Best / Worst of 2009

[[A]]

Worst comedy: State of Play.

 

[That-Guy]

Best Badass Performance: Stephen Lang, Public Enemies & Avatar
Worst Badass Impression: Sameul L. Jackson, The Spirit

 

[Mace Dolex]

I didn't see that many movies this year but here goes:

BEST MOVIE
Transformers Revenge Of The Fallen
The Hangover
Taken
Watchmen
The Final Destination
Terminator Salvation
Crank 2

SO-SO MOVIES
Wolverine Origins
Knowing
The Taking Of Pelham 123
Star Trek

WORST MOVIES
G.I.Joe Rise Of Cobra
Duplicity
Fast & Furious
Halloween 2
Sorority

 

[DerTommissar]

I didn't see everything, but what I liked from 2009 so far:

My 2 favorites, (Avatar wins):

Avatar (A simple, iconic story that pays-off like gangbusters in it's third act. If you didn't like this, then you probably wouldn't have liked Star Wars back in 1977.)

Watchmen (I prefer the flow and momentum of the theatrical cut. The changes made at the end actually work really well for me...having Dan present to witness Rorshach's death was a poignant detail I particularly liked...and using Dr. M's powers in place of the squid was a strong, more meaningful solution in my eyes. Definitely an underrated movie...for me it's the new BLADERUNNER, which also confounded audiences during it's initial release).

Also really good:

The Road (Haunting, desperate and sad...somehow a hopeful ending if you can get through this awesome downer of a movie).

UP (One of Pixar's best!)

Up in the Air (Left me scratching my head, but still thinking about it weeks later. Very entertaining, then kicks you in the nuts real good with it's final ten minutes. But I'm still thinking about it and I appreciate a movie that stays with me like this).

Funniest:

I Love You, Man (My fiancee and I chuckled steadily from beginning to end. I preferred this to The Hangover).

 

[Episode29]

My worst list:

1) Halloween II. If Rob Zombie’s remake of John Carpenter’s 1978 original was uninspired and hackneyed, his sequel is an utterly embarrassing catastrophe; a wildly miscalculated attempt at creating an artsy slasher film through hokey pop-psychology, tin-eared humour, migraine-inducing surrealism and chaotically-edited, emotionless brutality. Despite the best efforts of a game, if stiff, cast, the once-promising director drags this project through the sordid muck and grime every chance he gets, producing an excruciatingly ugly exercise in banal cruelty without momentum or a glimmer of intelligence. Halloween II proves that even the formidable Michael Myers is no match for a feverishly crazed Zombie.

2) Sorority Row. I personally guarantee that viewing this mean-spirited slasher picture will leave you desiring a shower well before the drawn-out, tawdry conclusion. Director Stewart Hendler has created a truly hateful, sleazy slice of nasty misogyny with Sorority Row, a mind-numbing murder mystery featuring a band of repulsive, racist, venom-tongued, alcoholic super-****s attempting to figure out the identity of a cloaked, tire-iron-wielding executioner. Making up his female cast like Hastings Street hookers and eagerly searching for new methods of degrading them, the pervy helmer ignores building intensity or terror in favour of killing their dignities on-screen in as gruesome a fashion as possible.

3) The Unborn. Intended to be a Jewish variation of The Exorcist, the relentlessly dour and dull The Unborn, written and directed by David S. Goyer, feels like a potpourri of out-dated, recycled ideas. Creepy-crawly bugs? Check. Spooky, wide-eyed children? Check. Nightmarish nocturnal visions of sinister animals? Check. Twitching, sputtering victims of demonic possession? Check. A frequently underwear-clad young woman (possible Real Doll© Odette Yustman) with a mysterious past? You know it. The fact that none of these venerable-if-ill-fitting elements add up to a single memorable moment of genuine fright? Now, THAT’S scary!

4) Gamer. Not content to stick to their absurd Crank franchise, creative duo Neveldine/Taylor instead turned their ADD-riddled attentions to this fractured and thin attempt at social commentary, which would be laughable if it weren’t so damn grating. Pulling from their now-tired bag of tricks – which includes random blasts of graphic sex and nudity, dripping gore, epilepsy-triggering action, and general perversity – the directorial dunderheads attempt to viciously criticize their general fan-base while alternately following the adventures of Gerard Butler’s character, a prisoner taking part in a real-life video-game. Light on excitement and fun, long on deafening obnoxiousness, Gamer’s plug should have been pulled during the script-phase.

5) Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. A stale prequel to 2003’s clunky vampires vs. werewolves smack-down extravaganza Underworld, Rise of the Lycans attempts to mine dramatic gold from the Jesus Christ-like sufferings of wolf-leader Lucian (a pay-check cashing Michael Sheen), but draws only snores and the listless eye-rolls. Seemingly shot on a single, small, under-dressed soundstage, the film is a tacky-looking, talky supernatural groaner that forsakes any attempts at creativity in favour of half-heartedly aping Spartacus, Gladiator and Braveheart. By the way: that sucking noise you hear isn’t coming from the movie’s vampires. Nope, it’s the sound of Screen Gems pictures draining every last possible cent from their insipid flat-lining franchise.

6) Ninja Assassin. Following the release of 2005’s sophisticated and thrilling V for Vendetta, director James McTeigue looked like a rising star to be reckoned with; a virtuoso talent with genuine action chops and a flair for epic dramatic storytelling. However, after enduring his sophomore effort Ninja Assassin, I think we may need to start re-evaluating our expectations. By attaching his once-respectable name to such an irritatingly humourless, inert martial arts pot-boiler, populated by stony one-dimensional characters engaging in drearily incomprehensible CG-addled fight scenes, McTeigue has committed what can only be described as film career seppuku.

7) Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li. It takes a pretty major debacle to make 1994’s Jean-Claude Van Damme-led Street Fighter: The Movie look good by comparison, but The Legend of Chun-Li does just that. Starring Smallville’s Kristin Kreuk as the titular Chinese(!) ass-kicker, the film pilfers most of its key scenes and crucial plot-points from Christopher Nolan’s Batman Begins, but strips them of technique and emotional resonance. Filled with unintentionally comic dialogue, robotic acting – minus Chris Klein’s side-splittingly atrocious performance as swaggering cop Charlie Nash – and wooden martial arts battles, this second Street Fighter is yet another sluggish video-game adaptation in desperate need of a creative power-up.

8) Obsessed. The biggest sin committed by this trashy hit is that it completely misunderstands the appeal of its inspiration Fatal Attraction. By removing all moral greyness and egotism from male lead Idris Elba, we’re left with a soppy victimized nonentity, devoid of complexity, guilt or inner-conflict, forced to sit impotently on the sidelines while his no-nonsense lioness wife (Beyonce Knowles) heroically saves him - through gloriously campy cat-fight fisticuffs – from sultry, 95-pound stalker Ali Larter. Director Steve Shill also eradicates all erotic charge from the lurid premise, making Obsessed feel as limp as its emasculated protagonist.

9) Year One. Is there anything funnier than seeing Michael Cera and Jack Black stand listlessly around in animal-print loin clothes? Not in Year One, that’s for sure. Apparently written over a weekend by “The Office” scribes Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg, along with director Harold Ramis, the flick feels like an inane artefact of the early 80s; an expensive, high-concept comedicus stupidicus boasting a hard-working, but visibly mortified, cast of improv all-stars (Hank Azaria, Oliver Platt and David Cross, to name a few) frantically attempting to draw the audience’s attention away from their silly costumes. Fortunately, with this pathetic, laugh-free clinker stumbling at the box-office, any chances of Year Two occurring are completely extinct...

10) X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Yikes, even Wolvie’s enhanced healing powers may be helpless to restore his box-office vitality after the heavy blow dealt by Origins, a clumsy not-so-superhero blockbuster-in-name-only. Costing $150 million, but boasting bargain-basement CG effects, paper-thin supporting mutants and a script comprised of plot-holes so gaping that the X-Jet could soar through them, the Clawed One’s first solo adventure was so hopelessly bungled that it’ll take more than an amnesia bullet to wipe its crappiness from movie-goers’ minds.

 

[Ace of Knaves]

Y'know, I'm STILL waiting to hear about these gaping plot holes in Wolverine. I know it wasn't a very good movie, but vere ist ze gaping plot holes?

 

[Ipodman]

At least the ladder hacking was good cgi

 

[BlackLantern]

Worst comedy: State of Play.

I liked that movie, even saw the original BBC miniseries (which was good as well)

 

[Ipodman]

7) Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li. It takes a pretty major debacle to make 1994’s Jean-Claude Van Damme-led Street Fighter: The Movie look good by comparison, but The Legend of Chun-Li does just that. Starring Smallville’s Kristin Kreuk as the titular Chinese(!) ass-kicker, the film pilfers most of its key scenes and crucial plot-points from Christopher Nolan’s Batman Begins, but strips them of technique and emotional resonance. Filled with unintentionally comic dialogue, robotic acting – minus Chris Klein’s side-splittingly atrocious performance as swaggering cop Charlie Nash – and wooden martial arts battles, this second Street Fighter is yet another sluggish video-game adaptation in desperate need of a creative power-up.

