. On the other hand, I just took Criminal Justice Statistics-- my biggest academic and mental challenge-- in a condensed, 6-week format and left it bleeding to death at my feet with a "B-" shaped wound in its belly, which means there is no clear limit to what I can or cannot do. I'm also still smarter than most of the imagination-deprived yokels in this entire web community, and every one of them knows it. So yeah, it's a toss-up.

In the near future, I could end up anywhere from simply living with my parents once again and without a car, to being hospitalized, to dead (and God only knows which is worse). I may be taking a less active role here, as I feel my enthusiasm for superheroes, among other areas of life, has decreased greatly. This poll will still determine who my successor/fill-in will be if I end up being absent for an extended period of time (if I go three weeks without posting, we'll say).

I want to thank those who knew of my situation and offered their support. You guys kick ass, and I'll try to kick my fair share of ass during this troubling time in return. Long live the Haven and the Truth of the Mythologies that it honors!

Ouch and ouch again. Better fortune for you, man.

 

[Abaddon]

Sorry to hear about the life drama. It probably is best you take a break and go on one of those spiritual journeys so that you can clear your head, rediscover yourself and where you want to go. Along with all that other stuff that sounds lame and cliche,but is actually true and helpful.

 

[3dman27]

thanks for making the hype interesting herr logan caio for now

 

[Herr Logan]

thanks for making the hype interesting herr logan caio for now

Someone's gotta keep this place on its toes.

Thanks.

 

[Herr Logan]

Sorry to hear about the life drama. It probably is best you take a break and go on one of those spiritual journeys so that you can clear your head, rediscover yourself and where you want to go. Along with all that other stuff that sounds lame and cliche,but is actually true and helpful.

Thanks, Abaddon, I really appreciate that.

I'm not sure about taking a spiritual journey, for a couple of reasons. One, it sounds like work, and boy am I ever not interested in work right now. Two, I'm not sure what good it would do, me being the staunchly paranoid agnostic that I am, and I'm not sure how I'd do it. I guess I'm in for lots of distraction for the time being.

All through yesterday, I tried to shut out and remove myself from my superhero movie ideas, because I didn't want to feel better or "normal." I was trying to gather enough focus and motivation to finally go through with a train-induced or "police-assisted" suicide (in all my years of chronic depression, I've never actually gone through with an attempt, because I didn't want to end up crippled, mentally impaired or just one of those people who made a half-ass "attempt" and didn't actually die), which requires staying very angry all day, but I guess I exhausted myself. I ended up accepting when my father, who has always been quite cold and distant, mustered up as much "humanity" as he could in his voice and invited to take me and a friend to my parents' beach house for the weekend.

In addition to getting dumped in a humiliating fashion in that house years ago by someone else, I spent a decent chunk of time there with Sonia, my ex-fiancee. But we always avoided crowds, and she didn't like going on amusement rides. I'm thinking I may want to do some hardcore line-standing and ride-going, and see if my passion for being dizzy, disoriented and in the air hasn't disappeared.

While I'm there for the next couple days, I probably won't be online much. Everyone should feel free to post as usual in the various Safe Havens, and I'll make comments whenever I get a chance. Again, thanks for your support.

 

[Abaddon]

Well,it is best you take your time with the healing,Logan. Feel whatever you feel for as long as you feel it. And when alls said and done just try and make peace with yourself.

[Dr. Phil]Not all the chickens eggs are gonna hatch.[/Dr. Phil]

or something like that.


Anywayz,good luck.

 

[Zaphod]

Logan, I offer you my closes sympathies, honestly. I wont even attempt at trying to come accro9ss as truly 'relating' to what your going through, but I know what sadness and pain is, especially when one is prone to a serious mental capacity for negative thinking, as I am, and as by your own admission you claim to be. Please, try, in some way shape and form, to post back here. Mostly it would just be good to hear from you, in any form of conversation. Everyone who has posted faithfully and consistently in these Haven threads is here, willing to at least offer you the company of discussion and an ear to lend even if we ourselves cant put ourselves in your same position. I would say more on this matter, but you dont need 'advice' right now, just confirmation that where all still a tight-knit community and that we're here for you if you need the company of fellow minded comic book enthusiasts, or just friends.

I will say that it has been an enormous pleasure having you as the ruling body of these boards, not only that, but knowing that they're are still fans, and people in general out there who wont be satisfied because they feel they should be, but will strive for perfection. It's been pleasure Batmanning it up with you, I will not allow our concept to fade, and I will honor all your ideas into some form or another for the concept. Consider it my duty to keep that joint project going, solo.

