Why Stay Single?

[Immortalfire]

Erzengel needs to set up his own dating site... ErzHarmony.com

 

[Yurka]

I've been on both sides, I've wanted relationships which then usually leads to me wanting to be single. I think it's really all about the person you're with, if you're happy and compatible then all previously conceived ideas about why you want to be single are irrelevant, which is where I'm at now. I wanted to be single, I had no intentions of finding someone, but it happened and I'm happy it did. It really is all about finding the right person I believe.

 

[Erzengel]

It's not just the planning thing, it's the "gotta make room in my schedule OMG will I have time to get ready and get there and what if we have trouble finding each other and geez now I have to think of good conversation starters" that are exhausting for an introvert.

I have pretty much worked 8 am to 5 pm Mon - Fri for years. Date anytime between Fri at 5:30 pm to Mon at 6:00 am.

And conversation has never been a problem with me. If I'm having trouble communicating or if it's like pulling teeth with the person, I probably wouldn't advance to the dating stage.

I've always kinda "clicked" with people before I asked them out. So there's already a familiarity that takes away, the OMG, what are we going to talk about.

I wouldn't necessarily call myself an extrovert but, I never really "overthinked" a date. *shrug*

 

[Erzengel]

Erzengel needs to set up his own dating site... ErzHarmony.com

It would fail here. People would actually have to put effort into it.

 

[twylight]

I've always wanted to be with someone since I was in Elementary School. I always had a crush on someone. I guess I probably "idealized" relationships up until high school/college, but I always wanted to date or be in a relationship.

Even when I wanted to be "single", I still was seeing people. I can't imagine being just happy for extended periods of time without being with someone at least intimately.

That's interesting, I've never felt the need or want to be with someone. I was single all through high school and never felt like I was missing out or lacking anything.

I've been in relationships and dated all of 3 guys. Which isn't really a whole heck of a lot for my age. But I don't actively pursuit being in places where I'd meet people who could potentially ask me for a date.

I'm just as happy being single as I am being in a relationship. There's no difference for me, it's just a different type of happiness. Like picking between strawberry or chocolate ice cream.

 

[SuperFerret]

Effort? For something I've been wanting for my entire life? Poppycock I say!

 

[Erzengel]

That's interesting, I've never felt the need or want to be with someone. I was single all through high school and never felt like I was missing out or lacking anything.

I've been in relationships and dated all of 3 guys. Which isn't really a whole heck of a lot for my age. But I don't actively pursuit being in places where I'd meet people who could potentially ask me for a date.

I'm just as happy being single as I am being in a relationship. There's no difference for me.

I wouldn't say I felt like there was a giant hole that needed to be filled. I liked someone, tried to pursued, success or fail, then try again.

But I was never the type to sit on my hands waiting for opportunity to fall on my lap, or almost waiting for someone or something to do all the heavy lifting for me.

I've asked people out at school, work, started dating a pen pal, been fixed up through friends. I always tried to at least put myself out there.

 

[Anita18]

I have pretty much worked 8 am to 5 pm Mon - Fri for years. Date anytime between Fri at 5:30 pm to Mon at 6:00 am.

And conversation has never been a problem with me. If I'm having trouble communicating or if it's like pulling teeth with the person, I probably wouldn't advance to the dating stage.

I've always kinda "clicked" with people before I asked them out. So there's already a familiarity that takes away, the OMG, what are we going to talk about.

I wouldn't necessarily call myself an extrovert but, I never really "overthinked" a date. *shrug*

Sure it sounds easy...when you're not an extreme introvert. I have to dole my energy very very carefully. I work fairly flexible hours but I still need a ton of alone time to recharge. My sister's the complete opposite. I mean she still has introverted characteristics at times and doesn't mind being alone, but it doesn't bother her when she has a packed schedule (like work to dinner with friends to concert and back to working, she pulls 70-hr weeks) for months at a stretch. I'd be ready to kill myself after 2 days like that.

And sure I can start chatting a lot when it's a subject I'm interested in...but I'm a total dorky geek and most of what I'm interested in, other people aren't.

It's highly amusing that the last first date I had, we totally were quiet and awkward, and I'm sure if it was any other person, he would have ditched me for being too awkward and boring. But that guy (now my bf of 3 years) turned out to be even more of an introvert than I am and he was probably thinking, "OH THANK GOD, A GIRL WHO DOESN'T CHATTER IN MY EAR."

 

[twylight]

I wouldn't say I felt like there was a giant hole that needed to be filled. I liked someone, tried to pursued, success or fail, then try again.

But I was never the type to sit on my hands waiting for opportunity to fall on my lap, or almost waiting for someone or something to do all the heavy lifting for me.

I've asked people out at school, work, started dating a pen pal, been fixed up through friends. I always tried to at least put myself out there.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you did. I just found it super interesting that you did pursuit it, when I'm never interested in even doing that, for the most part.

That said, it's pretty hard for women to do the pursuing. The most we can do is wink, flirt and hope the guys isn't so dense he thinks we have a speck of dirt in our eye and are drunk. Not saying we can't do it, but it's always 50/50 on how it will be perceived.

 

[chaseter]

For anyone here who is single, what would say your reasoning for being single is? Maybe it's a choice, or just bad luck.

Me personally, as much as I would love to have a girlfriend; I don't have the energy to deal with being around someone without them annoying me quickly.

Plus, I kinda like living selfishly.

Exact same reasons for me. I love having independence and I am way too selfish to be thinking about someone else right now. I truly really do not care right now and most of my friends my age are already married with kids. Yuck. I would kill myself if I had a kid.