I never realised that before

 

[Ace of Knaves]

At least the ladder hacking was good cgi

 

[Ipodman]

Lol... but seriously that is one of the more intense moments in the film.

Since this is the Best/worst thread, i wont put "Wolverine" in my worst, thats for garbage like Dragonball Evolution or Street Fighter

 

[Ace of Knaves]

Na man IMO that whole fight with Gambit was crap. ESPECIALLY the ladder slicing part. Probably the worst part of the film for me. The build up to it in the club was cool, and Gambit flinging the cards at him. But as soon as they got outside it went downhill.

I don't think Wolverine is great by any means, but there is at least 20 movies out this year that are worse than it.

 

[Ipodman]

you are right about the build up in the bar... but i was a little disappointed that when they went outside, Gambit stopped throwing his cards altogether... and his stick was useless other then climbing walls... Gambit is much better than that!

 

[BlackLantern]

all of Wolverine was bad....what made it worse was that one of my really good friends (who knows ZERO about comics or X-men) loves the movie and can't understand why I don't

 

[Ace of Knaves]

Because you know about the comics?

Not all of Wolverine was bad, the acting was good for the most part for instance. My problems with it were that Wolverine was a *****, not enough Team X time and the Weapon X experiment itself was crap. Obviously for me the best part was the bullet slicing scene Pretty much the only action scene worth a damn in the whole movie.

And like I said, no one has explained to me what these gaping plot holes are yet...

 

[BlackLantern]

Because you know about the comics?

haha yea...she asked me what I didn't like about it

my answer: it's wrong

 

[Ace of Knaves]

Straight to the point.

 

[BlackLantern]

Movies I liked this year

State of Play: didn't expect to like it and was pleasantly surprised

Inglorious Basterds: Who doesn't like to see Nazis get murdered in interesting ways?

G.I. Joe: I liked it, so **** off

Sherlock Holmes: thoroughly enjoyed it, extremely impressed with Jude Law

Star Trek: Trek for everyone, about damn time

 

[Carmine Falcone]

2) Sorority Row. I personally guarantee that viewing this mean-spirited slasher picture will leave you desiring a shower well before the drawn-out, tawdry conclusion. Director Stewart Hendler has created a truly hateful, sleazy slice of nasty misogyny with Sorority Row, a mind-numbing murder mystery featuring a band of repulsive, racist, venom-tongued, alcoholic super-****s attempting to figure out the identity of a cloaked, tire-iron-wielding executioner. Making up his female cast like Hastings Street hookers and eagerly searching for new methods of degrading them, the pervy helmer ignores building intensity or terror in favour of killing their dignities on-screen in as gruesome a fashion as possible.

I haven't seen the film but this is magnificent piece of criticism. Especially the bold part which reads like a poem of hate.

You've got poetry in you man.

 

[BlackLantern]

how can they be racist?? Im sure I saw a hot Asian alcoholic super **** in there

 

[Christopher Nolan]

Crank 2

 

[[A]]

I liked that movie, even saw the original BBC miniseries (which was good as well)

I'm definitely searching for that miniseries

 

[BlackLantern]

Netflix has it, if thats an option for you

I really enjoyed it, everyone shares space...even Jeff Daniels does great in the small part he has as the DBag self righteous senator

 

[Golgo-13]

Best

District 9 - awesome,original, thought provoking sci-fi. A classic.
The Orphan - creepy; nice twist
Drag Me to Hell - great, gruesome horror. Cool ending
Star Trek - best prequel i've ever seen
Law Abiding Citizen - surprise hit, i love well thought out revenge plots...
Taken - every thing an action movie should be!


Worst

Transformers:ROTF - I'm a big TF fan and this was TF in name only.
Wolverine - what ever happened to the Wolverine from X1 and X2...? So sad.
Zombieland - wtf were they thinking when they made this crapfest?
Paranormal Activity - scariest movie ever? LOL!
Public Enemies - great actors, horrible movie

 

[Ace of Knaves]

Zombieland is no Shaun of the Dead. But a crapfest? C'mon. The Bill Murry cameo and Woody Harrelson alone elevate it beyond crapfest.