It's been more than pleasure, Herr

 

[Hunter Rider]

Damn Herr Well do what you have to and who you have to,to get yourself feeling better my good man

 

[Herr Logan]

Logan, I offer you my closes sympathies, honestly. I wont even attempt at trying to come accro9ss as truly 'relating' to what your going through, but I know what sadness and pain is, especially when one is prone to a serious mental capacity for negative thinking, as I am, and as by your own admission you claim to be. Please, try, in some way shape and form, to post back here. Mostly it would just be good to hear from you, in any form of conversation. Everyone who has posted faithfully and consistently in these Haven threads is here, willing to at least offer you the company of discussion and an ear to lend even if we ourselves cant put ourselves in your same position. I would say more on this matter, but you dont need 'advice' right now, just confirmation that where all still a tight-knit community and that we're here for you if you need the company of fellow minded comic book enthusiasts, or just friends.

I will say that it has been an enormous pleasure having you as the ruling body of these boards, not only that, but knowing that they're are still fans, and people in general out there who wont be satisfied because they feel they should be, but will strive for perfection. It's been pleasure Batmanning it up with you, I will not allow our concept to fade, and I will honor all your ideas into some form or another for the concept. Consider it my duty to keep that joint project going, solo.

It's been more than pleasure, Herr

I appreciate all of that, Zaphod. I'm going to try to keep up with the various threads and get my head back in the game for our Batman concept. I guess I'll need your help with that.

Maybe the fact that I feel cold and dead inside will help me write for the title character.

 

[Herr Logan]

Damn Herr Well do what you have to and who you have to,to get yourself feeling better my good man

Hmm...

Do you you happen to know any reasonably priced and reasonably accomodating (as in, they'll do whatever I want) prostitutes in the Washington Metropolitan Area that you know are free of venereal diseases? I know it's a long-shot, but I figured I'd ask.

 

[ShadowBoxing]

No, who will be the Wolverine to my Cyclops

 

[Zev]

POWER! UNLIMITED POWER!

Well, looks like I win. Thus, as your new leader and president-for-life, it seems like a speech is in order.

The best way for us to get out of this alive and for you guys to go home is for us to be the most dangerous infantry company on the battlefield and that's where we're going. If you're not a big guy and you want to pick a fight, who's it going to be -- a 500-pound gorilla or a 90-pound weakling, who the hell are you going to punch first? The way we are going to keep the Vietcong away from us is we're going to start killing them and we're not going to sit here and produce casualties for our side. We're going to produce casualties for their...

Wait...

Sorry, wrong speech. Let's start over.

The Safe Haven Manifesto

First, introductions are in order. I'm Zev. You may know me from such Hype classics as the Fivers, my fanfics, the Worst Moments threads, or the Big Big Thread of Lesbian Subtext. I've been here a while, been in a few (ahem) 'heated' debates, and served with distinction as one of the original Haturz League. I've never been afraid to call good ol' Herr on his BS when it's called for and, though I've enjoyed comic book movies, I can see where they could stand some improvement. Sometimes it's little things (yes, I would enjoy it more if, when Bruce is surrounded by bats in Batman Begins, he would say "Yes father, I shall become a bat."). Sometimes it's big things, like Spider-Man actually having some one-liners or Superman being able to turn back time whenever he feels like it. Bottom line, I've done my time in the trenches. Now, let's get on to the salient points.

The Comics Are Not Infallible

Believe it or not, the comics were not written in five-foot-tall flaming letters outside Marvel for Stan Lee to transcribe and pass along to Jack Kirby. Comics can be as stupid, misogynistic, racist, and generally idiotic as any other form of entertainment. They are not, repeat, not the word of God, as anyone who's read anything by Chuck Austen can attest. They are not the Bible, the Torah, the Koran, or even that wacky Mormon bible.

Hell, nowadays even the comics aren't faithful to the comics. I could write a movie about a Spider-Man who has no secret identity, wears a red and gold costume, beats his wife, and got his powers from some sort of nutty spider-god and it'd be completely faithful to comics canon. If movies were completely faithful to the comics, just about every single female character would be a superhero because she was raped at some point in her life. Depressing but true.

So, having accepted that all canon is not created equal, which canon do we want to translated to the screen?

Don't answer that, it's a rhetorical question.

Ask a hundred different people who Batman is and you'll get a hundred different answers. Most of us will agree on a few things, if they're not mainly familiar with Batman from the Burton films. Batman doesn't kill, Batman doesn't like guns, etc. But there will be disagreements. Some people will think Batman should be partnered with Robin, some think he should be a lone knight. Some think the love of his life is Catwoman, some think it's Talia Al Ghul, some think it's Nightwing.

