CAP Alert

[My vengeance]

Have fun in bed,by yourself or with your favorite friend.

Words to live by.

The most annoying thing about it,though,is how he always confuses the concept of anarchy with that of nihilism,when he is referring to a lack of authority and of any ethical codes and structures in a movie.

 

[The Hero]

The CAPtian's list of predators,with my favorites highlighted.

Predators swarm every street corner, bar, and alley. Predators are also abundant at school, at the skating rink, and even at church. Each predator is ready to swallow up and consume your child, indeed, anyone's child: to take the child into the pit dug by the predator to serve him/her and his/her master. A predator may be

the guy down the street who wears a long coat in hot weather


the guy who sells watches and stereos real cheap from the trunk of his car


the lady next door who doesn't mind if a little too much skin shows


the shifty-eyed dude who tells you your tire is flat


that poor fella who just needs a ride...anywhere


the kid in the locker room who gives your child free of charge a harmless little something jus' to take the edge off the pain or jus' to feel good


that strange woman two streets over who always wears black whose kids put strange symbols on their stuff


the peer or relative who says SECRET things to your child


the aunt or uncle who likes to snuggle with little Sissy...with all of Sissy


the aunt or uncle who likes to snuggle with little Bubba...with all of Bubba


the guy/gal who says God is dead

That's right:Keep your kid away from goths,Nietzsche subscribers,and Desperate Housewives cast members.

 

[DDRSkata]

Haha, ATL is listed as AT&L.

These guys are tools.

 

[The Hero]

It stands for Attacking Truth with evil ideas & anti-christian Lies.Damn left-wing AT&L bastards.

 

[The Hero]

Wikipedia's CAP Alert entry

By the ministry's own admission, many (alledgedly young) individuals have contacted CAP in order to complaing about their zealousy and one sided reviews of movies. On the CAP site, these individuals are marginalized and generalized to be insulting, homosexual, and/or intoxicated, as depicted in their "The emails we get" section[3].

Damn drunk,offensive gays.

CAPzie reviews Scary Movie 4,yet another R-13(I'm still waiting for the inevitable G-X)

 

[The Hero]

Robin Williams' implied wang scars kids for life

It's so bad he's forced to repeat one of his catchphrases not once,not twice,but thrice.

 

[The Question]

Did the CAP guy do a reveiw of Serenity? I'd love to see what it thought of it's obviously anti-authority messages and blatantly athiest leading man.

 

[The Hero]

No,sadly.Here's his review of Soul Survivors to help ease the pain.

I'm beginning to think that we really do need to pool our funds on this one.Too many good,offensive movies have gone unreviewed.

 

[The Question]

Hell yeah. I'd love to see his opinions on Serenity, Princess Mononoke, Castle in the Sky, Nausica of the Valley of the Wind, M*A*S*H*, and so many others.

 

[Katsuro]

I wonder, since he seems to have no problem walking out on movies and still claiming his review is valid, what about when you sponsor him? Could you force him to sit through the entire thing in order to get the money. Surely he cant just take your $350 then watch 10 minutes before leaving, can he?

We should pool together to sponser the most offensive movie we can think of. Force him to sit through 2 hours of cursing, nudity, violence, and god-hating.

 

[Darren Daring]

Robin Williams' implied wang scars kids for life

It's so bad he's forced to repeat one of his catchphrases not once,not twice,but thrice.

I've seen Robin Williams Penis, and it does scar you for life

 

[huskerwebhead]

No,sadly.Here's his review of Soul Survivors to help ease the pain.

I'm beginning to think that we really do need to pool our funds on this one.Too many good,offensive movies have gone unreviewed.

No way. I don't care how funny it is. The last thing I am going to do is give this lunatic money. Count me out.

 

[The Hero]

Hell yeah. I'd love to see his opinions on Serenity, Princess Mononoke, Castle in the Sky, Nausica of the Valley of the Wind, M*A*S*H*, and so many others.

The Anarchist Cookbook,The Meaning of Life,Full Metal Jacket,Life of Brian,Myra Breckinridge,Pink Flamingos,I could go on for hours...

Actually,I think making him watch Myra Breckinridge might be too cruel,even for him.

Now this looks like fitting punishment,though.

 

[The Question]

The Anarchist Cookbook,The Meaning of Life,Full Metal Jacket,Life of Brian,Myra Breckinridge,Pink Flamingos,I could go on for hours...

Ohhhh, I'd love to see his reveiw of "The Life of Brian." And, as I said, the Myazaki films. Wonder how he'd take those.

Actually,I think making him watch Myra Breckinridge might be too cruel,even for him.

Now this looks like fitting punishment,though.

Most definately.

 

[The Hero]

No way. I don't care how funny it is. The last thing I am going to do is give this lunatic money. Count me out.

Hey,this guy is not a lunatic.He may be a liar,a pig,an idiot,a lunatic... but he is *not* a porn star.


What makes that reference funny is that he most likely hates The Simpsons.

 

[The Question]

....dude.





We need to get him to reveiw TV shows.

 

[The Hero]

There are a few TV studies on there.He was very offended by Dilbert.

 

[The Question]

We need more. Futurama, South Park, The Simpsons, Monty Python, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the list goes on and on.

 

[Flexo]

There are a few TV studies on there.He was very offended by Dilbert.

No way.

It was Dogbert that pushed him off the edge, wasn't it?

 

[The Hero]

No way.

It was Dogbert that pushed him off the edge, wasn't it?

No,apparently it was the evolution reference in the opening that set him off

We need more. Futurama, South Park, The Simpsons, Monty Python, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the list goes on and on.

If it's any consolation,his review of South Park:BLU is pure magnificence.There's also a Days of our Lives study somewhere...

 

[The Question]

If it's any consolation,his review of South Park:BLU is pure magnificence.There's also a Days of our Lives study somewhere...

I've read it. Many times. Man, I'd love to see his reaction to Buffy the Vampire slayer.

 

[The Hero]

I've read it. Many times. Man, I'd love to see his reaction to Buffy the Vampire slayer.

I would love to see what he thinks about Arrested Development,what with it's incestuous/homoerotic themes.Or Scrubs.His reaction to Todd would be priceless.

 

[Matt]

What did the CAP nutjobs say about Flight 93?

 

[The Hero]

Still unreviewed,sadly.

Screw TV shows,I want this guy to review comics.I would gladly pay the $250 to see him review Preacher.

 

[The Hero]

Somethimes I wonder if one day during a movie like this he's going to shout "There's too much attitude in this movie,man!IT'S JUST TOO MUCH!!!" and run out of the theater screaming.

http://www.capalert.com/capreports/stickit.htm

That's right,he's complaining about gymnastics outfits maximizing the female form.I wonder how he feels about the Olympics?

And what did the female form ever do to him?