 

[Diamondhead]

I never meant to be single, it happened accidentally
I met this girl in high school who professed her love to me then she dissappears and then i realised i was missing her and i developed fellings toward her
while i was dating other girls shortly that i would always stop calling in the long run

I've waited and waited an i have never seen her again untill facebook and now my envie towards her has passed and i found myself single and it's good

I resisted true love all those years and it's like i have overcame it
it's as if i don't really need anybody in my life
love after all is an illusion , we lust for it because we were all born from a sexual act
and therefore we've inherited that sexual fellings in our DNA
is this that the bible is "talking about"
the original sin !?

anyways since i looked towards the clouds and i saw how Young looking God might actually be
now i just want to find a way to look young forever while i grow intellectually more and more powerful
and the answer might be in something that's happened to me when i was aroung 17 years old and it's so unbelievable that i did'nt took it too serious myself
and lately i realised i might have registerd myself in the astral realm at the age of seventeen years old
which means i can go and recapture my forever youth in this realm
i don't care if you don't believe in that but if you can do out of body experiences you will eventually end up meeting an astral being who will talk to you and will take your form if you ask him to show himself
(some other culture might call it HUNA because i read about it some years later, and it sound like a little bit of what happened to me )

I know what i write is sometimes outrageous but i realised since i don't write any diary for myself
I might as well use the internet, especially SHH as my personal diary.

 

[Anita18]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you did. I just found it super interesting that you did pursuit it, when I'm never interested in even doing that, for the most part.

That said, it's pretty hard for women to do the pursuing. The most we can do is wink, flirt and hope the guys isn't so dense he thinks we have a speck of dirt in our eye and are drunk. Not saying we can't do it, but it's always 50/50 on how it will be perceived.

I don't think it's necessarily hard for women to do the pursuing, since most guys' interests are piqued by physical attractiveness firstly, but I've been raised/brainwashed to think that if I blatantly show a guy I've never met any sort of sexual interest, I'm going to get raped. Even to this day I blanch at any sort of attention for my body, except when I'm very VERY comfortable with the guy. Meaning I'll have to have dated him for months and know for sure that he is harmless and will not hurt me.

I'm also very shy and if there's any sort of sign he's not interested (even when it's hot and cold), I'm very likely to give up and stop the pursuit.

 

[enterthemadness]

I'm selfish and I'm into a certain fetish...in which I've had a session already last month...and it was awesome. If I had a GF, she wouldn't do this with me. And I doubt she be cool with me going to other women and paying for sessions, esp if it's filmed for a site.

 

[twylight]

I don't think it's necessarily hard for women to do the pursuing, since most guys' interests are piqued by physical attractiveness firstly...

It's ever so hard when you're ugly.

 

[AndThePickles]

I've always wanted to be with someone since I was in Elementary School. I always had a crush on someone. I guess I probably "idealized" relationships up until high school/college, but I always wanted to date or be in a relationship.

Even when I wanted to be "single", I still was seeing people. I can't imagine being just happy for extended periods of time without being with someone at least intimately.

I'm the same way.

That said, it's pretty hard for women to do the pursuing. The most we can do is wink, flirt and hope the guys isn't so dense he thinks we have a speck of dirt in our eye and are drunk. Not saying we can't do it, but it's always 50/50 on how it will be perceived.

As a woman who has no problem going after what she wants, I think that it's usually important to connect with a person before you do any pursuing. In general, I think that it's pretty easy to tell if a guy likes you or not. For women, sometimes it's easier to hang out in a group friendly setting, first, just to get a feel for things.

 

[SuperFerret]

It's ever so hard when you're ugly.

You really need to stop with that crap.

 

[Paroxysm]

In my experience the guys who say they're too busy for chicks are the ones that have problems getting them. I'm not saying anyone here is like that, I just knew a couple guys in high school who always made these lame excuses as to why they were single. When the truth was they had problems.

 

[twylight]

You really need to stop with that crap.

Just having a bit of fun about how superficial most people are..

 

[chaseter]

Quick, wink at me.

 

[Erzengel]

In my experience the guys who say they're too busy for chicks are the ones that have problems getting them. I'm not saying anyone here is like that, I just knew a couple guys in high school who always made these lame excuses as to why they were single. When the truth was they had problems.

Yeah, that's usually my first reaction to people who say they are too busy to date. But those who are trying to do full time job, and full time school, I usually understand that rationale.

 

[SuperFerret]

Just having a bit of fun about how superficial most people are..

Quick, wink at me.

 

[Hobgoblin]

That's another thing, there's just no one I'm attracted to. The only women I see on a daily basis are the women I work with and they do nothing for me.

Amen, brotha. I'm surrounded by women at work...who are all middle aged and married or in their teens and early 20's. I'm definitely over that stage of life. I'm looking for a woman at least 25 years old.

 

[twylight]

Quick, wink at me.

As a woman who has no problem going after what she wants, I think that it's usually important to connect with a person before you do any pursuing. In general, I think that it's pretty easy to tell if a guy likes you or not. For women, sometimes it's easier to hang out in a group friendly setting, first, just to get a feel for things.

That's great for you. As mentioned earlier, I'm just not interested in going places I could do that. I hang out with friends, if a guy comes along I like I flirt, giggle, etc what have you, but I am always my nerdy self and most guys don't even know Supergirl's nickname.

 

[chaseter]

Sensors confused

 

[Erzengel]

Just having a bit of fun about how superficial most people are..

I have to admit I'm superficial. But it's always going to be a perspective thing. I can think a girl is the cat's meow, but someone may think they are just "okay". But I don't think there's anything wrong with being with someone based on some standards you have on attractiveness.