Hell, even the creators don't agree on this. Chuck Dixon thinks the Batfamily is straight as an arrow, Devin Greyson gave an interview where she revealed that her personal "fanon" included an aborted sexual encounter between Dick Grayson and Bruce Wayne. Really. I'm not kidding. I could give you a link right now.

Point is, you can't just say it should be like it is in the comics. Be prepared to back up your points. If you think Batman should wear spandex instead of armor, have some good reasons. This is not a major request. High school debate teams can do this. Share your opinion, by all means, but don't expect "because that's the way it is in the comics!" to hold much weight unless you can tell us why that was so awesome in the comics and why it would work when being directed by James Cameron (hey, it's your imagination, go big!).

In short, the objective is to hew as close to the original comics' universal appeal, atmosphere, theme, mood, and potential as possible while still making (and this is key) a fun, thrilling, thought-provoking, and/or tear-wrenching movie. Unfortunately, that means compromise, debate, and sweat. Deal with it.

Sex It Up

Some of you may be saying blasphemy by now. Well, to quote Al Pacino I'M JUST GETTING WARMED UP! It's time we sex these threads up. TWELVE PEOPLE. That's how many guys voted on this poll. Now, I may just be whistling Dixie, but when I share my ideas, I'd like for a lot more than a dozen guys to hear them. So we're going to start diversifying, we're going to start bringing in new blood, we're going to Rupert Murdoch this *****.

First off, we're going to stop scaring off newcomers. The Safe Haven is just that, a Safe Haven. People want to come in here and talk, let them. Just as we already don't allow terms like fanboy, nerd, purist (or snobby elitist snob-pants), there'll be no flaming of "conformists," "sheep," and "studio apologists." Debate is fine, name-calling is not. You wanna prove someone wrong, then by God, you do it the old-fashioned way, by proving them wrong instead of shouting them down.

Moreover, I'm going to issue invitations throughout "my" threads. Invite some of the boys over to play. Be nice to them and try to keep it down to a dull roar, daddy's nursing a hangover.

Step two, we're not going to turn this into a free-for-all, but we are going to add a little spice to this thread. Back on the ol' Lesbian Subtext thread, one of the biggest draws is General Perversion Sunday and Latent Male Homosexuality Saturday. We're going to do something similar.

Starting this Saturday, all the threads will play host to Things We'd Rather They Not Adapt. From 12 in the morning to 12 at night, we'll be accepting scans of... well, things we'd rather they not adapt. You know, the Batdickery, the "What Were They THINKING?" moments, etc. But wait, there's more!

Then on Sunday, there'll be a special contest. I'll select one of the submissions to be the central target of the "roast." Everyone will be invited to suggest ways that these ludicrous things COULD be adapted. Think you know of a way the Rainbow Raider would make a fearsome villain? Confident you know how to make Mr. Mxylpxl work on the silver screen? Entirely sure that Batman being raped would make a great plot twist? This is your chance to prove it. Be completely serious or completely absurd. The next day, I'll sort through all the submissions (I'll recuse myself from the contest, of course) and pick a winner, who will receive a very special prize.

This is only two days out of the week and will not interrupt the usual *****ing and moaning, but hopefully it will drive our traffic up some. It's just for fun and no one is under any obligation to participate.

Peter Cullen Has Been Cast As The Voice of Optimus Prime

Isn't that cool?

Have Fun!

Don't get too worked up. These aren't even movies. These are hypothetical movies. If you feel like you're just going to explode, take a break from the computer, do a few push-ups, drink a glass of water, come back, and rattle out a threatening/quasi-homosexual letter to your enemy. It works for me.

In all seriousness, keep a cool head, don't overuse the angry emoticons, and be prepared to admit that maybe, just maybe, you'll wrong.

Talk Amongst Yourselves

One thing I've noticed is that a lot of us are basically running parallel trains. One person's doing one Superman concept, another's doing his plan for a Superman movie, and so on. Let's mix it up a bit! Offer constructive criticism to each other and combine your strength like Voltron. You don't have to add someone else's stinky ideas to your awesome will-win-an-Oscar-if-the-idiot-studio-executives-ever-realize-your-genius concept, but share. Each thread will have one "uber" movie in addition to each of your individual little puzzle pieces. The end goal is bringing one perfect movie idea out of this diversity. I'll present the barebones version of this on Friday after receiving all of your submissions, after which you can hash out all the differences between yourself. I may even make a few suggestions.

Safe Haven: Year One

Sorry, but you're going to have to present your ideas all over again to bring me and everyone else up to speed. Remember, we're going to get an influx of (hopefully) new traffic, so summarize your stuff, dish up some links, and strut your stuff. At the very least, I promise to comment on everything. One post per customer, please. Or at least post everything you have at once, so it can be viewed en masse instead of eyesore piecemeal.

Have Fun!

I'm saying that again because it's twice as important as everything else. The objective here is to bring the best of comics canon in line with cinematic necessity to provide something everyone, both true believers and "conformist sheep," can enjoy. But that doesn't mean we can't have fun. Feel free to also debate the latest (nonspoiler) news from the movies with your Safe Haven friends or plug your (canon-friendly) projects for the rest of us to gush over.

A Few Tenets

Movie!Doom was an atrocity. Green Goblin's costume sucked. Cyclops got gypped in the last X-Men movie. Daredevil's movie was crap. And don't even get me started on the Hulk.

If you disagree strongly with any of the above statements, it's a good chance you probably won't fit in here. We have to have some standards after all.

P.S. In honor of this victory, I am also bringing back my classic avatar, to which you will all swear undying loyalty.

 

[Mister J]

^ That's our Zev.

That sucks about all the drama, HL. It was damn good having you around these parts. Hope it all turns around for you, buddy. It'll be a collaborative effort to keep the kingdom prosperous until you return, wielding those claws of yours.

 

[Zev]

Oh, I have a feeling Herr Logan's still around, watching over us. The Malcolm X to my Martin Luther King Jr. The Magneto to my Professor X. The Snoopy to my Charlie Brown. And one day, in our hour of greatest need (right about the time they cast Jack Black as Green Lantern, I reckon), he'll return.

 

[Herr Logan]

Did I miss something? I returned before you even began writing your victory speech. Read the initial post again, Zev.

Somewhere in the middle it says:

As I said in my earlier post, if I do come back here to stay, I'll be reclaiming my throne, and any who try to stand in the way will become a cautionary tale (not in terms of mod reporting... we's gonna have us a tussle in this situation, we are).

That would be why I apologized in Post #5.

This poll will still determine who my successor/fill-in will be if I end up being absent for an extended period of time (if I go three weeks without posting, we'll say).

Again, sorry about that. Do the smart thing here. I'm sorry you went ahead and did a victory speech, but it's been at least three days since it was known that I wasn't gone. I may be fickle on some things, but I made statements that accounted for contingencies. I had all the "ifs" covered that needed it. I have a hard time believing that you didn't read any of the pertinent statements here since they were posted, and it's irrelevant either way, since you can plainly see the dates and times of the last edits to those posts.


I won't pick any arguments over the things I might object to in your speech, if you don't try to challenge me. We'll pretend that part never happened.

Otherwise, keep in mind that my changes in mindset recently haven't weakened my desire for keeping what's mine; that simply means I'm a hell of a lot less likely to put up with any bull$hit from anyone. Do the smart thing.

I'll say it once more, so everyone has it clear in their minds:
I am still here. I am still in charge. I am sorry for any confusion, but I have accounted for all the eventualities that have taken place. I have not been absent for three weeks. If you go back and read what I wrote on Thursday-- checking that in Post #1 the editing label reads 07-20-2006 at 08:58 AM and that Post #5 has no editing label-- you will see that what I have said in this post is consistent with the previous ones. When I said in Post #5 that "I may be taking a less active role here, as I feel my enthusiasm for superheroes, among other areas of life, has decreased greatly," it means exactly that: less active. Less. That's not giving up power, that's being considerate enough to make things as clear as possible in light of having confused people earlier. If I post less than I used to-- and that's not definite, either-- that simply means I might post less. I still lay down the law, and only if I fail to post for an entire three weeks shall this be otherwise.
I am still here. I am still in charge. I am not taking any $hit from anybody. I have precious little mercy in me and barely feel the need to be "fair" or "forgiving" as it is, so anyone who doesn't accept the truth of the statements cited will not be permitted to post in any Safe Haven threads.

Anyone who feels the need to control their own Hype empire with a similar premise but different rules, go ahead and create one elsewhere. You do not have the right to claim any affiliation with the Safe Haven series, and you may not use a title that bears too close a resemblance, and you should believe me when I say I have enough pull with the right people to have any inappropriately similar thread titles changed.

Love me, hate me, be indifferent... nothing anyone else feels about this set of events changes the facts. You don't have to pretend you care about my personal life, but you damn well have to live with my rules. That is all for now.




P.S.: Do feel free to keep your new/old avatar. It's very fetching.

 

[Zev]

You win this round, Herr, but my day shall come!

And, might I add, by bumping every Safe Haven thread, including this one, twice with this little tete-a-tete, I have already accomplished my goal of increasing traffic before even being inaugurated!

The future is soon.